Chapter 1
****I‘m sorry for any spelling mistakes I‘m german. This takes place after Civil War, though Jarvis is still in use, not Friday. Also I know that jarvis has an autopilot function, but Tony just programmed it :) Enjoy !****
It‘ s been exactly two weeks since Steve‘s letter arrived. Tony wasn‘t only physically hurt, also emotionally. The reveal that Bucky killed his parents and especially that Steve knew about that knocked him off. He felt he‘s at the bottom off a pit. And he‘s never climbing up.
„Tony,
I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you -- if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there.
Steve“
After reading the letter he shut the Avengers headquater up and ordered Jarvis to not let anybody in.
„If you need me“, Tomy repeated, „Pah, why would I need you Rogers ?! You wanna cut open some forgotten wounds and traumatize me ?!“ Tony was furious about Cap, justifiably. A million thoughts rushed through his head. Harley. „You‘re a mechanic, right?“ Aldrich Killian. „You really didn't deserve her, Tony. It's a pity. I was so close to having her... perfect.“ The Mandarin. „A true story about fortune cookies. They look Chinese. They sound... Chinese. But they're actually an American invention. Which is why they're hollow, full of lies, and leave a bad taste in the mouth.“ His vision greyed and a few seconds later he found hiimself on the floor. Tony admitted it, he is totally wasted. Things have never been the same. Regular panic attacks, sleeping issues. Pepper wanted a break. Only to list a few things that went straight downhill. His breath was unsteady so he focused on this problem first. Breath in… one.. two..three..four..five… Breath out… one.. two...three...four...five… „ Alright, that should do it“, he muttered under his breath. „Jarvis, you‘re around?“ „For you always, Sir.“, the british voice replied. „Add this panic attack to my private list and put this to a servity of seven out of ten. When was my last panic attack ?“ He barley managed to sit up against the wall. Again, completly out of breath. So again: Breath in… one.. two..three..four..five… Breath out… one.. two...three...four...five… Wow, this became to much of a ritual to be honest. „Sir you last panic attack was only one weekk ago. I‘m afraid they become more frequent. I advise to visit a therapist to get ahead of-“, but Jarvis got cut off by Tony. „Nah, don‘t need one. I‘m Tony Stark. You know who I am.“ He just needed some space to get his mind right. Well, actually he did not have much hope into that. But to be honest, he would smash Steve‘s face if he comes across him. So advantages for everyone. „Sir, there is an incoming call from Captian Steve Rogers.“, Jarvis informed him while he still leant against the wall. „Jarvis, I already told you to block everything. That includes phone calls. God, who programmed you...“, he asked himself rhetorically. Of course Jarvis did not replie since Tony programmed him to not replie to rhetoric question.
He really was tired. The frequent panic attacks were only one small piece that completed his puzzle of pain. Some days were so bad, that he barley got out of bed. And then, he didn‘t even talked to Jarvis. Which was a bad sign. Jarvis was his co-partner. Even when he flew into that giant wormhole he talked to Jarvis. But Tony would not be Tony if he didn‘t spend his time down the lab and tinkers around.
He upgraded his suits and especially Jarvis autopilot. But how could he test that ? Well, obviously not inside the house. „Nevermind...“, he muttered eventhough there wasn‘t anybody around for nearly two weeks. „Jarvis ? Check the air traffic and the fly ability. We‘re going on a little ride. Create test_autopilot_01 in my private tinker folder. Let‘s get ready to rumble !“, he orded his virtual buddy. „Sir, I might inform you that there are still some glitches. Sometimes the connections get‘s interruped so I might not be able to control the suit as an autopilot. Sir, you might-“, Jarvis informed Tony but got cut off: “Mute ! Well, eventhough that won‘t do harm to me, I‘m the pilot if the autopilot fails in any way. Can‘t replace me anyway pal.“ Tony suited himself up and initiated the interface. „Check the steerings, J“, Tony said and when the word „Check completed“ pops up he flied straight up, through the hatch right into the sky. It was wonderful. Nearly peaceful. For one moment he forgot about all he worried about, all the pain, all the anxiety. That was the moment when he decided to give Jarvis the control of the suit. To enjoy the moment. Everything was just so peaceful. But at some point the sky rememberd him of the wormhole. The aliens came to NY and left a huge mess. And Tony, the great Tony Stark took the atomic bomb at flew right into it. The connection got lost, Jarvis left him, the call ended and all of the sudden it was hard to breath. Everything hurt and the oxygen filter system failed. His vision greyed once again.