Abandoned

Sleipnir was looking at Loki with the most hopeful expression, and Loki almost couldn't believe his own eyes. He pressed his fingers to his lips, tiptoeing around the stable so he could get closer to his son. Sleipnir looked the same as he had the last time Loki had seen him. Bright white fur covered his body, but he had a dark mane- almost as dark as Loki's hair, and a few dark grey spots on his back. His eyes were so blue, they appeared to be clear when he was in the sunlight. Loki had never forgotten the affect those eyes had on him. 

He remembered the first time he'd held Sleipnir when he was only a baby, and that's how Loki thought of him- a baby. He'd never been just a horse. Sleipnir had spoken to Loki after only a few short weeks. It had taken some time for Loki to shift back into his usual form after giving birth, so he'd cared for Sleipnir as only a mother could, and they had bonded. But as soon as he'd brought Sleipnir back to Asgard, Odin had taken him away. Loki had mourned, thinking Odin would send Sleipnir away just as he had done with Loki's other children. However, it wasn't long before Odin was using Sleipnir as his very own steed, and though Odin hadn't said as much, Loki knew he was bound to do as Odin wished. 

"I thought you were dead, Mama. Odin said you had died in the void," Sleipnir whispered. 

Loki gasped aloud, wanting nothing more than to go straight to the palace to have his vengeance on the 'father' who'd betrayed him so thoroughly. He clenched his jaw, thinking of how Sleipnir had begged when he'd left the last time. 

"Mama, don't do this. We can go away together. I can take you anywhere you want to go! You'll never have to look at any of them ever again." 

Loki continued to rush around, trying his best to ignore his son's pleas. He had to do this. He had to prove himself- his worth- to Odin once and for all. Odin had needed him to be the catalyst for peace between Asgard and Jotunheim, but that was not going to happen. Instead, he would be Jotunheim's destruction. 

"You don't understand. I must," Loki replied without emotion. He didn't even look at his son. He feared that if he did, he would see those eyes and lose his resolve. He would stop halfway through his mission and end up being just as worthless as Odin thought him to be. 

"I do understand, mama. You're doing this to prove yourself to that dusty old man! To what ends? Please mama. This will end badly." 

Tears came to Loki's eyes as the bitter taste of regret pooled in his mouth. If anyone was going to hold his actions against him, it would be Sleipnir. It should be Sleipnir. He'd told Loki that his plan would backfire, but Loki hadn't listened. His separation from his other children hadn't been his fault after all, but his separation from Sleipnir had. That crushing realization almost knocked Loki to his knees, but he knew he couldn't stop their mission to have a mental breakdown. If he was going to have any reconciliation with his son, he needed to stop thinking and push forward. 

"Sleipnir, my boy, I'm so sorry. I don't have the time to explain everything right now. Do you-- do you still want to go away with me?" 

Loki held his breath as Bucky looked from his face to his son's, waiting for Sleipnir's answer. Sleipnir's eyes were unreadable, and Loki attributed that to years of being under Odin's thumb. Having zero control over your own life- your own body, even- had to leave one with the ability to conceal emotions quite well. 

"Where are we going, mama?"

Loki sighed. He knew this would be the part his son didn't like, and Loki couldn't blame him. It sounded exactly like one of Loki's old schemes. 

"I want to see your sister, and then...I want you to come home with me." 

Sleipnir made a distinct animal-like sound, and Loki could tell that he was disgusted by the prospect of going to Hel. It was a rather frightening place to visit, or so Loki had heard. 

"You have a home? A real home?" 

There was a thinly veiled look of concern in Sleipnir's eyes, and Loki couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch his son's mane. He knew Sleipnir wasn't asking for himself. He wanted to know if his mama was safe at last, or if he was still on the run; fighting with everyone he could, pissing off high level rulers and somehow managing to keep his life, and gambling with life and limb. 

Loki looked at Bucky, who had been remarkably quiet. The soldier nodded a firm yes. 

"A real home. Your brother Fenrir is there, and I want you there too. It was impossible for Jor to join us, but he's quite happy where he is. Please, my son...we have very little time." 

Sleipnir jerked his head toward the leather straps that held his stable door closed, indicating he was ready, and Loki felt genuine relief for the first time in several hours. 

"Who is your friend?" Sleipnir asked as Loki and Bucky climbed onto his back. 

Bucky stuttered a bit, but finally introduced himself. 

"Loki says you're the fastest horse in all the..."

Before he could finish, Sleipnir shot forward, knocking the breath out of Bucky's lungs and rendering him completely speechless. Loki couldn't stop laughing long enough to make sure he was alright. 

"Are those weapons?" 

Sleipnir had been running for what felt like days, and Bucky couldn't imagine how he was still standing. They had passed through miles upon miles of dense mist, and though he couldn't describe the certainty he felt, he knew they had gone underground somehow. Now, Loki's son had slowed considerably, and they were looking at a river. It wasn't just any river though. It was a river made of daggers, swords, axes, and other weapons of all kinds. They clanged together, making the sounds of battle all around, but there were no warriors in sight. Bucky wondered if he was hallucinating from a lack of sleep or from some kind of mental overload. 

"Yes, they are. It's said that there is a bridge up ahead, followed by the gates. However, the living do not pass through the gates if they wish to continue living," Sleipnir said, trotting briskly. 

Bucky looked at Loki, and Loki shook his head. He had been to every realm save one. It was as if the Norns had been in league with Odin all along, stopping him from ever seeing his daughter again. 

Though Loki found the river of weapons to be unsettling, he preferred it over the darkness and mist they had traveled through to reach it. He'd known that in order to reach Hel, they would have to travel through the trunk of the tree of Yggdrasil, but he hadn't imagined the crushing blackness they would face inside. It reminded him too much of the blackness of space and his fall through the void. If he hadn't been so determined to see his beautiful daughter again, he would have insisted that Sleipnir turn back. 

Sleipnir suddenly uttered a low, throaty sound, alerting the two of them that they had reached the bridge. As he began to trot over it, their path was blocked by an enormous pair of legs. Loki and Bucky both sucked in a breath, looking up to see the face of a giantess with her head cocked to the side in obvious amusement. 

"Loki Laufeyson." Her voice boomed in the darkness. "I knew you'd come, but I thought you'd be dead."