Gob-Smacked
“I don’t know what is going on!” Tony was rampaging up and down the room. Dr. Sorens was bemused by the passion he was exhibiting. “We went into that meeting and he just…rolled over! Admitted that Clint was wrong, that it wasn’t my fault…what the hell happened?”
Dr. Sorens finally spoke, “Are you surprised, disappointed or angry?”
“I’m what Jarvis always said, gob smacked!” his voice suddenly taking on a perfect British accent. The question seemed to settle the genius as he slowed to a more normal pacing level (he was so rarely still in these sessions). “I think I was…let down? I had prepared myself for a fight that didn’t come.”
“So this was an unanticipated outcome?”
“God, yes! When Rhodey said that the pilot had been disturbed and that they wanted to have a meeting with Rogers and me and them, I just assumed that it was going to be a blow up. That Rogers would defend his gang and throw me under the bus and I was prepared. But…”
“That didn’t happen?” the therapist was eager to keep him in information mode. The price of dealing with someone like Tony was that he could think so fast you were left behind.
“No. I mean we heard the recording and it was vicious. Did I tell you about the mission?”
“No, I was hoping for an exposition scene.” That got a grin.
“We had a mission. My first with Team Cap since they’ve been back. It went fine, but Clint got hurt. Rogers wanted me to catch him and I did, but it was close. Because I was off doing something completely irresponsible, like rescuing civilians and he was swanning around on an unstable ceiling in a gun fight.” The words were bitter but the tone was not. The genius went on, “I went back to New York in the suit after the fight and they all flew back together and had a hot wash that turned into a bitchfest about me. It got so bad, the pilot brought it up to his superior, who sent the recording to Falls and Rhodey. Dumbasses apparently didn’t even remember they were being recorded.” Tony stood still with a lost look on his face, “I listen to it; it was played in the meeting. I know that we all had problems but I don’t understand how I got to be the worst person in the world. They don’t talk about Hydra that way.”
“So, Rogers was participating in this ‘bitchfest’ and…”
“No,” Tony interrupted the therapist, “he wasn’t. Well, he participated in the hot wash but not the bitching. And he shut it all down, eventually.”
“By ‘shut it down’, you mean?”
“He literally told them to stop talking.”
“So he didn’t participate and he did tell them to stop talking, but not that the way they were speaking was a problem?”
“In the meeting with Falls, Rhodey and me, he said he didn’t want to get into it with them in the jet. Of course, he hadn’t gotten ‘in’ to it with them at all before the meeting. Although, he’ll have to now as both Rhodey and Falls are going to be following up.”
The therapist considered what to say next as Tony had taken back to wandering silently, “Tony,” she started gently, “it is perfectly normal for you to be upset and hurt by what people are saying about you. Especially people that you once thought were your friends. But I would like to remind you that, in this case, their vitriol probably has less to do with you than their own anger at themselves.” Tony turned to her and nodded for her to continue with a confused look. “They, all of them, choose the side in your disagreement that, for want of a better word, lost. They left a world where they were unique and had significant power because of that and came back to a world where they were no longer unique. They all sacrificed things that now they probably wished they hadn’t. You are not the author of their choices. But blaming someone else is always going to be easier and, the more their choices are proven wrong, the angrier they are going to be.”
His shoulders retreated a little from their hunched posture, “I know,” he sighed, “they’re angry and I’m the easiest target, but it still hurts. But it isn’t my fault and I don’t have to take responsibility for fixing it. See, I really am learning from therapy! Anyways,” he made a brisk turn on the rug, “Rogers is going to have to talk to them all about this and the fall out of that isn’t going to be pretty. Rhodey told Falls that he wouldn’t assign me as air support for Rogers’ team until this is all resolved, so I can go back to ignoring their existence.”
“Maybe,” ventured Dr. Sorens, “Rogers not participating is a sign that he is trying to stop these behaviors? He did shut them down and he didn’t defend them, so that might be a change for the better?” The constant hostility of Team Cap towards Tony had been a source of problems for both him and Rhodey. Dr. Sorens also knew that Tony, as he progressed in therapy, was feeling far less guilty, but paradoxically more aware of the scapegoating. Tony gave her a dubious look about Rogers’ change of heart which the therapist acknowledged was fair. “But give it a chance. If he follows through and he continues to act differently, maybe you and he could have a more productive relationship? That would make working in the Compound easier on you and everyone else.”
“I don’t think I could trust him again.”
“That’s reasonable. The man Steve Rogers showed himself to be is not someone to trust. But you have changed, so maybe he has too.” Holding up a hand, “I am not saying you should jump into a friendship with him. I am just saying that if he continues to behave differently, you might be able to build a collegial relationship with him.”
Tony gave a non-committal shrug and turned to other topics.