The Spark

I groaned as I started to wake up, my eyes slipping open then I immediately shut them in an attempt to block out the harsh white light that assaulted my eyes.

“Ah, you’re finally awake!”

I jerk awake at the sound of the familiar voice, and I growl at the restraints that tie me down to what I recognise to be a dentist’s chair.

“No, why am I here?” I shout, my eyes opening to reveal Pierce’s leering face, peering at me from beside me. “Where’s Bucky?”

“My dear, you have been here all along” Pierce coos, his hand reaching out to trace my jaw, only to grab my chin and aggressively yank my head so I’m facing him.

“You have always been my pet, my lab experiment. We’ve used the machine that you’re strapped in now to remake your memories, insert them, create them”

He lets go of my chin in order to pat the part of the machine that is secured around my head.

“This is what we used on the Winter Soldier, it’s been modified of course” he pauses and gives me a sly grin. “Well, updated might be a better word”

“No, no, it was so real” I whimper, throwing my head back, out of Pierce’s grasp.

“That means that it worked! You were screaming though” Pierce’s face seemed to melt and then reconstruct itself into a new face – Bucky’s face.

“You were screaming like I did, in this God damn chair!” he hisses, and I shake my head, tears falling down my cheek.

“Bucky, no, please”

“Y/n, you deserve to be here! You murdered hundreds of soldiers with your abilities! Torched to ashes, frozen to death, deprived of air. You are a murderer!”

“No, no, I’m not, I did what I had to do to get you back!”

“It doesn’t matter, Y/n! You are a murderer!” he yelled at me, his blue eyes blazing at me.

“You’re a murderer!”

I wake up screaming, jerking myself out of someone’s lap and onto the floor, dragging myself away from the people in front of me until my back hits a wall. I draw my knees to my chest and hide my face from view, tears streaming down my face.

“Y/n? Y/n, Doll, listen to me, it’s okay, it was just a dream” I hear Bucky say quietly as he crouches in front of me, but when I feel his hand rest on my arm, I snap.

“No! Bucky, get away from me!”

Bucky snatched his hand away from me and I heard him stand up and take a step away from me. I sense another body crouch in front of me.

“Y/n? Can you look up for me?” a soft voice coaxes, his soothing tone calming me down slightly. But I shake my head in answer to his question, wrapping my arms around my knees.

“Alright, that’s okay. Can you tell me where you are?”

“I – I don’t know” I whisper, my voice choking on unshed tears.

“Hey, that’s alright too. Do you recognise my voice?”

I pause, racking my brain because I knew that I recognised this man’s voice.

“Sam?” I whisper hoarsely.

“That’s right! That’s good, very good” I hear Sam readjust on his feet, and I peek between my arms, staring intensely at his face. I frown, his form wavering slightly before he comes back into focus.

“Are you real?”

Sam’s smile faded as he studied me before nodding.

“I am real, Y/n, just as real as you are. Just like Steve over there is real, and Bucky is real”

I look over and see Steve who smiles reassuringly at me, and then I focus on Bucky, who was looking hopeful but respectful of my space.

“Y/n, can you tell me where you were before you woke up?” Sam regains my attention, and I bite my lip, twitching slightly, flinching away from everyone’s gaze.

“I – I was in a chair. THE chair” I make emphasis and I see out of the corner of my eye that Bucky flinches, his jaw tensing.

“Pierce was there. He told me that everything was a dream, a made up memory that the chair had created. That I had never left HYDRA” I heave a shuddering breath, and Sam nods, his face carefully neutral.

“Then what?”

“He started to brag about how the chair was updated after they used it on the Winter Soldier. Then he changed into – “ My voice fades away, but Sam catches my eye.
“Who did he change into, Y/n?” Sam asked, though by the way that his gaze flickers over to Bucky and the way Bucky is shifting from leg to leg, they all know.

“He changed into Bucky. God, he was screaming at me, screaming how I was a – a – a murderer” I stutter, tears finally falling down my face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” I sob as I rock back and forth on the floor, my fingernails digging into my legs.

“I killed, I murdered, I destroyed. I murdered so many but I did it for you Bucky and I’m sorry if it’s not what you wanted but I couldn’t help it my mind was on a loop, your name over and over in my head. My head was running in slow motion then two times faster than back to slow motion it was just your face and voice in my head, begging me to find you and keep you from those HYDRA bastards but I’m so sorry Bucky!” I blurt this all out, tears streaming down my face in a waterfall as I shift onto my knees and curl in on myself, my arms wrapped around my stomach.

Everything’s silent apart from my sobbing cries, and then I hear slow, steady footsteps walking towards me. I sense someone kneel next to me, and a large, warm hand rests on my back, tracing small patterns into my skin. I flinch away from the hand, but it persists, keeping contact with my back and I soon relax into the touch, the warmth and gesture familiar to me.

“There you go, Doll, it’s just me” Bucky coos, and I let out a sob, looking up and locking eyes with Bucky’s sad blue ones.

“Please, Doll, may I?” he holds out both hands, opening them wide and inviting me into his embrace. I sniff and prop myself up onto my hands and knees, and I crawl into his lap, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest, making myself as small as possible.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” I whisper, and Bucky hushes me, his warm hand rubbing circles into my back while his metal hand secured my body to his.

“Y/n, you have no need to be sorry. You need to understand, I would have done the same thing and more to get you back, to keep you safe. I do not think that you are a murderer, or a monster, I think that you are my beautiful girl, my Doll that I love so much. I promise I’ll always love you and I will never leave you again, only if I was dragged away, kicking and screaming” Bucky gently lifts my head up with his hand, tilting my head up so I’m forced to look at him.

“Do you believe me, Y/n? please tell me that you believe me” he begs, leaning down and resting his forehead against mine. “Please”

“I believe you, Buck Buck” I whisper, and Bucky lets out a sob, holding me to him tightly, his face nestled into my neck.

“I love you, Y/n. I love you so much”

“I love you too, James. To the end of the line”

“To the end of the line”

……………………..

I stay in Bucky’s embrace for a while, our foreheads pressed together, our eyes closed, just breathing and basking in each other’s presence. Bucky had shifted slightly earlier on so he was leaning against the wall, his arms securing me to his chest. Both his arms were like steel, keeping me pressed up against him, and I relished in the contact, contact that had been stolen from me and kept from me for over three weeks. And before that, I had been in the shield containment unit for a month, and I only had a day worth of contact.

I gently thread my fingers through the hair at the base of his neck, my open eyes watching him smile gently, his eyes still closed, his flesh hand rubbing up and down my back.

“You should get some sleep while you can, Kitten” Bucky murmurs, pressing a kiss to my forehead as he finally opened his eyes, his blue orbs looking intensely into mine.

“I can’t sleep” I admit. “I want to stay with you, and more often than not now, my dreams don’t include you in the way I want you to”

“I’m sorry about that sweetheart” He sighs, his eyes sad as he leans his forehead against mine again, his flesh hand coming up to cup the back of my neck. “But I’m here now”

“I still don’t know where I am, Bucky” I remind him, and he nods to himself.

“Believe it or not, we’re in the air” Bucky chuckles at my surprised expression.

“We’re in a plane?”

“Yep. One of Stark’s private jets that he apparently ‘designed himself’” Bucky used air quotes and rolled his eyes, making me giggle, leaning my head against his shoulder, snuggling further against him. He sighs happily and presses a kiss to my hair.

“Last time I checked, we were an hour away from the Tower”

I nod absentmindedly, playing with a piece of Bucky’s hair, twirling it around my finger. Bucky watches my face, gazing adoringly at me. I absentmindedly hum to myself, utterly focused on the strand of Bucky’s hair between my fingers. I see Bucky lean his head against the wall, letting his eyes close as I braid a part of his hair then undo it, over and over and over.

An hour must have passed as Steve crouched next to us, but my focus never left Bucky’s hair. I see Steve frown slightly but he leaves me be, and he carefully shakes Bucky awake. Bucky’s eyes snap open, flicking around wildly before they land on Steve. He smiles in greeting, then he looks at me.

His eyebrows draw together in concern before one hand reaches up and cups my face. I blink rapidly then turn to him, a slow smile appearing on my face.

“Hey, Bucky.” I tilt my head to Steve, offering him a small smile which he returns. He gently places a hand on my shoulder, watching me tense before I relax.

“We’ve arrived.” He pauses, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Home”