Chapter 1
"How is it going?" Sharon felt the bed dip before hearing Lydia's voice, immediately anticipating the touches that she knew will arrive one millisecond after. A soft brush of fingers against her forehead. The slow rubs warmed the small of her back. The gentle kiss on her lips. She blinked her eyes open, willing to etch Lydia's concerned look into her core memory.
"I just needed a few more seconds." Lydia didn't worry often. That tender gaze was mostly served for Petra and Sharon had long come to terms with the fact that, in Lydia's life, she always comes second. No, third. She smiled to herself while sitting up on the bed. There was always Lydia's art that even Petra couldn't compete with. "Let's go."
"Just sit this one out." Lydia's palm now rested conveniently just a little bit above Sharon's left breast, pushed gently. The maestro leaned in, giving a more forceful kiss. "It's not like you need to practice that hard."
"This is new." Kissing back, Sharon let Lydia push her onto the bed. "What's happened to the maestro who berates anyone skipping session?"
"I berate the unjustified reason." Letting go right when Sharon could actually do with more, Lydia caressed Sharon's hair once more before getting out of bed. "You have doctor's order."
"The order was for me to take it easy. Not staying in bed all day."
"Well, I'm saying you stay in bed all day and you better comply." Lydia grabbed her bag and straightened her shirt, before hovering for another kiss.
"Yes, maestro." Sneaking one hand behind the long lean neck, Sharon didn't let the kiss fade easily. There was something about Lydia setting her foot down that made her want to pounce the woman then and there. It was the same formidable hauteur that drew Sharon's gaze to the maestro whenever she was on the podium. The authority in Lydia's voice and the conviction in those eyes made Sharon feels things every time. Maybe they both could stay in bed all day, doing what they do best under the cover. Maybe if she kiss Lydia deeper, she could be the magnet that pulled her back into the bed.
Of course, she failed. One long languid kiss later, Lydia strayed from Sharon's touch. "I'll have Maria come over to watch Petra and prepare you some lunch."
"Hmmm." Closing her eyes, Sharon savored the remnant of Lydia's taste on her lips. She racked her brain, trying to find a way to taste Lydia's lips all over again.
"Do you want anything specific? Should I ask her to go grocery shopping first?"
Sharon said nothing. These days, it was hard to decide what to eat. Instead of Maria's meal, which always tethering on the spicy side, she'd rather have Heike coming over bringing their family signature Zwetschgen crumble.
"Don't sulk."
Apparently, her silence was mistranslated. She never sulked. If anything, nobody could pull a sulking game on the great Lydia Tár. The maestro was used to ignore. Opening her eyes and leaning back on the pillows, she beckoned for Lydia to come closer. "Just give me another kiss before you go."
"It's happening then." Heike pulled out a square tin container from the paper bag she just dropped onto the kitchen counter. When the elder woman opened the lid, a familiar, heavenly smell wafted in the air. "I'm about to be an aunty?"
"You've been an aunty since three years six months eleven days ago." Taking one annoyed deep breath while gazing at the door of Petra's room, Sharon pursed her lips at her sister.
"You just love complicating your life so much. Marrying Tár, adopting Petra, and now this?" Three years older than Sharon, Heike was as opinionated as their mother yet shared identical facial features with their father. Her eyes, which were glaring accusingly at Sharon's midriff, transported Sharon to the old days when their old man was still around. "Are you even physically up to this? Why can't Tár have it?"
It was easier to grab a plate and start scooping in the delicious-looking treat instead of explaining the details of their IVF decision to her sister. Taking one heavenly bite, Sharon took a seat on one of the kitchen stools. The prune plum jam was a long-awaited kick to her tastebud, jolting her appetite awake. A proof that Heike also inherited their mother's cooking skills. One thing that Sharon envied the most.
"Before you realize it, your life will be filled with Társ and you won't even have room for yourself anymore."
"What if I told you like I have always told you before, that I love to be surrounded by Társ? That this, " She made a circling gesture with the fork in her hand. "feels beautiful and right. That Lydia, Petra, and any of our future children are what makes my life worthwhile."
"It kills me to think that you're willing to have more of her offspring." Heike scoffed while pushing the tin closer to Sharon's side of the counter. "The thing is, you put her on a pedestal just so she can step on you. All I see in your relationship with her is trade, Sharon. She uses you. These children you're so wishfully talking about was probably just another way for her to inflate her ego."
Scooping another one into her mouth, Sharon chose not to reply. Anything related to Lydia was a foul in Heike's opinion and Sharon was definitely not one of the few people that could change her sister's mind.
"I meant, come on. With your condition, she chooses to proceed with practice? Why can't she stay at home?"
"It's the Academy's biennale. She couldn't just say no."
"Oh yes, she could. It's her wife. Her family. She just didn't want to. Remember when she stayed in New York while you were literally struggling for your life on an operating table? Everything but her work is dispensable for the great Lydia Tár. Watch her leave you for another milestone in her life someday."
There was a speck of truth in Heike's words. Sharon knew that Lydia only returned about a quarter of the one hundred and tens percent she gave. The crumble suddenly tasted not so good anymore, Sharon forked the remnants on the plate around.
"Sorry." After a few seconds, Heike walked around to her side and hugged her shoulders. "I didn't mean to sound so harsh."
"It's fine." Pushing the unspoken fear aside, Sharon grabbed a glass of water and sipped slowly. No one might fully understands the dynamic of her relationship with Lydia. Not like she cared about anyone's opinion too. She could pinpoint where exactly her feeling was and, albeit not as much as she would hope, she could feel Lydia reciprocate that feeling too. They have agreed to build a family together and for now, that was all that matter.
"It's just I keep hearing foul stuff." Heike pulled a stool to sit beside Sharon, one hand still resting on her shoulder. "From Britta and some other people at DG."
"Nope." Sharon shook her head. "Don't want to hear it."
"It was about the girls in the fellowship. Those saplings she called assistants. They were-"
"God, you're not here to cater rumors."
"You can't keep turning a blind eye, Sharon. I'm sure what I've heard recently was just the tip of an-"
"Heike." Not so gently dropping the fork onto the plate, Sharon turned her head to serve her sister a begging, yet strong gaze. "Stop."
Heike stopped, serving back the gaze that, once more, reminded Sharon so much of their absent father. The clock ticked a few more seconds before the both of them took deep breaths. Both knew it was time to back down.
"I know what I'm doing, Heike. Don't you worry."
Standing up to transfer more crumble from the tin into Sharon's plate, Heike shook her head. "We just don't want you to get hurt."
"I'm sorry if I make you and mother worries all the time but I'm stronger than you think. You guys are the ones that build me, remember?" She made a show of forking the crumbly dessert into her mouth, scrunching her nose while chewing. "I won't crumble easy."
The pun stroke the right spot. Heike groaned, kissing the top of Sharon's head while literally transferring the whole pie into the plate. "You and your love for Zwetschgen. Go on, eat some more."
"I think I'm full."
"I'm not leaving until you finish them all." With a wan smile and a pat on the shoulder, Heike stepped away. "Is Petra awake?"
"Uh uh." Sharon took another bite, savoring the way the crumble seemed to melt in her mouth. With an amused look, she watched her oldest sister waltz closer to Petra's room. "Where are you going? Are you not very fond of anything related to Lydia?"
"Seeing that you're so steadfast on having Tár's brood, I might as well learn to be a decent aunty." Hands on the doorknob, Heike shrugged. "What does the kid like? Pony? Barbie? Bach? Does she play piano? Has Tár taught her notation yet?"
Sharon's small laugh was followed by the ring of her phone. As Heike disappear behind the door, Sharon stood up to grab the phone from the kitchen counter. It was Francesca.
"Hi, Francesca."
"Can we talk?"
"Sure." There was no mistaken the urgency in the girl's voice. Sharon's heart immediately beat a little faster. They mostly didn't talk about anything else but Lydia. "Is Lydia okay?"
"Yes." A pause. "She's... No. I meant she's okay right now. I just.... Can we talk somewhere? Right now?"