The morning started with a horrible feeling of dread. You knew it would be a crap day as soon as you remembered what date it was. September 14th. Seven years ago today you lost your mother. It was a horrific car accident to which your father still blames himself for to this day. Your mum and dad had, had an argument to which she left the house in a horrendous mood. Your parent’s marriage had been falling apart for months and your mother blamed it on your father being too involved in his job. She would say that Hawkeye was worth more to him than his family. She wasn’t quite gone yet, but she was leaving.
That day, the rain was bouncing off of the pavements and windows. You’ll never forget looking out at how the water began to flood on the streets, listening to what would be your parent’s last conversation. They were always fighting so you didn’t think much of it. The sound of your mother slamming the front door will always be ringing. Implanted in your head forever. As Clint (your father) kissed your forehead good night, he heard the telephone ring; a ring that would change both your lives eternally.
Peter didn’t really know what had happened to you and Clint. He knew your mother had passed away but didn’t know when, or how. You had been together for a 3 and a half years now and you still felt uncomfortable and sick talking about the rainy and cold tortured night. It had just passed both your and Peter’s 21st birthdays and you finally talked your dad into letting Peter sleep in the same bed as you, even though he wasn’t fully convinced they were ‘innocent sleepover’s’. You looked at the sleeping spider-man and ran your hand softly down the side of his face, careful not to wake him up, lost in s hazy morning nostalgia.
You continued to admire his sleeping frame for a few minutes more before gently pulling his arm off of your waist and carefully getting out of bed determined not to wake him. You could feel tears prick at your eyes as memories came flooding in. You half ran to your dad’s room to see if he was awake or not. He was still asleep, which you could have guessed, but you didn’t hesitate to go snuggle up with him.
Clint instantly woke up and realised what was wrong when he heard your sobs. He turned around and threw his arms around you “I know pumpkin, I know”. They were the only words spoken for the remainder of the 20 minutes you lay with your heart broken self and father. You felt safe there, but there would always be something, someone missing.
None of the team really knew what happened apart from Uncle Tony and aunt Nat. Aunt Nat was on a mission but Uncle Tony had stayed the night in the spare room as your dad had a bit of a break down last night. Peter was asleep as it was late at night but you heard it all. You didn’t bring it up to him as you knew he probably thought you were sleeping. Clint eventually fell back asleep. It was only 7:45 in the morning and you knew he had, had a long night. You crawled out of the bed and wiped your red eyes. Uncle Tony never slept, he would be up.
As you walked into the kitchen you saw him sitting on one of the breakfast bar stools. His head was down and he seemed to be dozing off. That changed when he heard you putting on the coffee machine. He pulled his head up and looked at you "morning sweetie" he tried to smile. You smiled slightly and went to hug him. "Did you get any sleep?" You asked already knowing the answer. He shook his head. Tony held you tighter before kissing your forehead and asking “you sure you don’t want to take the day off of uni sweetie?”. You held on to him tight before sighing and heading back to the coffee machine “nah, I’m better to just go so I have something to take my mind off of everything”.
Just then a yawning, stretching Peter strolled into the kitchen “to take your mind off what babe?” Tony stared in the direction of Peter, widening his eyes and shaking his head. You quickly averted your eyes from Peter back the coffee in your hand, feeling the sting of threatening tears. “Oh, nothing… don’t worry about it”. You kept your head down but looked up at Peter with sparkling eyes, who was standing just in front of you now. Peter took the hint and nodded with a saddened, concerned expression. He slung his arms around you and kissed your cheek “as long as you’re ok”. You looked down again at the coffee in your hands and sniffed “yeah, I’ll be fine”. Tony looked at you both then down and sighed “well, I’m gonna go take a shower and get ready, probably gonna stick around with your dad today ok honey?” you looked at uncle Tony and smiled and nodded. Tony looked at peter and you and smiled slightly to himself before leaving. You reminded him so much of your mother.
Peter kissed you sweetly then went to make a cup of coffee for himself. “Meant to ask, have you done the reading for our legal process lecture today?” he yawned. As you turned round to answer your boy friend and opened your mouth to reply with a sarcastic comment about how you never do the reading, there was a churning in your stomach. The need to find a toilet became a priority so you didn’t throw up all over the kitchen floor. You quickly put your hand over your mouth and ran to the bathroom, Peter following closely behind you.
What had came over you? You knew you always became a bit depressed around this time but it was never this bad? Once you had stopped throwing up, Peter opened the door and came to sit next to you. He rubbed your back and told you, you were ok. You rubbed your hands over your face and sighed “I can’t be bothered going to uni today Peter, but I know I should” . Peter looked at you sympathetically “well look, we don’t have to if you don’t want? We can just sit in and have a movie day?” you looked at him and huffed “no we should go. We can’t miss another seminar. Remember why we missed the last one?” you giggled. Peter smirked as he thought about the last time you both ditched a seminar because no one would be home and you both had sex on the kitchen counter top. He looked at you and raised an eyebrow, still smirking “we should ditch seminars more often” he teased and went to kiss you. You put your hand up to his mouth and turned your head to stop him “not until I’ve brushed my teeth” you laughed.
Even though today was the anniversary of your mother’s death, you knew Peter would be around to make you smile and laugh. But why were you being sick?
By the time you both got ready and got some breakfast, you were already late to class. As per usual, you both were sneaking in to the room and up to the back. “You feeling any better?2 peter whispered as he was copying down notes from the board. You looked at him and how he was frantically scribbling down words from the board. “Yeah, I feel fine now for some reason?”
The lecture seemed to drag on forever, and you often found yourself drifting off into day dreams, or nightmares. You couldn’t get the sound of your parents fighting for the last time to stop playing in your ear. You were staring at Peter unknowingly, in a day dream when the class finished. Peter was putting his things away when he noticed you. He nudged you slightly “Hey, (y/n), that’s us finished?” you were pulled back to the future “huh? Oh…” you started to pack up. “Sure you don’t want to patch the next seminar and head home (y/n)?” Peter winked at you. You sighed and accidentally rolled your eyes “not now peter”. Peter looked at you confused and worried as you walked ahead of him.
The rest of the day seemed to drag in and you knew Peter knew there was something wrong. You decided that you would explain everything to him when you got home; you just hoped he would understand.
By the time you both got home it was half past five. Your dad had finally arisen from sleep and was currently ordering pizza for dinner. As soon as you seen him you ran over to him and flung yourself into his arms, trying with all your might not to cry. Clint put the phone down and gave you the biggest hug. “It’s ok sweetheart, I know”.
After a comforting cuppa with your dad and a good cry, you were ready to talk to peter. You walked into your room, were you knew he would be, doing uni work. “hey peter…?” he didn’t look at you but replied with a “hmm?”
“Can I talk to you?” you said with your voice breaking and a tear rolling down your cheek. As soon as Peter heard you he looked and jumped off the bed to hug you.
You both had been speaking for about two hours before you finally decided to call it a night. There were many tears, and a lot of them from Peter, but he totally understood and was so caring. He held you when you cried, and rubbed your back, played with your hair. You couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend than Peter.
You kissed him good night and he put his arm around you and held you close. You were so glad the day was done.
The next morning you woke up and bolted to the toilet. There was that feeling of sickness again. After throwing up a few times, you got scared. When were you supposed to get your period? You swung open the bathroom door and frantically walked over to the calendar on your wall, thankful that Peter was a heavy sleeper.
According to the calendar, you were supposed to get your period 3 week ago.
“shit”.