They were out in the middle of nowhere. Steve was pretty sure they were still in Austria, and they’d need to get a more specific read on their location in the morning, but for now they were safe.
They’d been fighting a running battle for a couple of days, only brief breaks to regroup and reload. Hydra had finally withdrawn after suffering extensive losses, and the Commandos had moved to a more secure location to finally get some much needed rest. They’d found a small clearing a few hours march from the fight, just enough space for a small fire the Commandos could sleep around and easily defend.
Everyone was tired, having been on high alert for days, but Steve had started to notice Bucky’s behavior in particular. Not that this was overly surprising- he tended to hone in on Bucky anyway, but over the low hum of voices, he could hear Bucky’s voice, a bit louder, a bit sharper than normal, sniping at Dum Dum for something ridiculous while Bucky dug through his pack. Dugan was mostly ignoring him, but Steve could tell if he didn’t intervene, there’d likely be a fight.
“Hey Buck, come here a minute, will ya?”
Steve could almost hear Bucky’s scowl as Bucky kept rifling through his bag, a bit more violently than strictly necessary. Steve sighed,tried again, but with an edge of his command voice coming through.
“Bucky, come here right now.”
The whole group went momentarily still- Steve didn’t use his Dom register much outside of combat- then everyone got back to doing what they were doing to set up camp. Steve could see Bucky quiver slightly, then get up and stalk over to where Steve was waiting, scowl in place and refusing to meet Steve’s eyes.
“What?”
Steve shot his hand out and grabbed the back of Bucky’s neck in a strong grip. He could feel Bucky’s knees waver slightly, and feel the small shiver that ran through him, but Bucky still held firm, brows drawn down, lips pressed together so hard they were white. Bucky swallowed, and spoke again, this time softer and with less ire in his voice, a quaver of exhaustion peeking through.
“What, Steve?”
“I think you know what, Buck. How long has it been since you’ve let me drop you?”
Steve knew exactly how long it had been; a little over a week ago, before the most recent skirmish with Hydra. He’d known Bucky to go longer, but as with most subs, sometimes stress moved the timeline of necessity up a bit.
“I dunno. I’m fine, though, Cap, honest, just...just tired is all.”
“Bucky.”
Bucky’s body twitched under Steve’s hand, and Bucky glanced up for the first time to meet Steve’s eyes.
“Stevie, I’m ok, you don’t gotta…”
Steve squeezed at Bucky’s neck again, and he could feel Bucky sway a bit, shoulders lowering down from where they’d been hunched up near his ears.
“I never have to, Buck, but I always want to. Let me take care of you.”
Steve watched Bucky wage a brief internal battle, his stubbornness almost a match for Steve’s own. He could see the moment Bucky gave in, the moment he decided to let go. Steve had told him repeatedly that he didn’t always need to be Sergeant Barnes, he didn’t always need to shoulder everything. Steve’s shoulders were plenty big enough now to help carry some of the load.
Bucky nodded, hand coming up to squeeze at Steve’s wrist.
“Yeah, ok...ok Stevie, maybe I do need a bit of help.”
Steve huffed a quiet laugh and tugged Bucky close in against his chest and let his hand fall from Bucky’s neck to put his arms around him instead, giving him a solid hug before stepping back. Looking around for a moment, he found what he was looking for, and pointed, directing Bucky to a clear spot off to the side of where Dernier was setting up the small campfire.
“Go kneel for me there, and wait. I’ll be right there, just need to grab something.”
Bucky nodded, the motion jerky, and he turned to go where Steve had pointed, no argument.
Maybe he would go down easy after all.
Turning to the side to where he’d dropped his own pack, Steve dropped to a knee to poke around until he found what he’d been looking for. Just before the most recent fight with Hydra, they’d come across an abandoned farm, and they’d gone through it, finding whatever might still be of use. Steve felt bad sometimes taking things from someone’s home, somewhere people might someday return to, but he tried to remember they were in the middle of a war, and that if he could he’d be back someday to make it right. Finding what he was looking for, he plucked it out of the pack and stood up, walking over to where Bucky knelt for him, still looking agitated, squirming in place, like he was having trouble getting comfortable.
Coming up next to Bucky, Steve rested his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, feeling Bucky settle a bit before Steve helped him work his coat off. It wasn’t so cold right now, though it would get cool enough to require the jacket later. For now though, Steve thought it would be easier to do what needed doing without the jacket’s bulk in the way. As Steve set the jacket aside, he could see Bucky rolling his shoulders. Steve squatted down behind Bucky, and put his hands on Bucky’s shoulders, sliding his hands down with a firm touch to Bucky’s wrists, pulling them behind Bucky’s back. He leaned forward a bit so he was closer as he started to talk.
“Cross your wrists for me, doll and keep them there.”
Bucky complied, and Steve felt a burst of possessive warmth in his chest at the sight, Bucky’s strong forearms and wrists crossed, all the subtle concealed strength Bucky had, submitting to him. Smiling to himself, Steve uncoiled what he’d retrieved from his pack- an old leather belt. It had been at the farmhouse, looking worse for wear, the leather dried and starting to crack. He hadn’t even been sure at the time what he was taking it for, but now he was glad he had. Taking the belt, he drew the loose end through the buckle, and put the loop around Bucky’s crossed wrists and pulling it snug. Winding the rest around Bucky’s wrists and forearms, tucking the end in, it made a lovely picture. The older leather might not hold up to much, but it would hopefully be enough for his purposes.
“I know you could likely break out of this if you needed to, but I don’t want you to break it. You’re going to keep that belt in one piece for me, do you understand?”, the ‘or else’ implicit in Steve’s words.
Bucky nodded, fingers flexing and wrists twisting slightly as he felt out the level of hold the belt had on him.
Rolling forward so he had a knee on the ground for balance, Steve tugged a fabric strip bandage out of one of his pockets, and reached up towards Bucky’s head to wrap it around and over his eyes, looping it twice around his head before tying it in the back, careful not to catch any of Bucky’s hair in the knot. Using Bucky’s shoulders to push himself back up, Steve stood, but bent over briefly to speak directly into Bucky’s ear, warm breath ghosting over skin and making Bucky twitch again.
“All you’re going to do is kneel here, quietly. You’re not going to move, you’re not going to fidget, and you’re not going to get in anyone’s way. Your job is to just stay.”
With that, Steve straightened up and moved away, making sure his footsteps were loud enough that Bucky would hear them. He then sat himself down near his pack and waited.
At first Bucky seemed to be doing ok, staying still, self-contained, but Steve knew it couldn’t last. Bucky wasn’t falling down into it, he was fighting it, muscles tense, hands all but fisted behind him, his shoulders a tight line. Every few moments Steve could see his arms flex, like he was thinking of breaking free, or just couldn’t help the movement. After so long of being hyperaware, any of them would have had trouble coming back, but Steve knew Bucky had more trouble with it than most of them. As their sniper, he took personal offense when one of them got hurt, always feeling like he should have magically been able to see everyone at once and stop every attack personally.
Morita walked a little too close, snapping a twig underfoot, and Bucky flinched back, almost toppling sideways before he caught himself, but Steve could see he was only winding himself up further.
This wasn’t working.
Steve got up and walked back over to Bucky, kneeling down next to him.
“Heya doll, you ok in there?”
Bucky didn’t quite flinch again, but his movements were still jerky as he turned his head towards Steve’s voice, his own voice rough as he responded.
“Uh…yeah. Yeah I’m fine.”
“You’re having some trouble settling, Buck, how can I help you?”
Steve watched Bucky as he worked through it, watched Bucky’s fingers flex a little, his breath catching occasionally before he answered in a quieter tone than even before.
“Touch me?”
Steve’s heart ached a bit at Bucky’s voice; he sounded so tentative, like he somehow thought Steve wouldn’t give him the damned moon if he’d wanted it.
“Sure thing, Buck.”
Steve reached up and dug his fingers into Bucky’s hair, a little greasy from their most recent foray into the wilderness. None of them were exactly fresh as daisies right now, but it didn’t bother Steve overmuch. He knew Bucky, had known him for what felt like all his life, and he’d dealt with worse than a bit of dirty hair, knew Bucky had definitely dealt with worse from him.
Steve rubbed at Bucky’s head like he was petting a dog, occasionally tugging firmly at some of the strands until he could see and feel Bucky’s shoulders start to drop again, his whole posture almost seeming to melt a bit with the release of tension.
“There you go, you’re so good for me, doll, doing just what I asked you to, so good…”
Steve lifted his other hand while the first kept up with Bucky’s hair and the constant stream of praise, and used it grip firmly at the back of Bucky’s neck again, and let out a pleased hum as Bucky’s head tilted forward to give him better access.
None of the subs out in the field wore collars. It was too dangerous for a number of reasons, between it making them a target to the possibility of them getting caught on something and strangled, but Steve had found that sometimes just the gentle but steady pressure of his hand on Bucky’s neck could help him find some of the same kind of focus he needed to be able to drop.
Bucky’s breathing started to deepen and slow, all the tension he’d been holding gone, and Steve gently lifted his hand from Bucky’s hair, and lightened his hold on Bucky’s neck, moving it in a gentle sweep down Bucky’s back, over his spine, and back up to scratch lightly at the nape of Bucky’s neck, eliciting a light shiver, but no other response.
Finally, Steve thought.
“You take as long as you need, doll. I’ll be right here with you when you’re ready to come back. We’re safe, there’s nothing else you need to do. Let go.”
He could see Bucky take a deep breath in and let it out, seeming to deflate, and he was down as deep as Steve had seen him get in a war zone. Bucky was almost perfectly still, only the rise and fall of his shoulders and chest with his breathing indicating he was anything other than a statue.
Steve sat down within arm’s reach of Bucky, making sure not to block the growing warmth of the fire Dernier had managed to get started, and watched the other men finish setting up camp for the night, talking quietly among themselves, pointedly trying to give Steve and Bucky as much privacy as they could.
A few minutes later, Steve heard a small shift in fabric from next to him, and looked back over at Bucky to see him starting to move, coming back up from his drop. Reaching out to lay a firm hand on Bucky’s shoulder to help anchor him, Steve scooted closer so he was pressed up against Bucky’s side, body heat transferring over. Bucky always got a bit of a chill after a drop, and having something warm near him helped him transition smoothly back up and lessened his chances of sub-drop.
“Hey there, doll, how’re you doing? You feeling ok?”
Bucky let out a contented hum, and a somewhat slurred, ‘Yessir”.
Smiling, Steve reached behind Bucky and tugged the end of the belt free, starting to unwind it from around Bucky’s wrists, revealing the light impressions the leather had left in Bucky’s skin. Steve let out a contented hum of his own as he brushed his thumb over the marks, and Bucky sighed, leaning over into Steve’s side.
They were in the middle of a war, and none of them knew whether they’d live day-to-day, but right now, here in this moment, with Bucky by his side, Steve thought he had it pretty good.