Regrets

His little boy had not registered the doctor’s words as he laid limp in his father’s arms, breaths shallow but Tony knew he needed to explain to Peter what was going to happen to prevent any trauma. He cradled Peter in his arms, pulling him up gently until his head was cushioned between his shoulder and chin.

“Daddy,” Peter whimpered, grabbing onto the front of his father’s shirt, inches away from the arc reactor.

“Baby, the doctors are going to make you feel better. Your little appendix has decided to rogue on you buddy, but a little surgery will fix you up good as new,” Tony explained gently. In a way his own words were trying to calm himself, reassuring that it was going to be a relatively minor surgery with little to no complications.

“Surgery?” Peter whispered, fear evident as his hot breath brush against his father’s neck and Tony hummed knowingly, pressing a kiss to his feverish forehead.

“Just a little one,” Tony reassured before adding, “Papa will be here when you wake up.” Peter sniffled but his heart burst at the thought of his papa being there when he woke up from the surgery. Even though neither one of his parents withheld any affection from him, ever, Peter had always tended to magnet towards Steve when he was sick or in need of comfort. Memories of being sick returned where Steve would cocoon his little boy in his arms, rocking him gently, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks while a quiet, soft lullaby would lull him to sleep.

“And Uncle Clint and Thor are probably going to buy out the entire gift shop for you after stealing my credit card,” Tony teased receiving a soft giggle followed by a hiccup. Tony grinned, reaching a hand up to smooth Peter’s hair back. A knock on the door took them out of their thoughts and Tony looked up to see a man dressed head to toe in scrubs walk in, a friendly smile plastered onto his face.

“Mr. Stark, I’m Dr. Tim Miller, the head pediatric anesthesiologist here at the hospital. I’ll be working with Dr. Lee who will be doing Peter’s surgery,” The man greeted and Tony would have taken the time to shake hands but he wasn’t about to let go of his son now therefore he offered a nod instead. He knew that the hospital was smart enough not to cut corners when it came to the son of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers, otherwise he could not imagine the head anesthesiologist being dragged down to do a minor surgery. He watched as the man leaned against the counter before pulling out his son’s chart.

“I just have a couple questions here for you. Has Peter ever underwent any form of anesthesia before? Even something as minor as Novocain for a dental procedure?” Tony shook his head and the next few minutes spent going over his baby’s medical history and now more than ever Tony wished for his husband. Steve took the lead when it came to his son’s yearly checkups and immunization schedules. He had their pediatrician’s number on speed dial. He knew this better than Tony and at the moment he felt a tang of guilt and shame. It was just that Tony had the full time job of running a company along with being Iron Man. Steve was just home more often than him. But it wasn’t as if being Captain America didn’t steal Steve away from home at times either.

Peter remained quiet throughout the entire thing except for a few whimpers here and there as his side flared up but Tony was there to comfort and aid every time. Dr. Miller described in a few details the process of putting Peter under anesthesia before he came closer to them, gently introducing himself to Peter and then carefully listening to his heart and lungs.

“Good,” Dr. Miller murmured as he finished his examination before giving a reassuring nod, “This is going to be a relatively easy procedure Mr. Stark. Peter is an otherwise very healthy young boy therefore we should not expect any complications during the surgery. We’re looking at a little bit over an hour, maybe two for the entire procedure. About an hour in recovery where you’ll be able to see him before we move him up the post-surgical unit. Dr. Lee expects him to stay for at least two nights but he’ll have a better conversation with you after the surgery. I’m afraid he didn’t have the time to come down and personally talk with you before the surgery as he just finished one up before he began prepping for Peter’s.”

Tony sighed and just nodded his head, wishing he could fast forward to the moment where he could take his son away from here, healthy and happy.

The next few minutes become a blurry sequence of a nightmare as the surgical team arrived to wheel Peter away from him. Tony had to let go of Peter and he glared at the nurse who instructed him to do so as if Tony wouldn’t have an easier time pulling his heart out than letting his baby be taken away from him and strapped to a metal table to be sliced open.

“Daddy,” Peter whimpered, tears starting to leak out his eyes once more as he looked up at his father, holding his arms back up and Tony had to bite his tongue from breaking down.

“Daddy’s right here baby. They’re going to have to take you now for the surgery but daddy and papa will be right there when you wake up. You’re going to be a brave little soldier for me, right honey?” Tony soothed, holding Peter’s hand as they started to wheel him away. Peter shook his head, sobs wreaking havoc on his body and Tony’s heart beat against his rib cage, crying out for release as he felt a little piece of his heart exploding each second that they continued to wheel his son away from him.

“Mr. Stark, we can’t allow you to go any further. It is a restricted area,” One of the surgical assistant stopped Tony from following his baby boy past the double doors. She pointed to a glaring red warning sign on the door, stating “Authorized Personnel Only”

“That’s my little boy though,” Tony gulped, turning around to look at the woman thinking that that statement only should surely grant him access. The woman sighed softly, patting him on the shoulder.

“He’s in good hands. I’ll personally update you ever half hour. Let’s get you to the surgery waiting room, okay?”

Tony took a deep shaky breath, running his fingers through his hair before grudgingly accepting letting her lead the way.

Tony had been sitting there for only twenty minutes when he heard the scatter of different voices resonating from down the hallway and only a few seconds later a disgruntled nurse was escorting his team, including his husband into the private waiting room.

“Tony,” Steve cried, letting out a sigh of relief as he closed the distance between his husband and engulfed him in hug, wrapping his arms as tight as possible without causing injury. Tony pressed his face against his shoulder, letting a few tears leak out and he brushed them away when Steve let go and stepped back. Tony glanced behind him at the team and if it wasn’t for the situation at hand he would have joked that Clint had decided to embrace Halloween a little too early and became Casper the not-so-friendly ghost.

“Appendicitis. He’s in surgery right now. Doctors said it could from an hour to two, but he should fully recover and be out of here in two days,” Tony informed them knowing they wanted him to cut to the chase. He turned to look at Steve and couldn’t mistake the red rims surrounding his husband’s eyes for anything but the fact that he had been crying in the airplane on his way here. Steve just gave him a warm look before sitting down in the chair behind him and dragging Tony down gently to sit next to him.

“Tell me how he was when you got here,” Steve asked and Tony sighed, rubbing at his eyes, not wanting to explain the state their son had been in. He would never live down the guilt and he didn’t want relieve any part of it but he knew that Steve would not relent until he knew.

So Tony told him. From the minute he stepped into the room to the point where he saw them wheel their baby boy past the double doors to the operating room. Steve had let go of Tony’s hand to grasp onto the arm chair instead because otherwise he would have broken his husband’s hand from his grip. He felt the need to throw every chair into the windows and rip every tile from the ceiling and floor with his bare hands.

“We should have been there for him. This is all my fault. I should have known that Jarvis would have no way to contact me in case of any emergency in the meeting,” Tony gasped voice broke his thoughts. Steve choked and reached over to cup his husband’s cheek but Tony was not having any of it. He had been through hell these past few hours and he had reached his breaking point. If only for that fact that he knew Steve was there to get him through it.

“It could have been a fire or an attack, Steve! He could have fallen down the stairs! And we wouldn’t have been there!” Tony cried, grabbing at his head as he got up from his chair and started pacing.

“Tony, honey, you made it that Jarvis is programmed to notify emergency services- “

“It doesn’t matter, Steve! Because we weren’t there! We. Were. Not. There. An A.I. should not have to make sure our son is safe. He’s our baby boy! We’re supposed to keep watch! We’re supposed to keep him safe! Not leave him alone for a stupid fucking meeting! He had been sick for two days and we didn’t even notice! He was in pain for two days, Steve. Two fucking days our baby was in pain and we didn’t have a single clue! And because of that he’s in an operating room with a tube stuck down his throat!”

Steve got up from his chair quickly and gently grabbed Tony’s face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs as his own flowed freely.

“We’re going to make it up to him, Tony. I promise we will. I will not let this happen again. We will not let anything like this happen again, sweetheart. Promise.”