Chapter 13
There wasn't a single wikiHow step on how tell someone that you're an extraterrestrial being from a galaxy so far away it hasn't been discovered by humans yet. Ever since Bucky had given Steve that sweet, chaste kiss on the cheek, he's been pulling his hair out trying to figure out how to tell the man about himself.
His ma told him that relationships that started with lies crashed and burned so before Steve could tell Bucky how he felt, he'd have to tell him he's an alien.
Worst case scenario? Bucky snapped and hurt Steve which he doubted but there was that voice in his head (that sounded suspiciously like Sam) reminding him it was a possibility.
Best case scenario- Bucky was cool with it and they had a spring wedding.
Also very unlikely.
So Steve did what he did best and jumped into- what was sure to be a train wreck- head first. His plan of action existed solely on the hope that Bucky would at least hear him out.
Step one was to be as honest as possible and… that was it, that's the only step.
Bucky had been lounging on the couch, watching some trashy reality show and shoveling handfuls of popcorn in his mouth when Steve entered the living room. Lately, Bucky's been relaxed around the cabin. He doesn't tip toe around at night or shrink into his own skin when someone knocks on the door.
He's finally comfortable and Steve really hoped what he was about to do wouldn't hinder Bucky's progress.
Breathing shallowly, Steve stepped further into the room and when Bucky didn't look up, he cleared his throat pointedly- wordlessly demanding his attention.
"Steve, what-" he cut himself off, staring at Steve's thin, bare bird chest blankly. With his shirt off, every single rib was visible and the numbers tattooed down his chest were dark against his pale skin. You couldn't miss them.
Bucky moved the bowl to the coffee table, never taking his eyes off of Steve before standing slowly. Every movement was tense and calculating as his eyes ran over the numbers.
Unlike Steve, Bucky's numbers were scars- branded into his skin like cattle. It was a common practice for kept slaves and pets of Hydra to bear such markings but Steve's were much more clinical and neat.
"What…," Bucky dared to come closer, running a trembling finger down the line of digits inked into Steve's skin. "How did you get these?"
His words were clipped and cold yet so fragile, hushed almost while he kept touching the numbers uneasily. Over and over as if he could rub them away.
"I was given them when I was born," Steve told him honestly, surprised by the steadiness of his own voice. "They gave me an ID number instead of a name."
An odd noise escaped Bucky, something caught between a whine and a growl, "Who are 'they', Stevie?"
This was it.
Bracing himself, Steve looked up into Bucky's eyes and let himself commit the gorgeous color to memory. This could be the last time he'll see them, Bucky could walk away after this and Steve would be powerless to stop him.
Steve spoke lowly, eyes pleading, "The leaders on my birth planet." Nothing happened at first. The words hung between them heavily, ballooning in the silence until Bucky took a measured step back."I'm not from Earth originally but this is my home planet. I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was that important, not at first-"
"How could it not be important?" Bucky asked, still scarily quiet and restrained. His voice was shaking, sounding soft enough to break. "Why would you hide this from me?"
Crossing his skinny arms over his chest, Steve stared down at his bare feet nervously.
"How could I not hide it? You've told me you were afraid of aliens and I didn't want you to be afraid of me… I thought that maybe, if we got to know each other… You'd realize I'm not like Hydra. I'm like you, Buck. I care-"
"Is this caring?" Bucky asked lowly, eyes wide with betrayal. "Lying to me to lull me into some fake sense of security and then just dropping this on me like it's nothing?!"
He deserved that… He knew keeping it a secret was wrong, everybody told him so but he thought that he knew Bucky above all else. Steve thought that if anyone would forgive him, it'd be the kind human he's fallen in love with.
Maybe he was wrong.
"I know this isn't nothing," Steve whispered, trying to ignore the dark cloud of helplessness hanging over him. "But be honest, if I would've told you earlier- you wouldn't have stayed. You wouldn't have given me the chance to know you or you to know me-"
"I FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Bucky exploded, hands balled up into fists at his side. "How could you hide something this huge?!"
Of course, Bucky didn't mean that. He couldn't mean that because if he did… If he did then it meant Sam was right and Bucky wouldn't want to be with Steve now that he knew that Steve wasn't human.
"I just wanted to help," he said nervously, aware of the human's clenched fists and hoping Bucky didn't feel threatened enough to use them.
Nothing Steve said seemed to calm Bucky down though, his face slipped back into the mask of indifference he had worn when Steve first found him in the forest and it stirred something terribly painful in him at the sight of it.
"No wonder you were so hung up on letting Stark test me, " he spit out bitterly, running a hand through his hair. "You're a fucking alien, Steve! If Steve's even your real name since apparently, you don't have one!"
Steve reeled back as if he'd been struck, face crumbling, "Steve is my real name, my ma gave it to me-"
"Oh, yeah. Like that sob story's true," he sneered, pushing past Steve to stomp into his room. Reluctantly, Steve followed only to find Bucky violently shoving things into a bag. " I can't believe I thought- has anything you said been true?"
Tears blurred Steve's vision and he cradled his hands to his chest in an attempt to hold back a sob because this was not happening. Bucky wasn't leaving him, he wasn't losing him…
"Everything was true! I never said I was human. I never treated you different and now that I'm telling you, you're leaving!" And it was killing him. "All I'm asking is for a chance to explain!"
Sighing, Bucky dropped the bag back onto the bed and glared back at him, "Explain then."
"I found you after you crashed down to Earth and I dragged you home that night because I wanted to help you. I don't know why, I usually don't go that far into the forest at night but there you were," he gasped wetly, tears quietly falling now that he could speak freely. "And you were so, so beautiful, Buck- like no one I've ever seen before.
I saw the numbers on you and I knew you weren't an alien like me. It's dumb and naive but I felt this need to protect you. So I didn't tell you about my origin and it shouldn't matter. Every moment with you was real. My ma, my name, my health- it's all the truth. I didn't make any of it up."
He hiccupped, chest heaving and eyes burning but not willing to let Bucky walk away without at least trying to explain.
"If you don't want to be around me just because I'm not like you… then maybe I'm the one that doesn't know YOU," Steve wheezed, air becoming increasingly difficult to take in. "Maybe… maybe-"
He dissolved into a fit of body wracking cough, folding into himself as he gasped violently- lungs burning for air. Blindly, he patted his pajamas for the familiar shape of his inhaler but soon realized his pants didn't have pockets.
"Fucking hell, Steve-" Heavy feet ran from him and Steve was too focused on trying to fill his lungs that he barely noticed Bucky had left until he was back again, helping him use the inhaler with shaking hands. "Breathe, slowly. Breathe."
Eventually he got his breath back, trembling against Bucky's broad chest. He cringed, noticing the snot and tears all over the human's shirt now.
Sniffling, he leaned away to steal a glance up at Bucky's face and jolted in surprise to find his brows drawn down in worry.
"Don't you EVER talk yourself into an asthma attack again," he growled but the words didn't have the same bite they had earlier. Now he was looking down at Steve with familiar warmth, hands cradeling his face carefully. "You're really an alien?"
All he could do was nod dumbly and breathe out in relief when a hesitant smile grew on Bucky's lips like a ray of sunshine after a grueling storm.
"You know," he continued with a teasing grin. "I always did think your ass was nice, I just didn't think it was literally out of this world, " Steve elbowed him sharply. "Kidding! Kind of… Seriously though, I should've noticed earlier."
"What do you mean?" He asked softly, a hot blush crawling down his neck.
"Well," he began, "What normal human being has as many alien friends as you do? Or takes in strange men that fall from the sky?"
And okay, Steve saw his point but, in his defense, the strange man in question ended up being one of the best things to happen to him.
Steve wiggled closer to Bucky, "Are you angry with me?"
He'd understand if Bucky was upset- betrayed even. Hydra had left deep, dark psychological wounds and they were only now beginning to scab over. Steve would've waited to tell Bucky about this but the conversation would've been ten times worse and Steve's heart wouldn't have been able to deal with that.
Might as well rip off the metaphorical band aid and get the ugly truth out now.
"I was angry," Bucky admitted while carding a hand through Steve's hair. "At first. You did keep something huge from me but I guess I understand why… I've said some unkind things about aliens, especially Tony. And that must've backed you into a corner and I'm sorry. You're not like anyone I've ever met and you've got the biggest, prettiest blue eyes I've ever seen, Rogers."
"Buck-"
"And I'll be damned if I let Hydra's torture steal another important person from me," he whispered, giving Steve a private, intimate smile that had his heart tripping over itself. "I'm not saying that all is forgiven, we'll talk about this more later but for right now... I just want to hold you, can I do that?"
Without missing a beat, Steve climbed up into Bucky's lap and threw his thin arms around the soldier's neck. He buried his face in Bucky's chest as a wave of relieved tears streamed down his face.
Tiny, pained gasps escaped him as he sobbed, clutching the thin material of Bucky's shirt tightly- not ready to let go.
Bucky didn't push him away. He held him close, fitting Steve against his body with ease. Slowly, he rocked them from side to side and lightly rested his chin on top of Steve's head with a sigh.
"Shhhh," he murmured against Steve's golden hair. "We're fine, okay? We're going to be alright."
And finally Steve could let himself believe it.