Yuanfen

“Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice.” Steve Rodgers had spent a lot of time thinking about those words. Peggy had been right, she usually was, but it didn’t stop him from blaming himself for what had happened. If he’d been a little faster, or looked a little harder then maybe things could have been different for all of them. As he waited to say goodbye to Bucky yet again, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Nonetheless, Bucky had made a choice, and Steve wouldn’t dream of trying to take that choice away from him. He’d had his decisions taken away for far too long. It would be selfish, so he was trying not to let his own feelings influence things.
Steve took a deep breath and walked into the room. He glanced at the chamber that his friend would stay in until they figured out how to fix the damage Hydra had done. “You sure about this?”
“I can’t trust my own mind,” Bucky said smiling sadly. “So until they figure out how to get this stuff out of my head I think going back under is the best thing...” Steve was nodding slowly staring at the ground. “For everybody.”
Steve stepped forward towards his friend and wrapped his arms around him tight. He gently pressed his lips to the top of his head and then rested his chin on top of his head. Steve stared at the wall behind him silently and tightened his jaw. “We’re gonna figure this out.”
Bucky pulled back nodding, “I’ll be here when you do.” He let out a small chuckle which Steve tried to return. Steve heard the doctor come back into the room and knew it was time. He took a deep breath and stepped off to the side.
A doctor helped Bucky into the chamber and Steve watched as they turned it on, freezing the last link to his past for who knows how long. “Bye Buck. I’ll be around.” Steve stood there staring for a minute before he headed into the hallway.
He stood there staring out the huge window. This was a beautiful country, and different from so many he’d seen before. Steve wished he was in a place to appreciate it more. He heard footsteps approach, and knew it was T’challa coming to talk to him about everything. “Thank you for this.”
T’challa looked at Steve’s face. His jaw was set and hadn’t turned to look at him. Steve just kept staring out the window. “Your friend and my father, they were both victims. If I can help one of them find peace…” T’challa shrugged slightly letting the thought trail off.
“You know if they find out he’s here, they’ll come for him,” Steve said, finally turning to look at T’challa who he found to be staring back.
T’challa’s gaze shifted out the window, “Let them try.”
Steve nodded once smiling nervously, “I hate to ask. But would it be alright for my friends and me to stay here? Just for a while.”
T’challa paused, “I think that would be best. Your friend, Wanda, she could use the medical care.” His eyes tightened at the thought.
Steve had brought the other back here after he rescued them from that place they called a prison. While Clint, Scott, and Sam had all been through hell, it was Wanda who’d received the worst of it. The boys all hadn’t received the medical care they needed, or enough food or water, but beyond that they were okay. It seemed torturing them had seemed too far, even for the people running the floating prison. Wanda, hadn’t been afforded even that much. Sam had immediately told him to get her first, and upon seeing her he understood. She just sat in a corner of the small cell on the ground. She’d a shock collar around her neck and was bound tightly in a strait jacket. Steve practically tore the cell door off its hinges. He immediately removed the collar, before gently removing the strait jacket. Even with everything off of her, she’d been in no state to walk herself out. Steve had carried her, and hadn’t put her down till they were safe in the huge medical center in Wakanda. He and Clint had been doing their best to take care of her over the last two days, which mostly meant making sure she ate and drank and gently comforting her through nightmares. With Bucky taken care of Steve would have more time to help.
“Thank you. You’ve saved all of our lives.” Steve said smiling.
T’challa nodded. “I expect you’d do the same for me if our roles were reversed. You are a good man Steve Rodgers, even if you are not the saint everyone believed you to be.” Steve nodded and smiled sadly before turning to go check on the others.
Sam Wilson had seen a lot in his years in the military, and a lot more since meeting Steve. Even he wasn’t prepared to deal with everything that had happened in the last month. Their brief time in prison hadn’t been good for any of them, but Sam hadn’t seen anything like what they did to Wanda. He didn’t know how to give her the help she desperately needed. It had been two weeks since they got to Wakanda. About three days later Natasha had shown up. He didn’t know exactly how she’d found them, or where she’d been but he had his suspicions.
Wanda spent a lot of time with the doctors, and her physical wounds weren’t too bad and were quickly on the mend. However, she had a long way to go mentally. She hadn’t left the room she was staying in for anything but medical reasons. She didn’t talk, unless she was screaming in a nightmare. Everyone made sure she was eating and drinking. Natasha had even tried her hand at replicating recipes she thought might remind Wanda of home. She was a shell of a person at the moment, and Sam had no idea when they’d get her back.
The biggest surprise for Sam was Scott who Sam was growing to like despite his earlier reservations. He was a lot smarter than he got credit for, and he was also surprisingly nice. He’d happily take meals to Wanda, and sometimes he’d just prattle on to whoever was in the room with him. He’d tell stories about heists, or his daughter, or just talk about nonsense.
Clint and Natasha were alright, for the most part. They were good at distracting themselves. Between Wanda, cooking, and training they stayed busy enough. Sam imagined they had a lot of experience with hiding.
Sam was immediately taken by T’challa. He’d been intrigued by him from the day they met and was enjoying getting to know him. The two would sit around and just talk. Sometimes they’d recommend a book or movie to the other, and within a few days they’d be discussing it. Sam didn’t always understand why the man was so kind to them, but he appreciated it. He tried to do little nice things for him when he could. Sometimes that meant cooking up food, sometimes it just meant listening.
After Wanda, the person Sam worried the most about was Steve. At first he’d seemed alright. He did everything anyone would expect of him. He tried to cook, until everyone begged him to stop. He’d sit with Wanda whenever she needed someone or she’d been alone too long. He’d watch movies with, or talk to anyone who started a conversation with him. But a week after Nat had shown up Sam started to realize something wasn’t right. Steve Rodgers had bags under his eyes, and they didn’t go away. Sam hadn’t even realized that was possible. He’d asked Nat if she knew what was wrong and she’d told him she didn’t, and she was planning on waiting him out a bit before interfering. So Sam pushed down the urge and to do something and just kept an eye out for any signs that things were getting worse.
One night when Sam was having trouble sleeping himself, he decided to go check on Steve. He was surprised to find his room empty. Sam started looking around for him, and the longer he looked the more concerned he was. Clint was with Wanda tonight, and Steve wasn’t the type to wander around. During the day he was always easy to find, usually in his room or common areas. He was walking past the med bay when he noticed the door was ajar. He glanced in and saw Steve sitting on the floor next to the chamber Barnes was in. He was sitting holding onto his knees and just talking. Sam initially went to walk away, but curiosity got the better of him. He leaned against the wall where he was sure Steve couldn’t see him and listened.
“I think I might try to see if she’d be up for going outside for a while tomorrow. Sunlight is supposed to be good for people, that’s one of those new science things. I’m reading a lot about stuff like that now. I’d never really, well I’ve never been much for science. You were always better at it than me, but I’m trying. T’challa got me a tablet so I can look things up and read about them. That’s been nice, sometimes Sam loads books onto it for me. I can’t make heads or tails of a lot of the science stuff, but I listen to whatever the doctors tell me. But anyway, that’s about it from today. I’m gonna be with Wanda tomorrow night, so I won’t be here, but I’ll have twice as much to tell you on Thursday, so that’ll work out. We’re gonna get you out real soon. I’m trying, but well you know. I’ll figure it out though, promise. Goodnight Bucky.”
Sam contemplated leaving before Steve got to the door, but decided not to. They should talk about this, even if he knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
When Steve got to the door he grimaced at seeing Sam. Without acknowledging him he continued on to a living room and sat down on a couch. “Well?” Steve leaned back and set his jaw.
“Can he hear you?”
Steve shrugged, “Doctors don’t really know. But,” He paused and crossed his arms across his chest, “I just want to keep him updated in case.”
Sam nodded and sat next to Steve. “That’s fair, but man you can’t just stay up till all hours every night. Every third night you’re up with Wanda, and the other two you’re up nearly as late talking to him if today is any indication.”
“I have to.” Steve said firmly.
“Steve, he wouldn’t want you doing this to yourself.”
“Yeah, well he’s not here to stop me now is he?” Steve snapped. “I just,” He sighed and leaned forward putting his head in his hands. “I know it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t want him to think I forgot about him.”
Sam paused. He didn’t really understand the relationship between the two men. Any time Barnes came up Steve got more stubborn than usual and immediately shut down the conversation. But even so he knew it had to be something pretty strong that Barnes had broken through 70 years of brain washing because of it. “He knows Steve. I know he does.”
Steve made a noncommittal noise but didn’t move. Sam grabbed his giant hands and pulled gently so Steve would have to look at him. He made sure they were making eye contact before speaking. “He knows you’re trying. He knew before he went under, and if he can hear you then he knows now. Steve, promise me you’re gonna try and get some sleep. You have to take care of yourself.”
Steve nodded and forced a tight smile. “I hear you. Night Sam.”
Sam watched Steve go slowly into his room, before turning and marching back to the med bay. He pulled a chair up across from the chamber and sighed, “Alright Barnes, now you listen here. I don’t know what Steve’s been trying to feed you, but I want you to know you’re hurting him. He looks like hell, he’s barely taking care of himself. He’s hurt, and it is your fault. You know damn well he’d never let anyone close enough to hurt you ever again. Hell, I’m surprised he hasn’t taken up a permanent residence at your bedside. I think the main reason he hasn’t is he’s trying to take care of everyone else too. Instead of trusting him, you came up with this stupid plan. I have got half a mind to punch you when you wake up. This was selfish and you know it. I’m hoping I set him straight enough he’s gonna get some damn sleep, but who knows at this point. You know what a stubborn idiot he can be. This sucks man and he deserved better. Hopefully when we wake you up you’ll make better choices.”
Of course, it turned out that Bucky Barnes was quite popular. The next day when Steve was so tired he literally fell asleep into a bowl of soup, Sam went back to yell some more only to find that T’challa was already there.
“Hello Samuel,” T’challa said glancing over at him.
Sam raised an eyebrow. “Does everyone come in here and talk to him?”
T’challa laughed. “No, only Steve and myself, and now you.”
“You knew about Steve?”
“I noticed one night reviewing the security camera footage. The late hour of his visits led me to believe he didn’t want anyone to know, so I didn’t mention it out of respect for his privacy.”
Sam grimaced. “He’s killing himself keeping these crazy hours. He nearly burned his face off falling asleep into a bowl of soup.”
T’challa chuckled at the exaggeration and then glanced at Bucky. “I don’t really understand the relationship they have, but I do think the sooner we get Mr. Barnes out of there the better it will be for everyone involved.”
Sam nodded and moved to stand next to T’challa. “So what do you talk to him about?”
T’challa shrugged. “I’ll admit I use him as a bit of a sounding board sometimes. It’s nice to talk to someone who won’t talk back. You?”
Sam flushed. “I guess I come here to update him on Steve, by which I mean yell at him.”
T’challa laughed and put a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “You’re a good friend Sam. I have got to get going, so by all means yell away.”
For a moment Sam considered yelling, but the moment was gone. He sighed, “Well I guess I don’t feel like yelling anymore. I’m still not thrilled, but I’ll let you off the hook this time. I just, man, he misses you. Last time he was upset about you being gone he crashed a plane into the damn ocean. Yeah, everyone made it out to be heroics, but right now I’ve got a feeling it was more than that. It was about you. He needs you back Barnes. All the way.”
Steve was walking down the hallway, just past the doors when Sam left. Sam was going to approach him when he noticed what was unusual. It appeared Steve had gotten Wanda to leave her room since she was by his side and leaning into him. They headed out a door that led outside. Sam cracked a smile. Even if Steve wasn’t doing well, Wanda was making progress.
Another month passed, and then another. Wanda was getting better slowly. She didn't talk unless it was important, but she didn't have to be reminded to do basic human things and she spent more time around the others again. Everyone else, however, was getting stir crazy. Due to technically being on the run they couldn't leave the grounds. As expansive as they were, after nearly three months they were all getting tired. Scott was the least frustrated. When anyone would ask him he’d shrug and remind them he’d been in prison. His only frustration was that he missed his daughter, and the Pyms who had become like a family. He wrote letters which T'challa got delivered, but since his location was a secret they couldn't write back. Clint was used to sitting around, but missed his family dearly. Nat had helped them to hide, but that meant that there was no way to communicate with them until this whole mess was over. Nat was probably the unhappiest. She’d never spent so long in one place without a specific goal. It wasn't an easy adjustment. She spent a lot of time in the gym, and Steve and Clint were the only ones who'd go with her anymore. Sam was starting to miss doing things and meeting people, but he wasn't too bothered. Steve was bothered a lot less by having to stay in Wakanda and more by his lack of being able to help Bucky. On good days he seemed mostly alright, if not tired, but on bad days he’d get moody and was hard to be around.
Bucky had pretty consistent visitors. T'challa was there at least once every few days. Sam had taken to going every few days, unless Steve did something particularly worrisome or frustrating in which he’d go immediately. Steve, despite Sam's constant harassment to get more sleep, was still going every night unless he was with Wanda. However, the doctors were no closer to figuring out the brainwashing. They were still barely sure how the serum Hydra had given him kept him alive, let alone how any of it worked. Sam had realized Steve was trying to learn neurobiology to help, which of course wasn't going well because he had a high school education from the forties. He’d snapped a fork in frustration one day when he came across something that he just couldn’t understand while eating.
Sam had to admit that he was impressed. Steve kept up a crazy sleep schedule, and was learning a lot. He was slowly gaining pop culture knowledge, and he’d definitely learned a lot of other stuff. He’d caught up on history for the most part before, but now he was studying science and reading everything he got his hands on. But not even a super soldier could keep that up forever. Everyone had been in Wakanda for almost 4 months when all of Steve's habits caught up with him.
"I’m gonna take a nap," Steve announced abruptly. Everyone was sitting around eating. By this point they all knew he was wearing himself thin, but he’d seemed alright lately. He hadn’t snapped at anyone or broken anything, which was about all they could ask for.
Sam's eyebrows knitted. "You alright?"
Steve nodded and muffled a cough. "I’m just not feeling well. Before, when I was sick before I used to nap." Everyone nodded, and Steve wandered off to get some sleep.
"That is it." Nat said as soon as she was sure he was out of earshot. "He's literally killing himself. The man has such a strong immune response he can’t even get drunk, and he has a cold. We’re ending this."
Sam shrugged, "Unless you've got a way to fix Barnes the only way you’re gonna get him to sleep more is by drugging him. No offense, but I don’t think that'd work out well."
"I agree. I wouldn’t be comfortable with you drugging him, even if it was for his long term benefit." T'challa said.
"I mean there's got to be something we can do. This has definitely surpassed the point of ignoring it and hoping for the best," Scott said. "Trust me I’m the king of ignoring my problems till they build up, and this is like the Mount Everest of problems."
Clint stared at the table for a minute before responding quietly. "It's his life. We can’t force him to do anything. And of course the only person we know with the advanced neurology equipment you'd need to fix Barnes is a giant raging dick." He huffed, “If Tony would pull his head out of his ass...”
"What if we could fix him?"
All eyes turned to Wanda. "What do you mean?"
She bit her lip and wrapped herself up in her arms like she wanted to disappear. "I mean I don’t know for sure, but I could try."
Everyone paused. Clint finally spoke quietly, "If you don’t want to use your powers-"
"I want to help Steve." She whispered. She nodded slightly to herself. "I was too scared to offer before, but Steve has been so good to me. If I could help him I want to try."
Everyone paused for a moment. Clint sighed, "Then we'll let you give it a shot."
"I would want to wake Mr. Barnes up and ask him first,” T’challa said.
Wanda nodded playing with her hands. It was decided that T'challa and Wanda would ask Bucky. While she was in his head it would stay just the two of them and the doctor who'd spent the most time on Bucky's case. Clint, Steve, and Sam would sit outside. Nat would test the trigger words and then assuming it went well, Steve could see him.
Steve was less than thrilled with that plan when he was informed. Between his worry about Bucky and his worry about Wanda the whole thing made him uncomfortable. But when Sam pointed out it wasn’t his call he reluctantly stopped arguing.
That night he went in to talk to James. "So I know they're gonna tell you all about this tomorrow when they wake you up, but Wanda thinks she might be able to get those trigger words out of your head. I don’t want to say too much, but I want you to know I'll support you whatever you decide. No matter what you know I have got your back, till the end of the line. I’m gonna go get some rest tonight, since tomorrow’s gonna be a long day. Night Buck."
Steve felt vaguely guilty. He knew he wasn't going to bed but he didn't have much else to say tonight, especially without telling Bucky how scared he was. The whole thing would be hard for Wanda, and he wasn't sure what to hope for. If Bucky said no he’d still be frozen and he’d still be in the same boat as before. If he said yes, then he’d to worry about if it would work and what would happen if it didn't. He was terrified, but he didn’t want to say too much and influence his decision in any way.
Steve decided to do what he’d always done when they were young and he was anxious. He started drawing. He drew everything he could imagine and everything he could remember till he fell asleep in a chair.
Sam found him in the morning curled in a ball on the lounge chair that was much too small for his huge frame. He gently pulled the notebook and pencil away and set them on a table near by. Clint was cooking enough breakfast for 100 men, so it ought to easily feed the heroes and maybe leave a bit more. He glanced at the drawing Steve had been working on when he fell asleep as he closed the notebook. Sam smiled sadly. He vaguely recognized the young boy in the picture as Barnes, and assumed the blonde woman was Steve's mother. While he couldn't 100% place the scene he assumed it was probably some day from their childhood. Even before the serum Steve had had a fantastic memory, and now everything could be remembered in vivid color. On the one hand, it meant that his memories of good things were better, but on the other hand Sam didn't want to think about all the other things he remembered.
Sam knelt down and gently tapped Steve. Upon realizing that had no effect he started trying other things, from rubbing his arm to quietly saying his name. Nat walked in the room and laughed. "He could sleep through a bombing Wilson. No use being gentle." She paused and came over before screaming, "Rodgers!"
Steve jolted awake and jumped to his feet, "Yes ma'am?" He glanced around before glaring at Natasha. "Really?"
"I tried to wake you first," Sam said apologetically.
Steve rubbed his neck and yawned, "I don’t wake easy after everything, but there’s no need to scream."
"Breakfast is ready," Nat said smirking and walking off toward the kitchen. The boys followed her. Scott was happily munching on some toast. Clint had piled an unholy amount of food onto Wanda's plate, who for her part was slowly eating it. He himself had a huge plate as well. Nat had already grabbed some toast and fruit. Sam grabbed a ton of food and Steve sat next to him. Sam passed him a plate, but Steve didn't move to grab anything.
"I hate to be the person who tells you this Steve, but I think you may have developed super speed." Sam said seriously. Steve looked confused. "I mean you must have to have already eaten a plate of food." Sam smiled and nudged him with his elbow.
"I’m just not hungry." He muttered.
Nat shook her head vehemently, "You have to eat. We've all let you get away with a lot of self-destructive nonsense. When you got sick we let you nap it off. I haven't said anything when you slowly started eating more like a normal person, and less like you. But this is too far. As it is you've been losing weight, so that ends right here and right now. Serve yourself one of your unholy sized meals or I'll do it my damn self."
Steve stared at the table and tightened his jaw. "Nat-"
"No."
Steve crossed his arms tightly across his chest and glared at Nat who glared right back. Sam recognized that something was clearly wrong. He wasn't really sure what, and knew better than to ask in a room full of people. "Hey, why don’t we go workout for a bit first. Help you work up an appetite. Come on." He was grateful when Steve stood and followed him down towards the workout room.
"I don’t really want to run today," Steve muttered as they walked downstairs.
Sam shrugged, "That's fine. I mostly wanted to ask you what’s up with you away from everyone."
Steve rubbed his neck, "Just nerves."
"Bull." Sam said quickly, "I want the truth." He stopped and held the door as Steve walked past him into the exercise room.
Steve paused and sat down on the floor of the workout room, "I don’t know Sam. I just. I don’t want breakfast. It’s not a big deal."
"It's about more than breakfast."
Steve pulled his knees into his chest, and not for the first time Sam was struck by the fact that Steve could carry himself like someone much smaller. It was like they’d made him big, but had never taught him how to be big. "It's all too much." He finally muttered his head still between his knees. Sam moved from sitting in front of him to sitting next to him. "I feel out of place here. It's like after I woke up, everything was overwhelming and different. Everything here is decadent and dramatic, and I can’t get used to it. That plus everything that’s happening today. It’s too much."
Sam felt realization dawn over him. He’d been in Steve's apartment before. Until this moment he’d believed it was plain as a testament to Steve spending his formative years in the military never really sticking to a place long enough to decorate. Lots of military men had places like that. But for the first time he realized it was probably more than that. Steve had grown up without two pennies to rub together. His place was plain, because he didn't spend extra money on pretty things even if he didn't have to worry about money anymore. T’challa’s home felt luxurious to him at times, compared to Steve’s place they were living on different plain of existence. Clint’s cooking could definitely be described as extravagant. "What did you used to eat? Like for breakfast," Sam asked.
Steve laughed, "We couldn't afford breakfast or lunch most days. I had a lot of cheap coffee."
"When you could eat?" Sam pushed.
"Plain toast mostly. Sometimes oatmeal."
Sam nodded. "Alright look. You've got to eat. I’m pretty sure we can make old weird foods for you."
"I’m not hungry now, really."
"Man I get it, it's a stressful day. But if you don’t eat Nat's gonna be on both of our asses unless you wanna have this conversation with her and that’s not something I imagine you want to do. So force down some toast and eggs. I'll make lunch today, whatever you used to eat. And I’ll help you clear out all the fancy stuff from your room so it’s less intimidating.”
Steve blushed a little. "You don’t have to do that. I can deal with it most of the time. It’s just today."
"Don’t be an idiot. There’s no reason for you to constantly be forcing yourself into an uncomfortable situation. And unless you've suddenly developed the ability to cook, then I’ll do that too."
"I can make food like that."
Sam chuckled and reached down to help Steve up. "So is that why you can’t cook for anything?" Steve nodded. "So what was typical food when you were young?"
"Boiled cabbage and rice, or an American cheese sandwich."
Sam cringed internally. "Yeah I’m not gonna lie and say that sounds good, but more power to you. First, breakfast."
Steve had always been good at taking orders, especially if he knew it was for a good reason. He ate until Nat stopped glaring at him, and when breakfast was over they all headed to the med bay. T'challa and Wanda headed in. Clint and Nat sat in the newly set up waiting room. Steve stood awkwardly near a wall till Sam came in and forced him to sit. After about ten minutes T'challa popped out to say Bucky had agreed to let Wanda try and fix his brain.
It had only been a few minutes when a small pained noise slipped through the door. Sam quickly realized letting Steve sit here was going to be a very bad idea. "Come on." Steve looked up at him with wide eyes. "We're gonna go be anywhere but here."
"But what if," Steve started.
Nat cut him off, "Sam's right. You won’t do anyone any good. When they're done T'challa can come get you while I test to see if it worked. Sitting here is gonna stress you out and that's gonna irritate me. Go." She gestured at the door. With that Steve let Sam lead him away from the room.
They reached the living room and Steve sat back down in the chair he’d spent most of the night in and curled up into a ball.
“They’re gonna be fine.” Sam said softly. Steve didn’t move. “Alright, we got to do something. You are not gonna sit here and mope.” He paused. Steve wasn’t responding visibly to him, but he decided his best bet was to assume he was listening. He glanced around the room and picked up the sketch book Steve had been drawing in the night before. “You’re gonna tell me about these pictures. I didn’t even know you could draw. I mean I knew from museums and books, but I’d never seen you draw in real life.”
Steve moved slightly to face Sam but kept his knees close to his chest, “Most of the drawings I did before the war disappeared. Some of the stuff from after the serum became collectors’ items, like the dancing monkey. I haven’t drawn much since I found out. It felt wrong.”
Sam sighed and made a mental note to ask T’challa if he could see about buying any of those drawings and getting them into the right hands instead. The more he found out about Steve the more he realized how little people had really done to help him settle in or see what he needed. “Well you drew these. Tell me about them. It’ll be a good distraction.”
Steve sat up a bit more and nodded, “What do you want to know?”
Sam sat on the chair next to Steve and opened the book up to the first page. He recognized the woman in the drawing as a young Peggy Carter. “When was this?” He said holding the book out so Steve could see.
Steve smiled, “First day of boot camp. She marched up to us and started barking orders. Someone tried to make a pass at her, and he ended up on the ground. No one ever tried again. She was the real boss at that camp. She may not have been in charge, but a few of us were a lot more scared of her than the actual captains.”
Sam laughed, “I bet.” He turned the page and paused, “Maybe I shouldn’t go through these.”
Steve wrinkled his eyebrows, “Why?”
Sam handed the sketchbook over to him. The page was a drawing of a man he couldn’t quite recognize from behind, but assumed was a young Barnes. He was sitting on a bed wrapped in just a sheet. Steve turned a bright shade of red, “Jeez, sorry. I forgot about this. It’s not what you think.” Steve stared at the picture.
Sam shrugged, “Doesn’t matter if it was.” It was a commonly debated fact by historians whether the two men had been involved, and Sam for one wasn’t sure what he thought. He had no plans to ask Steve, who he knew wouldn’t give him a direct answer.
Steve nodded, “Guess it wouldn’t now a days. Would have then. Buck and I lived together for a while. My asthma was bad before the serum and we were too poor to have an inhaler sometimes. It helped to listen to someone’s breathing, so we usually ended up in the same bed. That summer was so hot, or at least we thought it was at the time. That was a few days before he left actually.” Steve trailed off.
“What were you talking about?” Sam asked looking at the picture. A closer look showed that Barnes had his jaw set and wasn’t pleased about something.
Steve smiled ruefully, “He was begging me to stop trying to enlist. I’d already been turned down a few times. He didn’t even want to go himself. No one knows that. He only went to the center cause I wanted to see if they’d take me. He was terrified of going, and even more terrified they’d let me go. After I got him out, the first time, they were gonna let him leave and go home. He wouldn’t leave me alone though.”
“He was a good friend.” Recognizing that this conversation wasn’t helpful, he flipped over few pages. Most of the drawings were either Peggy or Barnes. There were a few of the other Howling Commandos from missions they’d been on. Steve told stories about whatever he asked about. Periodically there’d be someone history hadn’t told Sam a lot about and Steve would launch into a story about them. They’d gotten through the sketchbook in just over an hour though, and Sam wasn’t exactly sure what to do next. While that had vaguely distracted Steve, he’d only participated when Sam asked direct questions.
“Alright, come on. What can we do that’ll actually serve as a half decent distraction?” He finally asked. Steve turned his head to look at him, but didn’t answer. “Wallowing is not gonna help.”
“I don’t know that anything would be a distraction. Sorry, I’m probably just not gonna be any fun to be around today.”
Sam sighed, “It’s not about that. I just don’t think you sitting here worrying is gonna help.”
Steve sighed and put his head in his hands on his knees, “I know. But Sam, what if something goes wrong? Our whole lives, from the day we met, he’s taken care of me. When they made me this,” He gestured at himself, “I thought I was finally gonna be able to help him. I would stop being a dead weight, and he’d finally stop getting into trouble for me. Instead, I got him into this whole stupid mess and I can’t even do anything to help!” His voice had steadily gotten louder and faster as he talked. By the end he was practically hyperventilating.
Sam was at a loss for words. He’d spent years trying to get Steve to just talk to him, or anyone really. Soldiers often needed an outlet when they got back, and no one had even tried to be that for Steve. He shouldn’t have been surprised that the extra stress might finally break Steve’s carefully constructed persona down, but nonetheless he was. He also felt woefully underqualified to help.
“I’m sorry,” Steve said straightening up, “I just. I need him to be okay.”
Sam took a deep breath before speaking, “First of all, you don’t need to apologize. I don’t know a lot of people who have had as much shit happen to them as you, and at some point you had to explode. You’ve had more trauma than just about anyone I know, and I don’t even think there’s a soul in the world who knows about all of it. If you need to talk about anything, I’m here. Before you turned me into an Avenger that’s what I did. I talked to people who needed someone to talk to. And you’re my friend and that’s what friends are for. Alright?” Steve nodded. “Two, what happened to him wasn’t your fault. I know that, and I bet he knows that too. Barnes got dealt a bad hand, but you did everything you could have done for him. Deep down you know that. But honestly, what’s most important is that you realize he is gonna need your help. If Wanda gets those trigger words out of his head he is gonna need his friend to help him deal with everything that happened to him, and the new world he’s living in.”
“You know when I disappeared for a few weeks, after DC?” Steve asked quietly. Sam nodded. “I had found someone who was involved in things with him. With hydra in the open it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Sam asked. “I would have helped you.”
Steve shook his head, “I didn’t find him as Captain America.”
“What do you mean?”
“I snuck into his apartment and took him to a cabin I rented in the woods. I-” Steve paused and his eyes were wide like he was watching everything happen again. “It may have been wrong, but I didn’t feel bad about it. At first I just thought it was about finding him, but I realized after a few hours that hydra didn’t have Bucky anymore. He just kept talking about Bucky. I don’t know if it was all true or not, but… I killed him. I have never killed anyone, not like that. I was in a war, we killed people, but it was always in a battle. They were dangerous. He was just sitting there, laughing about how angry I was and what they did. I stopped looking for Hydra after that, at least on my own. I didn’t want to be like that again. I decided to run those missions as Cap, with a team. Just like any other mission.”
Sam sat for a few minutes thinking before answering. “Look, I can’t blame you. This situation, it’s not black and white. Yeah, maybe that wasn’t the way to go about things. But I don’t know that I wouldn’t have done the same thing in your situation.”
“I don’t want to be angry. He doesn’t need that,” Steve said. “But I am.”
Sam nodded. “I think you need to deal with your feelings too. You’re allowed to be angry. They took your friend, and they hurt him. But actually deal with it. You are the king of not dealing with things.”
Steve laughed humorlessly, “You mean you are not supposed to deal with hating yourself by crashing a plane into an icecap?” Sam stared at him with a raised eyebrow and Steve sighed, “You’re right.”
“Why don’t we go workout? Punching things is one way of dealing with being angry that is slightly better than crashing into an icecap.”
They headed down and worked out for a bit before Steve just stopped suddenly. “I’m gonna shower. I feel better, not great but better.”
A little while later they were sitting in the kitchen. Sam had cleared up Steve’s room while he showered and though he hadn’t commented on it he knew it helped. Steve was eating plain rice, much to Sam’s dismay. They’d written a list of foods Steve would feel more comfortable eating that Sam was planning on bring up to T’challa, when the man himself came into the room.
“Nat is testing to see if it worked now. Wanda is exhausted. She nearly passed out a few times. Clint is helping her to bed, and then is going to make some soup.”
“Is she alright?” Steve asked. He’d dropped his spoon and was staring at T’challa with wide eyes.
T’challa nodded, “The doctor checked her out. Other than the exhaustion she’s fine.”
“And…”
“We don’t know if it worked, but physically he’s alright. Completely exhausted, and slightly dehydrated, but those are easily remedied.”
Steve let out a shaky breath. Sam clasped him on the arm and they all started heading back towards the med bay. Nat was leaving as they showed up. She smiled warmly at Steve, “We’ll need to test it again in a few days to see if it sticks, but for now I think we’re good.”
The three men walked in the room together. Bucky was lying in a bed, covered in sweat. He looked up when they came in. When they got closer he muttered, “You gonna punch me?”
Sam wanted to laugh at Steve’s very confused face, “Not today.”
“What?” Steve exclaimed turning to Sam with wide eyes.
Bucky laughed softly, “Nothing important punk. Come here.” Steve walked up to his side and Bucky tried to sit up unsuccessfully. Steve helped him adjust the bed so he was sitting upright. Bucky put his hands on either side of Steve’s face and ran his thumbs gently over the bags under his eyes. “Stevie.” He muttered.
“It’s nothing,” Steve said looking down and pulling away slightly. “I’m fine.”
Bucky smiled sadly, “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Steve said quickly shaking his head. “You made the best call you could have.”
“I should have stayed with you, I should have trusted you. I’m so sorry.” He reached his hand out and grabbed Steve’s. Steve let him pull him a few steps closer so he was once again right at the edge of Bucky’s bed. “I’m never leaving you. Not again. Not ever. You hear me?” Steve nodded. “I’m with you till the end of the line.”
Sam saw that the last of Steve’s attempt at holding it together was crumbling when Steve tightened his jaw and looked purposefully at the floor. He was also feeling like an intruder on a personal moment.
“Look at me,” Bucky continued. Steve looked Bucky in the eye before Bucky continued, “I didn’t mean to hurt you again. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have left you.” Steve started to cry silently and Barnes wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into him and onto the bed. “Shhh. I’m here. We’re gonna figure everything out. You and me. I’m here.”
T’challa placed his hand on Sam’s arm. Sam looked over and T’challa gestured to the door and the two men slipped out. Once they were outside T’challa spoke, “We can go back and check on them later. For now let them be.”
When Sam and T’challa slipped back into the room about forty-five minutes later the sight they saw only felt vaguely less intrusive. Both men were laying in the bed, they’d clearly been half asleep when they heard the door. Sam personally thought it was a tremendous feat that both men even fit in what was intended to be a single bed for an average sized person.
Steve had his head on Bucky’s shoulder, and blushed slightly at the entrance of the two men. Bucky’s arm was around him, and while Steve would have been more comfortable moving, when Bucky didn’t he decided not to either.
“How are you feeling Mr. Barnes?”
Bucky smiled, but his eyes tightened slightly, “Please call me Bucky. I’m tired, but other than that alright. Thank you for everything.”
T’challa smiled widely, “Of course, and I’m glad to hear it. The doctor said you’re free to go. I’m sure you’d both be more comfortable in a regular sized bed, and it isn’t like Steve couldn’t use a nap.” Steve’s blush had just started to fade, and was back in full force.
“That sounds perfect.” Bucky said smiling. “Uh, Sam?” Sam raised an eyebrow. Bucky glanced at Steve and frowned slightly before looking back. “Thank you as well. For the updates, and for taking care of Steve.”
“Anytime,” Sam replied as Steve indignantly protested. “So when you wake up we’re gonna have food ready. You have the same miserable taste in food as Steve?”
“I think for the time being that’s probably the best bet. I tried some stuff, but I have a hard time eating much. Hydra didn’t exactly feed me, they just sort of used an IV when I was out.” He admitted with a shrug.
“Got it.” Sam said. “See you both at dinner. Rodgers, remember that not showing up will subject you to Nat’s wrath.”
Steve nodded, “We’ll be there. How’s Wanda?”
“She had some crackers before she went to sleep. Clint is making an unholy amount of chicken soup, which he’s trying to teach Scott how to do. Everyone’s fine. Get some sleep. In a bed, not a chair.” Sam said turning around.
“You slept in a chair?” Bucky asked incredulously as Steve helped him up. “Do you even fit in a chair?”
Steve rolled his eyes, “One time. I fell asleep drawing last night. Sam’s being dramatic. You okay to walk?”
Bucky just rolled his eyes in response. “Where we heading?”
“Come on,” Steve said and they started walking towards his room. “You could hear?”
Bucky nodded, “Yeah. I couldn’t with Hydra. I think that was intentional. This time I could. You didn’t need to come so often though.”
They walked through the door and Steve sat down on the bed and Bucky joined him. “I did. You asked me, before, if you were worth all this. I didn’t answer you, and I should have. You’re worth everything.”
Bucky looked down at his knees. “You gave up everything.”
“Not everything,” Steve said leaning into him. “The people that matter are here. We’ll deal with the rest eventually. The accords are not gonna stick.”
“You don’t have to lie to me,” Bucky muttered.
Steve shook his head and pulled away from Bucky enough to look at him. “I’m not. Parts of the list got leaked to the public. Some group of enhanced people called the Inhumans have been subject to some pretty nasty stuff, and a terror group got ahold of a list of them. They killed a lot of people. More and more people every day are wondering if it’s worth the risk to the people who’ve had to register.”
“That’s horrible. But Stevie, even if the accords go away and clear your names, my crimes still stand.”
Steve shook his head, “We’ll get it fixed. You didn’t do anything.”
“I did.”
“You didn’t chose to. As soon as I can fix things, I will. I promise.” Bucky nodded and yawned. “Let’s get some sleep. You’re exhausted.”
“You look like hell. You’d better sleep too. From what I hear you need it.”
“Sam just likes to worry, but I will.” The boys lay down side by side, and fell asleep.
Meanwhile Sam and T’challa were enjoying watching the debacle that was trying to teach Scott to cook. He’d always insisted he was terrible, and was truly proving as much to Clint.
“What did you do to the carrots?” He exclaimed.
Scott looked up innocently, “Cut them?”
“You shredded it,” Clint said breathlessly.
Scott nodded, “You said to cut it small.”
Clint gently took the knife and demonstrated on another carrot, “Bite size Scott. This is rabbit food.”
“I could put it on a salad,” Nat suggested from her perch on the counter.
Clint glared at her smiling, “You didn’t think to stop him?”
She laughed, “He saved me from having to do it later. Why would I?”
“I have actually got a weird request,” Sam said. “No being an ass about it either.”
“That seems doomed to fail,” Clint said laughing.
Sam sighed, “I need you to make like boiled vegetables.”
“Why?” Clint said incredulously, “Boiled vegetables are gross.”
“Steve.” He said simply. “He misses food like they used to eat.”
Clint looked disguised, but nodded, “I guess. I mean the main benefit of not being poor and living in the future is the food, but if that’s what he wants.”
Sam laughed, “Look man I get it. But he ate like a full pot of rice today. Like just plain white rice. It was horrifying, but he’s lost a ton of weight lately, since he hasn’t had any real reason not to. If making obscure foods makes him happy…”
“We’ll make them,” Nat said smiling, “I have been concerned about his new tiny diet anyway. Are we talking about poor food or Irish food? The vegetables is an Irish thing, but the rice is a poor thing.”
“Bit of both I guess,” Sam said. “Avoiding making it a spectacle would be nice too. We all know how he feels about asking for anything.”
Their conversation was interrupted by Scott having nearly cut off his own finger. Clint sent him off to see about stitches and banned him from the kitchen without close supervision.
That night, about four hours later, Sam went to get the boys and Clint and Nat went to see if Wanda wanted to eat at the table or not. He knocked and heard Bucky tell him to come in.
Sam once again felt like he was intruding on a private moment, but it was also absolutely endearing. Bucky was sitting up in the bed looking at him, while Steve was sound asleep with his head in Barnes’s lap.
“He’s always been able to do this,” Barnes muttered running his hand through Steve’s hair. “People always assumed he picked it up during the war. If you couldn’t sleep through bombing you didn’t get much sleep, but he didn’t. His mom said when he was a baby they lived near a train, so he learned to sleep through just about anything.”
“He also hasn’t gotten sleep lately.”
Bucky sighed. “I didn’t realize how badly it would hurt him, or I would have never gone under. I wouldn’t. I just, I didn’t know. You have to believe I didn’t know.”
“Yeah I do,” Sam said. “Dinners ready. You’ve got options. There’s some obscure pasta dish Clint cooks, salad, chicken soup, rice, and a mix of boiled potatoes, cabbage, and carrots.”
Bucky looked down at Steve, “Hey, come on you punk.” He pushed him off him gently and into a sitting position. “Steve, come on. There’s food.”
Steve grumbled, but opened his eyes hazily, “McKay. ‘M up.”
“Out of bed, come on,” Barnes said getting up. “Let’s not keep everyone waiting.”
Steve stood up still grumbling, “Trust me no one would wait.”
Sam laughed, “Come on.” Upon hearing Sam’s voice Steve’s eyes widened slightly and he got up quickly. The three walked into the dining room to see it full and the table covered in food. Bucky paused in the doorway staring at it.
Steve smiled back at him, “Damn sure a better meal than we ever saw, except maybe holidays.”
“Steven Rodgers did you just curse?” Nat said with wide eyes.
Bucky sat down looking confused, “You do know we were in a war right?”
Steve was blushing, “It’s a dumb joke.”
“Steve doesn’t like bad language. He used to lecture us on missions.” Clint said grabbing a seat.
“Cameras were always rolling on missions. But when they were off and there were no ladies present he was worse than any of us.” Bucky said smiling.
Steve rolled his eyes, “I’m an old man now, and you kids need to learn some respect.”
Bucky laughed loudly and all eyes were on him “Steve, I seem to recall you telling commanding officers quite a few choice words for trying to tell you what to do. You were always a terrible listener.”
“Please tell us more,” Nat said leaning forward. “I feel like we’ve truly missed out on so many stories about Steve as a youth.”
“Peggy was the one who kept our legacies,” Steve explained. “She made us into saints.”
“For real?” Bucky asked sitting down. “Must have been a lot of work.”
Steve nodded. “She left a lot out, so people got certain ideas about me. I figured it’d be easiest just to go with it.”
“She leave out how many times you nearly got kicked out of the army?”
Everyone laughed. “Instead we got stories of him trying to jump on a bomb at training camp.”
“You what?” Bucky said turning to Steve and crossing his arms.
Steve shot a quick glare at Sam. “It was a dud.”
“Did you know that?”
“Well no, but it would have killed like fifty people, it was instinctive,” Steve stuttered out.
“You tried to jump on a live bomb and keep it from killing people,” Bucky said incredulously.
“It was why they picked him,” Sam said. “Figured he was so good and moral he’d be incorruptible. Or that’s what we hear. You never heard that story?”
“Anyway, this food looks great,” Steve said aggressively gesturing at the table. He turned to Wanda pointedly. “How are you feeling?”
She smiled, “Alright. Nothing a good night’s sleep won’t help. James, how are you?”
“My name’s Bucky,” He muttered. “Alright. Tired. Thank you again for this.”
“Of course.” She said smiling at him.
“Bucky, we’ve already started working on a new arm for you,” T’challa said. “While we may not be the best experts, we’ve got good materials, and I have got the best people I have on it.”
“It’s alright,” He muttered. “Hurts less like this anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“The arm was heavy. Hurt to have it, plus it had chemicals in it. They wore off eventually, but it was bad. Hurt when it came off too, but now it doesn’t bother me anymore.”
Everyone looked horrified, and T’challa spoke quickly, “I can guarantee the new arm would be comfortable. The engineers are really just working on the best ways to give you feeling in it and make it less obvious than just metal.”
“Oh,” Bucky said. A silence fell over the table for a few minutes.
“Want to watch a movie after dinner?” Sam finally asks. “We could start a run through of really big movies that have come out in the last 70 years.”
“That sounds nice,” Wanda said.
Bucky nodded, “Always liked movies.”
“So what was the first big movie to come out after 45?”
“That Christmas movie,” Clint said, “My wife loves it. It’s a Wonderful Life came out in 46.”
“We are not watching a Christmas movie,” Nat said. “It’s not that time of year.”
“There were a ton of good Christmas movies in the 40s!” Clint argued. “Miracle on 34th came out the year after.”
“No Christmas movies,” Nat repeated.
“What about Cinderella?” Wanda offered. “It’s such a fun movie. It came out in 1950.”
“What’s a Cinderella?” Bucky asked.
Everyone chuckled, “Cinderella was a Disney movie.”
“Like Snow White?”
Wanda nodded, “Cinderella was an international hit.”
“Treasure Island came out then too,” Clint added. “That was a good year. Most movies that old are fairly obscure now.”
“So Cinderella it is,” Nat said.
Everyone sat down in the living room around the TV. Nat and Wanda each sprawled across a love seat, Clint sat on the floor, Scott had disappeared because “some of us like to sleep”, and the other four were spread across the couch. T’challa was on one corner, Sam was next to him, Steve was next, and Bucky had taken the other corner. After passing around popcorn, Clint turned the lights off and the T’challa started the movie.
Sam looked over at Steve. He was, as always when they showed him something new, completely enthralled by even the previews of the movie. Sam accidentally caught Bucky’s eye, as he was also watching Steve. Sam understood why. Steve loved movies, especially animated ones. The only time Sam could recall him disliking one was when Clint thought it’d be funny to put on Captain America comics, which he disliked the whole idea of. Normally he’d sit and absorb everything that went into the making of the movie like it had some sort of magical power.
A few minutes passed and when Sam glanced over he saw that Bucky had taken one of Steve’s hands in his own. Steve’s face remained unchanged, but Sam could see him gently rubbing his thumb back and forth.
As the stepsister’s tore Cinderella’s dress and left for the ball he felt the couch shift and glanced over again. Bucky was adjusting Steve into his lap between his legs. His arm was wrapped around Steve, and still holding his hand. Steve was completely absorbed by the movie, but Bucky made brief eye contact with Sam and blushed for a second before looking at Steve and smiling. Sam was struck by how much they looked like Steve’s drawings from when they were young in that moment, as if none of the terrible things had happened to them.
As the movie ended and the story book flashed across the screen everyone started to move around, but Steve was up faster than anyone else and saying goodnight and gently pulling Bucky along. Sam sighed watching them leave. The lights came on and he looked around. Nat and Clint were walking a half asleep Wanda off to her room, but T’challa hadn’t left.
“So what made you frustrated?” He asked. “I can see it in your eyes.”
Sam shrugged and rolled his eyes, “I don’t know exactly. Something about the way Steve and Bucky are.”
“Are we talking about the codependence or the running off?” T’challa asked with a smile.
Sam laughed, “Mostly the running off... At the moment anyway.”
T’challa nodded, “I told you once I didn’t understand their relationship. I think part of my confusion was due to them not really understanding it themselves. But I think the running is mainly a product of their time. Remember that they lived in a time when the sort of relationship they have would have been dangerous for them. Bucky especially hasn’t had much time to adjust.”
“It’s mostly Steve though,” Sam said. “And he knows it wouldn’t matter to us. I’ve practically told him as much.”
T’challa shrugged, “I can’t tell you what his reservations are. I think Bucky is mainly too tired of not having the things he wants to care what we think.”
“Fair enough. So any big exciting plans for tomorrow?” Sam asked changing the subject.
“I’m going into town. Come with me.”
Sam laughed, “That’s a great idea. Not likely to get either of us arrested.”
T’challa shrugged and smiled, “I’m going to a small store I like to visit periodically. No cameras, and only a few locals even know it exists.”
“I’m still an outlaw.”
“You’re not likely to attract attention if you dress like a local. And if they did notice, they are not likely to report you as long as you’re with me.”
Sam raised an eyebrow, “Why the sudden offer?”
“Maybe I’m a bit tired of going out alone.”
“I’m in. The others will be jealous, but at this point I’m ready to get out for a while.”
“Good. I’ll see you in the morning.”
A few hours later Bucky woke up with a strangled scream. Steve, for all of his ability to sleep, was awake instantly and gently rubbing Bucky’s back as he breathed deeply with his eyes closed.
“I’m here Buck. I’m here. We’re safe. We’re in Wakanda.”
Bucky looked back at Steve. “I’m a monster.”
Steve shook his head vehemently. “No, your name is James Buchanan Barnes, and you are a good man. I have known you my whole life. I know better than anyone.”
“Steve, I did so many bad things.”
“You didn’t make that choice.”
“But I still did them.”
Steve hugged him close. “You didn’t get to choose. Someone else did. You are no guiltier for those things than I am. You didn’t get to decide.”
“I feel like I did them,” Bucky admitted feeling tears in his eyes.
Steve sighed, “Sam tells me that just because you feel bad about something doesn’t make it your fault. It’s your brain lying to you.”
“It’s different. You’ve never done things like that.” Bucky felt Steve freeze against him. “What’s wrong?”
Steve shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it does.”
He sighed. “Look Buck, you’ve been done a long time. I’m not some pillar of virtue and good choices.”
“Stevie, what happened?”
“I’m not who everyone thinks I’m. I have killed people, not good people maybe, but I didn’t need to kill them all. That’s just not one of the things I feel guilty about, they got what was coming to them.”
Bucky paused absorbing the information. “I do. I remember them. Every single one. None of them deserved to die. Your friend’s mom didn’t deserve to die.”
“What would have happened if you hadn’t completed a mission?” Steve asked ignoring the statement.
Bucky shivered. “Happened once at the beginning. It was bad. I wanted to die, and I didn’t get to.”
Steve pulled him close again and stared over his head, “Then you did what you had to do, nothing more.”
“How can you just forgive me?”
“Because I know it wasn’t your fault.”
Bucky shook his head against Steve’s chest. “But I did it. I feel like a monster. How can you trust me and be here with me? I almost killed you.”
Steve pulled back to look into Bucky’s eyes and gently wiped away his tears. “Buck, I- You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not a monster. You are a good man, and I trust you.” He paused and saw the lost look still in Bucky’s eyes. “You are still my Bucky, and I- I love you.”
“How?”
Steve sighed softly. “I have always loved you, and I’m always with you. Till the end of the line.”
Bucky leaned forward against Steve, “Thank you. Thank you for being here.”
“Always Buck.”
“I don’t want to be that person, I never did. I just want to be Bucky, your Bucky.”
“You are.”
“I want to deserve you, and everything you’ve done for me.”
Steve laughed, and Bucky looked up at him confused. “I have felt that way my whole life, even now. I never did anything to deserve anything you did for me. You just did it.”
“You didn’t have to do anything,” Bucky muttered. “I just wanted you to be safe and happy.”
Steve ran his hand through Bucky’s hair, “Well that’s all I want from you. I want you to be safe and happy.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Neither do I,” Steve said honestly, “We’ll figure it out together, kay?”
Bucky nodded and Steve leaned back till they were both laying down. “Sorry I woke you up.”
“I’ve got nightmares too Buck. I think we all do here.” Steve said and yawned.
Bucky smiled, “Night Stevie.”
“Night Buck.”
The next morning Bucky woke up when sunlight streamed in through the window. He looked at the clock, it was just after eight, but he felt better rested than he had in years. He slipped away from Steve and looked out the window into the fog and rain. He looked back at Steve and smiled. He sat in the bed and shook Steve hard till he woke up. “I want breakfast.”
Steve grumbled softly as he slipped into sweats and a hoodie, offering the same to Bucky before they headed towards the kitchen.
“Good morning sunshine,” Clint said handing Steve coffee. “Barnes, do you take your coffee like the Captain?”
“It’s Bucky,” He said with a nod and was passed another mug.
Nat slid a chair out next to her which Steve dropped into and Bucky sat next to him. “So you think in a week or two you’ll stop looking like crap all the time?” Steve just rolled his eyes. “On a more serious note, Wilson went out with T’challa.”
“What do you mean?” He asked sharply, suddenly awake.
She shrugged, “Left a note. They left early to go somewhere. I would be more worried if I wasn’t so jealous.”
“Sorry you can’t leave,” Bucky muttered staring at his coffee. “I know it’s mostly my fault.”
She shrugged. “I think Steve was gonna ruin it for us even without you, you just pushed things along faster. You know better than anyone that he can’t just accept something he doesn’t like.”
“True,” Bucky said nodding and then taking another sip of his coffee. At that moment Clint slid them oatmeal.
A few hours later Steve and Bucky were back in bed. Steve had showed Bucky how to use his tablet, so Bucky was reading a book and Steve was asleep with his head in Bucky’s lap when Sam stuck his head in the room. “Mind if I come in?”
Bucky shook his head. “I’m just reading.”
“How’s Steve?”
Bucky smiled. “Sleeping, which is good.”
“And you?”
Bucky paused, “Do you actually care?”
Sam paused and stared at him for a minute. “At first I was mostly involved with you for Steve, I wanted to help him find you and all. Now I’m starting to think I might not hate you.”
“High praise.”
“You did try to kill me fairly recently.”
Bucky looked down, “Sorry.”
Sam shrugged, “Hard to hold a grudge when it wasn’t your call. You clearly feel bad.”
“I’m glad he had you,” Bucky said. “I’m glad he wasn’t alone.”
Sam nodded, “So I have got a question, and it’s probably offensive and Steve definitely wouldn’t answer it.” Bucky raised an eyebrow. “What’s the deal with you two, and what was the deal before?”
Bucky let out an exasperated breath, “I saw the speculation when I was trying to piece things together. Things got clearer over time, but at first I was just doing a lot of research. In spite of what historians may believe, he was just my best friend, practically family. Is it true he tried to kill himself after I died?”
“Historians weren’t sure. He saved a lot of lives, but he also didn’t tell anyone where he was going so they could find him.”
“I didn’t ask what historians thought.”
Sam laughed once, “Fair enough. I think he did. He’s just short of admitted it.”
“Why?”
Sam let out a hard breath, “You for real? You know how much you mean to him, you have to. He blamed himself for what happened, and he’d lost you. He figured there wasn’t a whole lot left for him, so he stopped trying.”
“Why did he blame himself? He did his best,” Bucky said loudly before taking a deep breath. “Sorry. I just don’t like the idea.”
“It’s fine. You never answered my second question. What’s the deal now? You’re like this,” he gestured at Steve, “Until he realizes anyone’s watching.”
Bucky shrugged. “Don’t really know. I just want him to be happy.”
“Why’s he so jumpy around everyone?”
Bucky opened and closed his mouth a few times. “You don’t seem to care if we were involved, are things different now?”
Sam nodded. “Gay people can even get married most places.”
Bucky smiled. “That’s crazy to think. Things were different then. People, they cared a lot.”
“But nothing happened.”
“People suspected it though. They did bad things, mostly to him. I dated dames, constantly. But Steve, well most women didn’t look twice at him before.”
“Peggy?”
Bucky smiled, “She was the exception, and he loved her. But he was so small and fragile before. When people got mad, it was bad. Once he ended up in the hospital…”
“He has to know it wouldn’t be like that, not with us,” Sam said after a moment of silence.
Bucky shrugged. “I think he’s just scared. He’s already lost so much lately.”
“I guess so.”
“He trusts you Sam,” Bucky said. “Give him time. He’s gonna ask you for help. You help him so much.”
Sam laughed harshly. “I don’t feel like I do much good.”
Bucky shook his head. “You do. He told me about all the good things you do for him. He loves you. You’ve just got to be patient with him. He doesn’t quite know how to talk to people about things. We didn’t really talk about our feelings back then. Hell, I have had more conversations about feelings since I woke up than I had in my whole life before. It was just how things were. You taught him to talk about things. He said it made him feel better, so I figured I would try it.”
“He barely talks about his feelings. It’s like pulling teeth,” Sam said.
Bucky laughed. “That’s still more than we would have back then. We’d go through hell, and we’d never talk about it. Hell, I barely knew what happened to him when those bastards attacked him, let alone talking about our feelings about it. He didn’t know I’d been given a serum, because after he rescued me we never discussed what happened again. Giving you facts about emotional things is a step.”
Sam grimaced. “That’s horrifying. I can’t imagine people living like that.”
“You either picked yourself up, or killed yourself. Lots of soldiers did after the wars. The things we saw,” Bucky shivered. “I have seen a lot of horrors, but some of those still stick with me.”
“Things are slowly getting better, but I don’t know how to do more.”
“You do more than enough,” Bucky said smiling. “You’ve saved him, and me for that matter.”
“Thanks. I’ll let you get back to reading and check in with the others.”
Bucky nodded. “How long till lunch? I’ll wake him to eat. He needs so many calories, he can’t afford to skip meals.”
“Probably only an hour or two.”
“We’ll be there.”
Barnes was true to his word and showed up at lunch with a sleepy looking Steve Rodgers who smiled widely at Sam, “Glad to hear you got back okay.”
“Good to see you actually got some sleep.”
Steve rolled his eyes, “This mean I might stop getting lectured any time soon?”
A chorus of no’s rang from Sam, Nat, and Bucky and Steve grimaced as Sam plopped down a pile of grilled cheese. The boys grinned like Christmas had come early and started in on them.
Clint came into the room from the ceiling, which was not entirely unusual. He claimed it helped him feel less restless. “So if Sam can leave are the rest of us any closer?”
“Unfortunately,” Sam started, “The next vote on the accords isn’t scheduled for a month barring any major emergencies, and it’s still only a fifty-fifty shot.”
For a moment everyone sat in silence, just eating. Scott was the first one to break the silence. “Well, there are worse places to be stuck. Like prison.”
“Nazi Germany,” Steve offered.
Nat added, “Russia.”
“The circus,” Clint said.
“Afghanistan,” Sam said.
“Hydra.”
“The ark,” Wanda finished.
Scott nodded slowly. “See. We all know way worse things than being trapped in a fancy house with good food and company.”
Clint tapped his fingers for a second before answering, “I don’t like feeling like we can’t do anything.”
Steve looked apologetic. “I’m sorry I got you all into this mess.”
Literally every person in the room rolled their eyes in unison. Buck smacked him gently. “Steve Rodgers, I got myself into this mess the day I picked you as a friend. No regrets, stop acting like a damn martyr.”
“Man I was opposed to the accords before you,” Sam said as he threw a fry at Steve.
Nat smiled widely. “I blame you a little, but mostly I blame Stark.”
“Still,” He said gently going back to eating. Bucky frowned at him harshly for a few minutes before eating as well.
When everyone was finished eating Bucky turned to Steve. “Leave.”
“What?”
“I want to talk to your friends about you. Go sit somewhere and wait for me,” Bucky said simply, “Please.”
Steve paused for a moment while they had a conversation with their eyes. “Fine.”
Bucky waited till he heard Steve’s footsteps fade away before turning to the group. “How long has he been like this?”
“Gonna need to be clearer than that Barn- I mean Bucky,” Natasha said.
He scrunched his face up for a second before replying, “Like he forced people to do something they didn’t want to do for him, and everything is his fault.”
“You mean that hasn’t just been his personality forever?” Clint asked chuckling. “He’s done it since I met him.” Everyone nodded in ascent.
Wanda smiled sadly. “Even when I knew what happened in Nigeria was my fault he blamed himself. He tried to convince me not to feel bad. It was sweet, but not altogether healthy.”
Bucky nodded. “Thank you.” He left silently. Everyone looked around for a few minutes before heading off on their way.
Bucky went into Steve’s room to see him reading quietly, “Can we talk?”
Steve put the tablet down and smiled up at Bucky. “Whatever you want.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For?”
Bucky sat down. “We need to talk about the train.” Steve’s face darkened and he tightened his jaw, but he didn’t say anything. They sat staring at each other for a few minutes in silence, neither wanting to speak first.
Steve finally broke down. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
He looked away. “For not being fast enough to save you. I’ll be back.” Steve stood up and walked into the bathroom. The door closed and Bucky heard the shower come on. Knowing he’d a while he wandered till he found Sam again.
“What do I do?” He asked walking into the room.
Sam jumped. “First, you announce yourself when you enter a damn room.”
“What do I do to help Steve?”
Sam sighed. “You being here helps.”
“Not enough. Why does he think it was his fault?”
“Survivors guilt.”
“That’s why he tried to kill himself. Not just cause I was gone, but because he thinks it was his fault.”
Sam nodded slowly confirming the statement. “I think just knowing you were gone was part of it. I mean his first rescue mission was pretty ill advised, and that had nothing to do with him. But I think that was the main reason.”
“He didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t know the railing was gonna break. He didn’t know I wouldn’t die.”
“I know,” Sam said. “And I have told him. Peggy told him. Everyone has told him. But when you fell he took blame on himself for you even being there, for you being in the war at all. And since he never dealt with that, now he blames himself for every single bad thing that happens that he’s remotely involved in. If there’s a way it could be his fault he feels like it is.”
“How do I fix it?”
“I don’t know. He’s stubborn, you know that. The harder you push the worse it’ll end up. Just be there for him when you can be, and try.”
Bucky nodded taking in the advice, but the frown didn’t leave his face. “I feel like I did that to him.”
“You didn’t. He did it to himself.” Sam said. “Just go be there for him. He’s upset, and he trusts you. You’re already doing better than most of us.”
“He does trust you Sam. He’s just scared. It isn’t about you. You need to ask him about what happened, I can’t tell you. That’s not fair to him. But when he talks about you I know he trusts you more than you seem to think he does.”
Sam nodded. “Alright Barnes.”
“I mean it. You’ve got to try and talk him.”
When Steve came out of the shower Bucky was curled up asleep. Steve ran his hand through his hair and smiled at him before leaving the room. He found Sam sitting alone staring out a big window.
“You alright?” Steve asked.
Sam looked over and nodded. “Mostly.”
“What’s on your mind?”
Sam didn’t answer right away. Finally he looked back out the window. “I want to talk to you about something, but I know you won’t so I’m trying to get over it.”
Steve sighed. “Look, it’s just complicated. I’m not used to talking about things. But I don’t want to upset you either, so let’s talk.” He sat down next to Sam and stared out with him.
“I asked Bucky about you.”
Steve nodded once. “He’s been around me a long time, so he knows a lot from being there. What did you want to know?”
“I wanted to know why you’re constantly on edge around us when he’s here.” Sam felt the tension in Steve’s body without looking at him. “You’re doing it now. Shutting down.”
Steve didn’t answer right away. “I’m sorry. I don’t do it intentionally.”
“He mostly told me I needed to ask you, but I know you don’t want to discuss it.”
“Buck, he’s more comfortable talking about things than I am. I think it’s because everyone already knows so many of the bad things that he did, and that were done to him. No point in trying to hide things.”
Sam sighed. “Man I want you to trust me, and when you freak out every time anyone enters a room it’s not a great sign.”
“You know it’s not… You know I trust you. What do you want to know Sam? Don’t beat around the bush.”
“What happened to you that you are so scared, because I have never seen you afraid of anything before, let alone your friends?”
Steve didn’t say anything, he just stared out the window. Sam wasn’t sure if he’d pushed too hard and was debating apologizing. Steve’s whole body was tense and he’d pulled his knees into his chest. It was a while before he finally started to talk. “You know I used to be small.” Sam nodded even though Steve wasn’t looking at him, but Steve continued anyway. “There aren’t a lot of pictures, we were too poor, and so I don’t always think people understand how small I was. Even a lot of the pictures that exist are after Bucky tried to train me, I’d put on weight then. Not much, but some. After my mom died, but before the war Bucky and I lived together in a tiny studio apartment. It was cold and damp, but it was home. I couldn’t hold a real job with my health, so I took on odd jobs whenever I could. I was doing some favors for a woman who lived a bit away, and one day I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. I decided to just walk home. Normally he’d walk with me if it was that late. I would always been a bit of a magnet for trouble, but I figured I would keep my head down and save him the time. I started half those fights anyway. I didn’t notice them till they pulled me into an alley.” Steve paused and swallowed hard. “It was a different time, and they didn’t like that we lived together or that I was… Bucky found me after they’d all left. I was only a few blocks from home. I was in the hospital for ages after. Almost died.”
Sam lifted an eyebrow, “What happened to you?”
Steve pulled his knees into his chest and stared at his feet, “Doesn’t matter. You wanted to know why I act the way I do. That’s why. It’s not about you. It’s just...”
“Have you ever talked about what happened to you?” Sam asked gently. Steve shook his head a millimeter and avoided eye contact. “Can I touch you?” Steve nodded and Sam grabbed his hand slowly. “Steve?”
Steve raised his eyes to meet Sam’s for a second and Sam wanted nothing more than to hold him and tell him everything was absolutely gonna be okay. But that wasn’t who Steve was, or what he’d want, and Sam knew it. So instead he just rubbed his thumb back and forth over Steve’s hand and continued talking, “I’m gonna say two things. The first is advice I feel obligated to give you as someone who’s dealt with trauma. You can’t keep holding everything inside of you. You need to let it out. If that means just admitting the things that have happened to you to yourself, or to Bucky, or to me, or to anyone then that’s what you do. The other thing is that I love you, and I’m sorry for what happened to you. You are so much stronger and braver than even the stories give you credit for and not because of the serum, because of you, and you deserve to finally get to be happy. Steve, I have to ask something, do you love him, that way?”
Steve didn’t move. “I don’t know. I’ve- I couldn’t- I’ve never let myself consider it.”
Sam sighed deeply. “Well now may be the time to. Look, maybe not everyone has changed. Hell, I still get people who treat me differently because I’m black. But if you wait for everyone to approve of your choices you’ll be waiting a long time. Whatever you decide, however you feel, I’m gonna have your back. All right?”
Steve looked up at Sam with wide eyes. “Sam, what if…” He trailed off.
Sam slowly moved to put his other hand where Steve could grab it if he wanted to, and was pleasantly surprised when he did. “Breath. Figure out what you want to do. If you need anything, find me.”
Steve nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I do trust you. I’ll try not to be so jumpy, promise.”
“I just don’t want you to feel like you’ve got to hide how happy you are when he’s around and how comfortable you are together. No one’s expecting magic Steve, but in the last three days you’ve talked more about your feelings than in the last 70 years.”
“Not sure I’m a fan,” He muttered.
Sam chuckled. “Gets worse before it gets better. After all, you’ve got to get out 70 years of trauma. But I’ve also caught you smiling more than I thought you could.”
Steve smiled briefly and headed back to his room. He crawled into bed with Bucky who woke up from the movement.
“You okay?” Bucky asked.
Steve sighed. “I was talking to Sam.”
Bucky rubbed at his eyes and sat up a bit. “How’d that go?”
“You know what he wanted to talk about,” Steve muttered.
Bucky sighed. “You okay?”
Steve bit his lip hard. “Not sure.”
Bucky nodded slowly. “I didn’t know what you wanted him to know.” Steve nodded back. “Steve, I have got something to tell you.” Steve raised his eyebrows. “I never once blamed you for what happened on the train. That’s what I wanted to say earlier, I just wasn’t sure how. Not when it happened, and not now did I blame you for what happened. I made the choices that led to us being there, and I know that you did your best.”
“I should’ve been faster,” Steve said quietly as he pulled away.
“Steve, you’re probably one of the fastest people on earth, unless there are more super powered fast people I don’t know. You couldn’t have done anything differently that day. You couldn’t have known I would be alive. You didn’t force me to be on that train or in the commandos. I made those choices, because I didn’t want to leave you. I decided.”
“But-”
“You did nothing wrong. There is nothing for you to feel guilty about. You did your best.” Bucky interrupted. “And I will tell you that every day that you need to hear it.”
Steve moved closer again and wrapped his arms around Bucky and they just sat in each other’s arms. “I wish I could have saved you.”
Bucky rubbed Steve’s back, “I know, but Steve you saved so many people. And I’m here now.”
“I’m still sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for. No one blames you but yourself. You have to forgive yourself for what happened.”
Steve sat still for a moment looking at Bucky’s eyes. “You aren’t mad?”
“Not for one second, not at you,” Bucky said leaning his head against Steve’s arm and smiling at him.
Steve nodded slowly and took a deep breath. “Can we talk about everything at once? Just get it all out now.”
Bucky nodded and smirked slightly. “Not sure it works that way, but we can try.”
“Sam asked me why I’m so uncomfortable around everyone else,” Steve said slowly. Bucky noticed him pulling away from him again, sitting up, and making himself as small as he could be. “I started to tell him about, about it.”
Bucky nodded. “I know. It’s fine.” Bucky reached towards him but Steve closed in further on himself and Bucky pulled back and tilted his head slightly.
Steve muttered, “I never told you what happened.”
“The doctors did,” Bucky said nodding slightly and tightening his jaw.
“But I didn’t. I never told anyone. I never told anyone that after they grabbed me they hit my head into the wall to make sure I was too dizzy to do anything that they…” His fast speech paused and his face tightened. “They raped me. And then they beat me till I couldn’t move. And all I did was lay there on the ground and let them.”
Bucky held his breath and watched Steve as he just sat there still as a stone except for tears streaming down his face. Bucky realized he had tears pricking at his eyes which he wiped away roughly. Finally he let out a breath and started to talk, “You couldn’t have done anything. You were practically dead in that damn alley. If you’d have tried… You couldn’t have stopped them.”
There was a knock on the door and Sam stuck his head in apologetically. Upon seeing everyone in tears he paused. “Are you okay?”
For the first time Sam could remember Steve didn’t rush to comfort everyone else. He just shook his head. “Can Sam stay, just for a few minutes?” He asked quietly. Bucky nodded and made eye contact with Sam before worriedly looking back at Steve. He immediately came into the room and knelt down next to the bed so he could make eye contact with Steve without staring down.
“What do you need?” He asked smiling gently up. Steve shrugged. Sam turned his gaze to Bucky, who looked nearly as shaken as Steve but hadn’t moved. “Can I sit on the bed?” Both men nodded and Sam sat cross legged at the foot of the bed. “I should probably point out, I didn’t mean you needed to deal with everything in one day.”
“I didn’t think it worked that way,” Bucky muttered and Steve flushed softly.
Sam back pedaled. “It’s not that it can’t. Some people try to do things that way. You guys just have a lot more crap to deal with than most people.” Sam just paused to look at the two men. Steve was in a ball the same way he’d been earlier. James for his part was curled up similarly. “Okay, let’s do this slowly. Do you want me to stay?” He was pleasantly surprised to see small nods from both men. “Alright, then I’m here. Bucky, are you alright?”
He nodded. “Just worried about Steve.”
Steve curled in even tighter and Sam took a deep breath. “Steve… Do you want to talk about it, or are you done talking?”
Steve didn’t answer right away and Sam could see his face tighten as he considered the question. “I don’t want to upset anyone.”
Before Sam had a chance to answer Bucky beat him to it, “I’m not upset at you.” He paused and kept opening his mouth to talk and then closing it again. “That wasn’t a good time for me either, and so I try not to think about it. But if you want to talk I’ll be fine.”
Sam nodded. “Steve, this has to be on your terms though. If you don’t want to talk about it now, or any more then don’t.”
“I didn’t want to think about it. But now it’s in my head,” Steve whispered. “I knew them.”
Bucky froze. “What?”
Steve didn’t look up. “I didn’t realize it till later. Everything was so foggy. It was a couple guys from the neighborhood. Cops told me I probably knew them, but I realized a few weeks later who they were.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Bucky asked loudly.
Sam noticed Steve burying his head and reached over to tap Bucky and flash him warning eyes. “Steve…”
“I didn’t know how to tell you people we’d known our whole lives, went to church with even, raped me in an alley, okay?” Steve yelled. Sam noticed he’d started to cry again. “God Buck, they scared me, and I knew if I told you you’d try to fight them, and I was scared of what they’d do to you.”
Bucky was frozen, which Sam found extremely frustrating but understandable. However, it left him with the uncomfortable job of trying to comfort Steve when he knew what Steve really needed was Bucky to tell him he wasn’t angry. Rather than trying and failing he put his hand on Bucky’s knee. When they made eye contact he pointedly looked at Steve.
“Stevie, I’m sorry,” Bucky said gentler. “I’m not mad at you.”
Steve didn’t look up he just mumbled, “You were so mad.”
“I wasn’t mad at you though, never. I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. I want to say I would have listened if you told me to let it go, but I don’t know that I would have. I was a dumb kid and I’ve never hated anyone as much as I hated them. But I’m sorry. I was furious, because I almost lost you. I spent years trying to keep you from dying from pneumonia or TB, and this was worse than that, and I finally felt like I had an enemy I could actually fight. I was mad at myself that I wasn’t there when you needed me.” Bucky said. He paused and shook his head. “I didn’t realize I made things worse for you.”
For a few minutes they just sat there, before Steve muttered, “I’m sorry.”
“For?” Sam asked trying to make eye contact with him.
Steve shrugged. “I don’t know. All of this.”
“Steve you didn’t do anything wrong. Not now, not then.” Sam said.
“I should have done something. I should have just waited for Bucky instead of trying to go alone.”
Sam cringed. “Steve Rodgers, listen to me. What happened wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have done anything. They nearly killed you from what you told me, and if you’d done anything else I have no doubt they would have. It wasn’t your fault. Rape is a crime that is all about power, about feeling like you are bigger and better than someone else. It is absolutely not your fault, not ever.” When he stopped talking Sam realized both men were crying gently and felt both overwhelmed and confused, so he just reached a hand out to each of them, not touching them but leaving them outstretched. “What can I do, what do you guys need?”
Steve turned at Sam’s use of the plural to see Bucky crying and his own tears stopped. “Buck, are you okay?”
“Happened to me too,” He muttered. “Hydra used to use me for whatever the agents needed, or wanted. I killed people at first, but eventually it was just like everything else.”
Sam felt his blood run cold. “God man, they really never stopped torturing you did they?”
Bucky shook his head and his hair whipped with it, “I’m glad you’re here Sam.”
Sam’s jaw dropped and he let out a breath. “I- I’m glad I can be here. But I’m not sure I’m much help.”
Steve smiled sadly trying to comfort him. “You are.”
‘Never would have mentioned any of it if not for you,” Bucky added nodding in agreement.
Sam nodded slowly taking in everything. “So right now, what do you need?” Upon not receiving an answer he decided to start supplying options. “Okay, I’m gonna go get water so you don’t get dehydrated. I’m gonna have Clint make mac and cheese for dinner. Comfort food. Then we’re gonna watch Singing in the Rain, because it is a classic and it’s a happy movie. When I get back, which will be in a few minutes, if you’ve decided you want or need anything then that’s what will happen.”
They hadn’t moved when he came back, but did take the water bottles he offered and drank, which he considered a sign they were at least listening. “What can I do?” Steve was biting the inside of his mouth, which Sam knew meant he wanted something, but wasn’t gonna ask. “Want me to go?”
Both men gave immediate no’s, so Sam had that. He turned to Steve and sighed, “Can I sit closer to you?” Steve nodded and Sam moved to sit next to him so he was on one edge of the bed and Bucky was on the other. Immediately upon his movement Steve leaned into his side and Sam realized what he’d missed. He wrapped his arm around Steve and offered his hand to Bucky on the other side of Steve. He was only vaguely surprised when Barnes took it and held it tightly in his own. He looked over Steve at Barnes to see he was slowly leaning into Steve as well.
Sam had noticed pretty early in his friendship with Steve how tactile he was. At first he thought Steve was underestimating personal space or even his own size, but he quickly tossed that aside after watching Steve interact with people at the VA. If they were someone who needed space they got it, but if not Steve was the first person to give hugs or gentle touches of reassurance. Sam realized now it was something he’d clearly learned in his friendship with Bucky. So Sam sat, with them all leaning on each other, and Barnes holding his hand like it was a lifeline.
When Sam knew dinner was approaching he slipped out to find everyone was sure enough anxiously awaiting food in the kitchen.
“Oy, listen up,” He said gathering attention quickly. “No one asks why they’re upset. No one brings up where they’ve been all afternoon unless it is brought up by them.”
“What’d we miss?” Clint asked. “All I saw was your text ordering comfort food and a musical.”
Sam’s jaw tightened and he paused. “We all know I have spent a lot of time telling hardened vets they need to talk about their problems. It’s not my place to say more than that.”
“And it worked?” Nat asked. “We’ll be good. We can discuss their feelings on musicals, and if they hate them watch Alice in Wonderland.”
“Thank you.”
Sure enough, everyone got through dinner on their very best behavior. No one mentioned the casually puffy eyes of the super soldiers, and no one asked any stupid questions. They did get into an interesting conversation about musicals, where Bucky reminded everyone of Steve’s time as the star of a short propaganda show about punching Hitler. They both admitted to being a fan of the Wizard of Oz, which was the only musical they could really place easily. Everyone learned that Natasha was not a fan, but agreed to “sacrifice her usual standards since Singing in the Rain is a classic.”
When everyone headed to the living room most people headed for the same places as the night before. Scott joined Clint on the pile of pillows on the floor with a big bowl of popcorn between them. Nat and Wanda each had a small bowl with them as they each sprawled across a love seat. The other four sat on the couch with Steve holding one bowl and T’challa holding the other. Sam was surprised when he looked over to see Steve sitting close to Bucky and leaning on him before they’d even gotten started. He supposed he shouldn’t be, Steve always did try to follow through on things he promised. But Sam at least understood where the hesitance came from now in a concrete way. Steve looked at him and smiled softly before turning his eyes to the screen as the movie started to play.
When the movie ended everyone started leaving slowly. Sam noticed Steve whisper something to Bucky who nodded and left saying goodnight. Steve quietly asked Sam if they could talk. Sam nodded and smiled warmly.
“Samuel,” T’challa said, “How are you?”
Sam nodded and glanced at Steve who had moved to talk to Wanda. “Alright. Worried about everyone, but alright.”
T’challa smiled. “I’m glad. I wanted to make sure you weren’t wearing yourself too thin trying to help everyone else.”
“Appreciate it,” Sam said smiling back. “Get some real sleep tonight. No waking up at some god awful time.”
T’challa nodded. “You as well. Goodnight Sam. Maybe tomorrow you can take a break and we can do something fun.”
“Sounds good. Night.”
Sam turned back to see Steve hugging Wanda and then her leaving. “So what’s up?”
Steve stared at his feet. “I don’t know what to do.”
“About?”
Steve sighed. “I- I think I love him.”
Sam smiled and chuckled. “Yeah, I figured, that’s why I asked you. Look, you don’t have to do anything about it. Not now for sure. Take your time.”
“I just want to be a good friend to him, I want to help him feel better,” Steve said gently. “But God, I think I have always loved him.”
“A good number of historians are punching the air in victory. But I think that just being there for him is all you need to do right now. You don’t need to jump into things. We’re all safe here, and you have time to really figure out what you want and where your life is and what you want your life to be, regardless of what happens from here on out.”
“Sam, I’m really glad we have you. Thank you for being so patient with everything. We put a lot on you. You’re a better friend then I deserve.”
Sam nodded. “I told you I’m here. Whatever you need. It’s been that way since your fugitive ass showed up at my doorstep, hell maybe since before that when you came to the VA. I’ve got your back.”
Steve smiled, “Sure am glad I decided to run at the capital.”
“Honestly, so am I,” Sam said smiling. “Night Rodgers.”
“Night Sam.”
The next morning for the first time in a surprisingly long time Sam slept in. In fact he only woke up because Nat showed up knocking on his door. He opened it to see her beaming at him.
“It is too early for that,” He muttered as he yawned.
She smirked at him. “You slept in and I want you to come see.”
“See?”
Her smirk grew as she answered. “A truly content Steve Rodgers, like in the movies.”
“What are you talking about?” He asked as he started to follow her.
She smiled and bounced on the balls of her feet. “Whatever you did, whatever you said. He’s just… content. He’s not stir crazy, or trying to fix anything.”
They walked in the room and Sam actually wanted to smile with her, and had he not been half asleep he probably would have. Steve was just lounging on the corner of the couch drawing. He’d occasionally glance up at the other people in the room. Scott and Clint were playing chess, because everyone wanted to teach Scott to play. Wanda was sitting in a chair reading a book. Bucky was on the other end of the couch on a tablet reading.
“Morning,” Bucky said glancing up briefly.
Steve looked up and smiled at him. “Glad you got some sleep.”
Sam leaned over the chair to see Steve’s drawings. He was just doodling the people around the room. Sam could see where Nat had been sitting watching the chess game. “I needed the rest, I guess. We have any plans for the day?”
Steve shook his head, “Not really. We could watch that movie Nat mentioned later, about Alice?”
“Sure,” Sam said nodding slowly. He looked back at Nat who waved her hands to say ‘I told you so.’
He walked into the kitchen with Nat on his heels. “It’s weird right? He’s been there for over an hour. Clint asked if there was anything we needed to do and he shrugged. I asked if he wanted to work out later, and he glanced over and said, “If you want to let me know,” like he wasn’t some meticulous planner of events.”
“I mean history claims he used to not be like that,” Sam said sipping coffee. “Captain America who did things first and considered them later.”
“Yeah, but he hasn’t been since he woke up,” Nat said. “It’s beautiful, if disconcerting.”
“I’m happy for him,” Sam said earnestly. They strolled back in and Sam leaned over next to Bucky. “Light reading?”
Bucky laughed. “I’m reading about the advances in interplanetary travel.”
The entire room looked over except Steve. Sam raised his eyebrows, “Like catching up historically?”
“No,” Bucky said shrugging.
Steve smiled. “Buck always wanted to be a scientist. He’s smart.”
“I’m not smart, I’m just good at math,” Bucky muttered.
Steve shook his head and lowered his sketchbook, “When we were young he used to drag me to science shows. That’s actually where I saw Howard for the first time. He was at the world showcase showing off some flying car he was trying to build.”
“It was a disaster and yet you still let him experiment on you,” Bucky muttered.
Sam laughed. “So you’re trying to catch up on science? Might take a while.”
Bucky shrugged. “I always liked planes and space, figured I would start there.”
“What’d you guys do for fun?” Scott asked from the table where he was glaring at the chess match.
Bucky smiled. “Steve took art classes for cheap or free at a local school, which I usually got roped into. We saw a lot of movies.”
“You always liked to go dancing,” Steve muttered.
Bucky waved his hand. “Suppose so, but dancing is different now. Art, movies, and reading about science are pretty consistent no matter what year it is. But I spent a lot of time working. Whoever’d pay me the most and consistently, that’s where I would be.”
“Coney island,” Steve added. “We used to go to Coney Island. You always wanted to ride everything.”
Bucky smiled and nodded. “Best place to spend a special occasion.”
Wanda looked up from her book briefly. “I feel like we’re all gathered around some sort of elderly relative asking them for stories about the good old days. You’re both still young. What do you want to do now?”
Bucky shrugged. “I’ve got an unusual skillset at this point.”
“I don’t think I could ever work a normal job,” Steve said. “Too many people would want to see me.”
“You could both work in the VA,” Sam pointed out.
Nat rolled her eyes. “You could do political debated on TV. I think a headline about Cap verses anti-vax moms would be priceless.”
“What is an anti-vax mom?” Steve asked.
Sam rolled his eyes. “Some people who you’ll be furious at.”
“Why?”
“They’re people, generally moms, who don’t want to vaccinate their kids.”
Steve turned his full body to look at the other and his jaw dropped. “That shouldn’t even exist!”
Nat laughed. “I knew you’d hate that. Basically, some miserable doctor started a rumor that vaccines cause autism, which is a neurological problem. It was fake. But since then people have started making obnoxious deals about how bad the ingredients in vaccines are, and it’s just become a whole thing.”
“Vaccines are good. And better than getting polio or the measles. God I had chicken pox. I almost died.” Steve said vehemently, “That’s dumb. There are risks to everything, but vaccines are just fundamentally important.”
Nat smiled. “I agree, but I did say you’d want to fight them. You could be a political pundit and just yell at people who believe dumb things. I think it’d be hilarious.”
“No,” Bucky muttered. “Steve needs to stay away from people who make him angry. Nobody needs an unnecessarily angry Steve. Steve is best when he’s in a good mood. No politics.”
“But it’s fun to rile him up,” Nat teased.
Bucky flopped across the couch so his head was in Steve’s lap. “No politics.”
Sam held his breath vaguely, but Steve just smiled down at him, “I know. I think I might actually just retire when this is over, except for emergencies.”
“What?” Everyone else said in unison.
Steve rolled his eyes. “I said I was considering retirement not that I was gonna do something crazy.”
“Why would you retire?” Bucky asked.
Steve sighed. “This whole thing has been stressful. This was never what I wanted from my life.”
“Really?” Scott asked.
Bucky nodded as the memories came to him. “God I remember. You wanted to live in a house upstate and draw cartoons for the newspaper or Disney and have a dog.”
Clint looked up. “You wanted to be me? When we get out I’m telling Laura, we have the kind of life a young Steve Rodgers dreamed of.”
Steve shrugged. “I didn’t really want a farm, but sort of.”
Clint laughed. “That’s hilarious man. I can’t imagine you not doing what you do.”
Steve smiled. “You have to remember I was smaller then. There wasn’t a lot for me to do.”
“What about you?” Sam asked James.
James shrugged. “I don’t know. I never really knew what I wanted to do when I was a kid.”
“Really? Well what would you want to do now?” Sam asked.
James sat up and looked at him. “Honestly, no idea. I don’t think I’m really qualified for most jobs. Spending 70 years as a brainwashed assassin doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you could put on a resume.”
“Suppose not,” Sam mused.
Bucky sat up and shrugged. “I’ll figure something out. For now I have reading.”
With that everyone went back to what they were doing and Sam joined Nat watching the chess match. Clint won a few more rounds before Scott gave up.
“I think that’s enough trying to teach me things for the day,” He said leaning back. “Between the workouts and the cooking and the chess I’m practically a new man.”
“Can’t be a thief forever,” Nat remarked. “As funny as an 80 year old thief would be.”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t steal things anymore. It’s been ages since I stole anything. I’m practically a model citizen.”
“Except that whole criminal who broke out of prison thing,” Sam pointed out.
He sighed. “I mean I guess if you count that I have technically been a criminal for a lot of straight years. But honestly, that shouldn’t count.”
“Fair enough,” Clint said smiling. “So lunch and then a movie you guys?”
Steve put his notebook down. "Sounds fun. I actually was wondering if you could do me a favor."
Clint raised his eyebrow. "Maybe."
"I want to learn to cook," Steve said.
"Since when?" Nat exclaimed.
Steve shrugged. "Figured it was time."
"You don’t even eat," Clint pointed out.
Steve sighed. "I’m gonna work on that too."
"What changed?" Nat asked.
Steve shrugged. "Was just thinking about it. It's fine. Forget I mentioned it."
"No," Clint said, "Come on. I wasn't gonna make anything fancy, it's just lunch so it's a good place to start."
"You sure?" Steve asked.
Clint nodded. "I’m sure it'll be fine. You can’t be as bad as Scott."
Steve laughed and they headed off. Bucky put the tablet down. "I’m gonna go watch. The idea of him in the kitchen scares me."
"Why?" Sam asked.
Bucky sighed. "When I was working on the docks some days I would be there pretty late. Steve decided one day he wanted to make pasta. It's been a good few weeks so we had the money. He accidentally poured the boiling water all over himself. He was covered in blisters for weeks. Another time he tripped and nearly cut his own finger off making soup. After that I practically banned him from stepping foot in the kitchen to keep him from giving me a heart attack at a young age."
"Fair enough," Sam said. "I feel like you spent a lot of time trying to keep him from giving you a heart attack."
"God you have no idea," Bucky said smiling. "Some things never change."
Time in Wakanda passed slowly as everyone waited. Their lives seemed to be in between. They knew what had come before and were waiting to see what would come next. They all knew something was coming, but not when or what. So they waited.
Slowly, as they waited, things changed. Scott slowly didn't lose every single chess match and was making progress in training. Wanda seemed nearly normal. She’d always been quiet, but she seemed happy again. Sam spent enough time with T'challa that many of his advisors recognized and talked to Sam. Nat was still going a bit crazy, but was learning to just take time and appreciate the little things. Clint was basking in success in everyone's progress, and as a result was in a relatively good mood.
The biggest changes though we're with Steve and Bucky. Bucky was slowly adjusting to spending time around people who weren't Steve. He and Steve were still almost always together, but he could participate in conversations with everyone. He was absorbing so much information, both from reading and from listening to the others talk. He’d let Steve trim his hair, and gotten enough sleep that he looked like he was healthy, apart from the missing arm which T'challa was working on. Steve no longer had bags under his eyes and was back at full strength. He’d also stayed true to what he told Sam and was working on being less terrified by physical contact with Bucky around the others. He was the most comfortable around Sam and Nat, but he was also closest to them to begin with. He was also slowly learning to cook. Clint would show him how to make a new food, and both he and James would at least try it. Overall, things were good.
But eventually things had to change. One day T'challa called everyone together. "The meeting to decide on the accords has been moved up."
"Why?" Bucky asked.
He paused. "An American senator was revealed to be working with a terrorist group to kill Inhumans in America. It's led to suspicion of leaders in other places since the group has been active in multiple places. Considering this is the second time someone has made a list like this, and the second time it's gotten into the hands of terrorists there is some thought that it ought to be disbanded."
"Is everyone okay or have there been more deaths?" Steve asked quietly. Bucky grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed it.
T'challa shook his head, "The new SHEILD appears to have prevented any further loss of life. They are almost definitely going to at least change the rules. Should they be disbanded I wanted you all to know I plan on requesting an appeal of all of your convictions."
"Technically, I was never convicted," Nat said. “I just have a warrant.”
Bucky shook his head, "They'll never overturn mine. I didn't even get a trial."
"Things are different now," T'challa said seriously. He looked at Bucky. "We have proof of what they did to your head. I know it does slightly disrespect your privacy but I think there’s hope."
Bucky smiled sadly, "Maybe. It'll be nice if you can get things dealt with." He left the others sitting in the room.
"We need Tony." Wanda said gently. Everyone turned to her. "His testimony would be the most meaningful. If he can recognize that James isn't guilty and forgive him then everyone else would feel obligated to."
"He'll never do it." Steve said shaking his head. "You weren’t there. Tony nearly killed both of us. If I hadn’t broken the suit he would have."
"He's had time now," Sam said. "Maybe he'll have cooled off."
"I’m planning on traveling to see him today and finding out," T'challa said. "While I’m gonna you'll all need to stay here and inside more so than usual. Without me here I do worry a bit more than usual. People wouldn’t dare try to attack while I’m here, but now…"
"We'll be cautious." Steve said nodding. “I’m gonna check on Bucky.”
So a few hours later T'challa was on a plane to New York. He’d copies of all of Barnes's medical files and brain scans, along with records they’d managed to get from Hydra.
The next morning he sat waiting downstairs at Stark tower. Finally Vision came out to tell him they were ready. He headed in to see Tony and James sitting at the table. He and Vision each sat down.
"How have you been Mr. Stark and Mr. Rhodes?" T'challa asked.
"Thanks to Tony I have been working on recovering use of my legs." James said.
T'challa bowed his head. "I’m sorry things came to that."
He shrugged, "I have had time to think about things. If it hadn't hit me it would have hit Wilson, and I’m not sure there would have been anyone there to try and catch or help him."
"You're probably right." T'challa said. "I’m glad Tony's been able to help you so much. No one is better when it comes to prosthetics than he is."
"Yeah well, I’m still working out the bugs," Tony muttered. "But maybe we'll be able to become a medical manufacturer soon. But we both know that's not why your here."
"I'll be blunt. You know we're meeting in a few days to discuss disbanding the Accords. Your testimony is probably going to be an important part of the decision for countries who are still undecided." T'challa said. "I would like to know where you stand on the issue."
Tony sighed, "I don’t know. I think maybe we needed some oversight, but it seems like this has just made things worse."
"While I know my opinion will probably not be asked," Vision started, "I think the Accords were a mistake. Many innocent people have died and suffered because of this. Twice there has been a list, and twice it has gotten into the wrong hands. It seems a fear of those who are different or a desire to abuse those people is too strong for this sort of thing to exist."
James sighed, "God I want to have faith in our government, but then shit like this happens. I’m probably going to refuse to testify on that subject in particular. However, if they are overturned there will probably be a secondary trial for Steve, Sam, Natasha, Scott, Clint, and Wanda."
"Why?" Tony asked.
James rolled his eyes, "Their primary crime is breaking the Accords. Since Barnes technically never received a trial he isn't a fugitive."
"I intend to request a trial for them all, including Mr. Barnes." T'challa stated simply. "I want to show you facts about his case, if you'd allow me."
Stark waved his hand, but set his jaw tightly. "Go ahead."
"First, I do want to apologize to you for what happened to your family. But I think it's unfair to place that crime on Mr. Barnes as he lives today." T'challa paused and pulled out a file. He handed it to Tony and left the rest open for him to peruse. "As you can see the brain damage is intense. I’m sure you recognize it, but the doctors I have had look at those scans agreed no normal man would have even survived that damage. I have also got copies of some of Hydra's early protocols."
"I have also got information on a man named Ivchenko. He was a soviet psychologist who mastered hypnosis. I don’t know if your father ever mentioned him, I doubt he would have. Ivchenko came to the states and killed many people. He wanted to use one of your father's invention to kill even more, and nearly succeeded after brainwashing 3 men. One of those men, your father, nearly dropped what he knew to be a dangerous gas onto a crowded event in New York City. That was without any physical or psychological torture. He was one of the people involved in creating the Winter Soldier. There's information on a few others as well.
"Barnes went through a great deal of torture. If he was more capable of scarring he’d be covered in them. Quite frankly, you don’t have to like him. But this should help you understand how he became the weapon they made him."
"He killed my mom." Stark said staring in horror at the pages he was studying. "How do I move past that?"
"He didn't commit that crime any more than he committed the bombing which killed my father." T'challa said. "Both were crimes committed by terrorists who used him and his face to commit terrible acts. I think it's relevant to point out that he also killed your father. You do know that Barnes, Howard, and Rodgers were friends? He nearly killed Steve, and they were closer than anyone else. He feels guilty about his crimes. But he did not chose them. You can see that."
Stark stared and skimmed pages upon pages. "What's happened to him since?"
"He chose to go into a cryochamber until we found a way to pull the trigger words from his brain." T'challa said. "It was a few months till Wanda was recovered enough to realize she could help him."
"Wanda?" Vision asked.
T'challa nodded, "One of her powers is manipulating people's minds."
"No, forgive me, what did she need to recover from?" He asked
T'challa glanced at Tony, "I suppose no one told you. Prison was worse for her than the others. They didn't know how to control her so they used extreme measures. She was put into a shock collar and a strait jacket."
"She's practically a child," James said aghast, “That’s inhumane.”
Tony shook his head, "I didn't mean for any of this."
"I know," T'challa said. "But intention doesn't negate what has happened. You know about Clint's family. Did you know Scott has a little girl? That some of the Inhumans who were murdered had families as well, spouses and children and parents and friends who are grieving, because the accords put them into an unsafe and unfair situation."
"You don’t think I know that?" Tony said loudly looking up from the file he’d been skimming in disgust. He shook his head, "No matter what I try to do it seems to backfire and people end up hurt."
"Perhaps you should start listening," T'challa said. "Look at every side of an issue rather than trying to make decisions for other people."
Tony paused, "I don’t know what to do."
"Take some time and consider your options. You've got a few days to decide if you want to testify and what you have to say. I just wanted you to have the facts about Mr. Barnes. He's a good man, and I think he deserves a second chance."
"Thank you for these," James said gesturing at the papers. "We're gonna look at everything and talk about it I’m sure."
Meanwhile in Wakanda everyone was on edge. Nat and Clint were "training" Scott, which meant he was getting pummeled as they worked out their issues. His only saving grace was Sam making sure they reeled it in when they started to get too intense. Wanda was avoiding everyone except for coming out to eat. Steve and Bucky were holed away in Steve's room. They weren't talking, just sitting close to each other doing their independent things.
Scott was on the ground breathing hard, "I need a break."
"You guys give it a pause," Sam said quickly. "You don’t want to hurt him."
Scott sat up panting, "I’m just not cut out for this."
"You've just got to work hard," Nat said wiping sweat from her neck. "Let's go again."
Sam sighed, "Nat I said chill. Maybe you and Clint could show him what he's supposed to be doing to give him a rest." She and Clint nodded and demonstrated the specific skill they were trying to teach him a few times.
"Could you show me slower?" Scott asked. "I just don’t really see it."
They slowed it down and he stood up to go again. Despite how it appeared, he’d actually improved a lot. He was slowly at the least learning defensive skills. His offensive skills lacked, but small improvements are still improvements.
Upstairs Bucky had finished the book he was reading and set the tablet down. “Steve?” His friend glanced up and smiled to show he was paying attention. “I think you should go back.”
“Go back to what?” Steve asked absentmindedly.
Bucky paused, “They’re gonna overturn your conviction, we both know it. I think you should go back to New York. Its home.”
“We’re gonna figure out what’s next when the time comes,” Steve said turning to really look at him. “I’m not tied to the city.”
Bucky sighed, “Steve, I mean alone. I won’t be able to come with you, and you shouldn’t have to stay here because of me. I’ll be fine.”
Steve stood up and set his jaw, “Right. I’m gonna go check on Wanda and the others.”
“I’m not trying to upset you.”
“I know.”
He turned away and headed towards Wanda’s room before gently knocking. She opened the door and smiled at him. “I’m fine really.”
Steve chuckled, “I’m sure. Just wanted to see what you’re thinking about everything.”
“I’m just not sure where I go from here,” She admitted. “Americans haven’t exactly welcomed me with open arms, but no one else will either.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Steve said putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’ve got your back no matter what, we’ll find a home. Trust me.”
“I do,” She replied smiling up at him. “It’s the main reason I’m not worried. Now go be with your friend, you don’t need to sit around babysitting me.”
Steve smiled and retreated to head downstairs to check on the others. Scott was sitting with Sam drinking water and the other two were sitting near them. “How are you doing?”
Scott grimaced, “I’m good at running. We should focus on that. I’m done for the day though.”
“I’m sure you’ll get everything eventually.” Steve said chuckling. “You’ve made progress.”
Nat nodded, “So Cap, you come down here just to be inspiring?”
Steve shook his head, “Not really. I’m gonna work out.”
“In pajamas?” Clint asked.
Steve looked down and made a face, “I guess so. I forgot to change.”
“You okay?” Scott asked. “You’re usually more together, and more inspirational.”
Steve nodded, “I’m fine, just distracted. I’m sure you did a great job today, keep it up.” With that he headed off towards a treadmill and started running.
Nat rolled her eyes, “Scott, shower and rest. Clint, make sure we don’t starve. I’ll take Rodgers, Wilson go find out what happened with Bucky.” Everyone nodded and headed off in separate directions. Nat hopped on the treadmill next to Steve and started jogging casually.
“I’m fine.”
She laughed, “Sure.”
“I’m just gonna run for a while and then punch the bags.”
Nat rolled her eyes, “We can go a few rounds.”
“I would rather not.”
“Why?” She asked innocently. “If you’re fine it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Fine,” He said shortly and started running faster.
Upstairs Sam went into Steve and Bucky’s room and Bucky sat up immediately, only to deflate when he saw it wasn’t Steve. “Oh.”
“Expecting Steve?” Sam asked. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Barnes said. “He’s being stubborn.”
Sam laughed, “Steve’s always stubborn.”
Bucky glared harshly and replied, “He’s being especially stubborn today, and I guess he’s mad at me.”
“You want to tell me why?”
“No.”
“You want to give me a hint?”
“No.”
Sam sighed and nodded, “Alright then. Great talk. If you change your mind you’ll find me.”
Steve and Nat had transitioned to the mats where she and Clint had been training Scott. So far Steve had really just been deflecting her vaguely. She was providing opportunities for him, but he wasn’t taking them. She finally went towards him a bit faster and he pinned her down. She looked up at him and he immediately moved half way across the room. “I’m gonna shower.”
“It’s been like 10 minutes.” She said. “You already tired old man?”
“See you later,” Steve said walking away.
Nat followed him upstairs till he split off from her and she found Sam, “You get anything?”
“Nope,” Sam said flicking through channels on the TV. “You?”
She shook her head, “No.”
Dinner that night was a strange affair. Scott could fill any room with conversation and he did just that, but not a word came from Steve or Bucky unless they were spoken to, and they both bowed out of a movie that night and headed straight for their room when the dishes were done.
Both men got ready for bed and laid down and were quickly asleep. They’d only been asleep a few hours when Bucky woke up. He could feel Steve shaking besides him. He sat up to see Steve was asleep and having some sort of nightmare. In addition to the shaking Steve had tears streaming down his face. Bucky shook him hard till he started awake with a gasp. Steve sat up, breathing hard.
“It was just a dream,” Bucky said gently just like Steve did every night when he’d his nightmares. “It was just a dream. You’re here in Wakanda with me. No one is trying to hurt you. We’re safe.”
Steve sat for a few minutes with his eyes squeezed shut. Bucky had a hand gently on his knee and continued muttering reassurances. Steve finally took a deep breath, “I’m gonna go for a walk.”
“Want me to come with you?” Bucky asked tilting his head. Steve shook his head and put on slippers. “You sure?”
Steve turned and smiled, “Go to sleep Buck. I’m fine. Just gonna clear my head a little and I’ll be back.”
Bucky laid in his bed with his eyes closed and just waited.
Steve meanwhile walked over to Nat’s room and knocked gently. Nat being a light sleeper woke up and mumbled something involving a few expletives before opening the door to a giant man with bloodshot puppy dog eyes. She moved to the side and gestured at her bed with an eye roll.
Steve sat down and looked up at her with his big eyes, “I’m sorry I woke you.”
She shook her head, “Its fine. Sometimes you need a friend. Why not get Sam though? He’s better at the whole emotional thing than I am.”
“I don’t want that right now,” Steve said quietly. “I just want a friend.”
“You and Bucky still fighting?”
“We are not fighting.”
She rolled her eyes, “What do you call it?”
Steve shook his head, “It’s my fault. I just… I made a mistake, that’s all. I’ll get over it.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“No.”
Nat smiled, “Good. I’m not good at that. So, what did you want?”
“Someone to sit with,” Steve said quietly.
Nat frowned, “You okay?”
Steve shook his head, “I had a nightmare.”
“That bad?” Steve nodded and pulled his knees to his chest. Nat reached a hand out to him which he took and she continued, “We all get them you know. I usually show up in Clint’s room and curl up on his bed. Sometimes Wanda’s there too.”
Steve nodded again, “I know.”
“What can I do?”
He smiled, “You did it. Go back to bed, you need sleep.” They hugged and he slid out of her room and back into his.
Bucky was sitting up. Steve had been gone awhile and he wasn’t getting any sleep. When Steve finally came back he smiled softly. “You feel any better.”
Steve nodded, “I’m fine. Go back to bed Buck.”
They both laid down and within a few hours Steve had woken Bucky again. This time he was full on flailing around the bed and whimpering when Bucky woke up and started shaking him.
Steve jumped out of bed, “Just go to sleep. I’m clearly not gonna get any sleep tonight and don’t want to keep you up.”
“Steve, you don’t have to go,” Bucky said grabbing his arm. “I know I keep you up sometimes with my nightmares. It’s fine.”
Steve shook his head and pulled away, “I’m fine. I’ll go watch something on the TV or something. Night.”
The next morning Sam found Steve on the couch half asleep watching TV. “Hey man, you okay?”
Steve shook his head, “I’m not up for a run this morning.”
“That’s fine. What happened?”
“Nightmare,” Steve said simply. “Didn’t get enough sleep and I didn’t want to keep Bucky up.”
“I doubt he’d have minded,” Sam said. “Want to talk about it?”
“Nope,” Steve said. “I’m gonna make everyone coffee and breakfast for when they wake up. T’challa’s coming back as well.”
“I can help,” Sam said smiling. “Between the two of us we can whip out this breakfast in no time.”
“Sure,” Steve said forcing himself to smile back.
Everyone had started eating when T’challa came in. After exchanging pleasantries and grabbing food he began to fill them in. “So the good news is that it looks like the accords will be disbanded. Most leaders are in favor.”
“And Stark?”
“I’m not sure,” T’challa admitted. “He could do anything really. He could testify for or against you, but he could also just not show up at all. The deaths of Inhumans have upset him a god deal.”
“How’s James?” Sam asked.
“Recovering more quickly than I would have expected because of Mr. Stark’s help.”
Sam breathed a sigh of relief, “That’s good to hear.”
A few days later was the conference. Steve sat glued to the TV, while everyone else kept busy. The accords were overwhelming voted to be destroyed, and everyone except Bucky had their cases overturned quickly. Steve wasn’t sure what was going to happen when Tony came forward to speak.
“A few months ago if you’d asked me what I thought should happen to James Barnes I would have told you I couldn’t care less. It’s a fairly common rumor that I nearly killed him. He murdered my father for his work, and my mother for being a witness.
“I have spent that last week looking over everything I could find on this case and trying to decide what I thought, or if I even cared enough to have an opinion. You’ve all seen the medical evidence and hydra paperwork showing what happened. But I know that when I found out what happened to my parents it wasn’t relevant, because someone should have to pay for what happened.
“So someone told me that I needed to listen if I was gonna figure out what to do. So I got the advice of everyone I trust and know. Everyone could tell me that objectively, Bucky Barnes did not chose to commit those crimes, or even enter the situation that they resulted from. But the most important piece of advice I got was from a lovely lady named Pepper Potts who reminded me of every person who has come for me because of what my weapons did, before I stopped making bombs. If I’m not responsible for every awful person who used those bombs to do terrible things than Bucky shouldn’t be held responsible for this either. I had a lot more choice in the matter than he did. So in summary, I get that a lot of crimes were committed, but I think we’re better off hunting hydra to the ends of the earth the punishing someone who didn’t chose to commit those crimes, and was constantly victimized by them.”
Steve cried when the council announced that even Bucky was found innocent. He pulled himself together and decided to spread the good news.
He started in the living room where Clint and Scott were playing chess. “Hate to interrupt but the meeting just adjourned.”
“And?” Scott said, looking up with wide eyes.
Steve smiled, “We can all head home. We just have to stop at an embassy to get our identities verified since we don’t have passports.”
“All of us?” Clint asked. Steve nodded. “You told Bucky yet?”
“You’re the first people I found.” Steve said.
Clint nodded, “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled. Go spread the good news. When T’challa gets back tonight we can discuss a timeline.”
“Sounds good.” Steve said and left. He found Nat and Wanda next in the latter’s room. “You check the news yet?” They both shook their heads. “We’re all clear.”
“Really?” Wanda asked.
Steve nodded, “We’re going to discuss plans tonight when T’challa gets home. Wanda, you’re welcome to stay with me until you can get settled.”
“That sounds lovely,” She said and smiled. “Thank you.”
Nat was also smiling. “You’ll have a full house then Rodgers.”
“Maybe,” Steve said. “I’m gonna go find Sam and fill him in.”
“How’d Bucky react?” Wanda asked. “He must be shocked.”
“I haven’t told him yet,” Steve said.
“Then you’d better get going,” Nat said. “I suppose some people do like to save the best for last.”
Steve knocked on Sam’s door who immediately replied to come on in. “Hey Steve, what happened with the council?”
“We’re all cleared.”
“Yeah?”
Steve nodded, “Tony testified on his behalf.”
“That’s fantastic,” Sam said beaming. “We’re all finally going home.”
“I haven’t told him,” Steve muttered.
“Then get going.”
“I haven’t gone yet intentionally.” Steve admitted quietly and sat down and put his head in his hands.
Sam sighed, “Care to explain?”
“Not really. I just… Would you?”
“You really want me to give him the best news he’s gotten in ages?” Sam asked. “Is this about that stupid fight you guys had?”
Steve sighed, “Wasn’t a fight. I just realized some stuff. Can you tell him please?” Sam nodded. “Thank you. I’ll be downstairs running.”
Sam stood up and Steve was already gone. Sam sighed and shook his head. He headed to the boys’ shared room and stuck his head in. Bucky smiled when he saw him. “What’s up?”
Sam smiled and sat down, “I got some news for you.”
“What?”
“Today was the council decision. You’ve been cleared of all charges.”
Bucky’s face paled, “What?”
“You’re an innocent man now Bucky Barnes. No one is looking for you. You’re safe. You can go home.”
Bucky’s jaw dropped, “How?”
“I don’t know the specifics. Steve did mention that Tony testified on your behalf though, which definitely helped.” Sam said smiling. He clasped Bucky’s arm. “You’re a free man.”
“Steve told you?” Bucky asked. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
Sam shrugged, “He didn’t say. Just asked me to tell you.”
Bucky stared at a spot on the wall, “Oh.”
“You could always ask him.” Sam suggested.
Bucky nodded, “You know where I can find him?”
“Running,” Sam said rolling his eyes, “Just like he has been every day since you two fought.”
Bucky nodded again, “He’s been off. He’s having nightmares again, like when we were kids. That first night was bad. Now he just leaves. He’s not sleeping.”
“Talk to him,” Sam said and left.
Bucky slid into his slippers and headed downstairs. “We need to talk.”
Steve raised an eyebrow but didn’t slow down, “Talk.”
“Why did Sam tell me about the council and not you?”
Steve shrugged, “I figured you didn’t want to hear about it from me.”
“Why the hell did you think that?”
Steve sighed and slowed down to a jog. “You didn’t want to discuss it before.”
“I didn’t think this would happen. But fine. What’s been keeping you up?”
“What?”
Bucky sighed, “You’re having nightmares again.”
Steve shrugged, “I have always had nightmares. It’ll pass.”
Bucky rolled his eyes and headed upstairs to Sam. “What is wrong with him?”
“You know way more than I do,” Sam said, putting down the book he’d started to read.
“I don’t.”
“What did you fight about?”
“It doesn’t even matter anymore!”
“Clearly it does to him,” Sam pointed out.
Bucky sighed, “I just told him that if they didn’t clear me, but they cleared him that he should go home.”
Sam closed his eyes and lifted his head towards the ceiling, “That explains everything. Christ, if you’d just said that before.”
“How?” Bucky said giving Sam a look that reminded him a little too much of the Winter Solider.
Sam stared at Bucky, “Figure it out. I’m gonna go talk to him.” He stood up and left Bucky sitting confused on the edge of his bed.
Sam burst into the room where Steve was running and glared at him, “He told you to leave?”
Steve stopped running, “He doesn’t want me around anymore, and who could blame him?”
“That’s a bit of a jump. I’m gonna need an explanation.”
Steve nodded and gestured towards the door. They went upstairs and sat in the empty dining room. “He told me I should leave. He told me to go to New York alone. He’s tired of me.”
“Steve, he just didn’t think he was going to be able to leave,” Sam said gently.
Steve shook his head, “I have always known he’d eventually get sick of me. Everyone else did.”
“Steve,” Sam said gently.
Steve shook his head harder this time, “Its fine. I’m just… It’s fine.”
Sam put his hand on Steve’s shoulder, “The nightmares related?”
“When… When it all happened they told me that no one was gonna realize I was gone or even find me unless someone happened to need the alley for something. Cause who’d come looking for someone like me?”
“Steve Rodgers, look at me,” Sam said softly but firmly to make sure Steve would. When they made eye contact he spoke gently. “What happened to you was a terrible thing done by terrible people. They were wrong. You’ve got a lot of people here looking out for you and who love you. None of us would let someone hurt you, and we will always come looking for you. You’re one of my best friends, and I love you. Go talk to Bucky. He loves you, and he just wanted what he thought was best for you. It has nothing to do with thinking less of you or hating you. What happened was not a rejection of you.”
“It’s,” Steve started.
Sam cut him off, “Memories don’t come up when it’s logical or convenient. Two things you need to consider. One, you’ve got to stop being so dependent. It’s not healthy. Every time you two are not together you turn into a mess. You’ve got to figure something out. Two, he loves you. You’re being an idiot. Go talk to him.”
Steve nodded reluctantly and went to go. He paused when he got to his door. After a minute he took a deep breath and went into the room. “Can we talk?” Bucky nodded. “Do you…” He paused. “Are you sick of me?”
“What?” Bucky asked, blinking repeatedly. “Why would you ask that?”
“Just… It’s okay if you are,” Steve muttered sitting down and pulling his knees in. “I would get it.”
“Steve, I’m not sick of you. Why do you think I am?” Bucky asked incredulously.
Steve flushed slightly, “I didn’t think you wanted me around anymore. That’s why you were trying to make me leave.”
Bucky sighed, “God, that’s not true. I didn’t want you to leave. But I hated that you were in this mess because of me. If you could have gone home and didn’t that’d be another thing I messed up.”
“Home to what?” Steve yelled. He closed his eyes and made an exasperated sound. “The city is different, but close enough that it just reminds me of before. It reminded me of everything I did wrong and everything I lost. That’s why I moved to DC in the first place. But then that was the place where everything happened with you, and I couldn’t stay. So I went back to the city when I wasn’t working. But it’s not home anymore. Nowhere is home now. The first time I have felt like I was where I was supposed to be was being here with you.”
“You didn’t say that,” Bucky muttered.
Steve laughed roughly, “When was I supposed to? You didn’t want to discuss it.”
“Well now I know. And it’s all different now anyway. I’m coming back to New York with you.”
Before Steve could respond again the burner in his pocket rang for the first time ever, which could only mean that Tony was calling.
Steve stared at his phone for a minute before answering. "Hello?"
"Hi there Cap," Tony said. "You see the news yet?"
"Yes. Thank you Tony."
"Eh. You'd have done it for me and all that jazz. I was calling with a question actually."
Steve tightened his jaw, "Alright."
"Can you send me measurements for Barnes? Have someone help you, since I’m not sure you know how to write a text message."
"Why?" Steve said sighing.
"I do believe I tore his arm off. Plus he'll need a suit."
"For what?"
Tony sighed dramatically, "Avenging."
"I’m retired." Steve said. "Remember?"
"You can’t just retire," Tony said drawing out his words. "People need you."
"I'll consider it, and I'll have Sam help me."
Tony sounded appeased when he responded, "Good. When are you going to be back?"
"Not sure. I'll let you know." Steve said. Tony hung up and Steve turned to Bucky. "Tony wants to build you an arm."
"Why?" Bucky asked.
Steve shrugged, "You know as much as I do. It's up to you obviously."
"Is it safe?" Bucky asked.
Steve sighed, "I think so. It seemed genuine. But then again Tony and I have never seen eye to eye."
"Then I should take it. Everyone's said he's the best at medical engineering, and I need him to trust me." Bucky said. "Why'd you tell him you were retired?"
"Because I am. I agreed to consider not," Steve said.
Bucky raised an eyebrow, "Why'd it come up?"
"He wants to make you a suit."
"I’m not a superhero." Bucky said.
Steve shrugged, "I guess he thinks you could be. I’m going to go finish running."
"Are you still upset?" Bucky asked realizing they’d left their original conversation.
Steve shook his head, "Its fine." He slipped out of the room and down to the gym. He passed Sam in the hall who reminded him that the doctors had Bucky's measurements and agreed to grab them and send them Stark's way.
T'challa got home late that night and everyone gathered around in the living room. Steve shared that Tony had called.
"What a dick," Clint remarked. "He literally gets all of us arrested, nearly kills you, and thinks we're all gonna go back to being a team?"
"He did help," Bucky said quietly.
Clint sighed, "As I keep having to point out, cleaning up a problem you make shouldn't make you a hero."
"I get it," Steve said. "We all know Stark can be a bit, complicated. Now I think if something goes really truly wrong it's our job to help. It's all the in between stuff I think we need to discuss."
"You really talking about retiring?" Nat asked raising her eyebrows. "I’m not judging, just asking."
Steve sighed, "I’m considering it. Things are different now. But maybe not right away since everyone seems to think it’s a bad idea."
"Tomorrow after breakfast I can drive you all to the embassy." T'challa said. "I have got too much work to do here to come with you to the city, but I’m sure we will meet again."
"Thank you," Steve said earnestly. "You've gone above and beyond anything we could have asked for you."
"It was my pleasure," T'challa said smiling. "Goodnight. We've got quite a day ahead of us."
The next morning everyone ate slowly savoring what would probably be their last meal in Wakanda for some time. T'challa had gotten them a beautiful spread of food. It was strange to think about leaving after everyone had spent so much time there. As they got into the car and drove through the gates everyone was struck by how long it has been since they’d been a part of the world. They all say glued to the windows trying to see as much of the beautiful country as they could.
Upon reaching the embassy everyone paused for a moment to gather their thoughts. T’challa spoke first, "It has truly been a pleasure having you all here with me. You've been tremendous guests."
"You mean apart from causing a huge international inquiry into your country?" Clint joked. "I guess we haven't been half bad."
"If you ever need an extra hero or just a friend, you know how to get in touch." T'challa said. Clint, Nat, and Scott headed inside.
Wanda smiled warmly, "I wanted to thank you. I know that when we got here I was in a state. I’m forever grateful for you letting us stay. All of the kind people who helped us were so valuable to my recovering, as was having somewhere safe to hide."
"It's my honor. Should you ever find the world less than welcoming to you, you are welcome to come here and call Wakanda your home." T'challa said hugging her gently.
Wanda left and Steve smiled, "I know I have said it, and everyone else has as well, but you did a great thing for us. If there is ever any way for us to begin to repay you," He trailed off.
T'challa nodded and clasped Steve and then Bucky tight in his arms. "You are good men. You’ve earned a soft trip home and peace."
"Thank you," Bucky said pulling back. "We'll meet again I’m sure."
Once they’d gone inside Sam was left outside with T'challa. "I wish you weren't leaving."
"I know, I’m a delight," Sam teased. "But they need me right now."
"I know," T'challa said sighing. "You are a great friend Sam. I'll miss having someone around to talk to who doesn't care that I’m King."
"I’m pretty sure phones still work if you ever need reminding that you are not all that," Sam said. They hugged. "I'll see and hear from you soon. Goodbye T'challa."
"Goodbye Sam. Safe travels."
Sam went in to see that everyone just seemed to be sitting around. "What’d I miss?"
"They're just getting us new passports." Steve explained. "Then Tony sent a jet over to fly us all to New York."
"I’d told Clint’s family to go there whenever we were all cleared," Nat explained. "They're waiting at the tower."
"So what do we do now?" Sam asked. "Do we just pretend this whole thing didn't happen?"
"No," Steve said sharply. "It did happen, and it changes things. I think we all need to sit down and talk and figure out what our plan is long term. It feels like we're taking steps backwards, and we're all making individual decisions. We need to find a way to work as a team."
"You mean like team building exercises?" Scott asked. Everyone looked confused so he continued. "You do them at fast food jobs sometimes. It's a way to get familiar with everyone on your team and also learn to trust them. It's a waste of time for jobs like that, but it could help you guys."
"Pepper does things like that at Stark industries," Nat said slowly. "She could probably help us set it up.”
“We’ll decide later,” Steve said. “I’m not doing anything related to working or saving people or anything for at least a few days. I just want a few days to walk around the city, and just live.”
“My ex agreed to bring my daughter out on vacation,” Scott said excitedly.
Clint smiled, “My family is waiting with baited breath for Nat and I.”
“I should probably go visit my mom,” Sam said sheepishly.
Wanda shrugged, “It’ll be nice to get to walk around and just be without any worries.”
“My wife can’t wait to see you,” Clint said. “She adores you.”
“I haven’t been to New York in years,” Bucky said. “Guess it makes sense, I had a lot of memories there so they tried to keep me out of the city.”
Within the hour everyone was on the plane. At Steve’s suggestion everyone was either asleep or resting quietly to minimize problems with the changing time zones. When the plane landed at the terminal everyone slowly got up and grabbed their scarce belongings before heading off the plane.
“Clint,” Laura screamed. She ran through the mild security afforded to them because they got to use Tony’s plane. He lifted her a few inches and swung her around before burying his face in her hair and kissing the top of her head over and over. His son and daughter ran over with his son carrying baby Nate. Clint scooped up the baby and hugged Lila and then Cooper. While he was with the children Laura first hugged Natasha and then Wanda. She then walked over to Steve and Bucky who were standing a little ways away. “Hello Steve. I’m Laura,” She extended a hand towards Bucky.
He smiled and shook her hand, “I’m Bucky. It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am.”
“Pleasure to meet you as well. Thank you for bringing him back to us,” She said to the men in front of her.
Steve smiled, “I wish we could have brought him home sooner.”
“I know,” She said. “But he’s here now. No use crying over spilt milk.” With that she turned to join her family again.
“Mr. Rodgers,” A familiar voice rang out. “Good to see you home.” Steve turned and smiled when he saw Pepper.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you,” He remarked.
Pepper shrugged, “Tony and I are, more or less, back together. He’s been locked in his lab for hours and I wanted to make sure we had someone here to take anyone who needs a ride to wherever they’re going.”
Steve nodded, “Buck, this is Pepper. She and Tony are involved.”
Bucky smiled and put his hand out, “Pleasure to meet you.”
“The same to you. Where are you boys headed?”
Steve shrugged, “I suppose the tower for at least a day or two till I find a place.”
“Delightful. We’ll have a full house tonight at least. James lives there full time now. Tony is constantly building him some new prototype legs and he puts up with it. They’re nearly done now, but you know Tony. Ever the perfectionist.” Pepper said. “Scott mentioned he’ll be joining us till his daughter arrives tomorrow, but I want to ask Wanda and Nat. It’ll only be a minute and we can hit the road. Breakfast will be cooked by the time we get to the tower.”
Scott and Wanda ended up heading back. Sam headed out to go visit his mom who had already invited half the family to come see him, and insisted that at some point he absolutely had to bring all the other avengers with him, but not that day because it was just for family.
Steve was struck by how different the tower looked even from when he’d been there last. There was a fence now around it, and it looked more foreboding from outside. The inside was in sharp contrast, because it had been decorated neatly with modern furniture. Pepper had clearly been busy getting the place to look like that.
"I'll have four rooms set up, breakfast is fourth floor to your left."
"Three rooms," Bucky said. "We only need 3."
Pepper didn't miss a beat, "I can definitely make that happen. I'll meet you by the food with Tony if I have to drag him there kicking and screaming.
When Pepper finally brought Tony into the dining room no one was sure how much of what she said was a joke. Everyone individually came to the conclusion that the best way to handle it was silence until he’d had at least one cup of coffee.
About ten minutes after he’d had his coffee it had clearly kicked in and he was ready to talk. "Barnes, I’m nearly done with that arm. I got a little distracted, took a small detour, but it's almost done. You'll have it within the week."
"Thank you," Bucky said smiling. "Take your time. You’re doing me a favor, I’m not gonna rush you."
Tony nodded, "You wouldn’t, but I will. Also I was thinking and I think we should focus on-”
“No,” Steve interrupted. He continued eating his eggs as everyone stared at him.
“Care to elaborate?” Tony implored.
Steve took another bite of food before answering, “We are taking a full week off from avenger things.”
“Why?” Tony prompted.
“I’m not working. Clint is with his family, Nat is with them as well, Scott’s daughter is coming in. That’s half of us out of commission. Doesn’t make sense to start till everyone is ready.”
Tony looked around before speaking. “You keep saying you are not working. No offense Cap, but you’ve never been the time off type.”
“I am now.” Steve said. “Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to Central Park.”
“Why?” Scott asked. “Won’t people bother you?”
Steve shrugged, “Maybe. Maybe not.”
“You want company?” Bucky asked.
Steve smiled down at him, “If you want to come.” Bucky nodded and followed him out of the room.
Tony looked at Scott and Wanda before speaking, “Anyone care to explain that?”
Wanda shrugged, “He’s been discussing retiring for ages.”
“And him and Barnes?”
“No one knows the situation with him and Bucky,” Scott said. “They’re just kind of the way they are.”
“Have you asked?”
“Not really,” Wanda said shrugging gently. “They’ll let us know when they’re ready.”
When Steve and Bucky got to central park that morning it was fairly busy, as it usually was in the morning. They strolled through the area looking at the trees and the people. Steve finally settled down on a bench and Bucky joined him.
“So, why Central Park?” Bucky asked.
Steve handed him the tablet and pulled a sketchbook from the bag he was carrying. “I spent a lot of time here before I moved to DC.” Steve told him. “I used to come sit and watch people. New Yorkers are so busy that they don’t pay attention to the people around them. So I would sit here and read or draw or just watch people. Once or twice this old woman would come sit with me and we’d feed birds. I don’t really know who she was or why she came to sit with me, but she would.” He smiled, “I guess I just like it here.”
Bucky nodded and looked around. He smiled as a group of kids ran by them. “I think I like it here too.” And with that they settled in on the bench and started just lounging. They sat there for hours, just soaking in the sunlight and enjoying the park. Around lunchtime Steve suggested they head out.
They bought hot dogs from a street vendor and kept walking. Bucky finally realized where they were when they stood in front of the library. Steve beamed at him as they walked in. It was a huge and impressive building. Steve stayed near Bucky, but just followed him quietly as he darted from place to place looking at things. After a while they left and started back towards the tower.
When they got back Tony greeted them, “Hey there capsicle, I’m gonna need to borrow your pal here to test the preliminary arm I’m building for size and weight.”
Bucky nodded, “I’ll come find you after.”
Steve smiled, “Sounds good.”
Bucky followed Tony down to his lab almost silently. He’d working on walking so his footsteps were loud enough people could hear him coming to avoid scaring people with his presence after Wanda screamed one day when he said something from behind her.
When they got to the lab Bucky paused. The whole thing was a mess, but partially because there were just so many things. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to look at first, and also how much time he had before Tony was going to make him stop staring.
“I know there’s a lot of stuff here,” Tony muttered. “I probably should clean or something.”
Bucky shook his head, “It’s…” He trailed off. “Can you tell me about this stuff?”
Tony raised an eyebrow, “I can if you’re sure. Most people find listening to me talk shop insufferable. I don’t know when to stop.”
Bucky smiled, “Please.”
“So you’re not scared of technology like Rodgers?”
Bucky laughed, “Scared isn’t the right word. He’s just confused. Steve was never great at science.”
“You were?”
Bucky shrugged. “I have been trying to catch up but there’s just so much.”
“Well I’m always up to talk about myself, so you are in luck.” Tony said as he approached Bucky with an arm. “I’m gonna just see how this looks not fully attached for size. I still need to add a lot of the electrical components, but I need to make sure it’s sized well and feels light to you now, so that it’ll be the right weight when I add the rest of the components. I have been working on building an artificial nerve network anyway, and it’ll be controlled like the old one or a human arm. After some adjustments it should be good as new. Loads better than that other one. I tore it apart to see how it worked yesterday, and honestly it was horrifying. That thing weighed like 100 pounds, and was highly unsophisticated. I imagine it was top of the line when it was built, but you were ready for an upgrade.”
“Anyway, in exchange for this top of the line arm I want to ask you a question.”
Bucky’s body went tense despite his calm response, “Yes?”
“What’s the deal with you and Steve? Friends, boyfriends? Should I be getting in touch with people about marriage licenses?”
Bucky’s jaw dropped slightly before he shook his head, “Nothing like that. We’re just friends.”
“You sure?” Tony teased.
Bucky shrugged, “As far as I know.”
“So you are not straight?”
Bucky rubbed his neck. “Not really. I mean I like dames, or women, I dated a lot before. But-”
“It’s 2016, no need to explain to me,” Tony said. “I’m the least likely to judge anyone’s sexual practices in this whole house. What about Rodgers?”
Bucky shrugged, “Only person I have ever seen him involved with was Peg. Although some people used to wonder about him and Howard.”
“Howard Stark? My father?” Tony asked incredulously. “The notorious playboy?”
Bucky laughed, “They did spend a lot of time together, and everyone knew Howard wasn’t particular about that sort of thing.”
“God that would explain so much,” Tony said walking away, talking more to himself than anyone in particular.
“Should I go?” Bucky asked.
Tony turned back as if remembering Bucky was there at all, “Sure, yeah. I’ll have this done soon.”
“Thanks,” Bucky muttered knowing he no longer really had Tony’s attention.
When Bucky got upstairs Steve was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the wall. He moved quickly to sit next to him. “You okay?”
Steve turned to him, “I think I want to go to DC for a few days.”
“Why?” Bucky asked raising his eyebrows.
Steve sighed, “I need to talk to Sharon, settle things there. I want to do it in person. I also want to meet Jeffery Mace. He’s the director of SHIELD now, and I want to look into them.”
“Okay,” Bucky said. “Can it wait a few days? Stark has the arm almost ready. If not we can go now.”
Steve’s face crinkled, “Buck, I was planning on going alone.”
“Oh.”
“You can come if you want to, I just didn’t think you’d be up for it. I know you don’t like DC much, and I thought you’d be bored.”
Bucky nodded, “You’re right. When are you gonna leave?”
“In the morning probably.” Steve said. “I’m not sure. I’m gonna go ask Pepper about getting me a plane ticket.”
“Right,” Bucky said slowly. “Go get that settled then.”
“Are we okay?” Steve asked quietly. Bucky nodded and Steve slipped out of the room.
The next morning after breakfast Steve had to head to the airport. He was going through everything in his backpack while Bucky laid in the bed. When he’d finished he looked up. “You’re gonna be okay while I’m gone right?”
Bucky nodded, “I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded again. “Alright. If you need anything call me or Sam. Wanda will be around too mostly. Just, be safe?”
“I spent years telling you that,” Bucky said. “But unlike you, I don’t plan on doing anything stupid.”
Steve smiled, “Bye Buck.”
“Bye Steve.”
Steve had only been gone for a few hours when Bucky got bored. He wandered down to the lab, but Tony was actively working and he felt in the way so he left. Wanda was with the Barton family and he wasn’t sure what to do, so he called Sam.
“Hello?”
“Hi,” Bucky said.
“You alright?” Sam prodded.
Bucky sighed, “Steve’s gone.”
“What do you mean gone?”
“He went to DC.”
Sam sighed, “Why didn’t you go?”
“He didn’t sound like he wanted me to,” Bucky complained, “He made a big fuss about me coming with him, but when I offered to go he told me he didn’t want me to.”
He heard Sam face palm through the phone, “I may have told him to work on distance with you. This was not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?” Bucky asked slightly offended.
“You guys are too codependent. You make bad choices and mope when the other isn’t around. I meant that you should work on boundaries and not spending every moment together, not run off to DC,” Sam sighed. “You alright there with him gone? Like is Stark being decent to you?”
“Oh yeah he’s fine,” Bucky said. “We are not friends or anything, but we more or less get along.”
Sam chuckled, “I thought you might. Look, why don’t you get out of the house for a while? It’ll help break up your time. There’s a ton of stuff to do in New York.”
“I don’t know,” Bucky said slowly, “I don’t like being around people without Steve.”
Sam sighed, “Why don’t you come over for dinner? I’ll tell my mom to cook for one more. She’ll be thrilled. You can amuse yourself for a day. Be here by six, I’ll send you the address. Just ask literally anyone in that tower and they’ll point you in the direction of a car. All the extended family is leaving before then, so not too many people around.”
“Thanks Sam,” Bucky muttered.
“No problem. Go find something to do. Maybe you’ll have a secret talent for puzzles or something,” Sam said jokingly. “See you tonight.”
“See you,” Bucky said.
Bucky was watching a TV show Nat had recommended in the living room when a small voice interrupted.
“Hi.”
Bucky paused the show and turned to see a small girl in pigtails next to him. “Hi.”
“I’m Cassie.” The small child said. “Where is your arm?”
“Cassie, you can’t just ask people where their arm is,” Scott said running into the room. “Sorry.”
Bucky smiled, “It’s fine. You must be Scott’s daughter.”
“Yes I am. Who are you?”
“Bucky.”
“That doesn’t sound like a real name,” She informed him. “But I like it. My teddy bear only has one arm. Its other one fell off.”
“Mine fell off too,” Bucky said.
“Could my arm fall off?” She said very seriously with wide eyes.
Bucky shook his head, “No. Mine fell off in an accident.”
“Oh. Well I like things with one arm, so I like you.” Cassie informed him. “You’re prettier than my bear though. He’s ugly and I love him.”
“Well that’s what matters,” Bucky said laughing.
Scott smiled, “I just needed to grab something. She ran off. Sorry to bug you.”
“It’s fine,” Bucky repeated. “It was nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” She said beaming. “I never get to meet Daddy’s friends.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Scott said lifting her over his shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you,” Bucky said laughing as he watched Scott carry the giggling girl away.
By the time Bucky was leaving for dinner at Sam’s he was in a better mood then when he’d called. Pepper had heard he was going and sent him in new clothes which were much nicer than the sweats and t-shirts he stole from Steve, but not too fancy, as well as with a bottle of wine. He rang the doorbell and Sam answered with a smile. He took the wine and walked Bucky to the kitchen.
“Mom, this is my friend Bucky,” Sam said.
The woman who was bent over the stove turned and smiled, “It is a pleasure to meet one of Sam’s avenger friends. I was thinking he was too embarrassed to bring you all around here.”
“Ma,” Sam groaned. “We’ve been a bit busy.”
“I know, I’m mostly teasing,” She said smacking him gently with the spoon.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Wilson,” Bucky said.
The woman shook her head as she turned back to the stove, “None of that. You can call me Maggie.”
“Maggie,” Bucky repeated. “Well it’s a pleasure to meet you Maggie. Thank you for having me.”
“Sam and his friends are always welcome here,” She said. “Dinner is almost ready. You boys go set the table.”
Sam led Bucky to a small table and started setting the places. “You end up having an okay day?”
Bucky nodded, “It was fine.”
“You know you could call him right?” Sam asked. “I’m sure he wants to hear from you.”
“I don’t want to bother him.”
“What’s he even doing in DC anyway?” Sam asked.
Bucky sighed, “Meeting up with Sharon.”
“He went all the way to DC just to see her?” Sam asked.
Bucky rolled his eyes, “No. He’s also gonna meet the new director of SHIELD.”
“So you’re just offended about the Sharon part,” Sam teased.
Bucky grumbled, “No. I just… I’m mad that he left.”
“I know,” Sam said. “I’m gonna call and talk to him tomorrow. He’s a mess sometimes.”
As if on cue both boys’ phones vibrated. Sam laughed, “Steve?” Bucky nodded. “He just messaged me to check on you.”
“He asked if I was doing alright,” Bucky said quietly. “I’m gonna tell him I’m here.”
“Good,” Sam said smiling. “And I’m gonna tell him we need to talk tomorrow about running away from his problems.”
“It’s fine Sam, you don’t need to yell at him on my behalf. I told him to go.”
“Maybe, but he needs to stop taking advice so selectively so I’m gonna do it anyway.”
Bucky was half way home when his phone started to ring. “Hello?”
“Hey Buck,” Steve said softly. “I wanted to see how dinner went.”
“It was nice,” Bucky said. “Sam’s mom is really nice, and she’s a good cook.”
“I’m glad,” Steve said. “I just… I wanted to make sure you were doing okay. I have got to get to bed early. I’m meeting with SHIELD in the morning. I should be home in two or three days max. I might leave tomorrow night depending on how things go.”
“Right.” Bucky replied. “Well I’ll talk to you tomorrow then. Night.”
“Night Bucky. Sleep well.”
Steve woke up the next morning exhausted. He hadn’t slept well, and he was anxious about the day he had ahead of him. There were too many places for it to go wrong, and he’d never really been able to sleep well alone. But he put on the cheap dress clothes he’d picked up the night before and headed to the location he’d been sent to meet the director of SHIELD.
He sat at the corner table at the coffee shop drinking his coffee when a huge man about his size approached. “Director Mace, I presume?”
The man smiled, “You’d be correct. It’s a pleasure to meet you Captain.”
“Steve, please. I hope you don’t mind I did some research on you. After hydra…” Steve trailed off.
The director nodded, “Understandable. I didn’t work for SHIELD then, but I understand how significantly that impacted you.”
“So you’re an Inhuman?” Steve said without tact.
The director laughed and sat down, “I am. Have you actually met any Inhumans?”
Steve shook his head, “Not that I know of, but I’m sorry about how the accords affected them, or you rather. I know that my team brought them about, and it seems like you’ve suffered the most because of them.”
The director shrugged, “I wouldn’t feel too badly. Even before the accords people we clamoring over what to do about Inhumans, that just sort of put things into motion. But more on the new SHIELD. As you probably have seen, the new organization is no longer operating as deeply in the shadows, which was part of how hydra flourished. In addition we have a lot of accountability protocols in place. I would like to take you for a tour of the facility if you’ve got the time.”
Steve nodded, “That sounds great.”
“One of my agents gives the best tours. He’s a huge history expert on SHIELD, in fact he is our longest standing agent at this point,” Mace said. “He and his team nearly singlehandedly cleaned up hydra.”
They got to the compound and headed inside. To Steve it looked like SHIELD always had, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to see a difference. When the director took him into his office he stopped in the doorway. “Coulson?”
Coulson turned around and flushed, “Captain. Uh… I probably have some explaining to do.”
“You died,” Steve said blinking quickly.
Director Mace made a face, “You’ve met then?”
“Before the battle of New York,” Coulson said. “We should talk.”
“You are dead.”
Coulson sighed, “I was dead. Really truly dead. The short version of the story is that SHIELD had invented a way of bringing people back who’d recently died. It was intended to be used should an Avenger fall in the line of duty. Fury used it to bring me back, and I ran SHIELD for a while, and then things with hydra and the Inhumans came to a head and now I’m just an agent again.”
“Right,” Steve said slowly. “I guess that seems fine.”
“Really? You don’t have any questions,” Coulson asked.
Steve shook his head, “At this point I have seen everything.”
“Well Agent Coulson really does give the best tours,” Director Mace said.
Steve nodded, “Alright.” As the two men walked off into the facility Steve started to speak, “I will admit I feel somewhat better knowing you’re around. Fury trusted you, which is good enough for me.”
Coulson smiled, “Thank you Captain. I truly think we’ve got the last of hydra at this point. We traced them all the way up the command, blew up their hiding places, and killed the alien they were all secretly dedicated to.”
“I think you’re right.” Steve said. “I went on my own mission to try and find them all, and I eventually ran out. I’m assuming you got the rest.”
Coulson nodded, “I really believe that.”
By the time Steve left the facility and was back in the city it was late afternoon. He walked around to kill time for about an hour before heading to the hotel bar he’d asked Sharon to meet him at.
“Hey there Steve,” She said as she approached him from behind.
He turned and smiled at her quickly before standing to pull out the stool next to him, “Hey Sharon.”
“How’s it feel to finally be a legal citizen again?”
“It’s great,” He said. “You didn’t get into too much trouble then, for helping us?”
She shook her head, “They could never prove it, so I got a slap on the wrist.”
“I’m glad.”
“I think we’re about done with small talk Steve,” She said gently prodding him with her elbow.
He laughed once, “I guess we are. Look, I know before we split up we uh well you know what happened.”
“We kissed Steve,” She said laughing, “It’s not like we did something unspeakable.”
Steve blushed and rubbed his neck, “Sorry, I’m not sure how to do this.”
“Do what?” She asked tilting her head.
“I uh, I mostly wanted to apologize. I probably shouldn’t have done that knowing…” He paused. “Well knowing I had feelings for someone else.” He stared at his drink wishing desperately the alcohol had any effect on him at all.
“Steve, it’s fine.” She said quickly before he’d too much time to wallow. “You’ve been gone a while, and even if you hadn’t it’s not like we really ever had time to date. Don’t beat yourself up.”
“Sorry,” He said again.
She shook her head, “It’s really fine. Tell me about the lucky girl.” Steve blushed harder, and didn’t speak. “Steve?”
“Not a girl,” He muttered quietly.
Sharon’s jaw went slack for a second before she talked, “Oh. I didn’t know you-”
“People don’t really know,” He said slowly. “I have never really, well it never seemed to come up or matter till now I guess.”
“Did Aunt Peggy know?”
Steve shrugged, “Don’t know. If she did she never mentioned it. Things were different then.”
“So are you and Bucky together then?”
Steve chuckled, “That obvious?”
Sharon smiled, “A little.”
He smiled, “I suppose it is...” Steve’s face shifted slightly, “We’re not together or anything. Just friends.”
“Why?” Sharon asked.
Steve stared at his drink again, “He’s uh, well I just don’t think it’s gonna work out.”
“I’m confused,” Sharon admitted leaning back slightly on her chair. “Why not?”
“Buck,” Steve paused. “He doesn’t feel the way I do. I thought maybe, but I was wrong.”
“Are you sure? I mean you did break through years of brainwashing and then go to the ends of the earth to find each other. It definitely sounds like a love story.”
Steve nodded, “Pretty sure.”
“Well I’m sorry,” Sharon said. “While you can’t get drunk, I can drink on your behalf. To finding someone new.”
“I’m not sure about dating,” Steve said after toasting.
Sharon shook her head, “Absolutely not. You can’t just give up on dating because of one guy.”
“It’s not just that,” He said. “Maybe I’m not built for dating. With this, and Peggy.”
Sharon rolled her eyes, “No. We are going out. I’m gonna drag you into the 21st century, and you’re gonna meet someone. As it turns out, I also have a penchant for dating both men and women and there’s a fantastic club in the area just for that.”
“I don’t know,” Steve said. “Clubs are not my style, and really, pictures of Captain America in a gay club would definitely make headlines.”
“Who cares?” Sharon asked. “If you’re not ready to come out publicly you just tell people you were there with a friend. Besides, it probably won’t even get noticed.”
Steve sighed realizing he probably wasn’t getting out of this, “I guess we’ll go then.”
“Perfect!”
“I want to call Sam and Buck first,” He said quickly. “Sam made me swear to call him today, and I want to make sure Bucky’s doing okay. He’s staying with Tony and I just…”
“Call whoever. I’ll pick you up in an hour, I have got to run home and change anyway,” Sharon said.
Steve ran upstairs and called Sam first, “Hey, it’s me.”
“How was SHIELD?” Sam asked.
“It seems to be better now, but I’m still not their biggest fan.”
“And Sharon?”
“She’s great, we’re actually going out later.”
“On a date?” Sam exclaimed.
“God no,” Steve said quickly. “I was coming to tell her that I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her in the first place, because of Bucky.”
“Oh,” Sam said. “And that went over well?”
Steve smiled, “It did, but she’s insisted on taking me to a gay club.”
“Why?”
Steve sighed, “Apparently I need to meet people and stop moping about the fact that I have had feelings for two people, one of whom is gone and one of whom doesn’t feel the same way.”
“Have you actually talked to Bucky and had that confirmed or are you just guessing?” Sam asked.
Steve paused, “I just know alright?”
“I guess,” Sam said rolling his eyes. “So you sure about a club, that seems a bit out of your comfort zone.”
Steve laughed, “I’m more anxious than I was when I joined the army.”
“Why go?”
Steve shrugged before realizing Sam couldn’t see him, “I don’t know. I feel bad about having led her on and she seemed really excited.”
“Well check in with me when you get back to the hotel so I know you’re safe. But now onto what I actually wanted to discuss with you. Why the fuck are didn’t you take Bucky with you?”
“I didn’t think he needed to come!” Steve exclaimed. “You told me to be less dependent, I’m doing that.”
“I didn’t mean run off leaving him here like a hurt puppy,” Sam chastised. “He thinks you ditched him on a romantic getaway.”
“I didn’t know that,” Steve grumbled. “I’ll talk to him. I just… I needed some space.”
“There’s a difference between getting space and running away from your feelings,” Sam explained patiently. “Space is not sharing a bed, or doing different activities in different places. You maybe try to spend more time with other friends. Leaving him alone and going to a different state is running away.”
Steve sighed, “I get it. You’re right.”
“Go fix things with him and try to have fun tonight,” Sam said. “Don’t do anything reckless.”
“I won’t,” Steve said. “Night Sam.”
“Night.”
Steve immediately dialed Bucky who picked up quickly, “I’m not romantically involved with Sharon.”
Bucky paused for a second before replying, “Oh, okay.”
“I mean that’s not at all why I came to DC. We left things in a weird place and I wanted to resolve them and tell her I wasn’t interested that way.” Steve elaborated.
“It’s fine if you wanted to date her,” Bucky said.
Steve replied, “I don’t. I just wanted this trip to be as quick as possible. Check out SHIELD, resolve things with her, and then come home to you.”
Bucky smiled, “So you’re coming back tomorrow?”
“Definitely. Although I’m going out tonight apparently.”
“Why, where?”
“Sharon thinks it’s time I went to a club and tried to meet people.” Steve admitted, “Plus she wants to go out and I don’t want her to go alone.”
“Well, have fun I guess,” Bucky said. “Tell me when you know when you’ll be home?”
“Of course,” Steve said. “Goodnight Buck.”
“Night Steve.”
Bucky laid back on the bed and groaned before calling Sam, “He’s going out.”
Sam sighed, “Let me get comfortable before you start ranting… Alright go.”
“I don’t get it. If he wants to date someone why not just date Sharon? I mean at least he knows her, she’s not some random stranger,” Bucky grumbled.
Sam let out an exasperated noise, “Two things. One, he’s clearly trying to figure out what he’s doing. He doesn’t even want to go, but he also is trying things. Two, if you’re that annoyed by it why not ask him?”
“That’s not helpful,” Bucky complained. “Steve doesn’t even like dancing.”
“As I said, he doesn’t want to go,” Sam said a little louder. “Also, why not ask him?”
“I did, but he just said it was Sharon’s idea.”
“Then maybe, just maybe, it was. He told me he’s anxious about going. Besides, it won’t hurt him to meet new people. I mean seriously outside of work he knows no one. He made friends with me and then I became a work person. I mean he could use some friends.”
“I guess,” Bucky mumbled. “Sorry to bother you. Night Sam.”
“Night Bucky.”
Meanwhile in DC Sharon had shown up at Steve’s hotel room and grimaced when she saw he hadn’t changed. “You can’t wear that. Take the dress shirt off.” She walked over to his bag and sifted through it. “This will work.”
“I wear that to sleep,” Steve said looking at the tank top she’d thrown at him.
She rolled her eyes, “Whatever. Put it on and let’s go.”
Steve pulled the shirt on and followed her to her car. She sped off and they reached a small parking lot outside a loud building. Sharon paid the man to let them park and then they got out and headed towards the building. “Stay with me at first at least, and if you get uncomfortable and want to leave tell me.” She said before they reached the line. Steve nodded.
Once they got past the security and counter where they paid they headed into the club. Steve felt a bit overwhelmed by the loud music and lights, and Sharon pulled him over to the bar. They stood near it and Sharon ordered two drinks. Steve was grateful. Even if he couldn’t get drunk it at least gave him something to do with himself as he looked out at all the people dancing and grinding on each other.
Once he got past his initial shock and the overwhelming atmosphere, Steve thought he might like this place. Everyone’s clothes were unusual and as individual as the people wearing them. People were dancing with whoever they wanted to, and half the people in the room had makeup on regardless of gender. Most of all though, he noted that everyone just seemed happy. People were smiling and talking to each other, and he felt a strange amount of peace in this crazy room.
Steve felt someone tap his shoulder and turned to see a man a few inches shorter than him smiling. “Hi.”
“Hey there,” The man said extending a hand. “I’m Anthony.”
“Steve.”
“Nice to meet you Steve,” Anthony said. “Want to dance?”
“I don’t really know how to dance,” Steve said blushing slightly.
Anthony laughed, “Well maybe I can teach you.”
“Umm,” Steve paused and felt Sharon lean into his ear from behind him.
“Say yes.”
“Sure,” Steve said smiling awkwardly. He let the smaller man lead him closer to the people dancing and away from Sharon.
Steve felt very lucky that Anthony was amused by his complete awkwardness. Steve spent most of the time blushing and feeling unsteady. Anthony, for his part, quickly realized Steve was never going to dance well and focused on helping him sway with the beat. After a few songs of that Anthony led him back over to the bar where Sharon was still standing.
Anthony smiled, “I’m going to go fine my friends. It was nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Steve said as he snaked away. “Was that as terrible as it felt?”
Sharon laughed, “You really don’t know how to dance to modern music at all do you?” Steve shook his head. “Well at least he found it cute.”
Steve blushed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “I don’t know, it feels weird to be that close to someone I don’t know in public.”
“You’ll adjust,” Sharon said smiling. “And you might want to try to adjust quickly. Someone is coming your way and he’s gorgeous.”
Steve turned to see a man quite a bit shorter than he was smiling at him. Steve was struck by the man’s makeup. “Hi.”
“Hi, I really like your makeup,” Steve said.
The man’s smile brightened, “Well thank you doll. I’m Max.”
“Steve.”
“Well Steve, are you from around here?”
Steve shook his head, “I’m from New York. I lived here for a while though, and I’m in town working.”
“New York is one of my favorite places I have visited,” Max said. “What do you do?”
Steve paused, “Uh, I’m a government contractor.” He head Sharon laugh behind him.
“Well that sounds terrible,” Max said laughing. “I’m a vet.”
“That’s fantastic,” Steve said smiling. “I love animals, but I have never really been able to have a pet.”
Max gasped, “I can’t imagine not having a pet! If you ever want a cat you can always call me. We get them dumped on us constantly.”
“That’s horrible,” Steve said. “Why would people do that?”
Max shrugged, “No idea. Want to dance?”
“I’m really a terrible dancer,” Steve admitted, “But I can try.”
Max smiled and led Steve even deeper into the dance floor than before. In a strange way being surrounded by people seemed to help him figure out a rhythm. Sharon watched him smiling until a cute girl came and asked her to dance. She checked on him one more time before going.
After a while the boys headed back to the bar. Max ordered two waters and they stood leaning on the bar.
“Excuse me,” A small girl said tapping Steve’s arm. “But are you Captain America?”
Steve flushed, “I am.”
“Oh my god,” The girl said quickly waving over two other girls. “I’m really sorry to bother you. We thought it was you and had to check. Can we take a picture with you?” Steve nodded and they took a selfie with Steve behind them.
Another of her friends turned to him smiling, “I’m glad you’re here. Knowing we have someone like you supporting us, it’s important.” With that the three girls ran off to keep dancing.
“I thought you looked familiar,” Max said. “I feel honored that Captain America danced with me.”
Steve blushed, “I’m just a normal guy really.”
Max chuckled, “Sure you are. So can I ask why you’re here? No offense.”
“My friend thought I needed to meet people.”
Max rolled his eyes, “Let me be blunter. Are you gay?”
Steve blushed hard, “Uh. I don’t know… I just don’t think people’s gender really matters to me.”
Max took a sip of his water staring at Steve, “You should look into different labels, try and find one that speaks to you. Just figure yourself out.”
“Thank you,” Steve said.
Max smiled, “Everyone here remembers what it was like to not be sure of who you are. Whether it’s your gender or your sexuality, you’ve just got to figure out what works best for you.”
Steve smiled and looked out at the room, “I like this place.”
“Yeah?”
Steve nodded, “Everyone just looks so happy here. I… It’s just comfortable.”
Max smiled up at Steve, “That’s why this place exists. Anyone can come here and present how they want and dance with whoever they want.”
“Are there clubs like this everywhere?” Steve asked. “That sounds like such a dumb question.”
Max laughed, “Its fine hon. There are LGBT clubs in most big cities. Definitely in New York.”
They continued talking and dancing till Sharon came over. “Steve, you ready to go? I’m exhausted and very drunk.”
“Yeah, I’ll get you home.” He said glancing at Sharon. “It was really great to meet you Max.”
Max stood up on his toes and kissed Steve gently, “It was great to meet you too. You’ve got my number. If you’re ever in town and want to hang out call me.”
“I will,” Steve said genuinely.
“Good luck with everything,” Max said. “Goodnight.”
“Night!” Steve said as he turned to help Sharon back to the car.
Steve drove Sharon home and then caught a cab back to his hotel. When he walked in the door he texted Sam. Just got in. I fly out in a few hours, but can you come to the tower tomorrow to talk? With that text sent Steve fell asleep to catch a few hours of sleep before flying home.
When Steve arrived in New York completely exhausted Sam was at the airport with coffee which he gladly accepted. “You didn’t have to come get me.”
“Eh, I figured you could tell me about your night while we drive back to the tower.” Sam said. “You have a good time?”
Steve nodded, “It was a lot to take in, but I did. I have never been anywhere where people just seemed so happy.”
“Yeah?” Sam said as they headed towards the car. “You meet anyone?”
“I talked to a bunch of people, but yeah I kind of did.” Steve admitted blushing slightly.
Sam raised his eyebrows and smiled. “For real?”
“His name was Max,” Steve said sheepishly. “We spent hours together, talking and dancing.”
“You dance now?”
“Not well,” Steve pointed out. “But yeah. He was so nice. I have his phone number.”
Sam laughed and they got into the back of Stark’s car. “Well I’ll be damned.”
Steve blushed, “We also kissed before I left to take Sharon home.”
“For real?” Sam asked. “I didn’t think you were the type.”
“I don’t think I am,” Steve admitted. “He kissed me, and it wasn’t anything serious, but I don’t think I like kissing people I don’t know well.”
“That’s a good thing to know.” Sam said gently. “But you had fun?”
Steve nodded, “Some girls knew who I was, but they were really nice and casual. They didn’t think I was there for me. Max was fine about it though. He didn’t make a fuss. It was nice.”
“That sounds like a successful evening.” Sam said.
Steve smiled, “I guess it was. I think I want to do research on the whole thing. I don’t really know anything and I should.”
“That sounds like a good idea.”
“I also might want to go out again. Not right away, but maybe some time.”
Sam raised his eyebrows, “If you decide to let me know. I know a few nice gay clubs in the area.”
“Wait, what?”
Sam laughed, “You’ve never asked me if I was straight Steve.”
“I just… I didn’t,” Steve stuttered.
Sam laughed harder, “It’s fine. I mostly date women. I just don’t limit myself. If something happens with a guy that’s fine too. I’ll admit I’m surprised you weren’t more overwhelmed, those places can be a lot.”
“I was at first,” Steve admitted. They lapsed into silence for a minute. “I have got a question.”
“Shoot.”
“A lot of the people there wore makeup, is that normal now or just at places like that?”
Sam sighed, “Well it is more common at gay clubs or pride events. But it isn’t unheard of in everyday life. It’s just still a lot for people to wrap their heads around. Max wear makeup?”
Steve nodded, “It was so fancy. Makeup is different now in general, but especially there. Everything was so elaborate and pretty.”
“I was never any good at that kind of stuff, but I bet you would be if you wanted to,” Sam said.
Steve paused, “I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to know everything right now Steve.”
Steve huffed, “I just. I feel so behind. When I was young this stuff, it was different. We didn’t have places like that or any way to learn about anything. And even if we had I was so scared…”
Sam put his hand on Steve’s back, “It’s okay. You have time.”
“One of those girls last night told me that knowing I supported them mattered.”
Sam sighed, “People are better now, but it’s not 100%. Knowing they’ve got America’s superhero on their side is probably really comforting for some people.”
Steve nodded, “When I figure things out I want to come out publicly I think.”
“You sure?” Sam asked. “A few months ago you wouldn’t even sit with your friend around other people. That’s a leap.”
Steve sighed, “I’m still scared, and I probably always will be, but if knowing makes other people less scared then I want to do that.”
“What if you take baby steps?” Sam suggested. “You could always just start casually making your stances on all kinds of issues clear, including supporting LGBT rights. It’d still help people, and you could do it right away. I bet Tony would love to get you on Twitter.”
“What is a Twitter?”
“A way of sharing your thoughts and feelings with the whole world,” Sam said. “Tony has one for himself, and one for Stark industries, both of which are huge, but most people have one.”
“Could you teach me?” Steve asked.
Sam nodded, “Definitely. But when we get back you need to talk to Bucky first thing.”
“Why, is he okay?”
“Why don’t you talk to him and find out?” Sam teased.
They sat in relative silence the rest of the way back with Steve drifting in and out of sleep. When they pulled up to the tower they both headed inside. Sam went to go find Tony, and Steve went to go find Bucky.
Steve looked in on the room they shared from the doorway. Bucky hadn’t noticed him. He was staring deeply at something on the tablet. “Hey Buck.”
Bucky turned around and for a split second his face lit up before falling slightly, “You’re home!”
Steve smiled, “Yup I’m all yours again.” They hugged before Bucky sat back down and Steve started unpacking.
“How was DC?”
Steve shrugged, “The city doesn’t change much. It never felt like home to me.”
“And SHIELD?”
Steve sighed, “I want to trust them. I do. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be sure.”
“Well at least they didn’t seem like hydra,” Bucky said.
Steve nodded, “I don’t think they are. Everyone seems decent, and they’ve got a few people I know weren’t before.”
“That’s good,” Bucky said trailing off. “How was last night?”
Steve smiled, “I had a good time actually.”
“That’s nice,” Bucky said absentmindedly.
Steve nodded, “It was. Uh, there’s probably something I should tell you.”
“What’s up?” Bucky asked.
Steve rubbed his neck, “The club we went to, it was uh… It was a gay club.” Bucky didn’t respond at all so he continued. “I just. I have been thinking a lot about it, and well, I, it was Sharon’s idea, but-”
“Steve,” Bucky said suddenly moving into Steve’s line of vision. “It’s fine.”
Steve nodded, “Yeah?”
Bucky nodded, “Yeah. So you had fun?” Steve nodded slowly. “You meet someone?” Bucky turned away.
Steve smiled a little, “Kind of. I made friends with someone. His name was Max. He just knew so much.”
“Yeah?” Bucky said sighing and sitting down.
Steve nodded, “There are so many ways that people identify now, and everything is so much more complicated, but in a good way.”
Bucky smiled, “You finally found something about this century that you like.”
Steve laughed, “I guess I did. Sam thinks I should get a twitter.”
Bucky wrinkled his eyebrows, “What’s a twitter?”
“Glad you asked,” Tony said from the doorway as he swept into the room. “Twitter is a social media platform.”
“Which means it’s somewhere you can post things online,” Sam said rolling his eyes. “Told you he’d be thrilled.”
“Now first you have Facebook, which is the oldest and quite frankly not that important anymore. You can post pictures and videos etc. for either the world or people you know. Then you’ve got Instagram, which is like Facebook but only uses pictures. Then you have twitter. You post messages to the world in less than 140 characters. You can attach pictures or videos if you want, but it isn’t necessary. There is also snapchat, the newest of these. You take pictures and can draw on them and write short text.” Both men stared at him with blank faces. “Okay, where did I lose you?”
“You didn’t,” Steve muttered. “Just… processing.” A few minutes passed when Steve spoke again. “I think Sam had a good idea with Twitter.”
“Alright,” Tony said typing on his tablet. “I can make that happen and get you verified so people don’t pretend they’re you. Tin man?”
“Could we get snapchat?” Bucky asked Steve quietly. “You could send drawings.”
Steve smiled and nodded, “Sounds good to me.”
“Fantastic, Sam get their phones and make that happen,” Tony said still typing away. “You want a twitter Bucky?”
Bucky shook his head, “People don’t care about what I have to say.”
“Fair enough,” Tony said handing the tablet to Steve, “You need log in information, and for the love of all that is holy pick something secure.”
Steve stared at the tablet for a few minutes before typing. “There.”
“Great, we can add this to your phone as well,” Tony said. “You follow the team and they’ll all follow you back whenever they realize it’s actually you.”
“Right,” Steve said taking his phone from Sam.
Sam smiled, “I added myself into your contacts as well as each other. You can get everyone else whenever you see them. I’ll give you a crash course on both things.”
So a few hours later Steve and Bucky were fully in the know about snapchat, and Steve had even sent out his first tweet. Sorry I don’t know how to use this yet, but I’ll figure it out. It can’t be harder than defeating aliens. After helping them get settled Sam headed home. Steve and Bucky swore to go the next night for dinner.
They each settled in reading next to each other. Bucky was in the middle of studying advancements in prosthetics, and Steve was diving head first into LGBT history and labels. Both were so enthralled in their reading that they missed Wanda coming in till she started to talk.
“Hello?” She said giggling. Both boys looked up a bit startled. “Scott and his daughter are coming for dinner. We’re probably going to have pizza and watch a movie. Did you want to join?”
“Sure,” Bucky said.
Steve nodded, “I would love to meet her.”
Wanda smiled and left and Bucky turned to Steve and informed him, “I met her the other day you know.”
“Yeah?”
Bucky nodded. “She is a strange kid, but she’s nice enough. I mean it isn’t like Scott can’t be strange too.”
“Fair enough,” Steve said chuckling. “You seem to have met a lot of people while I was gone.”
Bucky shrugged. “Just her and Sam’s mom. I mostly did the same thing I do when you’re here. I read and watched TV.”
“I guess so,” Steve said trailing off. “Did you want to do anything particular tomorrow?”
“No, why?”
Steve shrugged, “I was thinking about going running.”
Bucky smiled, “You do that. I’ll be inside where it isn’t freezing. The cold finally decided to really hit, and I for one plan on enjoying being somewhere where we have heaters.”
“You sure?” Steve asked. “I could go another time.”
“Steve, it’s fine,” Bucky said. “When you get back we can have cocoa and watch a movie or something.”
“Sounds good,” Steve said smiling.
Dinner time rolled around and the boys headed down to the dining room where Scott, Cassie, and Wanda were already sitting eating.
“Hi Bucky.” Cassie said. “Hi Bucky’s friend.”
“Hi,” Steve said smiling. “I’m Steve.”
“I’m Cassie. You’re on TV sometimes, right?”
Steve chuckled, “Probably.”
“I saw you on a cartoon,” She informed him. “It was not a very fun cartoon.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged, “You were talking about crossing the street and telling the teacher about bullies.”
“What?” Steve asked.
Scott chuckled, “Captain America teaches kids about safety and morals.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Bucky said grabbing a piece of pizza. “Steve practically got run over all the time when we were kids. And he was more likely to punch a bully then tell an adult.”
“Really?” Cassie asked.
Steve nodded, “Yup. But crossing the street safely means you’re smarter than I was.”
“Can I punch a bully? Cassie asked Scott.
Scott shrugged, “Don’t tell your mother we told you that.”
“Okay!” She said looking quite pleased. “I want to punch Tommy.”
“Why, who’s Tommy?” Scott asked.
Cassie scrunched up her little face. “A bully. He says mean things about you and about my bear with one arm.”
“Fair enough,” Scott said.
Bucky sighed, “Cassie, just because Steve punched people when we were kids doesn’t make it a good choice. He also got punched all the time, and was in constant trouble, isn’t that right?”
Steve mumbled, “Technically.”
“Why did people punch you?” Cassie asked. “You’re Captain America.”
Steve chuckled, “I used to be tiny, like you, and they didn’t like that I stood up to them.”
“Well you should find them and punch them now that you’re big.” She informed him. “Or at least make them say sorry.”
“I will consider that,” Steve said seriously.
The next morning after Steve left, Bucky texted Sam to ask if they could talk and Sam agreed to come by.
“So what’s the problem now?” Sam asked.
“I didn’t say there was a problem,” Bucky grumbled.
Sam sat down and rolled his eyes, “And yet.”
“Do you think Steve is gonna start dating?”
Sam blinked a few times and his mouth hung open, “Why would you think that?”
“He seemed to like meeting people in DC, and I don’t know, I’m just wondering. He never dated before, but he also didn’t like going places.”
Sam sighed, “Look I honestly can’t tell you. I think right now he’s just trying to figure out himself.”
“What do you mean?”
Sam shrugged, “I mean that he doesn’t know what he wants. I mean he’s catching up on what the future is like in general, he’s trying to research LGBT things and figure out how he fits into that, and he doesn’t know what he wants to do. I think he might actually retire this time. Why does it bother you?”
“Cause it’s just different,” Bucky mumbled. “I thought Steve might be the one thing in the future that was the same, and he’s not.”
“Neither are you,” Sam reminded him. “If you really want to know you have to ask him. He is the only one who knows what’s going on in his head. But maybe it’s a good idea for you to figure out what you want to do now too.”
“I don’t want to date,” Bucky said swiftly. “And I have never known what I wanted to do with my life.”
Sam leaned back in his chair, “Alright, well let’s see if we can come up with something. Have you considered college?”
“I don’t like the idea of going somewhere like that,” Bucky said.
Sam raised an eyebrow, “What about online classes? Lots of people go to college now without ever leaving their house.”
“Really?” Bucky asked.
Sam nodded. “Yeah.”
Tony strolled into the room at that point, “Hate to interrupt, but Barnes you up for getting that new arm?” Bucky nodded and Sam followed them towards the lab.
When they got back to the living room a couple hours later Steve was just getting there as well. “You finished the arm!” Steve exclaimed.
Bucky smiled, “It doesn’t hurt. It feels like having an arm, but it looks like my old one.”
“I could always make you one that looks real,” Tony said. “I’m just more experienced with metal work.”
Bucky shook his head, “This one is perfect. Steve, are you just getting back?”
Steve nodded, “I stopped for coffee and ended up lost.”
“That’s what the GPS on your phone is for,” Tony chided. “Embrace technology.”
“Got it for next time.” Steve said rolling his eyes.
Sam chuckled, “What do you say to lunch and then I’ll head home to take a break before I help my mom with dinner?”
“Sounds great,” Steve said smiling and the others nodded ascent.
At the end of the week Scott’s daughter headed home, the Barton family agreed to move into the tower at Pepper’s insistence, and everyone got back to work. Things were a tad tense, and they agreed to go on a retreat at the end of the month that Pepper booked.
A few days before they went Bucky knocked on Natasha’s door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” She said moving to the side so he could. “You need something?”
Bucky stared at her for a second before answering, “I want help with something, but I don’t think you’re gonna like it.”
“What is it?” She asked hesitantly.
“I want to follow Steve.”
“Why?”
Bucky sighed, “He’s keeping a secret. He goes for a run on Monday and Friday morning and he is gone for hours. He could practically circle the city in the time he’s gone. But when I ask where he’s been he just says he went for a run and got coffee. I want to know where he’s going.”
“Why ask me?” Nat said raising an eyebrow.
Bucky shrugged, “Sam would tell me to just talk to him, Wanda and Scott are not experienced enough with surveillance, Tony and I are not friends, and I figured he’d rather you know his secret than Clint. Besides Clint spends mornings with his family.”
“Fair enough,” She said nodding. “You sure you want to do this? He clearly doesn’t want you to know and he might have a reason for that.”
“I’m sure.” Bucky said crossing his arms. “I don’t like it and I’m worried.
“Look, I will find out where he’s going, but I want to go alone. If he realizes I’m following him he expects that kind of thing from me. If he realizes you’re doing it he’ll be upset.”
“Fine,” Bucky grumbled.
So the next morning Nat was awake far earlier than she liked to be and following Steve. She’d been following him for about twenty minutes as he walked through the city when she looked down at her phone to see a text from him that was just a picture of her he’d taken over his shoulder. She sighed and approached him. “Sorry.”
“You wanted me to catch you,” He said shrugging. “Or I wouldn’t have.”
“I didn’t,” She argued.
He smiled, “At least some part of you did. You’re better than this.”
“Maybe,” She mused.
He sighed, “You could have just asked you know.”
“I asked Bucky and figured if he didn’t know you weren’t sharing,” She said, the lie rolling off her tongue.
Steve paused walking and Nat almost walked off not realizing it, “Natasha, I haven’t told him for a reason.”
“Steve, what’s wrong?” She asked turning to him. “You don’t keep secrets from him, and you don’t call me Natasha. Are you okay?”
Steve sighed, “This is something I wanted to do myself. I didn’t want him to know.”
“Know what?”
“Come on then we’re almost there,” Steve said continuing to walk. They finally stopped in front of a big building. “This is where I have been coming.”
“A pride center?” Nat asked quietly. Steve nodded. “What all have you been doing here?”
“At first I was just sitting in the coffee shop and reading their pamphlets. I started going to things a few weeks ago.”
“Like?” Nat asked.
Steve shrugged, “Depends on the day. They have something called an identity counselor here. Some days they’ve got events, like art classes or book clubs. Sometimes I go to a group.”
“I don’t know what to say.” She said staring at the building.
Steve sighed, “He knows I’m, well he knows I’m not straight. But it’s different. The woman who’s been going through things with me helps me make sense of everything I’m researching and I just… I needed that. I was just overwhelmed.”
“Why didn’t you just tell him?” Nat asked turning back to Steve and crossing her arms.
Steve rolled his eyes, “Cause it’s complicated. He was upset when he found about me going out to a gay club with Sharon. He didn’t say anything, but I knew. I know him. So I don’t talk about this with him.”
“What did you have planned for today?” Nat asked.
Steve shook his head, “Doesn’t matter. We can go.”
“Steven Rodgers, what were you gonna do today?” Nat said putting her hands on her hips.
He scrunched his face up, “Sometimes I go to an anonymous group.”
“For what? Most of those groups are for addictions,” She asked curiously.
He didn’t answer right away, “It’s a group for… Well… It doesn’t matter.” He stuck his hands into his pockets and looked away from her.
“Steve?” She said softly, after realizing he was upset. “It’s fine, whatever it is.”
“It’s for survivors of sexual assault.” He said quickly. “But I’ll just go another day. Can we just go home?”
Nat nodded, “If you want. You can go if you wanted though. I could come with you or find somewhere else to go sit?”
He shook his head, “It’s fine Nat. I just want to go home.”
“Steve,” She said resting her head on his arm. “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing for you to apologize for,” He muttered.
She frowned. “I shouldn’t have followed you. I don’t want to ruin this for you.”
He shook his head. “It’s fine. I don’t, I don’t talk anyway. I just go to listen.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “Not sure. I think it just makes me feel better. And I’ll go back. Just not today.”
“Steve, I got to tell you something.” Nat said reluctantly as they started to walk. “I wasn’t gonna tell you but now I feel guilty.”
“Alright.”
Nat pulled her head down to her chest, “Bucky asked me to follow you, because he didn’t know why you wouldn’t be telling him the truth.”
Steve stopped. “Right.”
“I wanted you to know. I won’t tell him if you don’t want him to know. But I have got to tell him something. I could just say you were seeing a therapist. He wouldn’t ask.”
“It’s fine. I’ll talk to him myself.”
“You’re upset.”
“Yup.”
“He meant well.”
“I’m sure.”
“Steve…”
“I’m fine.”
Nat rolled her eyes, “You always say that and you never mean it.”
Steve stopped and turned to her, “What do you want me to tell you? That this was the one thing I did that was just for me, and I can’t even have that. I wanted this to be mine, and as it turns out I can’t even have that. Do you want to know that I’m pissed that he went to you without even asking me, and without considering how I would feel about him doing this? The other alternative is even worse, he did know I would be upset and did it anyway.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m less mad at you than I am at him.”
“Why?”
Steve tightened his jaw. “Cause I am okay? Just… Can we just walk home in silence?”
Nat nodded and followed Steve. They got into the tower to find everyone eating breakfast together. Sam smiled, “Hey, you’re back early. Want something to eat?”
“No.” Steve said simply. “I’ll be…” He raised his hands to his head. “I’ll be not here.” He turned on his heel and left the room.
Bucky turned to Nat with big eyes, “I’m sorry.”
She let out one humorless laugh. “Oh no, I’m sorry. I told him why I was there and he’s way more pissed at you then he is at me for whatever reason.”
“What did we miss?” Clint asked glancing up as he sipped his coffee.
Bucky sighed, “Steve’s been disappearing and I asked Nat to find out where he went.”
Sam reached over and smacked Bucky’s head, “You’re a dick sometimes you know that?”
“So you know?” Nat asked as she poured a cup of coffee.
Sam nodded, “Yeah I do. I helped him find that place. All he wanted was one thing in his life that he didn’t have to share with everyone. I’m surprised he even came back here. You know what, I don’t say anything about most of the stupid shit you guys do, but this is a whole new level of messed up. You all know he doesn’t want to be here. He’s said it since before we even came. All Steve wants to do is draw and get people to see him as a person not as an avenger. The man wants a personal life, and I don’t blame him. Why do you insist on pushing him?”
“You really think he’d leave?” Bucky asked quietly.
Sam snorted, “Yeah I do.”
“I should talk to him,” Bucky said standing up.
Sam put a hand on his chest, “Not now. I’ll go talk to him first.”
“But-”
“But nothing. Stay here. He’s rightly pissed at you and if you go you’ll fuck this up.”
Sam knocked on the door gently. “Steve?”
Steve flung the door open and laid back down. “I’m not being unreasonable.”
“Nope. I just told them the same thing.”
Steve sat up, and Sam realized he was close to tears. “I want to leave.” Sam sat next to him and grabbed his hand.
“Go where?” Sam asked. “DC?”
Steve shook his head. “Not that far. Just… I need a few days away from this.”
“Look, we leave in two days on this retreat. Go. Take those two days and be by yourself.”
Steve sighed, “I suck at being alone. I’ll just deal.”
“You don’t want to stay,” Sam said gently.
Steve nodded, “I know, but I don’t know where else to go. What am I gonna do? Spend two days in a hotel room feeling sorry for myself? No. I’ll just stay here. I know Stark has enough bedrooms for me to have my own.”
“He feels bad.”
“He should.”
“I’ll talk to Tony about another room. But he wants to talk to you.”
“Fine.”
Sam sighed and went back to the dining room. Clint’s kids had finally joined. “You can go Buck.” After he left he turned to Tony and Pepper, “He needs his own room.”
“He seemed really upset,” Pepper said softly. “Is he gonna be alright? I could postpone the retreat if he needs more time.”
Sam shrugged, “Don’t bother. He’s gonna do what he always does.”
Bucky walked into the open doorframe and stopped. Steve was packing his stuff. “You moving?”
“Just to another room.”
“That’s fair. I’m sorry.”
“You should be.”
Bucky sighed, “I was just worried about you.”
“Well I’m a grown man and I don’t have to tell you every single thing I do.” Steve turned around to look at Bucky. “But since you want to know so damn badly, I have been going to the pride center. Sometimes just to do research where I don’t have to be uncomfortable, sometimes for events, and sometimes I go for counseling cause I’m just trying to deal with all of this and I’m overwhelmed and I can’t talk to you about it.”
“Wait a minute. Why the hell not?” Bucky exclaimed.
Steve rolled his eyes, “I have known you since we were kids. I can tell when something upsets you, and you were upset when I brought it up before so I just figured it wasn’t worth upsetting you over. Because I try to take your feelings into consideration. Clearly you don’t do the same for me.” Steve swung his bag over his shoulder and stormed out of the room.
Bucky sat on the bed motionless. Finally Sam and Nat came in. Sam sighed, “You alright?”
Bucky looked up at him with big eyes, “He’s wrong.”
“You fucked up man,” Sam said.
Bucky shook his head, “I know that, but he’s wrong. Did you, did you know why he wouldn’t tell me?” Sam shook his head. “He thinks…” He trailed off and put his head in his hands. “When he told me about Max I was upset.”
“Who’s Max?” Nat asked.
“He met a guy in New York at a club,” Sam explained. “They’re friends now.”
“He thought I was upset because he…” Bucky trailed off shaking his head.
Nat sighed and plopped into the chair. “I can fill in some blanks. Steve thought you were upset that he was interested in men. That makes way more sense now.”
Sam leaned back banging his head on the wall. “That naïve idiot.” He sighed, “I can fill in the rest. Steve thought your frustration was with the fact that Max was a man, when it was really to do with your discomfort with Steve being involved with anyone.”
Nat rolled her eyes, “That’s equally fucked up. I mean seriously, he deserves to find someone.”
“I know that,” Bucky mumbled. “I wasn’t being homophobic. Christ, I was being a jealous dick but that kind of makes this even more ridiculous.” He laid back on the bed. “And now of course I have just made a huge mess of things.”
Sam threw his hands in the air and left. Nat followed him and cornered him, “What do you know that they don’t?”
Sam looked down at her and finally sighed, “You know why Steve went to the club? Cause something Bucky said or did made him think he didn’t have a chance there, so Sharon insisted that the best way to get over someone is to meet someone new.” Nat paused and then started laughing. “It’d be funnier if it wasn’t so frustrating.”
“Why didn’t you tell either of them?”
He grumbled, “They didn’t want me to, and I didn’t think it was gonna be a whole thing like it is now. I also feel like it’s too late for me to really tell them.”
“Fair enough. You think they’re gonna resolve this?”
Sam shrugged, “I really don’t know.”
Nat nodded. “I’m gonna talk to Steve.”
“Could you at least try not to upset him?”
Nat rolled her eyes, “I won’t upset him. Have faith in me.”
Nat took a deep breath before knocking on the door. Steve didn’t respond, but it wasn’t locked so she opened the door.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Nat sighed, “You sure?”
“Yes.”
Nat nodded and walked over to the bed, “Can we talk about something else?”
Steve sat up, “Maybe.”
Nat chuckled, “Tell me about Max.”
Steve blushed, “Jeez that came up?”
Nat nodded, “Yup.”
Steve sighed, “When I went to DC to talk to Sharon she wanted to go to a club. I met him there.”
“I said tell me about him, not how you met. Boys already told me that,” Nat teased.
Steve shrugged, “He’s a vet.”
“Did you like him?”
Steve shook his head, “I don’t think so. But it was nice. He was nice.”
“Yeah?”
Steve nodded, “He’d have to be to put up with me.”
“Steve-“
“Not like that, I just, I had a lot of questions, not to mention that I have never been able to dance.” Steve said. “He was different.”
“What do you mean?”
Steve sighed, “He was just different. He didn’t know who I was, not till someone else mentioned it, and he wanted to talk to me. Most people want to talk to Captain America, at least at first. He was just this sweet, tiny man who wore makeup and helps animals and knew exactly who he was. He was happy.”
Nat put a hand on Steve’s knee, “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
Nat sighed, “We don’t think about you as Steve often enough. I think that’s where the whole problem with Tony was. He sees you as Captain America, because that’s how Howard saw you.”
“Two people who knew me after everything still saw me as Steve first. Peggy and Bucky.” Steve shook his head. “Now Peggy’s gone, and Bucky…”
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I think we should.”
“I don’t want to hear about it.”
Nat nodded, “Alright. So tell me more about your secret escapades at the center.”
Steve chuckled, “I don’t know how much there is to tell. I, well I don’t really talk to people very often. I don’t want the attention.”
“You said you were talking to someone,” Nat said softly.
Steve nodded, “That was what struck me so much about Max. He knew who he was. Everyone in that club seemed to know who they were. I don’t. They have these people there, they call them identity counselors. I decided to see them.”
“How’s that been?”
Steve snorted, “Slow. I’m not the best at talking about my feelings, and I’m not really well informed. But Kate, that’s the therapist’s name, she’s narrowed down my research a lot. Not historical stuff, but about ways people identify.”
“That’s good,” Nat said smiling.
Steve nodded, “Yeah. I just, I can’t settle on anything. But she’s helpful anyway. Some of her suggestions are too overwhelming, but I guess that’s alright.”
“Like what?”
“Dating,” Steve started, “Still feels too overwhelming. I don’t want to try and meet someone, when I’m not settled. The other thing… It’s dumb.”
Nat rolled her eyes. “Lots of therapy suggestions sound dumb.”
“It’s not… It’s just… It’s too big a leap.”
Nat poked Steve gently, “Too big a leap for the man who jumped over fires and punched Hitler?”
“People, men, at that club wore makeup.”
Nat’s face lit up, “Let me do your makeup. Please. I used to do it to Clint. It’d be fun I promise, and we can do it here, in your room. No one has to see or anything. It’ll be fun.”
Steve looked at Nat’s face and knit his brow, “I don’t know. I told you it’s just, it’s a big thing for me. Not exactly something I’d ever imagined being something I did.”
Nat nodded, “I know, but I think it’d be fun. Plus it’d be a good distraction. You’re already distracted and not moping anymore.”
“Am I interrupting?” Steve and Nat looked over to see Sam in the doorway. “I wanted to see how you were doing.”
Steve smiled, “I’m alright.”
“What’s she trying to talk you into?”
Steve shrugged, “I mentioned the whole makeup thing.”
“It would be a different thing to focus on,” Sam said shrugging. “It’s not like you wouldn’t have control over it.”
Nat nodded, “I can stop if it’s too much.”
Steve took a deep breath, “Okay.”
“Yeah?” Nat asked. Steve nodded and she dashed out.
Sam smiled, “I’m proud of you.”
“For what, giving Nat her way?”
Sam laughed, “For deciding where to put your foot down, for not completely freaking out about her following you, and for doing things for you. But, and I know you don’t want to hear it, you have to hear him out. Not today, hell maybe not tomorrow. You are allowed to be upset. But you have to let him explain.”
“Why don’t you just tell me?”
“You have to hear it from him,” Sam said shaking his head.
Steve nodded, “Two days. I’ll talk to him on the stupid retreat. We’re supposed to be team building right? Learning to trust each other.”
Sam laughed, “I guess you’re right.”
Nat popped back into the room, “Got everything. Did you want Sam to stay?”
Steve shook his head, “You don’t have to.”
“If you want me here, I’m here. It’s not like I have got anything better to do.” Sam said.
“Stay then?”
Sam nodded and closed the door as well as turning the lock, “All yours.”
The process took a while, as Steve kept getting anxious and asking her to stop, but an hour or so later he was staring at himself in a small mirror Nat had handed him inspecting her work. “My face looks different.”
“You are aware that’s what makeup does?” Nat asked laughing. “Different good or bad?”
Steve squinted, “It’s too much.”
Nat handed him a wipe, “Then take it off. But now you know.”
Steve didn’t immediately move to take the makeup off, “What’s the stuff on my eyes?”
“Eyeliner,” Nat told him.
He nodded, “Right. You told me that.”
“What about it?”
He stared at his face for a minute before answering, “I think I like that part.”
Nat smiled, “You’ve got pretty eyes. It brings them out.”
Steve blushed slightly and nodded before slowly cleaning off his face. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure,” Nat said. “You ever want to make Lila’s whole day let her do your makeup. It’ll be a mess of course, she’s like seven, but she adores playing makeover.”
Steve smiled, “Good to know.”
“Now I have got to go do something, but you need me text me. I won’t be far,” Nat said smiling and dashing out of the room.
Steve laughed and turned to Sam, “She’s always doing something.”
“Always,” Sam said smiling. “So what’s your plan now?”
Steve shrugged, “No idea. Usually I’m with Buck.”
“Right.” Sam said nodding. “What if we get out of this tower for the day?”
“And do what?”
Sam rolled his eyes, “We’re in New York. There’re a thousand things to do here. Let’s go walk around the city.”
“I know you’re trying to help, but I don’t know. It’ll just mean getting recognized by tourists and spending a lot of time walking.”
“What if we go to the MET? Big fancy art museum. Combines your interest in art and things that are old.”
“Ha ha.” Steve said rolling his eyes. “You sure?”
Sam nodded, “Yeah. We can stroll around, get lunch, you can try to teach me about art, and we’ll head back. You can clear your head.”
Steve nodded, “Alright. Just… Can you make sure he’s okay?”
“He’d be better if you talked to him.”
Steve groaned, “I’m not ready to talk to him, but at the end of the day he’s my friend and I don’t like him being upset.”
Sam nodded, “I know. I’ll check on him while you get ready. Meet you downstairs.”
Sam headed over to Bucky’s room to find him lying on the bed. “Alright no.”
“What?”
“You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to lay around and mope. One, this is your fault. You should have talked to him. But no, you did your whole grumpy old men and your different time nonsense. So now you’re here. Two, he’s going to forgive you. You just have to explain all of this to him, since he’s confused and upset. And you’ll have that opportunity in a couple days, he’s already said.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You’re an idiot. He cares about you. Hell, he’s the one who told me to check on you, not that I wasn’t planning on it anyway.”
“He did?” Bucky’s face lit up.
“Yeah. He just needs time to cool off. So wait it out, alright?”
Bucky nodded, “Okay.”
“Today, Steve is hurt and needs someone. So I’m gonna be with him making sure he doesn’t dive too deep into his own mess of a brain.”
“Take care of him, please?”
“I will.”
Meanwhile, Natasha barged into Tony’s lab with enough gusto he noticed and looked up at her. “What do I owe this pleasure to?”
“We need to talk about Steve and Bucky.”
“What about?”
She sighed, “I know you’ve mostly moved on from the whole fight, but you need to realize something.”
“Okay?”
Nat thrust her phone at him. It was playing old film of Steve when he was young. Most of it was with Bucky, although occasionally you’d see him with Peggy or Howard or the other commandos. “You see that? Did you ever know Steve to look that happy?”
“No.”
“Neither did I. Not until Bucky was back, and back for real. He blamed himself for what happened to Bucky, and for every single thing he did. But he has lost every other person in that film. Every single one of them is gone now, except Bucky.” She sighed. “Steve cares about all of us, he does, but you asked him to give up the one person who remembers him before the ice, before the serum. You lost your mom to hydra, I get it. But Steve lost Bucky. He lost him when he died, and he lost him again on that helicarrier. Not to even mention that he lost your dad, who was arguably one of the people he was closest to.”
“I know,” Tony said sighing. “And I’m mostly over it. He’s happier now then I’d seen him before. Or he was before this morning.”
Nat groaned, “Yeah well, that’s a new and terrible problem. They’ll deal with it. Eventually.”
“Probably at that stupid retreat. Why are we doing that again?”
“To rebuild trust and try to learn more about each other.”
“Well that sounds absolutely terrible. I’m sure it’ll go great.”
“None of us are excited, but I do think it would be nice to actually trust everyone we work with, and maybe even more than tolerate each other.” She said rolling her eyes.
“You softie,” Tony teased. “That all?”
“For now,” Nat said. “Unless you wanted to add something?”
“When can we expect Steve to come out?” Tony asked without looking up from his work.
“What?”
Tony rolled his eyes, “You followed him, you know. I track everyone from time to time.”
“You let him be, and let him make this decision in his own time,” Nat said sharply, “Otherwise I will actually have to hurt you.”
“I was just asking if we had any timeline,” Tony said raising his hands, “I never said I was gonna meddle.”
Nat rolled her eyes. “You leave it alone.”
“Why does everyone think the worst of me, like I haven’t been keeping an eye on the situation? He’s a public figure, I keep track to make sure no one else is outing him before he decides. Honestly, it’s a miracle no one has.”
“Some people respect his privacy.” Nat said glaring with her hands on his hips.
“Fair enough. I’m not gonna do anything. Although if he and Barnes don’t kiss and makeup before this retreat it’ll make it even less fun then I imagine it will be.”
“Let it be.”
The next morning Steve slipped out of the house before anyone noticed. Natasha assumed that he was heading back to the center, since he hadn’t actually gone the day before. When he got home it was just past lunchtime.
“Hey,” She said walking next to him. “You eat?”
He rolled his eyes, “At the coffee shop before I left, mom.”
“What’d you do?” She said continuing to match his pace when he slowed down to make it easier for her.
He sighed, “Open therapy hours on Saturday. I wanted to talk about yesterday, but with someone else.”
“Why?”
Steve stopped and looked at her, “Honestly?” She nodded. “She doesn’t know everyone involved, and she doesn’t have any stake in the matter.”
“What’d she say?”
He frowned, “She thinks I should talk to him, but admits that I should try not to be so angry first. She just suggested trying things like meditation rather than time.”
“Fair enough.”
“She also thinks I should stop keeping everything a secret.”
Nat sighed, “To be fair it isn’t your best kept secret.”
“What do you mean?”
Nat smiled, “Besides all the thesis papers debating if you were straight? You know Sam and I know. Wanda can literally read minds, Tony tracked your phone, and besides before this fight the two of you have never exactly acted like friends.”
Steve shrugged, “And that took Sam yelling at me to even try and be okay with. I just wish things would slow down.”
“Sorry, that’s just not the way of the world.”
“Auntie Nat,” Lila said jumping in front of them, “Can we play tea party?”
“Sure kiddo,” Nat said smiling.
Lila smiled, “Yay! Mister Steve, do you want to play?”
Steve smiled, “Sure.”
“Really?” He nodded, “Will you let me make you pretty?”
“Whatever you want kiddo.”
An hour later he, Nat, and Clint had all had their makeup done and were sitting drinking pretend tea out of plastic cups with feather boas around their necks. Finally Clint sat back and said they had to go make dinner and the tea party was over.
“Hey Steve, you up for helping? It’s the last night here before we go god knows where on this retreat?” Clint asked.
Steve nodded. “Definitely. What did you have in mind?”
“Everything, Nat you’re helping too. I’ll get Scott and between all of us we should end up with at least half the food being edible.”
When Sam strolled into the kitchen later he just burst into laughter. Every surface was covered in food, everyone was covered in flour, and Scott had tactfully avoided commenting on the makeup from Lila which made them quite a spectacle. He took a picture of them all staring at him, just for himself, before explaining, “You’re all covered in flour, and the makeup truly adds something to the look.”
“You all look better than I did when Cassie went through that phase. She thought it was hilarious to use the makeup as incorrectly as possible. It really improved for me when I bought her Halloween makeup, although her mom has still never forgiven me for that,” Scott said, trailing off.
Everyone washed up slightly, and finished when the food was done before calling everyone for food. Everyone sat around eating rather civilly.
“Now a reminder for all of you except Laura and the kids,” Pepper started. “You need to pack tonight you fly out early tomorrow. Pack clothes. Electronics won’t work well and you aren’t supposed to take them, and you are going through airport security so they will find all your weapons. This trip is just about bonding. Clothes only. I’m looking at you Tony. You’re going for at least five days and should pack for at least ten, because I told them you couldn’t leave until you all were getting along. Am I understood?” A chorus of yes ma’am went around the table. “Good. Try to have a good time at least. Good night.”
The next morning everyone trudged onto the plane reluctantly. They were all completely exhausted, and the closer the trip had come the more they didn’t want it. There were no longer major issues, and it seemed likely to cause more problems where they’d previously chosen to ignore them.
Upon getting onto the bus Pepper had sent everyone got increasingly nervous as they drove deeper and deeper into a forest. Their fears were not abated when they drove up to see a single blonde woman standing with a clipboard and a whistle with cabins in the background. They all got off the bus and stood around waiting.
“Welcome everyone! My name is Anna and I will be your guide through your time here. Before we get started I want to give everyone a few ground rules. One, don’t wander off. This is a real forest and there is real wildlife. If you should come across a snake, back away slowly and then run. If you come across a bear and it notices you, back away slowly talking in a calm and low voice. Once it stops paying attention you can turn and run. You shouldn’t come across a bear if you stay in designated areas, because we have traps, so don’t break rule number one and you shouldn’t worry about it. Two, if you are asked to participate you will participate. I try to wait for volunteers, but your friend warned me you may not be the most cooperative bunch. You will leave this trip closer than you started. I guarantee we’ve cracked every case we’ve ever gotten. At the lady’s suggestion, anyone who doesn’t participate when called on owes me money. She gave me an amount for each of you, when I pass out your envelopes it will state that amount on your paperwork.”
“What happens to that money at the end?” Tony asked tilting his head. “Charity?”
“I get a bonus,” Anna said smirking. “Rule three, the same consequence applies for anyone being intentionally rude. You will also be forced to sit in the get along corner or a get along shirt until you’ve made up. Those are the big rules. Now, until you get along you are going to eat, sleep, and breathe together. Bathrooms are our only private area and even that requires a buddy system, mostly for safety reasons. In your envelopes you will find a copy of the schedule, a whistle, and your letters from Miss Potts. You have five minutes to look them over in your cabin. You may note that this week’s schedule has no free time. Free time here can be earned. Every day you go without a single problem behavior will result in one hour of free time, all of which you will receive on Sunday. If you manage to get through all 6 days without an issue, Sunday becomes a free day and all activities get pushed to Monday or cancelled. The whistles are for anytime you feel uncomfortable, whether from speech or an animal. Except bears. The whistle upsets the bears. On that note, here are your envelopes. Go put your bags down and look them over and we’ll get started.”
Everyone settled into the cabin and opened their envelopes which each had a handwritten letter from Pepper that ranged from encouraging to vaguely threatening. It felt like they’d barely had time to look things over when Anna was opening the door and whistling like a drill sergeant.
“Alright everyone. This first task is an easy one. I need a volunteer to go first and demonstrate.” After a moment of silence Sam stepped forward. “Fantastic. Your name is?”
“Sam.”
Anna beamed, “The first volunteer is usually the hardest, so I thank you. Now, we are gonna go down the line and you’re gonna say something nice to everyone on your team. Go.”
Sam sighed as the other ranged from looking mildly uncomfortable to Nat and Clint who made eye contact and giggled. “James, you’ve always been a hard worker, and I’m not sure why you got dragged out here.” James smiled. Sam stepped forward to stand in front of Tony “Tony, you are really great at what you do.”
“Which is? Be specific,” Anna said tapping a pen on her clipboard
“You’re the best at inventing things?” Sam asked and got a nod from Anna. “Vision, you’re objectively the smartest person here. Wanda, you are unendingly patient.” She beamed at the praise. “Bucky, you’ve come through so much and I’m so proud of you.” Bucky blushed and stared at the floor. “Clint you keep us all from starving to death and we don’t appreciate that enough. Nat, you can make things happen better than anyone I know. Scott, your humor kept us all going when things are rough.” Sam turned to Steve and smiled. “Steve, you would do anything for the people you love.”
“Very nice work!” Anna said patting Sam on the back and gesturing to the line. “Steve, since you are at the end of the line you can come up and go today too. Everyone will go eventually.”
Steve stood at the front awkwardly next to Anna. “Sam, you’ve always had my back even when everyone else was literally trying to kill me. You’re a great friend.” He turned to James next. “Honestly, I haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time with you, and I think that’s a shame because when I do you seem to be the most level headed person here.” Tony grimaced when he realized he was next, but Steve just smiled. “Tony, I know we don’t really get along a lot, but you remind me of all the best things about your dad when I knew him. You’re smart and brave and willing to do whatever you think needs to be done. Even when you mess up, you always have good intentions, and the more I try to focus on that the easier it is to not want to kill you.” Tony laughed, but it was clear both men were touched. Clint pretended to blow his whistle and elicited chuckles.
“Vision, you are surprisingly kind and you try your best to figure out the whole person thing which I can’t even imagine. Wanda, you’re strong, not just physically but mentally too. Clint, you were just born to help people, and you never give up. Nat, you’ve helped keep me alive a lot over the years. You always have my back. Scott, you’ve come so far since I met you. Even when you don’t care about things, you work on them and try to be better.”
“And Bucky?”
Steve sighed and stared at Bucky, “I can’t.”
“Not an option.”
Steve sighed again and stared off into the woods. “You know Buck, you kept me alive for so long. You were my best friend and my whole support system. Even in the depths of Germany or Russia you kept all of us together and you watched our backs. You are,” Steve huffed, “You’re you.” He turned away and threw his hands in the air. “I can’t do this.”
As Steve started to walk away Bucky followed him, “Can you just stop and listen to me?”
Anna was blowing her whistle in between screaming, “Stop, you can’t go that way!”
After a few more steps everyone heard a crack and a net swooped Steve up into the air. Bucky stopped and looked up, “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Steve rolled his eyes and relaxed into the net.
“I’ll go get a knife,” Anna said. “No one else move!”
Nat rolled her eyes and came over to inspect the rope, “Steve, hang onto the tree branch.” She undid the knot and the net fell away. Steve dropped to the ground and nodded at her gratefully before heading off in the opposite direction towards the cabin.
“Steve the punishment,” Sam said gently grabbing his arm.
Steve shrugged, “I’ll take it. I can’t do this right now.” Sam let go and sighed as Steve walked towards the cabin shaking his head.
By the time Anna had returned with a knife the others were all sitting around. “Where’d he go?”
“Inside, he knows the consequence.”
Anna rolled her eyes and grabbed Bucky’s arm in a way no one would have thought to do to the former assassin. Bucky glanced in mild horror at the tiny woman and allowed her to pull him inside. “Follow.”
Everyone scurried inside to see Steve sitting in a corner looking up in mild annoyance, “Yes?”
“I, along with everyone else, am sensing unresolved tension which needs to be resolved.” She said. “So you boys are gonna sit in that corner and make up.”
Bucky went over to Steve when she released his arm and sat down, “Steve, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have had Nat follow you. I didn’t know, and I didn’t heed her warning about how upset you’d be if you knew I didn’t trust you. I should have just talked to you.”
“You’re right,” Steve said shrugging and refusing eye contact. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not,” Bucky said gently putting his hand on Steve’s knee. Steve tightened his whole body and Bucky withdrew his hand just as quickly. “You trusted me, you’ve always trusted me. I get nervous when I don’t know where you are. It reminds me of every time I lost track of you when we were kids and you’d inevitably be getting beat up by the time I found you if not worse. I know you don’t need that anymore, but I still worry about you.”
Steve sighed, “Fine. It’s fine. I get it.”
“Hugs are an important part of apologizing.”
The men hugged awkwardly and Anna smiled, “Lovely job. Time to go row!”
“Row?” Tony asked quietly as they followed her.
An hour later everyone was marching towards their cabin dripping wet. They’d barely gotten away from the dock when they started spinning in circles and fighting about it and had ended up tipping over. Anna had taken it surprisingly well, but the others hadn’t.
Everyone grabbed clothes and split off to change before lunch.
“This was a terrible idea,” James said as he struggled, “I can barely walk and I’m out here trying to row a boat and nearly drowning.”
“I know it’s not ideal,” Sam said slowly, “But this is a good thing. There have been zero fist fights yet so I’m counting it as a win.”
“What’s after lunch?” Tony grumbled. “Are we gonna get locked in one of those escape rooms or make friendship bracelets? It could go either way.”
Scott rolled his eyes, “That’s the point. One, it can’t be too predictable or you could cheat. The mushy stuff is there so we can learn to get along and recognize that we like each other as people. It’s like marriage counseling. The hard tasks are about being able to work cohesively. If you get both you become an optimal team.” Everyone raised eyebrows at him. “I have had a lot of jobs and also went to marriage counselling.”
Sure enough, after lunch was another team work task. They’d to make a coherent cake, but they only had enough ingredients for one, so if they did something wrong it’d be ruined. To add a challenge they’d be forced to eat the cake as it stood at dinner time. With Clint at the head they more or less got the cake done with minimal yelling.
“Lovely job ladies and gentlemen. Now we’re going to do our next set of nice words, but with a twist. You have to take something about someone that drives you crazy and turn it into a compliment. For example, you talk too much, but when I need advice you’re the best to come to. Natasha, you’re up.”
Nat grimaced, “Right. Tony, you are so cocky, but it’s because you’re smart enough no one told you to stop. James, you blindly trust the government, but you stick to your convictions. Vision, you can be less than friendly, but you treat Wanda like a queen. Sam, you want to talk all the time about everyone’s feelings, but it’s because you want us to be happy. Wanda, you can be frustrating at times, but you try your best. Scott, you are frustrating to teach, but you try even when you don’t care. Bucky, you can be a bit stressful, but if I was in your shoes I would be even worse. Steve, you have such strict morals, but you have them to help people and are willing to adjust to do that the best way you can.”
“Great job!” Anna said beaming. “On to the next task. It’s an escape room. When you get out you can eat dinner. After which we will have a grievance campfire. I have got a list from Miss Potts, but you can bring your own up if you’d like to.”
It took them three hours to escape, and everyone was exhausted. Dinner was silent, part because of the exhaustion and part because everyone was anxious about what came next.
Everyone sat around the fire perfectly straight and Anna stood up, “Before I start this list, does anyone have anything they want to share or discuss.” When no one answered she continued. “Alright then, first thing she listed is the Sokovia Accords?”
Tony stood up, “I’m gonna say something I don’t say often. I was wrong. A lot of damage was done. Not only to our friendships, but to people I don’t even know who were murdered because of them. I didn’t think about the possibilities, and I didn’t listen to what anyone else thought. Also, I’m sorry we fought to kill at the airport. Things would be better if we hadn’t. James, what happened to you… I gave that order. I’m also sorry I impulsively tried to kill you guys. My mom was where my focus was, and I sometimes forget that you were friends with my dad and it was probably hard for you as well.” Tony shook his head and threw his hands up before he sat down again.
“I forgave you a long time ago,” James said shrugging. “You’ve tried to fix it since then.”
When Hames finished talking Steve stood up, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know for sure, but I suspected for a while, and it was selfish to do that”
Bucky nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry about all of it. I know there wasn’t anything I could have done, but I always understood your reaction.”
“Group, would we declare this resolved?” Everyone nodded and she continued. “Ultron?”
Tony stood again, “I just want to say, my bad. Wanda, I’m truly sorry. Your brother and your whole country deserved better. I meant to help, both times, but I don’t make good choices, so at T’challa’s advice I’m gonna work on listening. I think my presence here despite not having any interest in this kind of thing is a solid first step.”
“Very kind” Anna said nodding.
Wanda smiled, “I appreciate you’re apology and attempt to really change this time.”
Anna beamed and clapped once. “That was lovely. The last point we have is a recent addition she called about, Steve’s trips?”
“There’s nothing to say,” Steve said shrugging. “It’s my issue, and I’m working on dealing with it. I know that Bucky meant well, and eventually that’s gonna be enough for me to be over it. It just isn’t yet.”
“Steve,” Bucky started, but stopped when he saw Steve shaking his head.
“Buck, you don’t have to keep apologizing. I’ll be fine.”
“Man, I know this has nothing to do with me, but can you stop with the fine thing?” Sam interrupted loudly. He turned to Steve and gestured at him as he continued. “You always say that, and we all know when you say it you’re not fine. In fact, sometimes you’re literally dying.”
Steve sighed, “I didn’t say I was fine. I said I would be, and I will. We will.”
Bucky leapt to his feet and walked to Steve before bending so they were at eye level. “I’m sorry, I just need you to listen to me please. I know you hate everyone being involved in your business and I didn’t want to do this here, but you won’t talk to me, and I need you to understand something. You’re right. I should have asked you. And I was upset about a lot of things. I was upset that you left to DC and didn’t want me to go with you. I was upset about Sharon. You don’t even like blondes and I didn’t get it, plus she’s Peggy’s niece and that’s a little weird. But I got over that and I realized I was being stupid, and then you told me about Max.” Steve opened his mouth, but Bucky shook his head and held up a finger, “Don’t interrupt, I’m not done. I’m not upset that you like men, I have always kind of known that. It just wasn’t something we talked about before cause I knew you’d probably never act on it the way things were then. I kind of figured, things are different now that that might change too. I was upset that you found someone else, for the same reason I was upset about Sharon or that Peggy and I didn’t get along till I got to know her.”
“You don’t need to make excuses,” Steve said looking down at his sneakers like they were suddenly very interesting to him.
Bucky sighed and put his hand on Steve’s chin to force him to look up. “I’m not making excuses. Steve, I don’t care if you like men or women, hell if you wanted to be a woman I would support you. That’s a thing now, and I need it explained to me at some point because I saw it on TV and I don’t understand, but that’s not the point. I have always supported you through whatever you wanted to do. When you were five foot tall and asthmatic and decided you wanted to join the military I tried to help you reach the qualifications. I got in fight after fight over things I didn’t care about, because you did and so I was there. I’m here no matter what. I was upset to hear about Max because-” Bucky let out a huff of air, “I don’t like the idea of you dating anyone. I know that’s not fair to you, and I will work on it. But you have to know I love you and I want you to be happy no matter what.”
“I don’t understand,” Steve said quietly wrapping his arms around himself and looking down again.
Bucky gently moved his hands to grab Steve’s face by the cheeks so Steve would have to look at him. “Steve, I wasn’t being homophobic. I don’t care who you’re dating, as long as it’s legal and you’re happy. I was being jealous and an asshole, because I love you and I have since forever.”
“What?”
Bucky sighed, “I love you punk. In a romantic way, as well as a friend way.”
“But-”
“No buts, you’re it for me. I didn’t tell you because you could do better and I’m a mess, but it doesn’t make the idea of you finding better easier. It was easier then, but now, when we could… it’s just hard for me, but I want you to be happy whatever that takes.”
Steve stared in silence for a moment, “Doesn’t feel real.”
Bucky chuckled, “Why not?”
Steve looked up with sad eyes, “Cause you’re here and this…”
Bucky sighed, “I’m here, and I’m never leaving again. I promised. And I love you, always have and I always will.”
Steve smiled and reached his hand out to Bucky for the first time, “Till the end of the line.”
Bucky’s mouth fell open softly and then he smiled. “You mean?”
Steve nodded. “Buck, I think I’ve loved you as long as I can remember. You had to know.”
Neither moved to stop staring at the other in complete shock when Tony interrupted the silence, “Two things. One, who the hell is Max? Two, is this Cap coming out for real? Like, can we stop pretending it’s a secret that no one knows about?”
“Max is a friend of mind, just a friend,” Steve said without moving.
Bucky frowned, “But I thought-”
“He lives in DC, and I hated DC even before you blew up my apartment. I only went to that club and met him because Sharon wanted to go and I didn’t think you… You told me to leave like you didn’t know that the only thing I wanted was to be with you, legacy be damned. I would rather be just Steve and live on the run then leave you.”
Bucky shook his head, “I didn’t want you to be stuck because of me. I never wanted you to leave. I- You shouldn’t pick me. I’m not worth all of that.”
“You always have been for me, you’re the only reason I picked up the shield, and I’d drop it just as quickly for you. The only reason Captain America was ever more than someone to sell bonds was because of you, because I wouldn’t leave you.”
“What do you mean?” Scott asked.
Steve scooted over for Bucky to sit next to him and squeezed his hand tightly before sighing, “Peggy and the army hid the true story of Captain America. I did shows till one day I was doing a show for a small group of men. They told me it was what was left of the 107th and showed me where the rest were being held. They told me it was a suicide mission so they weren’t sending anyone, but Bucky was there. So Howard, Peggy, and I stole a plane so they could drop me off as close as they could. With that stupid fake costume and shield I broke in and freed everyone and we walked back to our side of the line across enemy terrain.”
“My dad stole a plane?”
Steve chuckled, “Yup. Your dad, he was different before. I’m sorry about that. I think it was probably my fault. He used to be a good man. We were friends. He saved us, time and time again.”
Bucky gently nudged Steve, “Wait, so, we’re good now?”
Steve smiled and leaned into him, “Yeah. Better than good.”
“And you’re out now? You ignored my question, and I’m offended frankly.”
Steve rolled his eyes, “You all already knew. You just pretend for my sake. I know that, I’m not an idiot. Any other questions?”
“Where do you go?” Clint asked raising his eyebrows. “The rest of us never found out. No one shared, although to be fair you were upset so we didn’t really ask.”
Steve blushed softly, “New York Pride Center. They have a coffee shop and art classes there, and well there’s a lot there.”
“Is this like a public knowledge thing now?” Vision asked. “I’m uncertain.”
Steve paused, “I don’t know. Everyone worked so hard to make this legacy for me, for us. I apparently tell kids how to cross the street and to tell their parents and teachers about bullies for god’s sake. I never know what should and shouldn’t be public knowledge. It’s why I’m so private about everything.”
Bucky rested his head on Steve’s shoulder and sighed, “She’d want you to be happy. You know she would.”
“I know,” Steve said shrugging. “I’m just not sure. For now, I think it’s just public knowledge with us, but I know eventually it’ll spread.”
After a brief silence Anna spoke, “Any more questions of grievances?” No one responded, so she continued, “So not the worst day one. There wasn’t a lot of screaming, and no violence. You do well on appreciating each other. But we really need to focus on team building so we can move forward to trust.”
“Which entails?” Clint asked.
Anna smiled, “All kinds of things. Some examples are letting your friends guide you through a maze while your blindfolded, trust falls, and so on. If you’re all satisfied you can head to bed. Early day tomorrow, and you’re fighting a bit of jet lag.”
Everyone trudged into their cabin and into their closely packed bunk beds to relax or sleep. Sam slipped over to where Steve and Bucky were, “Thank you for finally taking me out from that awful situation where I didn’t know what to do with myself trying to keep all this a secret.”
“You could have mentioned to one of us that we were both being idiots,” Bucky pointed out. “But I respect your call not to.”
“No more stupid fights,” Sam said turning to get to bed.
Bucky turned to Steve, “Are we, this sounds dumb, but-”
“Sounds weird to say we’re dating at this point doesn’t it?” Steve asked smiling.
Bucky nodded, “What if I kiss you?”
Steve blushed, “I mean you can, but everyone’s here and-” He was cut off by Bucky gently pressing his lips on his. When they pulled apart a second later Steve was bright red even before he heard the others teasing. “Right. Goodnight Buck.” Steve walked away and into his bunk. “Night everyone.”
Bucky smirked as he walked over to Steve, “Scoot.”
“Absolutely not.” Steve said shaking his head and giggling. “These are twin sized beds. My feet stick off the end by myself. We are not little kids, and we don’t fit in this bed.”
“But Steeeve,” Bucky said whining and making puppy dog eyes.
“No. Go away.” Steve said chuckling.
Bucky shook his head and crossed his arms, “Fine, but I’m quite frankly offended. We shared a cot during the war, you should appreciate things more.”
“I’m sure,” Steve muttered. “I’m equally sure you’ll feel better about it in the morning when you realize how uncomfortable you were in these tiny beds alone let alone sharing.”
“Yeah, this was not well planned,” Tony said. “Bunk beds. What kind of fresh horror.”
“It’s like camp,” Scott said. “I hated camp.”
“Suck it up,” Sam said. “The sooner we learn to work together the sooner we can go home and everyone can sleep in their usual bed again.”
The next morning everyone was awakened by Anna’s whistle at their doorway. “Up and at it ladies and gentlemen. We’ve got some work to do so you can get to breakfast on time. Copies of the amended schedule will be waiting when you get there.”
“What time is it?” Tony groaned.
“Six,” Anna chirped. “Outside let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”
Everyone got outside barely dressed and rubbing their eyes, “Now before we can get to coffee and breakfast we’re gonna do three legged races. Vision and James are excused for obvious reasons. You will stay and watch. Now unlike standard three legged races today we are going to be running against a timer rather than against each other. Our pairs are as follows: Tony and Steve, Natasha and Wanda, Clint and Bucky, and Scott and Sam. Here are ropes. You need to tie around your ankles, your knees, your thighs, and your hips, and then line up here.” Everyone slowly tied themselves together and awkwardly lined up in a slow fashion. “Alright. You need to get over to me before the timer goes off. Once you’ve done it you can take a seat and wait until everyone else finishes and only then can everyone go eat.”
Natasha and Wanda managed the second time, being close in height was an advantage. Scott and Sam did it the time after that. Two rounds later Clint and Bucky managed just barely.
“You guys,” Nat whined. “I want coffee.”
Sam rolled his eyes, “Work together.”
“We’re trying,” Tony snarked. “But we can’t go at the same time because his legs are longer than mine. We have to figure out how much of a delay there is.”
Steve paused, “This is ridiculous. What if I just let you drag my leg?”
“What?” Tony said.
Steve sighed, “We have to be careful not to trip, but we used to do it when someone had a broken leg and we had to travel any distance.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Just go, it’ll make sense. Your math is confusing me,” Steve said.
“Go!” Anna yelled. They started walking and after a few steps Tony caught onto what they were doing and finally they made it just in time. “I have seen worse believe it or not. Go eat.”
Once everyone had grabbed plates and sat at the table Vision picked up a schedule to read off for them. “This seems a bit harder than the original. There’s a lot of rowing.”
“Why do we even need to row?” Wanda groaned. “I could just move the stupid boat wherever we’re supposed to go.”
“Wait a minute,” James said slowly drawing attention, “She didn’t say how we had to do any of these stupid tasks. The whole thing is that we work together.”
“Yes and?” Tony asked holding his coffee in both hands like it was magical.
“What if just we fake it? None of know anything about rowing, so we couldn’t go anywhere she told us to go. But Wanda can just move the boat as long as the rest of us vaguely pretend to do it. Yesterday Clint did almost all of the work with the cake, because he knows what to do. If we just did what he said exactly we’d have gotten done faster and better. Steve and Tony couldn’t get through that stupid task till they tried Steve’s strategy. We don’t need to do this stuff the way they want us to. If we can get it done the wrong way, we’re still working together just without struggling.”
“That might work,” Clint said. “Figure out who’s gonna know what to do and try that, even if it means cheating.”
“I’m in,” Tony said. “I hate the woods. And also I miss Pepper.”
Nat nodded, “I’m definitely not opposed, but I think we all know which people are the deciding factor here.”
“I’m cool,” Sam said nodding. “We still have to work together and that’s why we’re here. Steve?”
“Why is it my call?” Steve asked as he ate.
“Paragon of virtue,” Tony said rolling his eyes.
Steve rolled his eyes, “I’m up for anything that gets us into real beds and away from that woman. She makes me uncomfortable.”
“She’s like a cheerleader and a drill sergeant had a baby,” Scott said shivering. “So glad I’m not alone in that.”
When breakfast was over they all got into the rowboat and carefully faked their way through the full path, even getting to the obstacle course they didn’t realize existed since they hadn’t gotten far enough the first day. After lunch they were led to a maze and everyone was blindfolded and put at the front with the instruction to make it to the other end.
“I may be of assistance here.” Vision said. “I can see through the blindfold, not completely, but well enough to get us out.”
“Perfect,” Tony said beaming.
“We should hold hands.” Scott said. “To make sure we stick together. Everyone grab someone’s hand in either of yours, except Vision who should have one and then whoever ends up at the back.”
After a few minutes of confusion they’d formed a daisy chain and Vision led them through the maze and to the exit.
“You’re all doing fantastic today!” Anna said cheerfully. “You’re fast learners alright. Now is time to share. Campfire! We’re gonna make s’mores while we talk. I know desert before dinner isn’t typical, but I find it helps minimize tension.”
“Didn’t we resolve tension yesterday?” Wanda asked. “How much tension do we need to resolve?”
Anna sighed, “You resolved conflicts. Today I want everyone to think of something they want to know about someone else, but wouldn’t ask usually for whatever reason. That can get a bit tense, but I think it’s important to feel comfortable asking whatever you want to the other people in your team. Now who wants to go first?”
Finally Scott broke the ice, “So uh, Clint and Nat what exactly is the deal with you two? Like I thought you were together, and then your wife, and I just am confused.”
Natasha laughed while Clint responded, “Nat, Laura, and I are all involved.”
“What does that mean?” Bucky asked.
Nat began to laugh harder and fell off the log they were sitting on. “You thought that was gonna be clear? Really Clint?” She pulled herself together, sat on the bench again, and continued, “Alright kids, who doesn’t know what polyamory is?” Bucky and Scott raised their hands. “Really, Steve?”
“I told you I was reading,” Steve said rolling his eyes. “I mean I didn’t know about you, but I have been researching stuff.”
“Well for our sweet friends who don’t know,” Nat said chuckling. “Polyamory is a relationship involving more than two people.”
“Like sister wives?” Scott asked raising an eyebrow.
“Not exactly, although kind of. Polyamory, at least the way we do it, means all of us are involved with all of us. Sister Wives are not usually involved with each other, or they wouldn’t call them sisters.”
“Oh. Okay.” Scott said nodding slowly.
Bucky raised an eyebrow, “Is that common now?”
“Not really,” Clint said chuckling, “I mean it’s more common than it was in the 40s I’m sure, but still definitely a minority of people.”
“Right.” He said nodding and leaning against Steve’s arm.
James raised an eyebrow, “So what exactly were you doing before the accords ended?”
“Nothing,” Steve said with a brief shrug. “I don’t really mean that to be obstinate or anything. I got the others out of jail and we just sat around in Wakanda. We dealt with what happened while they were locked up, we woke Bucky up, and we all tried to cope with everything.”
“I hid Clint’s family and then went to Wakanda,” Nat said, “It was a terribly dull time. We watched a lot of movies.”
“I learned to fight badly and play chess averagely and cook terribly.” Scott offered. “And also I’m very good at babbling.
“I learned a lot about the history of Wakanda,” Sam said. “T’challa and I hung out. I tried to keep everyone from losing their damn minds.”
Clint rolled his eyes, “I cooked most meals and also taught everyone else how to cook.”
“Really, you all didn’t do anything?” Tony asked. Everyone shook their heads. “We assumed you were off hunting hydra or something.”
“Hydra’s gone,” Steve and Bucky said in unison. Steve continued, “I looked, but the new SHIELD got everyone that was left. Speaking of that I kind of forgot to mention something and I know everyone’s gonna freak out, so uh sorry.”
“What is it?” Wanda asked tilting her head slightly.
“Coulson’s alive.”
“You’re wrong,” Clint said shaking his head and crossing his arms. “We saw him die.”
Steve sighed, “Yeah I know. But there was an alien thing in place to bring us back to life, and Fury used it on him. Fury also ordered him not to tell us. I met him by accident to be honest. I have got his number if you want to call and ask yourself. I didn’t really get it, it was somehow involved with the Inhumans?”
“I believe you,” Nat said slowly blinking rapidly, “But I’m also damn sure gonna call him.”
“When we get home,” Steve said nodding, “I didn’t bring my phone.”
“Why not?” Tony asked indignantly.
Steve rolled his eyes, “Pepper said not to.”
“Naturally,” Clint said. “We’ll do it when we get back then.”
“I’m really sorry I didn’t mention it,” Steve said. “Things got a little crazy.”
“It’s fine,” Nat said quickly. “We’re madder at him then you. Little annoyed, but you know, mostly you’re fine. You had a lot happen in DC.”
Tony cleared his throat, “Can you tell me about my dad? The version of him you knew is so removed from the man I remember. I didn’t think I wanted to know, but in a weird way it’s sort of like closure.”
Steve nodded, “Sure. The first time I saw your dad was at an expo. He wanted to make cars fly. Did that ever happen?”
“Not popularly, but yes.” Tony said with an eye roll.
“Right, well the first time I actually met him was when I got the serum. His machine, and Dr. Escrine’s formula were what made me this. It was months before I saw him again. I thought he and Peg were dating.” Steve laughed. “That was an interesting debacle. But then I became Captain America and he was there through all of it. He worked endlessly to make sure all of the commandos had whatever we needed. We’d ask for something and he’d have it within days and better than we could have imagined. He was always up for a drink, but never drunk. He kept us sane on bad days.”
“He’d a wild sense of humor,” Bucky said chuckling. “He used to show up just long enough to keep us amused, but leave before the army would be ready to kill him. God, do you remember those stupid bears?”
Steve nodded, “I can’t even remember now what the occasion was, but he made these little bears for all of us. They sold them stateside for money for the war. The only one that caught on was Bucky.”
“I didn’t even wear that stupid hat till after those bears came out.”
“It was a good look, besides I liked not being the only one in costume,” Steve’s smile which hadn’t faded for a while suddenly dimmed slightly, “After… Well after you fell we all carried one in our left pocket. They tried to tell us not to, but we didn’t really care the same and Peg convinced them it’d look good on film so they didn’t stop us. One day Dugan took a bullet to the chest and we found out Howard had made them bullet proof, at least ours were, I can’t speak for the ones sold stateside. It saved his life.” Steve sighed. “Howard was always looking out for us. Whether it was stuff like that or being there with a joke. He made the war a bit easier to take. I’m sorry he wasn’t that person for you. I think that’s my fault actually. He was closest to me and when I went down, well Peggy said he was never the same.”
“You gonna ignore the why?” Bucky mumbled.
Steve elbowed him gently, “Nothing ever happened you jerk. If you and I didn’t…”
“What’d we miss?” Scott asked raising his hand. “I’m lost again.”
Steve huffed, “Bucky’s referring to the fact that Howard and I were, well I don’t know what to call it.”
“You liked each other.” Bucky said rolling his eyes. “No one was sure whether you were more jealous of him or Peggy.”
Steve shrugged off the comment and replied, “Yeah, but it was more complicated than that. We liked each other too but it was different. Peggy and I were together, history is pretty clear on that even now. Nothing ever happened with anyone else. But I think if it had been different.”
“If the war was now Steve would have been involved with half the damn military.” Bucky said smirking. “Me, Peg, Howard, probably the boys too.”
Steve sighed and grabbed Bucky’s hand, “I doubt that, it’s just not who I am, but it might have been different. More complicated I guess. But after you were gone the only people who could really get through to me at all were Peggy and Howard. The others just kind of knew I didn’t want to talk. They didn’t try. Howard didn’t know what to say or anything, but he kept me from disappearing too often by keeping my close as much as he could and doubling down on protective gear. He followed me through bombed out bars, and made sure I kept my head mostly straight. And then I flew myself into the ice. Peggy said he looked for me for years.”
“He never stopped,” Tony said rolling his eyes. “He got more subtle but he never stopped. I spent my whole life hearing about how perfect you were.”
“It’s easy to glorify someone who’s gone.” Steve said solemnly. He frowned at the ground. “Your father was a good man with a kind heart who blamed himself for not being able to find me or save me. Howard was the first person I knew who was as good at blaming himself for things as I am. He let me ruin him, between the serum and the blood and the searching. I don’t know that he ever would have been a good parent, he was always a bit self-absorbed, but I think he’d have been better. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t know he’d go off the deep end,” Tony said shrugging. “I do have another question, if that’s allowed. It’s related.”
“Sure,” Anna said smiling. “You’re all doing so well!”
“Why’d you go into the ice the way you did?”
“I was trying to kill myself.” Steve said simply. Bucky squeezed his hand and leaned into him, both gestures Steve returned. Seeing everyone’s faces he continued. “It was necessary to a point, but I definitely knew I was trying to die and I didn’t really want them to save me. I’d tried a few things by that point, but everyone pretended it wasn’t happening. It wasn’t the kind of story they wanted, and it wasn’t hard to hide. I think on some level everyone knew though. I would tried to get drunk till we ran out of alcohol till I gave up on that, I knew drugs did nothing for me from needing medical attention so I didn’t bother with them. I figured at least that way I would go out in a way they could tell kids without having to explain that Captain America shot himself in the head.”
“Why?” Wanda asked her eyes wide.
Steve sighed and leaned even closer to Bucky for support, “A lot of reasons. Part of it was what they call survivors guilt now, part of it was that I just didn’t know what else to do. I tried again when I woke up once. I don’t scar, so there’s no proof, but I know it happened. I’m not easy to kill. Bruce and I discussed it once. It was something we had in common. I have only been close once, and I was shot and beaten to a pulp as well as falling down quite far.”
“Sorry about that,” Bucky murmured softly.
Steve shrugged, “I didn’t mean it to be a statement about you. I forgave you a long time ago. It just proves things. I don’t die easily.”
“You still think about it ever?” Sam asked seriously from Steve’s other side.
Steve shook his head, “Not in years. Last time I considered it was before New York, before I met any of you. It crossed my mind after that, but I never considered actually trying again. Partly cause I didn’t think it’d work and partly cause I’d found a purpose.”
“You’re a mess,” Nat said simply. She held her hands up before continuing, “I’m not trying to be mean, but seriously therapy should be considered. You’ve got multiple suicide attempts, the wicked PTSD and nightmares both from multiple wars and from the whole childhood thing, and the whole food issue.”
“I have worked on that,” Steve said, “I pretty much eat what everyone else does now. And I was just lost before. Everything just kept falling apart all the time. Having this team was the first time I felt useful since the 40s. It’s different now. I know what I want, and I have got a lot of people in my life that I wouldn’t want to do that to. And the nightmares are just complicated because I remember every moment so clearly. I can remember the noise the train handle made when it broke or the smell of beer in that damn alley. When you can’t forget anything everything is vivid and there.”
“Is the childhood thing something we’re supposed to know about?” Scott asked anxiously. “Cause I don’t.”
Steve shook his head, “Sorry, no. Nat mentioned it and no. It’s not well known.”
“Do you want to share?” Anna asked.
“Not at all. If you all want to know I’ll take whatever penalty I have to in order to leave it alone.”
“It’s fine,” Tony said. “We’ve all got trauma stories we don’t want to share in a group. Can I ask, Bucky, uh, how much do you remember from before?”
Bucky looked down, “A lot. I remember almost everything from before I fell. I have got bits and pieces from then on. Less right after and more and more recently till DC after which I remember everything. Everything gets clearer the more time I spend with no one meddling with my head.”
“Anyone else have any questions?” Anna asked. When no one answered she nodded, “You all did a great job today. I’m proud of your progress. Dinner is inside when you’re ready.”
At the end of the week Anna felt comfortable that everyone had made progress and sent them home, much to everyone’s excitement. They’d had a stressful enough time that first week and didn’t want to imagine how stressed they’d be at the end of another one. Everyone was looking forward to sitting around the tower, and being with their loved ones.
“Would you be willing to go somewhere with me?” Steve asked. Everyone had been back for a few days and had spent that time recharging in their own way. The boys were sitting on their bed, Steve having moved back into their room, and watching TV. Bucky was resting his head on Steve’s chest and Steve was running his fingers through his hair.
Bucky smiled, “Where?”
“I don’t know exactly. I have been thinking, and I don’t think my retirement dream is ever gonna happen. People need help, and I would feel too guilty about it all. But I don’t want this to be it. I want to travel, and not because someone’s trying to take over Bulgaria. But beyond that, I want to live somewhere that feels like home. Everywhere I have lived has been set up for me. SHIELD set up the apartments I lived in, this place is Tony and Pepper’s thing. I want to pick somewhere and live there and make it feel like home.”
Bucky sat up and reached over to ruffle Steve’s hair and run his hand down his cheek, “Okay. You know we’ll end up here most of the time even if we have a house?”
“I know,” Steve said leaning into Bucky’s touch. “But did sixteen year old you ever imagine we could have a house and that no one would ever refuse to sell it to us? It’s more the concept than the practicality of it that I want I think.”
“I’m in.” Bucky said smiling at Steve.
“Yeah?” Steve asked. He bit down on the inside of his cheek. “You sure? It’s just something I was thinking about. We could always redecorate here maybe.”
Bucky nodded, “A whole house just for us.” He rolled over towards Steve. “No interruptions,” He said punctuating it with a kiss on Steve’s cheek. “No one asking us for things.” He kissed Steve’s other cheek, and then he heard the door and closed his eyes, “No one forgetting to knock.”
“My bad,” Sam said chuckling over how red Steve got. “Coulson and his team are here.”
Steve pulled back as much as he could with Bucky practically on top of him, “We’ll be out in a sec.”
“Alright.” Sam said chuckling as he left.
Bucky sighed and kissed Steve gently, “When do we start? How do we start?”
“I was thinking a trip first, maybe ease everyone into us not being here all the time?”
“Sounds like a good plan. Tomorrow we’re going to Coney Island, but I don’t think that’s what you meant.”
“Not exactly, I was thinking further and longer, but we can figure it out later.” Steve said standing up and holding out his hand for Bucky to join him. “First we deal with this.”
The first thing everyone had done when they got back after saying hello to Pepper, Laura, and the kids was sit down and Facetime Coulson.
“Hey Captain Rodgers, what- oh. Hi guys.”
“You’re alive?” Clint spat. “You didn’t think to mention that?”
“Fury asked me not to, and then things got a little crazy with hydra,” Clint stuttered out rubbing his neck.
“Two seconds,” Nat yelled, holding up her fingers for emphasis. “It takes two seconds to send a text. Hashtag not dead, we’ll talk soon.”
“You’re right,” He said apologetically. “I’m sorry. And I’ll-”
“Who’s that,” A voice called from off camera.
“The avengers,” Clint said hesitantly.
A small Asian woman in a man’s t-shirt came into everyone’s line of sight, “Clint, Natasha, I haven’t seen you since the academy. How are you?”
“You’re dating May?” Natasha screamed leaning back in her chair and gesturing. “What’s next you’ve adopted a child?”
“Well we did sort of adopt a team,” May said shrugging and smiling.
“Agent not only isn’t dead, you have a wife, and children,” Tony said leaning back hard against his chair so he thumped. “That’s a lot.”
“Not a wife, and Phil you never told them you weren’t dead?” May scolded and pushed him gently.
Phil sighed, “I have been busy. And they are not children. They’re young, but not children.”
“We’re all having a good stretch, no real important work so why don’t we all come by the tower in a few days? We can catch up,” May offered. “I’d love to meet you all.
“Sounds good,” Steve said reaching for the phone. “Sorry to bother you. See you soon!”
“You alright?” Bucky asked as they headed towards the living room.
Steve nodded, “Nervous. Coulson, he knew Peggy. He idolized Captain America, I mean he’d all kinds of mint condition merchandise.”
Bucky sighed, “I’m sure he won’t care.”
“I know,” Steve said grabbing Bucky’s hand again. “I’m working on not being nervous. I am, but old habits.”
“I know,” Bucky said laughing. “Come introduce me to the second person you know who didn’t really die.”
Steve laughed as they walked into the living room. Coulson jumped up to shake Steve’s hand, “Always a pleasure Captain.”
“Steve, please. This is Bucky.” Steve said gesturing.
“Honor to meet you,” Coulson said extending his hand. Bucky let go of Steve’s hand just long enough to shake hands before returning to holding Steve’s hand. “This is the team: May, Daisy, Fitz, Simmons, Mack, Elena, and Joey.”
“Pleasure,” Steve said waving awkwardly. He and Bucky went to sit on a couch near Daisy and Joey.
“Hi,” Daisy said leaning over. “I’m sorry but this is super cool. I mean you’re Captain America.”
“I’m just a person, trying to live my life,” Steve said shrugging and fighting the urge to take Bucky and run away from all these people.
Joey smiled, “You know I try that too, and yet here we both are. Why am I here again?”
“Coulson wanted to show off,” Daisy said rolling her eyes. “He knows cool people, which he thinks makes him cool.”
“So you work for SHIELD?” Steve asked.
Joey shook his head, “I don’t unless they really need me, like emergencies only.”
Daisy smiled, “We’re Coulson’s Inhumans, me, Joey, and Elena.” She pointed, “I work for SHIELD and so does Elena. Joey is too busy trying to find the perfect man and building stuff.”
“SHIELD isn’t the kind of life I want to live. Everyone’s always suspicious, and there’s no privacy,” Joey said rolling his eyes. “But since the accords I got back in touch with everyone and now am here for emergencies, and apparently meeting Coulson’s famous friends.”
Steve smiled sympathetically, “Trust me I understand wanting out of this life. I never imagined I’d end up here either.”
“We could always move out and start building stuff, or you know something that sounds harder to mess up,” Bucky teased and leaned into Steve who tensed slightly.
Joey looked up, “I didn’t realize you were…” He smiled and added, “Would have been nice to know when I was a scared kid in the closet.” Bucky smiled back when he felt the tension leave Steve’s body.
Daisy smiled too, “Tell me Coulson doesn’t know and I can tell him. He prides himself on knowing everything about you, and his face when he finds out we knew first will be so good.”
Steve let out a nervous chuckle, “I guess go for it.”
“Daisy,” Joey chided and grabbed her arm, “He’s clearly not out publically. Don’t be rude.”
“Right, later then.” She said nodding, “Well like I said, that’s Elena. She can move impossibly fast in a single second and then at the end of the second goes back to wherever she started. The giant, or well, person the same size as you, is Mack. He works in engineering type stuff that I don’t understand and also is a regular agent. He and Elena are finally together. I think you know May vaguely. She’s dating Coulson and is kind of what I imagine ninjas are like. The other two are Fitz-Simmons. He does more engineering inventing stuff and she’s a doctor medical scientist person.” Daisy paused and shrugged, “As you can see I clearly understand what everyone does.”
“I feel that way all the time,” Steve said laughing.
Daisy laughed, “You have a better excuse then me though.”
Everyone talked and had lunch together and promised to stay in touch better and get together more frequently.
Once everyone was gone Steve and Bucky retreated to their room.
“Could we go to Florida?”
“Why Florida?” Steve asked relaxing into the bed and waiting for Bucky to join him.
Bucky shrugged, “There’s lots of stuff there. We could go see NASA, there are tons of science museums, and art districts. There’s historical stuff. Theme parks with all kinds of rides. We’ve seen so many Disney movies, and there are whole parks there. Plus the beaches.”
“You’ve looked into this?”
Bucky nodded, “I wanted to go on a trip before you mentioned it. I have been a lot of places, but I didn’t really get to see them. Florida is the closest, so it seems the most logical for a first trip away.”
Steve smiled and pulled Bucky close, “Sounds perfect to me. We’ve got time. We can go anywhere, and everywhere.”
Bucky smiled, “Why don’t you rest? You didn’t sleep well last night. I’m gonna ask Pepper to help me set it up.”
Steve yawned, “You sure? I could help.”
“Take a nap or watch TV till you fall asleep,” Bucky said gently. “I have got this.”
“Kay,” Steve said, “I love you Buck.”
“Love you too,” Bucky said. He kissed Steve’s forehead and slipped out of the room.
Buck managed to find Pepper relatively easily considering the giant house. Sometimes he thought the tower knew where you needed to go and took you. “Hi, could you help me with something?”
Pepper smiled and turned away from her computer, “Sure. What’s up?”
“Steve and I want to go on vacation. I know you can do everything online, but I don’t want to accidentally do something wrong.”
Pepper chuckled, “Fair enough. Did you know where you wanted to go?”
“Florida.”
Pepper paused and stared at him, “Okay, well Florida is pretty big. What areas did you want to see?”
“Cape Canaveral, a beach, Orlando,” Bucky said. “Is that hard?”
Pepper shook her head, “Not at all. Those are all pretty close together. Tell me more about your plan and then I’ll get everything set up.”
Two hours later Pepper was deep in arranging the best possible trip for them and Bucky was out. He headed up to Sam’s room and knocked.
“Ha-ha,” Sam said opening the door. “I get it. You want me to knock.”
Bucky chuckled, “I do, but I will admit the way Steve blushes when you don’t is beautiful. Are you busy?”
“Not really,” Sam said moving. “What’s up?”
“Steve and I are moving.”
“When?”
Bucky sighed, “Eventually. I don’t really know. We’re going on vacation, and then we have to get a house, and it’ll probably take forever.”
“Okay,” Sam said pausing. “I’m happy for you guys. Steve has never really liked living here, he just didn’t care enough to find somewhere else to live. But why are you telling me?”
Bucky sighed, “Do people just live together now?”
“What do you mean?” Sam asked as he moved to sit down realizing this wasn’t going to be brief.
Bucky grumbled, “Do people who are in love and not actually married live together frequently in 2016?”
“Yup, all the time.” Sam said glancing down at his phone to return a text from T’challa.
Bucky sat silently for a minute digesting this information. “Why?”
Sam sighed and looked up, “There are lots of reasons, divorce rates are high, people are disenfranchised about marriage, or some people can’t afford weddings. This is bothering you, I take it?”
Bucky shrugged, “I’m not sure.”
“Care to elaborate?” Sam said gesturing with his hand.
“I don’t know.”
Sam let out a hard breath, “Not exactly a lot of information here man. Look, you guys already more or less live together. All 10 things you own are in a single room.”
“Yeah but we also live with everyone else.”
“Do you want to move?” Sam asked. Bucky nodded immediately. Sam rolled his eyes, “Then there’s no problem.”
“We are not married.”
“Didn’t you live together before?”
Bucky huffed and slouched. “We weren’t dating. We were roommates.”
“That’s the one thing from your whole childhood morals that stuck isn’t it?”
Bucky frowned, “I think it is.”
“Well then you’ve got two options. One, suck it up. This is a terrible option. Two, tell Steve what’s bothering you.”
“What if we get married, I googled it and we could.”
Sam stared at Bucky for a few minutes in complete silence just staring at him as Bucky stared back unblinkingly. “Are you out of your god damn mind?”
“Why not get married?” Bucky asked shrugging. “It’s possible right?
“Cause you’ve been together for less than two weeks. Jeez, I know people who date for ten years and are not ready to get married.”
“Obviously I don’t mean tomorrow,” Bucky said rolling his eyes. “We’re going on vacation in a month, and we’re going for two weeks.”
“Two months is not that much better,” Sam said laughing.
“Why not? What are we waiting for?” Bucky asked leaning forward toward Sam. “Some arbitrary length of time to pass? Some other terrible thing to fall from the sky?”
Sam stopped, “You’re sure, like you’ve thought about this for longer then you’re letting on?”
Bucky nodded solemnly. “For a week now, and I think so. You think it’s crazy.”
“A little,” Sam admitted, “But then again I thought Steve was nuts when he told me he had faith in you after you nearly killed us. I thought he was crazy for wanting to find you. He turned out to be right on both accounts. Maybe that’s just how you guys do things, a little bit crazy.”
Bucky played with his hands for a minute before asking, “Do you think he’ll say yes?”
Sam laughed, “You could ask him for anything in the world and he’d say yes.”
“What about Captain America?”
“He walked away for you already with Tony and that was before he even knew what was going to come from it. If that’s what it took he’d do it again in a heartbeat. But I don’t think it will. We talked before about him coming out. He’s scared, but he already wanted to do it.”
“Yeah?” Bucky asked looking up from under his eyelashes hopefully.
Sam nodded, “There are a lot of people who could use the knowledge that Captain America not only supports them, but isn’t straight.”
“Could you help me?”
“What do you mean?”
Bucky smiled, “I want to do it right, and I have got no idea what I’m doing. I never saw marriage happening for me. Only person I ever felt that way about was Steve, and I didn’t think that would ever get to happen.”
“I think this is crazy, but I’m on board.”
“Thank you. I have got to go now, but thank you!” Bucky said smiling as dashed out of the room and he went back to Steve.
Steve was vaguely awake, but when Bucky came in his face lit up, “You get everything settled?”
“Yup,” Bucky said getting into bed and wrapping Steve up in his arms. “One month and then we get to get away.”
Steve nodded into his chest. “Good.”
“Hey Steve,” Bucky said quietly.
Steve looked up, “Yeah?”
“Never mind, go to sleep,” Bucky said shaking his head. “It can wait.”
A week later Steve and Bucky woke up early and walked through the city to the pride center. Since they’d gotten back from the retreat it’d become something they did together fairly often. They’d get coffee and if they had any specific plans they’d do that. If not they’d sit on one of the big couches in the coffee shop holding hands, eating breakfast, and doing their own independent things. Occasionally someone would recognize Steve and they’d sit and chat for a while, and they’d even made a few friends. Some days they would leave and do things, or just head home. Without any major chaos in the world their lives had become fairly simple.
“Buck,” Steve said stopping and grabbing his arm. “Buck look.” Bucky turned to see what Steve was gesturing at. “They finished.”
Steve and Bucky had walked by these apartments before quite a few times as they were getting built, but today they’d a big sign advertising that they were for sale and having an event for people to see them. “You want to go in?” Bucky asked.
“I don’t know,” Steve said shrugging. “We didn’t want to look until we got home from Florida, and we have a while before we even go.”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “But we watched these get built, and they’re located in between all the places we usually go so it’d be convenient.”
“I know,” Steve said. “We could hate it.”
“We could.” Bucky said nodding and staring at the building, “But we won’t know if we don’t look. Come on.”
The realtor for the building excitedly welcomed them inside with coffee and cookies. They slowly walked around the sample apartment. They took the woman’s card and headed to Central Park.
“Didn’t hate it,” Bucky said as they walked away.
Steve chuckled and took his hand, “Nope. Isn’t it too big though? I mean they’re three bedroom and it’s just the two of us.”
Bucky shrugged, “I don’t know. It’s not like we couldn’t use the rooms for something. People have offices and guest rooms.”
“What are we gonna do in an office? We don’t have desk jobs.”
Bucky laughed and shrugged, “I guess not. I do have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Is it always gonna be the two of us?”
Steve stopped and Bucky stopped with him and turned to see Steve looking at him with big eyes, “What do you mean?”
Bucky rolled his eyes, “You know what I mean. Not any time remotely soon, but you like kids. You play with Clint’s daughter all the time, and there are hundreds of pictures of you kissing babies. We’d have to get our heads on right first, and really retire, but it’s an option. I know it’s crazy to plan that far ahead, but we could use the space for other stuff too. You could have a studio or we could fill a room with books and records, I miss records and people still listen to them. I googled it. Plus we do know lots of people who could come stay with us if we had a guest room and-”
Steve leaned forward and kissed him. Bucky’s hands reflexively went to Steve’s hair. When they pulled apart Steve was blushing and they’d drawn a bit of a crowd. No one was close to them, but people had definitely stopped around them seeing Captain America kissing a man. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Bucky said chuckling into Steve’s ear. “But I do think you may have just outed yourself to quite a few New Yorkers.”
Steve glanced around, “Bound to happen eventually.” He smiled, “That mean I can kiss you again?”
“Whenever you want,” Bucky said smiling. They kissed again and Bucky was vaguely sure people were taking pictures. When they pulled apart and started walking again people cleared out of their way. “So the apartment?”
“Perfect,” Steve said smiling linking their arms. “I could see it when you started babbling. Whether we decide on kids or not. We both liked it. We can have a guest room and the living room can be lined with shelves of books and records. I could paint in the spare room, and we could fill it with more places to sit.”
Bucky was practically beaming, “I think it sounds perfect.”
Steve glanced down at his phone. “I think I’m gonna shock everyone.”
“Yeah, how?”
“We’re gonna take a selfie and I’m gonna put it on twitter.”
Bucky laughed, “Why?”
“People keep sending me twits about you.”
“Tweets Steve,” Bucky reminded him with a laugh. “They’re called tweets.”
“Whatever they’re called, I would rather people know then speculate endlessly.”
Bucky took Steve’s phone and opened the camera, “Smile then.”
Ten minutes later when they got back to the tower Tony was waiting, “You know you practically broke the internet? You’re literally trending.”
“What does that even mean?” Steve asked sitting down as Bucky giggled.
“It means you’re tweets got picked up by the news. The actual news. You’re on CNN.”
“Are not there more important things to talk about?” Steve asked as Bucky’s laughter got harder. Tony marched them to a TV where sure enough news anchor were discussing them.
The first tweet was a response to someone who’d posted a picture of them kissing with the caption, “Captain America???” Steve’s response was comically perfect “Yup”. Next to that was the selfie they’d taken with the caption, “I guess some people know we’re together so I’m tweeting. Isn’t that how people share things now? We’re very happy, hope u r happy for us too”
Bucky laughed even harder, “Your caption. Oh god Steve.”
“Is it wrong?” Steve asked. “I don’t get twitter, I thought that was how it worked!”
Tony snorted, “Not technically wrong, just not exactly typical. Most celebrities don’t come out on twitter.”
“I didn’t, I came out on the street.”
“You might want to clarify a few things.” Tony said laughing with Bucky.
“Like what?”
“If you’re gay or bi or whatever the hell you decided you are, since people are questioning the whole Peggy thing, and respond to the idea that this makes you unfit to be a role model for kids.”
“Right, I can do that.”
So Steve sent out two more tweets bringing his all-time total up to five. “For the record I’m pansexual, not gay. I never pretended to date anyone, it’s pretty rude to suggest that.” “Why can’t I be a role model if I like men? I have always believed in doing what was right, and not being a bully. Nothing changed.”
After sending his tweets Steve put his phone away and went to make lunch. It’d only been a few minutes when Nat strolled in. “You broke everyone again.”
“What now?”
“Bigots are going crazy, claiming Captain America was a good Christian figure for their boys to aspire to. You’re gonna have to go on a talk show.”
“Why?”
“You can’t say everything you want to say in a tweet, and it’ll be easier than trying to compress everything into 140 characters.”
Steve sighed and glanced at the pot of water to see if it was boiling, “Why are people like this?”
“Tony wants to record you himself and send the video out.”
Steve rolled his eyes, “Might as well.” He put away the food recognizing that lunch would have to wait. It only took Tony a few minutes to set up the camera.
“Do I just talk?” Steve asked. Tony nodded. Steve looked into the camera and sighed. “So I guess everyone has decided to lose their minds about the fact that I’m not straight. I’ve been told I’m trending, whatever that even means. People have a lot to say on the subject, and that’s your right. But I want to set a few things straight. One, I’m not gay. I’m pansexual, which is a term I found when I was trying to find the best one. It means I’m not attracted to people on the basis of their gender. Like I said, I have never pretended to date anyone. Peggy and I were really in love, but that was a long time ago, and I know she’d want me to be happy because that’s who she was. But beyond that stuff, I don’t really understand what everyone is so upset about. Nothing has really changed. I’m the same person I have always been. I guess a lot of Christian people have been upset by this, but I’m not sure why. The number one rule Jesus had was to treat others kindly and to believe in God. Even the Pope isn’t opposed to people being gay anymore, or so I hear. As for this weird notion that I can’t be someone your kids look up to, I’m not sure why not. I’m still someone who believes in everything I always believed in. I think it’s important to tell the truth, do what’s right, be kind to others, and stand up for people who need your help. And there are kids who are LGBT who deserve to know they are not alone, cause they might not know that. I have met a lot of people lately who’ve told me how much it would have meant to them to know that someone like me wasn’t straight when they were struggling or when they were young. I’m not going to hide who I am, because I think that everyone in this country has a right to be whoever they are without being afraid. That’s what I fought for in World War Two, and that’s what I’ll fight for now if that’s what has to be done.”
Tony cut the camera and smiled, “Good speech. Very Captain America worthy.”
Steve rolled his eyes, “Good. Can I go now?”
“Sure, I’ll let you know what people have to say.” He said.
Steve held out his phone, “Take this. I don’t want to know. Not today. Today I’m going to sit in my room with Bucky and wait to see if our realtor calls him. Other than that I want to have a normal peaceful day.” Steve walked away.
Tony turned to Natasha, “Did he say realtor?”
It took a few days, but things calmed down slowly. Steve’s speech was well received. His number of tweets grew exponentially as he tried to respond to every positive message and question he received. Everyone except Bucky thought it was comical, and tried to convince him to give up, but he kept at it. Bucky just smiled and read while Steve tweeted. He knew he missed some people, but for Steve it felt like he was doing a good thing and that meant he wasn’t gonna stop. He read stories people linked him to, and he felt for each and every person. He felt a strange responsibility to these people to try and hear them. Even as things started to calm down he got request after request to go on TV programs, all of which he declined. He’d said everything he’d to say, and didn’t feel the need to talk to anyone about it.
In more personal news, the realtor was thrilled to sell an apartment to Captain America. Steve was convinced Tony had pulled strings to help the sale go through faster, but he didn’t feel the need to ask. If Tony wanted him to know he’d have told him. So two days before they left for Florida, a trip Tony was strongly opposed to because “Florida could fall into the ocean and no one would even care”, they got furniture and officially moved in.
Before everyone came over they sat on a couch looking over their home. It was far from done, but it was already the most personal place Steve had lived since the 40s. There were prints on the walls, including one of Steve’s old drawing T’challa had bought and had framed for them.
“Can you believe this is ours?” Steve said quietly staring at their house. He’d spent days painting the entire place and they’d carefully arranged everything how they wanted it.
Bucky smiled, “We did alright for two poor kids from Brooklyn.”
Steve smiled back and leaned over to kiss Bucky’s forehead. “Sure did. I never imagined my life being this perfect.”
Bucky reached into his pocket and held the small box with the ring he and Sam had painstakingly chosen. For a few minutes he held it in one hand wondering if now was the right time and just leaning against Steve. “Could I make it a little more perfect?”
Steve tilted his head and pulled away slightly to look at him, “What do you mean?”
Bucky smirked and slid off the couch and onto the floor on one knee and pulled out the ring, “Marry me?”
Steve’s jaw dropped slightly, “You sure about this?”
“I’m sure about you,” Bucky said reaching up to grab one of Steve’s hand in his own, “Till the end of the line right?”
Steve nodded and tilted his head slightly, “Always.”
Bucky slid the ring onto his hand, smiling at how perfectly it fit, and stood up. He straddled Steve on the couch and leaned in to kiss him. “Even more perfect?”
“Definitely,” Steve said leaning into Bucky and kissing him and tangling his hands in Bucky’s hair.
They were cut off by a knock on the door and both groaned quietly before untangling themselves. Steve went to answer the door while Bucky tried to tame his hair a bit.
“I am ready to see this top secret place of yours,” Sam was saying as he came in the door. “Better be nice or Tony will have your head.”
Steve chuckled, “Tony can deal with it. It’s perfect for us.”
Bucky smiled and headed over, “Hey Sam.”
“Hey Buck, the others should be on their way by now, but honestly who knows.”
Steve rolled his eyes, “They’ll get here when they get here.”
“So I want the full tour,” Sam said gesturing forward towards the rest of the house, “Or is this hallway all I get to see?”
Steve rolled his eyes, “Of course, but I kind of wanted to tell you something first.”
Sam turned back towards Steve who was trying to hide his smile and then glanced over at Bucky. “This the news I think it is?”
Bucky chuckled and shrugged, “Couldn’t wait.”
Steve let out a small exasperated noise, “You knew?”
Sam smiled, “I helped him find the ring. Congratulations man. If anyone deserves to be happy it’s you two.” He hugged both men and they led him into the house. When they’d finished the brief tour Sam smiled and sat down on one of their oversized chair, “It really is perfect for you.”
Over the next hour everyone arrived. Everyone from Tony’s walked, except him and Pepper because he insisted it wasn’t his style. Sharon had even come up from DC to check the place out and had brought a new girlfriend. Tony had called Bruce, who was in contact with Thor and gotten them both into the city as well. Everyone had a big meal in the living room and Clint’s kids ran around playing.
Steve leaned against the counter in the kitchen looking out over them all and smiled. Bucky came up next to him and leaned into him. Steve wrapped his arm around Bucky. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“I didn’t think I was ever gonna be this happy.”
Bucky kissed Steve gently and then pulled just far enough away to look at him smiling, “After everything, I think we’ve more than earned a life where we get to be happy.”
Steve nodded, “I just, I don’t want this to end, but I feel like the next disaster is on its way.”
Bucky sighed and shrugged slightly, “Maybe it is. But there are more of us now than ever before to defeat whatever big bad thing comes next. We’ll deal with it when it comes, but until then we can just be us, here, happy.”
Steve kissed Bucky passionately and when they broke apart he smiled, “I could get used to that. Us being happy.”