Chapter 6
Natasha does her best to glare back at him.
His face, besides the anger, is filled with compassion and worry, but most of all, sadness.
Oh Steve, she thinks, why do you have to care so much.
She feels more tears begin to rise.
Forcing them down, Natasha squares her shoulders and crosses her arms.
“You shouldn’t have come here.” she says, her voice hard.
Steve laughs, a quick, harsh, incredulous sound.
He then stares at her, his expression, for once, unreadable.
“You promised, you know,” Steve finally says.
It’s Natasha’s turn to laugh. A cruel, delirious laugh.
“Stop acting like a child,” she says, trying to make her voice as degrading as possible.
Steve ignores this.
“Why?” he simply asks, staring her down, “Why?”
Natasha stiffens and she feels her pulse rise again. The rain is easing up a little now and the silence in gaining on.
“Why what?” she says, even though she already knows what he’s really asking.
Why didn’t you tell me about Bucky?
Why did you run?
Why did you lie?
But, Steve surprises her.
“Why can’t you just trust me?” he asks, the anger on his face gone and replaced with just sadness.
His words are raw and real, and Natasha feels suffocated in the small shack.
The tears come back and she makes no effort to stop them.
God, Natasha thinks, when did I become so weak.
She stands there as they flow down her cheeks silently, and stares Steve down, as if daring him to make a move.
Completely undeterred by her stare, he does.
His forehead crinkles in worry and he steps towards her until suddenly he’s hugging her.
And she’s crying.
Her small frame wracks slightly in Steve’s large embrace. He’s smoothing down her hair and whispering soothing words in her ear, and Natasha wonders why Steve thinks she deserves him at all.
They stay like this, holding each other, standing in the small shack to the sound of the light pitter-patter of a rain that is slowly easing up.
Natasha’s not sure how long it has been, but when Steve’s voice cuts through the silence, she almost flinches.
“I’m sorry.”
His voice is low and he sounds tired.
Despite everything, Natasha almost laughs.
“No,” she says, slowly breaking away from his embrace, “ No, I’m sorry, Steve.”
Steve stares at her, his eyes flying through a million emotion in just a second.
Then he sits down on the blanket and places his hand slightly on the space next to him. An invitation for her to sit.
Natasha lifts her eyebrows slightly.
Steve raises his hands. “I just want to talk.”
She is still hesitant. Every instinct is telling her to run.
Steve looks desperate, his eyes imploring her.
“Do you trust me?” he asks, his voice soft.
I do, Natasha wants to say, I trust you too much. Why do you trust me?
Instead, she cautiously moves over and sits down next to Steve.
She finds herself shivering slightly as the night air begins to seep in.
Steve’s hands immediately go for his jacket, and when he realizes he doesn’t have one on, he wraps an arm around Natasha, drawing her close to him.
Grateful for the warmth, Natasha sinks into him.
“You, know,” Steve begins, “We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
Natasha shakes her head insistently. “No, I owe you an explanation.”
Steve looks at her and brushes the hair from her eyes.
“You don’t owe me anything.”
Staring at him, Natasha feels a warmth spread from deep within her.
“Ok,” she says softly, “But I want to tell you.”
And so she tells him. She tells him everything.
At first she’s unsure of where to start, how to clear up the mess she got herself in, but once she starts talking, she finds herself unable to stop. The words keep tumbling out, starting from when the Winter Soldier was first assigned as her trainer in the Red Room to when then she saw him again with Steve and Sam.
“But I promise you,” Natasha says urgently, “I did not remember the Winter Soldier when you and I were trying to find him. And I was definitely not aware that he and your friend Bucky are the same person.”
Steve looks doubtful.
“I want to believe you,” he says.
Natasha stares at him and does her best to drop all her guards down.
“When the Winter Soldier saved my life, they punished him and had him expelled. Later, they wiped my memory of him, I suspect his memory was wiped as well.”
Shifting, Natasha faces him.
“Steve, you know I would do anything to help you,” she says, her eyes searching his imploringly.
Steve’s jaw tightens slightly, but he remains silent.
Unaffected, Natasha continues.
“So trust me when I tell you, I didn’t remember him until it was too late. Until any information I could give you would render useless,”
Until he almost killed me, Natasha thinks, but she doesn’t say.
Silence stretches over them again. She watches Steve’s face, clenching and unclenching as he’s slowly digesting all the information she just threw at him.
She’s the one to break the silence this time.
“I should have told you as soon as I remembered. I shouldn’t have kept this from you. I’m sorry.”
Steve turns towards her, and the storm in his eyes has disappeared.
He hugs her and pressed a kiss into her hair.
“It’s okay,” he says, his voice thick, “It’s okay.”
When their eyes meet, his are full of warmth.
His voice, however, has a slight edge of desperation.
“I just don’t want to lose you,” he says, and Natasha knows he means it.
A single tear rolls down his cheek. Natasha gently swiped it away with her thumb.
Realizing the rain is gone and the dawn is approaching, Natasha feels a slight panic again.
Steve realizes that too, and he makes a move to stand up.
“Wait!” Natasha quickly says.
He looks at her curiously.
“Could we,” she starts, “Could we just stay for a bit longer.”
She wasn't ready to face all of them just yet.
Tenderly, Steve settles back down.
“Yeah,” he says softly, “Yeah, of course. We’ll stay as long as you want.”
Natasha gives a grateful smile and leans her head against Steve’s shoulder.
“I’m also sorry for running away. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. It won’t happen again.”
“It better not,” Steve says indignantly, “I’m having Tony install a tracker in you.”
Natasha snorts.
“But seriously,” Steve says, taking her hand in his, “We’re here for you. We’re your family.”
His blue eyes are full of sincerity when they meet hers.
“We’re your home.”