Merc With a Mouth
You wouldn't normally find Wade playing detective, but this job seemed intriguing. There have been whispers among the Avengers about a mercenary that covers his tracks so well that even SHIELD, super spy central, has been having a hard time locating him, but once they mentioned that said mercenary allegedly had spider powers Deadpool was more than intrigued. Call it a hunch, but he felt like there was more to the case then SHIELD was letting on.
After spending a few months looking for 'The Spider' he realized why SHIELD was having so much trouble locating him, the man was basically a ghost. Inbetween jobs Deadpool spent most of his free time finding and pulling small tracks and clues from different people and piecing them together to find anything that would lead him in the right direction. All his efforts paid off once he discovered the identity of the man administrating the website where the merc gets his jobs. Actually, it was Weasel who had actually dealt with the technology responsible for finding the people and telling Deadpool what questions he should ask, but Fury didn't need to know that. The point was, now, Deadpool had a way of tracking the Spider, and it was a damn good one. All he needed to do now is find that man and "negotiate". But first, he needed funding, the chimichangas aren't going to pay for themselves.
Deadpool barged into Nick Fury's office swinging around two katanas and singing an off-key tune. Fury looked less than pleased, an angry scowl plastered on his face.
"Captain Hook, I got a major business proposition for you. How about' you hire me to find that itsy bitsy Spider, for a small fee of 10 million buckeroos!" Deadpool shouted out in a singsong voice as he sheathed his katanas skillfully.
Like Fury would hire us.
But Fury needs us if he wants to find The Spider, better let him know our terms.
"That's a one and... 6 zeroes," informed Deadpool as he walked over and grabbed a paperweight off Fury's desk.
Fury sighed, "...7 zeros."
Deadpool rolled his eyes, "Whatever! It's a lot of zeros!"
Fury pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eye, "Why would I hire you, the merc with a mouth, for a highly classified stealth mission?"
"Because I have the only clue as to where he is, that's why patchy," Deadpool responded in a dangerously stony voice.
"Let's say I give you the job, how do I know you won't kill the merc or get bored and run off in the middle of the job?" Questioned Fury, face void of emotion.
See told you he doesn't trust us.
Of course, he doesn't trust us, remember last month?
So much blood...
Deadpool placed his hands on his cheeks and began to talk in an overly cheery voice, "Oh Nicky, don't you worry bout' a thang, you can trust me a 100%. I'll be just like James Bond. I'll be stopping the bad guys and getting the girls, all for the great continent of Britain... oh wait I'm Canadian. Anyways, I'll follow in Daniel Craig's footsteps and be the charming spy that I know I can be."
Fury looked less than convinced, and Deadpool knew just the way to win him over.
"Please Nick, Please! I'll try my best, I'll only kill the baddies, and I'll bring dark Spidey home!" Deadpool cried out dramatically, with his hands placed on his cheeks for added effect.
"Stop, just stop. Willson, I'm giving you the job. And no, it isn't because of your theatrics. You have a month to bring me that Mercenary, or you can kiss the money goodbye. No causing a commotion in whatever country you're going to, no killing innocent civilians, and above all don't let this get on the Avenger's radar, this stays between you and me," ordered Fury.
I must be dreaming.
Did the Patchy just give us a job?
Pinch me.
Wade rolled his eyes, "Of course he did, who can resist my charming personality?"
Everyone.
"I want the money in a red pillowcase with a dollar sign ironed on. Make sure it's in stacks of hundreds. No wrinkled cash, I'm picky about my money," requested Wade as he made his way over to the door.
"This ain't my first rodeo, I know how you request your payment. No matter how absurd, I always do it," informed Fury with a judgemental look on his face.
As Wade left the office Fury couldn't help but wonder, did he make the right choice giving Deadpool the job?