Chapter 10
Hearing the words said out loud was like being thrown in an ice cold lake with weights tied around your ankles. The shock of it physically ached down to his bones and Tony's words didn't quite meet his ears, sounding distorted as he took in large, gulping breaths.
"Cap?" It sounded warbled, miles away and in his head, Steve wished it to be a dream. A horrible, horrible dream that he'd have to wake up from eventually.
"Did you hear me? Rogers?" Steve heard him alright. Loud and clear like a gun shot, he heard him.
"The serum…," he started numbly, gripping the edge of the blanket to his chest. "It's...? You're sure?"
The worst part was, Tony actually looked apologetic. His mouth was set in a grim line but his eyes were shining with regret, shoulders heavy and hands wringing each other uselessly.
"Hydra is a nasty alien race, no doubt, but they're also smart," he pulled two pictures out of the folder and held them up so Steve could see them side by side. "One of these is Bucky's DNA and the other is yours."
He pointed to a specific part of the picture, "See that?"
Steve nodded, it looked almost identical to his. Hydra must've used genetic material from his race to make the serum and then injected Bucky with it. But what did that mean for Bucky?
When he asked, Tony just shrugged, "I don't know and I don't like not knowing. All I can tell you is that his DNA is still mostly human and that whatever the serum was, activated when they exposed him to radiation."
"And the radiation can kill him," Steve choked out. His throat was still sore from coughing and now closing up as he tried to keep his tears from falling.
He hated angry crying and once he started, he wouldn't stop.
"And the radiation can kill him, yes," he repeated. There was a loud beeping sound, making Tony grumble as he dug around in his pocket for his human cellphone. "Doc needs me back at the lab so I'm going to take this folder back to MIB head quarters. Call me if he decides he wants to do the testing."
Tony picked up the folder, slipped it back into his suit, and strolled out of the room like he hadn't just dropped a bomb on Steve.
He was handling the news well, if you considered him ignoring Bucky for the rest of the day as 'well'. Steve wasn't doing it to be cruel, he simply needed time to wrap his head around the fact that Bucky could die.
This lovely, caring human being could die because some psycho Hydra scientist decided to experiment on him. For what? Good fun? There was no reason to hurt him and now Steve wasn't sure how to approach the topic without Bucky exploding.
But, his brain helpfully supplied, Bucky couldn't stomach the thought of an alien touching him. It made all of this ten times more complicated.
"Hey, are you okay?" Bucky asked, sliding a plate of hot food in front of him before sitting down at the table. "You've been in a mood since Tony and Nat left."
Steve speared a piece of broccoli with his fork and frowned, "Yeah. Tony told me something… I think we should talk about it."
"You can tell me anything, Stevie," and oh, how he wished that was true. "You know that."
Squirming in his seat, he popped a forkful of food in his mouth to buy himself some more time to think. No matter how he ran the conversation in his head, it didn't have a good end.
"Tony's a good guy," he started slowly and then back pedaled when Bucky's face slipped into a scowl. Wrong thing to say, apparently. "I mean, he's a good friend even if he can be obnoxious sometimes and he came over to talk about you, actually…"
Bucky raised a single brow, taking a drink from his cup, "Should I be worried?"
"Um," Steve pushed some food around on his plate to avoid Bucky's piercing gaze. "Your blood work came back and they found something in your DNA that shouldn't be there…"
"And how come you know this before I do?" He asked lowly, putting his fork down and giving Steve his full attention.
Steve bit his lip, eyes flitting from his plate to Bucky, "It's confidential. No one but MIB was supposed to know but Buck, they messed with your DNA. You were subjected to things that harmed your body and could kill you! So Tony-"
"Oh, what did the great Tony say?" Bucky asked bitterly, dinner forgotten now. His large hands were clasped on top of the table conversationally but Steve could see the slight tremors running through him.
"MIB doesn't have the equipment to test your DNA and make sure you're okay so Tony offered to do it instead," Steve said, confused by Bucky's sudden hostility. "Alien tech isn't cheap, it's nice of him to offer that."
Bucky laughed at that, low and colder than anything Steve's ever heard.
"Real nice of him," he muttered. "Swell guy you got there Rogers but tell him I said no and that he can mind his own damn business."
"You want me to tell him no?" Disbelief dripped off of every word as Steve pushed his plate away.
Bucky leaned forward, "That's what I said. You ain't deaf in both ears, doll." That had Steve's ears growing hot and anger rising in his chest but Bucky kept talking. "I went through the tests Doctor Banner said were necessary, that's it. I'm not letting some alien stick needles and shit in me for fun."
Steve let both of his eyes slip shut, breathing deeply. He knew he was hot headed and right now was not the time to lose his temper no matter how difficult Bucky was being.
"You think that Tony wants to do this for fun…? You could die-"
"I was supposed to die years ago, Steve!" He yelled, cutting Steve off and slamming his metal hand down on the table. "And I'd rather die than let another alien use me as their little guinea pig!"
"You don't mean that," Steve whispered, quieted by Bucky's abrupt yelling.
"Are you even listening to me?! I know what I'm saying and I mean it, Steve!" He stood up to his full height and backed away from the table. "I know what aliens are capable of and I'm not giving Tony fucking Stark the benefit of the doubt here!"
A surprised laugh bubbled out of Steve, "You really think Tony would purposefully hurt you? The alien that fixed your arm? Are we talking about the same person?"
He ran a hand through his long hair, leveling Steve with a venomous look, "Well we aren't all members of Stark's personal fanclub."
"Are you seriously-"
"I know what Sam said about aliens being different but in my experience, they're all the same," he spoke flatly now, not giving Steve room to argue. "All they want to do is hurt and I'm done being their experiment."
Steve closed his eyes and shook his head, a stray tear slipping down his face, "You dealt with Hydra... Not all aliens are like them, all Tony wants to do is help you."
"That's just it," he growled. "You think there's good in everyone and it's sweet. It's real nice that you think so, Stevie, but they aren't people! They're not like us! The second I let my guard down, it'll be Hydra all over again."
"Buck…," Steve wasn't sure what to say. He didn't realize Bucky's fear of aliens ran deeper than his fear of death.
"Tell him I said no," he said flatly, looking down at Steve with panic in his eyes.
The human sat back down at the table, stiffly picking up his silverware before shoving cold food in his mouth. Maybe he thought the conversation was done but it'll be a cold day in hell before Steve let Bucky neglect his own health.
"Why won't you just consider it…?" He asked hesitantly, not ready to quit just yet.
Bucky grunted, "Why won't you just drop it already?"
"BECAUSE I'M SCARED!" He shouted, chest heaving and heart hammering against his chest because this idiot… This beautiful idiot couldn't see that there was no threat at all. "I'm scared of losing you! Especially to something that could be prevented. Maybe, if you give it time you'll see aliens are like humans-"
"They're really not and it's not Stark's business or yours so-"
"What happened to 'we take care of each other'? Or is that only when you find it convenient, Buck?" Bucky's mouth dropped open before he shut it with an audible click, jaw clenched. "No, go ahead. Tell me again how you'd rather DIE than have my friend help you."
Bucky looked down at the table, shoulders shaking while Steve spoke.
"Because I'm trying to understand but you're the most important person in my life and if you…," he couldn't say it. Not now, his voice cracking and eyes filling with hot, angry tears. "I don't think I can take losing someone else."
He paused, waiting for Bucky to talk but when it became clear that he wasn't going to say anything, Steve pushed his chair away from the table and stood up.
"I thought you'd understand that," he whispered now, throat throbbing in pain. "Just… think about it. Please."
Steve stood up slowly, listening for any sound from Bucky but the man was silent as ever. Refusing to even look at him and although it hurt, Steve reminded himself that he didn't see this talk ending well to begin with.
He went to bed with burning eyes and a heavy heart, hoping that Bucky would change his mind.