The Fallen

“Have you seen Bucky?” Steve glances up from the paperwork at his desk. “Wanda said he had a bad session today and I can’t find him.” Her fingers are twisting together nervously and she looks ashamed of herself suddenly, “I’m sorry that was rude. You were on a mission. Are you okay?” But she’s nervous and her hands haven’t stopped moving once. She looks vaguely sick, like she might collapse at any moment.  

Steve’s forehead creases as his brows knit together, “I’m fine. The mission was fine. Bucky usually goes to the roof or the screening room when things get tough for him. He seemed fine earlier. Are you-,” She darts forward and kisses him on the forehead, smoothing away the worry lines with her thumb before she disappears.

Bucky is not on the roof but Steve knows Bucky and so he is in the screening room with an old movie playing. She walks down the shallow stairs to where he sits, lounging, tears silently tracking his cheeks. They haven’t spoken in six weeks and she hates herself. “Bucky?” She asks, pulling her robe tighter around herself, voice barely above a whisper.

His eyes slowly move over to her, glance over her sullenly, before he whispers. “Potrzebujesz czegoś?”

Need something?

She collapses onto the seat next to him, covers her face with her hands as she braces her elbows on her knees. She feels broken, every bit of herself worn and torn and ripped. But she takes a shuddering breath and says, “I’m sorry. We haven’t spoken and it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said the things I did. I don’t blame you for what happened to me and I don’t want you to leave me alone and I’m just really, really sorry. I didn’t know how to say it. But today I heard you uh, that you, um-,” She bites her lip and dares a glance over at him. But Bucky isn’t looking at her.

“Snapped?”

She winces, “I could hear you screaming. It reminded me of-,” Abruptly she falls silent and swallows harshly, memories of desolate hallways and flickering lights and pain and torture echoing through her mind. One of the first things that had come back to her had been the way Bucky sounded when he screamed, the animal like noises that had ripped from his throat when they tortured him.    

“No,” he starts, shaking his head, sitting up to look over at her, “I’m sorry-,” he’s cut off when she dives over and wraps her arms around his shoulders. Bucky can’t help it, he wraps his arms around her waist and buries his nose in her neck. “I’m sorry for what I said too. I did bring you here for selfish reasons, just wanted you back because you understand. You know what happened. I felt so alone but when I thought about you I didn’t. But I don’t want you to remember if you don’t want to.” Bucky pulls back to look in her eyes. “And it’s okay if you hate me for that, for bringing you here.”

She makes a gentle shushing sound and pulls him back to her. “I don’t hate you. I’m sorry. I would never have been cruel to you. You were the first kind person I’d encountered in weeks, even if you were strapped to a chair and terrified. You were so nice to me.”

For a long time they just sit there like that, movie playing in the background, shadows dancing over them. Bucky doesn’t want to let her go, a deep sense of relief flooding through him at having her so close and draped around him. “I missed you.” He tightens his arms around her middle.

“I missed you too. It’s easier to pretend it didn’t happen. It’s less painful.” She pulls back and looks him in the eyes, “You have to understand that. I didn’t want the pain of remembering again. They made me aware of what was happening.”

“It’s not the truth,” he whispers. “But I understand, or I can try to.” Bucky stokes her back gently, cradling her carefully as though she’s the most precious thing in the world. “They stole everything away from me. I don’t know which is worse, remembering or forgetting, but I’m sorry either way.”

She nuzzles into him with a contented hum. Bucky shifts her in his arms until she moves closer to him. Her thighs bracketing his, her chest pressed to his, face buried in his neck. “Don’t leave me.”

He’s about to answer when he feels her lips against his neck, soft and gentle. In bliss, his eyes close, head tilting back to give her better access. When he feels her tongue against his skin Bucky’s eyes snap open.

“Bucky,” she murmurs, voice reverent, “Will you kiss me?”

Even though it’s been so long, he doesn’t hesitate. He pulls her down and presses his mouth against hers. It’s chaste at first but then she moves her lips against his and nothing else matters but getting closer to her.

Gripping her hips he stands, lips never parting from hers, and turns. He presses her into the wide couch-like theater seat as her legs wrap around his hips, pulling him closer. “Bucky,” she whispers, hands going to either side of his face. “Bucky…”

“I’m here, doll.”

She runs her thumb over his lips. “I loved you.”

“Loved?”

“Maybe I still love you.”

He nudges her nose with his, “I love you.” And then, “I want you.”

A desperate little mewl leaves her, “Then take me.”

“Not here.” He strokes her cheek with his thumb, hand cradling her jaw. “Will you come to my room?”

“I’ll meet you there in five minutes.” She leans up and kisses him again. “I’m sorry for the things I say.”

He kisses her nose. “It’s okay. Please don’t leave me alone again.”

She thinks her heart might’ve broken as she looks up into honest blue eyes.

~

“They’re going to psychoanalyze this for all its worth, Bucky.” He doesn’t respond, only keeps staring at the scarred curves of her body, robe pooled on the floor around her. Hands come up to cover her breasts, “And they’re going to try to separate us again and stop staring at me!”

His eyes snap to her hers and his voice is a low threatening growl when he says, “Let them fucking try to separate us.” Then he moves closer and put his hands on her hips, “Doll, I don’t wanna look away. You’re so beautiful.”

Her lips twist to the side as she examines Bucky, who is still clad in boxers and nothing else. “You look different.”

“I guess I do, doll,” he says self-consciously. “I dunno though. Don’t really remember.”

She smiles sadly, “I do. You were lean. And then you were skinny. And then they fed you up and you were lean again. But now,” she touches his arm, “You’re muscle.”

Bucky leans down to press his mouth to her shoulder, littering soft kisses against her skin. “Let me take care of you, darlin’.”

“That’s a pretty accent, darlin’,” she teases. Her voice takes on a little whine then, “Take care of me, please.”

“’Course, sweetheart.” Bucky nudges her jaw to the side with his nose, lips ghosting along her neck. “It’s just us. It’s just me and you.”

For a moment she hesitates before her hand slips under the waistband of his boxers. Her fingertips just barely graze the base of his cock before she retracts her hand. “I don’t know how to do this. We only ever…with them watching and I…I don’t know if I had s-sex before they got me.”  

“We don’t have to. I just missed you so much, doll, for so long-,”

Her lips suddenly smash against his as she pushes him backwards. “I’m sorry.” She says as he flops back on the bed, looking a little shocked that she could manhandle him even a little, even though he knows how strong she is now. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m sorry I said those things.”

“I know. I know.” He makes grabby hands at her, “C’mere.”

She collapses on top of him and presses her lips harshly to his, all teeth and tongues and mostly painful. “I need you right now. I need you to be inside me.”

“Doll,” he reaches between her legs as he rolls them over so he’s hovering above her.

“No. I need you,” she grinds against him. “Fuck me.”

He shushes her and pushes her hips down, “Let me take care of you like you asked. Just relax for a minute.” Huffing out a hard breath she relaxes into the pillows. “There you go. We have time, doll. It’s not like before.”

Bucky scoots down the bed, until he’s level with her core, and presses his tongue to her heat, licking a long stripe against her. She gasps and clutches his hair, unused to the sensation. “Bucky,” she whines. “Please-,” His tongue is gentle against her, and talented, as he swirls small shapes against her clit. “Fuck, James!” She comes against his face, hips bucking upwards against his mouth. Y/N goes stiff as he works she through it, only stopping when she relaxes back into the bed, thighs still twitching.

It’s been a long time for her and she wants him with her, inside her as soon as possible. Still Bucky looks up at her, head against the inside of her thigh as he strokes slow circles into her hip, and says, “Baby, it’s been a long time hasn’t it?”

She looks down at him, memories flashing through her eyes, and says, “I was rough with you. And you were rough with me.”

He frowns but nods, “I think so yeah.”

“I don’t remember that tongue of yours.”

“Chcesz, żebym to jeszcze raz?”

Do you want me to do it again?

She shakes her head and runs her hands through his soft hair. “I want to do the same for you.”

“Not-,”

“We have time,” she reminds him. “And I want to. Come here.” She beckons him, motioning him to slide up the bed.

Again he shakes his head, bringing his thumb down to rub against her folds slowly, parting her lips while he looks up at her and latches onto her clit again. Her thighs clamp around his head before he pulls back and disentangles himself from her. He slips out of his boxers and says, “Not today.”

“Why?”

“I’ll come down your throat and then where will we be?”

“You’re a super soldier-,”

“There’s still a wait time and I don’t wanna wait. If I come it’s going to be in your pussy.” Y/N’s hands go to his biceps as he looks down at her, hair concealing part of his face. “I want to feel your cunt milk me for everything I have, baby.” She groans and runs her nails against his burning skin. Bucky lowers his head and takes one nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the sensitive bud. “And then I’m going to watch it drip out of you,” he says, rutting against her slowly.

A breathless, “Okay. Oh God, fuck, okay,” leaves her lips, fingers tracing down his abs to guide him to her entrance.

When he finally makes that slow side inside her she gasps and clutches his shoulders. “Oh, god you feel so fucking good. You’re so wet and tight.” He has to still himself so he doesn’t come immediately, wanting to draw out the feeling of being so fully connected with her for the first time in decades and the first time ever alone.

It feels familiar too. Not the gentleness, no he had hardly ever been gentle with her before. The closeness feels familiar, the bond.

“Let them fucking psychoanalyze us. This is the only things that feels right.” He mutters lowly in her ear. “I don’t care, I love you.”

She digs her fingers into his shoulders. “Kocham Cię.” And then in English she murmurs, “God, I think I love you too.”

“Good,” he whispers, setting a slow pace.

After that the only sounds between then are low pants and murmurs of love. It doesn’t feel real. After everything they’d been through, how could they be allowed to find such love with each other?

His thrusts are slow, deep, and hard. She feels it everywhere, her toes tingling and curling as a warmth twists in the pit of her stomach. “Bucky,” she whispers, “I’m going to come. Please make me come.”

“I got you, darlin’. Come on my cock, baby, c’mon, come on my cock. Ah-,” He stills for a moment, determined to make her come first, come around his dick, so he can feel her wet heat pulse around him. “Shit, you’re squeezing me so well, doll.”

She clenches her walls around him again, making him shout out. “I wanna come, Bucky.”

His fingers finds clit, “Fucking come for me then baby.”

And she does. As soon as she arches into him and her pussy contracts around him he spills into her, thrusting erratically through his orgasm. He collapses.

It’s a long time before either one of them moves. Bucky only moves when he starts to soften inside her. With a grunt he pulls back and goes to his original position of having his head pillowed on her thigh. “What’re you doing?” She asks sleepily, fingers brushing through his hair.

“I told you I was gonna watch it drip out of you.”

She laughs quietly before twitching as his fingers flit over her sensitive core. “Careful, Buck.” His tongue darts out, catching a few drops of come before he gives a small lick to her clit. She groans lowly. “Can’t wait to make my therapist turn red when I tell her about this.”

Bucky chuckles and kisses her thigh. “Keep this between us.”

“They’ll know we had sex.”

“Doesn’t mean they get detail. Our lives are still ours, Y/N. Maybe it’s time we figured that out, doll.”