The battle was horrendous, and Steve was tired of the blood, and the hurt and all the civilians that had lost their houses, their possessions, even some loved ones. They had lost some people too. People Steve didn't even know were capable of dying, people he hadn't realised how much they mattered to him until they were gone. Amongst all the battle, even though he kept trying to hold on to hope and to the little things that told him that they may still win that, Steve was overwhelmed by loss.
He felt it clouding his eyes, fogging his mind. He'd lost so much throughout his whole life: he lost his parents first, one and then the other, he lost Bucky, he lost Peggy, he lost his whole time, suddenly unreachable. And now... They had known what a great threat Thanos was, but they thought they could beat him. There were a lot of people on their side this time, uncountable allies, each one with a different and amazing skill set. And yet... Steve had watched them fall, to the strongest of them, and never get up again.
He knew he could be the next, and he was prepared. He didn't want to leave, of course, but every time he went into battle he knew it could be the last. And the amount of carnage in this one indicated that indeed, he could be one of the casualties. He didn't mind all that much, if his death meant the others could get ahead in their fight. If his death was helpful, then he would die happy. But of course, when one is about to die there's a tendency to think about what makes you proud about your life, and what is that you regret and will never be able to fix.
Steve's main regret was not being able to hold on to Bucky in that train, in the second world war. Because he lost Bucky he was taken by those horrible men, experimented on, turned into a weapon. Because of that the world saw Bucky as an assassin and not the brave soldier he was, and should have been. If Steve had been able to save him then Bucky wouldn't have killed Tony's parents. They would have sent someone else, yes, but Bucky wouldn't carry the guilt for that, too.
That's the one thing he would go back and change, not the crashing plane, not the experiments, not the airport in Berlin. He would have made sure that Bucky didn't fall, he would have held on to his friend and never let go. His biggest regret, and now it was happening again, only with someone else. He was trying to hold on, but it wouldn't last much longer and Steve couldn't bear to think that he was going to fail someone again, let him fall. No.
In the top floor of a building in construction, Steve was thrown on the floor, his hand stretched out to catch someone who had been falling, injured and nearly passed out after being beaten up by one's of Thano's children. Hanging by the edge of an abyss, ninety metres of fall and a concrete floor under him, he could barely hold on to Steve's hand, was losing what little strength he had left....
Steve was begging the bloodied figure dangling in the air not to leave him, his blue eyes firmly planted on those green ones. Don't let go. Don't let go. I'll get you, I'll save you, I'll get you back, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall.
Loki had been fighting with them for the past three days, after Nebula had made him realise how much Thanos had manipulated him and used him. Some people hadn't wanted him around, but Steve had seen how much of an asset he could be and the power he and Wanda gave the team with their magic. Because he didn't mind all that much, Steve had worked with Loki most of the time. He'd seen much of himself in the god, which had been absolutlely unexpected.
They had both grown up small and bullied, and used their brains and wits to try and make things better for everyone around. They had been belittled, lived in a shadow of someone they adored but who was succeeding where they were failing (being well liked, helping in battle). They wanted to find ways to diminish war, to end them, rather than lose soldiers and die in battle.
They both deeply disliked ice.
Even if Steve would never condone what Loki did, he could understand where he was coming from. He'd been taught about war and about the fearsome enemies of Asgard his whole life, and had thought he was doing a service. (His motivations for New York were less clear, and Steve knew that something dark had happened there, something painful). The thing was, in those last days, Loki had helped them a lot, with intel, with his tricks and shape shifting, with his magic, and Steve was grateful. He was making up fo past mistakes and giving them an advantage when they neeeded it the most.
There was something about the way in which Loki fought, some kind of despair, an air of doom around him... An unspeakable sadness to his eyes. But still he fought, out of spite against Thanos maybe, but where others had fallen Loki had survived, and kept on fighting against their enemy. His and Wanda's magic had been one of their best defenses, and he could have just as easily sided with Thanos, knowing how most of the Avengers felt about him.
Now he was bleeding badly, several bones broken, his face a mess of gashes, blood and spit. His armour torn to pieces, his hair messed and a good part of it covered with dried and fresh blood, his mind a blurry fog of pain, half-remembered memories and fading resolve. He was covered in a cold sweat and his hand was slippingThere was too much blood, too much sweat. Maybe this would be a good way to go, Loki thought. His mind was suddenly back on the Bifrost, like another time that he was about to fall. His father had denied him, rejected him, hadn't wanted him or gifts he tried to give him. It had been useless and the look on his father's eye nearly broke him. The best thing to do would be....
"No! Up, Loki, I know you can do it!"
One moment, Steve was seeing Loki hanging on his bloodied armour, the next one he's seeing Bucky, on the edge of a train. You're failing again, Steve, you're going to lose him. Steve thinks about all the terrible things they did to his childhood friend after he fell, the hell he went through. He will not let that happen again, he can not, he will fix it, he will save Loki, for himself, for the God, for Thor and... well, maybe there weren't a lot of people who would mourn Loki if he fell, but that was not important. The important thing was that he wasn't going to fall off the train - the edge, of the building. Steve would save this man, like he couldn't before.
Loki wasn't seeing Steve above him, either. He was seeing Thor telling him not to let go, but secretly knew that Thor would relieved, that he'd always been a burden on him, that his brother didn't have love for him anymore. He'd lied to him too many times, and now Thor simply didn't care about what happened to him, reducing the number of people who did care to zero. His words of encouragement were an illusion, a trick of his mind so that he wouldn't throw himself like he did before, like he'd wished to do many times after.
Steve shook away thoughts of the past. There was no point is reminiscing - he couldn't change what happened to Bucky, but he could change Loki's fate. And if Loki was about to give up it would be him who needed to step up, do something. So he crawled on the floor and managed to get his hands further out. It was a dangerous balance, and he could fall if he went too far (he was on the edge already, moving extremely carefully) and then they would both die, but he had to. Had to do everything he could to save him.
Loki was slipping, the blood making everything more difficult but Steve was determined. This was his redemption for past mistakes, the undoing of his biggest regret. Loki didn't even want to hold on, and nobody but him seemed to need him, and yet, he would save him. He would change his nightmares, he would do things right this time.
"You can't let go, ok? You need to stay with me, Loki. Stay with me."
And something was wrong with that picture. There was no one rejecting him, no hateful disappointed eyes, nothing fake about the blue eyes looking at him, urging him to hold on. This was different - the soldier wanted him, wanted him alive more than dead, and was putting himself in danger for his sake. Could this be? Had he redeemed himself enough, finally made the choices that led to someone caring? Actively?
Steve other hand was on him, too, and Loki found the strength to push himself up and with a final effort Steve managed to get him on the building, safe, finally. His hands were shaking, but he had made it. He had avoided HYDRA and the Winter Soldier program. He had avoided the void and the Chiaturi and their threats. They had changed the ending. The fall was no more, they were on solid ground. Shaking, bleeding, but not having fallen, both of them still there, still alive. They hadn't lost anyone else.
Steve smiled, breathing heavily but standing, even if his whole upper body was shaking. He had made it and now him and Loki could continue, make a true difference. Steve didn't know how much it had meant to Loki that someone had stuck out their body for him, that they hadn't given up. He couldn't know what a difference it had made for Loki, changing the story. Caring.
But Steve could see that Loki was not all there, that he was shaking even worse than him, and that he had trouble processing that he wasn't dangling in the air anymore. Not sure why, Steve reached out and embraced Loki, hard. Loki welcomed the contact and embraced him back, desperately, and Steve whispered and series of soft "sssh, I've got you", into Loki's bloody and messy hair.
Loki couldn't remember how long it had been since he'd been held the last time. Decades. Maybe even centuries. He was still bleeding, and staining the Captain uniform with his blood, but it was not important. In that moment the only thing that mattered was that someone had caught him before he fell.
I've got you. I've got you. I've got you.
Loki broke into tears in Steve's arms.
I've got you.I've got you.
Steve smiled smiled through his own silent tears.
I've got you.
They had fixed it.