Chapter 88
I was lying in bed staring up at the ceiling for what felt like hours but considering Natasha was still in the shower it was probably only a few minutes.
“Hales?” Clint said trying to get my attention.
“Hm?” I hummed.
“You okay?” He asked.
“I’m fine.” I said pulling up the blankets and rolling to my side only to end up looking into the empty crib, the reminder of what I had lost just a few hours earlier. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to pull myself together.
“Hey.” Clint whispered as I felt him move but I didn’t open my eyes. “Hales, come on. Please look at me.”
I couldn’t look at him. I could feel how sad and helpless he felt and if I looked at him I knew I’d breakdown again. I heard Clint sigh before feeling him put his arms around me and pulled me closer.
“Baby please.” He begged.
“I just want to sleep.” I said.
“I’m sorry.” Clint said.
I opened my eyes and looked at him confused. In the past few days I’ve been the one screwing things up, why was he apologizing.
“For what?” I asked.
“For giving you a hard time about giving him up.” He said.
“Not your fault. I haven’t exactly given anyone a reason to trust me lately.” I said. “Promise me something.”
“What is it?” Clint asked.
“Let’s keep this between the three of us. Hadrian’s a big enough problem without having everyone worry about me.” I said.
“We worry about you anyway.” He said kissing my shoulder.
“The less people who know about Rebekah the better.” I said.
“Okay.” Clint said hesitantly. “But I need you to promise me something too.”
“Hm.” I answered.
“Don’t shut us out. I know you don’t want to talk about it and you’re trying to keep it together but we’re here for you. I can feel you shutting us out and…” Clint sighed.
“We need you.” Natasha said as she climbed into bed and lied down next to me. I didn’t say anything. I put a hand over Clint’s and put my other arm around Natasha.
I closed my eyes and went to sleep knowing this was just the beginning of the hell coming my way.
The Next Morning-
I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was the empty spot next to me where Natasha was sleeping. I’ll get her to sleep in one morning… eventually. Then my eyes drifted to the empty crib and I felt like crying again. I pulled the covers over my head and cuddled into Clint’s side before going back to sleep.
It was a little while later I woke up to Clint trying to slip out of bed.
“Hey.” I said moving off of him.
“Hey, I was just going to head upstairs and make some breakfast.” He said.
“Mh, that’s nice but I’m not really hungry.” I said.
“You hardly ate yesterday.” Clint reminded me.
“I just want to sleep. Too many sleepless nights in a row.” I said pulling the covers over my head.
“If you oversleep it’ll throw off your sleep schedule.” Clint said trying to get me out of bed.
“Nothing coffee can’t help me fix.” I said rolling to my side.
Clint sighed and shook his head before getting up. “I’ll bring you down some breakfast and leave it in the kitchen.” I heard him say as I drifted off to sleep.
Third Person’s POV-
Clint walked into the common room kitchen where everyone except Hayley was sitting down having breakfast.
“Morning.” Steve greeted.
“Morning.” Clint answered before pouring himself a cup of coffee.
“Is Hayley still asleep?” Natasha asked.
Clint hesitated for a bit before answering. “Yeah.”
“Is she not well?” Thor asked.
“Kinda.” Clint answered.
“So she’s wallowing?” Tony clarified.
“Pretty much.” Clint said taking a sip.
“Guess this is a good a time as any to talk about what we’re doing next.” Steve said.
“With Hayley’s brother? I thought we all agreed he needed to be dealt with.” Thor said.
“We did now there’s the small matter of finding him.” Natasha said.
“Well the one person who knows him better than anyone and could probably track him down from behind her computer made it pretty clear she wants to stay out of it.” Steve said.
“I have Jarvis running facial recognition software through the SHIELD Server and they’ve blocked all access to SHIELD resources and his bank accounts so that should slow him down.” Tony said.
“We still have no idea where to start.” Bruce said.
“I doubt he’s still in Romania.” Steve said.
“If he’s anything like Hayley he’s done a pretty good job covering his tracks.” Natasha said.
“Then we should go ask again. Try to reason with her.” Thor said grabbing a plate and starting to pile pancakes on the plate.
“Doubt pancakes are going to make her change her mind.” Clint said.
“She has not eaten since yesterday.” Thor said.
“Hayley’s had a rough couple of days maybe we should give her some space.” Bruce suggested.
“We gave her six months of space and look at where we are.” Tony retorted as he got up.
“Where are you going?” Steve called after him.
“I’m taking a personal day, unless aliens are invading again don’t call me.” Tony said getting in the elevator.
“So much for coming up with a plan.” Steve groaned.
Hayley’s POV-
I stared up the ceiling and started thinking back to what I was doing this time last year. I was in the hospital staring at the ceiling of my room watching Doctor Who reruns. I remember falling asleep next to Tony at some point and when I woke up Nate was next to me.
How did I not notice it sooner?
Uh… I wish I could go back to when everything wasn’t so complicated. Back to when I just had to worry about making rent and passing exams.
Suddenly something pulled the covers down so the sunlight hit my face.
“Uh.” I groaned.
“Oh you’re up.” Tony said.
“What the hell?” I said pulling the blankets up again. “I’m trying to sleep.”
“No you’re not. You’re wallowing.” He said.
“I’m being hunted by my older brother, I gave up my nephew and I lost… I’ve earned the right to wallow.” I said pulling the blanket up.
“Fine then scoot over.” Tony said.
“Uh.” I groaned before scooting over while staying under the covers
“Oh come on Hales, I haven’t styled my hair but I don’t look that bad.” Tony said trying to pull the covers away so he could see my face.
“Stop I just want to be alone so I can cry and stay in the room where I can’t screw anything else up.” I said.
“Hales you’re not the only one that wants to wallow today.” Tony said.
“Tony please.” I said starting to tear up as he started trying to pull the covers off again.
He stopped and sighed. “Hales today’s December sixteenth.” He said.
December sixteenth? What was so important…. Oh…
I pulled off the covers and looked at Tony who looked exhausted. I could feel how tense he was and from the forced grin he was trying to make he was feeling about as great as I was right now. I sat up and hugged Tony. He hugged me back and rested his head on my chest while I threaded my fingers in his hair.
“I’m sorry.” I said and he just shook his head.
“It’s not your fault. It’s just a really crappy day.” Tony said as he moved to lie back and held me close.
“It really is.” I said. I looked over at the window and glanced at the empty crib.
“Let’s get out of here.” Tony said.
“That defeats the point of wallowing.” I said.
“You really want to spend the entire day in here with everyone else coming in here to try and get you out of here?” Tony said getting up.
“Doesn’t that include you?” I asked.
“Pants,” Tony said tossing me some jeans and a top. “Top. Let’s go.”
“Tony…” I started.
“We’ll wallow just not where everyone is going to bug us about it.” He added.
“Fine.” I said taking my pajamas off and changing in front of Tony.
“How are the ribs?” Tony said not taking his eyes off the yellowing bruises on my chest and ribs.
“Healing.” I said pulling my shirt down.
“Come on.” He said taking my hand. I grabbed my phone as he led me out. We went down to the garage and got into Tony’s favorite orange Audi before we drove off. We drove out of the city and onto the interstate.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“You’ll see.” Tony asked as the phone started ringing.
“You have an incoming call from Captain Rogers.” Jarvis said.
“Busy.” Tony said.
“I’m afraid he is quiet insistent sir.” Jarvis said.
“Send him to voice mail.” Tony said. I looked at him with an arched eyebrow. “I did tell him I was taking a personal day.”
“I didn’t say anything.” I said sitting back and looking out the window.
Eventually we pulled up to a mansion on a private beach just outside the Hamptons.
“You bought yourself another beach house?” I asked.
“I miss Malibu and being able to get away from it all is good sometimes.” Tony said.
“I thought that was what the lab was for?” I said.
“Let’s go inside.” Tony said leading me inside. One look at the entry way and I could tell Pepper had one most of the decorating. She had great taste. “This place was a steal, some CEO of an investment company got indicted all of his assets were frozen and when he was sentenced all his properties were sold off to pay back the people he stole from.”
“Good to know crime doesn’t pay, well not forever.” I said.
“I need a drink.” Tony said walking into the day room and going straight to the bar. I followed him and had to admit I really liked this house.
“Make it two.” I said.
“Really? No snarky comment, or lecture about it being too early? Nothing?” Tony asked.
“It’s five pm somewhere and you’re only an alcoholic if you drink alone.” I said grabbing a glass and handing it to Tony. He gave me a look before taking it and pouring me what he was having which was probably scotch.
“Okay, to wallowing.” Tony cheered. I clinked my glass with his before downing it in one go.
“Smooth.” I said before pouring myself another.
“Mhm. How do you normally spend the anniversary of…” he said not needing to finish.
“July 26th. Essentially like this except alone and without the glasses, just straight from the bottle. Also I tend to eat a tube of raw cookie dough while I’m crying on the floor.” I said.
“Raw cookie dough?” Tony said.
“It’s a thing. By that point I’m normally too drunk to care about salmonella or food poisoning.” I said. “You?”
“It varies. The first one I ended up in Miami and don’t remember half the night. The ones after I partied a lot and woke up next to whoever I ended up sleeping with the night before. Then again that was most of my twenties…and thirties. If I happened to be working at the time I get drunk in the lab alone. Normally I’d give Pepper and Happy the week off so they’d leave me be.” Tony said.
“The first anniversary I was in New York for Will dragged me down to Jersey to see if we could run into the cast of Jersey shore. Apparently we did find them but I made one of the guys cry and we had to sign an NDA because of something he fessed up to. Still have no idea what it was but we got a big enough payout to pay off Will’s credit card debt.” I said.
“Sir you have an incoming call from Miss Potts.” Jarvis said.
“Ignore.” Tony said and I gave him a look.
“You sure you don’t want to answer that?” I said downing another glass of scotch.
“It’s just her checking up on me because she knows how I get.” Tony said.
“She’s your Will.” I said understanding.
“How is Will doing?” Tony asked.
“Trying to work things out with his ex mobster errand boy lobster.” I said.
“Wait… did you just say…” He started.
“Yeah I handled it.” I said.
“I worry when you say you handled it or have it handled.” Tony said.
“I’d argue but it’d be a waste of time considering the shit storm we’re currently in.” I said taking another glass of scotch.
Many Glasses Of Scotch Later-
“I mean Iron Patriot? We already have Spangles.” Tony ranted.
“It’s been a year already besides you know Rhodey answers to the chain of ass kissing.” I said as I started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Tony asked.
“When I said ass kissing I imagined the human centipede.” I said giggling.
“Ew.” Tony said laughing.
“I’m so fucked up.” I said starting to tear up.
“Yeah you are.” Tony said and I started crying. “Aww don’t do that. That’s not what I meant. I’m a grown man who can’t deal with his parents death and it’s been over twenty years I’m as fucked up as it gets.”
“I’m a fucking grenade, Everywhere I go boom shit everywhere. I’m the worst person in the freaking world.” I said.
“We both know your brother wins that contest.” Tony said making me groan. “Come on Hales you’ve had a rough go of it and maybe you could have handled things better, maybe called us a bit sooner so we could have helped but you didn’t know any of this was going to happen. You did what you thought you had to and if that isn’t enough you did right by the kid. He’s safe and as far away from psycho killer as he can get because of you he gets to live a good life.”
“Uh.” I said tearing up at the reminder of what I had given up. I swallowed down my drink and got up for another one but Tony grabbed my hand and stopped me.
“Hayley, we’ve all made mistakes at some point. No one’s perfect it just means there’s room for improvement.” Tony said.
“I just want to stop feeling like the worst person in the world.” I said.
“You need a distraction.” Tony said putting his arms around me.
“Hence the drink.” I said waving my empty glass.
“Not what I had in mind.” He said slowly lifting up the hem of my shirt and kissing my stomach.
“Don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” I said threading my fingers through Tony’s hair.
“I think it’s a great idea. Stress relief.” Tony said.
“Yeah I’ve earned this stress.” I said stepping away.
“Come on Hales talk to me.” Tony said.
“No Tony. I’m not going to use you like that.” I said moving to the bar.
“You ever think that maybe I wouldn’t mind being used?” Tony said.
“What?” I said turning to look at him.
“I just heard it and it came out wrong. Hear me out, you remember that time after Paris when we…” he started.
“You mean the marathon sex session where after a couple of hours we knocked out for almost twelve hours straight?” I asked.
“Exactly. We’re in crisis mode but we still need to recharge our batteries.” Tony said.
“We’re people not robots.” I said.
“It’s an analogy.” Tony said making me roll my eyes. He took the glass out of my hand and poured himself another drink. “I’m just saying if that’s what you need I’m here for you.”
“You remember how you said you used to bury yourself in booze and leggy blondes to avoid dealing with your problems? Is this that because it feels like it is?” I asked.
“This is different.” He started. “I was using them and didn’t feel anything for them. You I love and I want to take care of if you’ll let me.”
I put my hands on either side of his face and kissed him. “I love you. You’re more than just a one-night stand, or an atm machine. I’m not going to use you like that because you deserve better.” I said.
“You’re not using me, I’m offering.” Tony said.
“I know and I appreciate it but…” I started.
“I made it a thing didn’t I?” he said.
“No?” I said not knowing what the right answer was here. “I don’t know. I’m probably overthinking it.”
“Just know it’s on the table.” Tony said.
“Good to know.” I said.
Even More Drinks Later-
“You know what place I hate the most?” Tony said.
“Afghanistan?” I guessed.
“So much sand, like everywhere.” Tony said.
“I think that’s why they call it a desert Tony.” I said with an amused smile. “Desert… Dessert…mh cookie dough ice cream.”
“Okay sassy pants, place you hate the most.” He said.
“Seattle.” I said. I didn’t have to think about it.
“Seattle? As in Washington?” Tony said not expecting that answer.
“Fucking hate Seattle.” I said.
“I wasn’t expecting that. Don’t they have really good coffee?” Tony said trying to lighten the situation.
“Eh.” I shrugged. “Nothing out of this world.”
“It rains a lot but not more than it does in London and you loved it there.” Tony said.
“That’s where it all started.” I said.
“Your life?” Tony asked.
“Hadrian making me run for my life.” I corrected. “We had a house in a small town close by. It was where we stayed in between jobs. Towards the end that’s where we stayed while Mom tied up some loose ends. It was in the middle of a forest clearing.”
“Sounds nice.” Tony said.
“It’s just a house. Nothing good ever happened there.” I said.
“What was your mom like?” Tony asked.
“She raised me and Hadrian, I think that says it all.” I said.
“Hayley.” Tony said.
“How to describe Allison Adler. If I’m being honest, she was an overbearing bitch.” I said.
“Whoa, and I thought I had issues with Howard.” Tony said.
“Howard ever sell you off to pay his debts?” I asked.
“Touché.” He said.
“You know you always talk about how horrible he was but you never talk about your mom.” I said.
“My mom,” Tony said getting very lost in thought before smiling. “She was amazing, Too good for my dad. Loved helping people. Was part of way too many committees. Defended me all the time. Loved hearing me talk about whatever I was working on even though it went over her head most of the time. Used to love coming home from school during the holidays and hear her playing the piano and singing carols.”
“She sounds nice.” I said.
“She was.” Tony said smiling before getting really sad. I moved over and hugged him. Just as I was about to pull away he pulled me into a kiss. I kissed him but pulled away once things started getting heated.
“Tony.” I whispered.
“Please Hayley.” Tony pleaded. “I want to be close to you.”
Maybe it was the booze or maybe it was the fact that I would do anything to keep that sad look off of Tony’s face but I gave in.