Settling Back In
“What the f-” Peter bolted upward and scrambled for his phone with bleary eyes as it buzzed loudly on his nightstand. “Ulo?”
“Peter! Good, you’re up.”
“Good, I’m- wha- no! Who- Sage?”
“Duh. Who else would be calling you at three am on a Tuesday.”
“It’s-” he looked over at the bright red numbers on his alarm clock that did, in fact, read three-oh-eight. “For the love of god, Sage, what is it? Why couldn’t this wait?”
”Because, dearest adoptive brother of mine, I had an epiphany.”
“Adoptive brother?”
“Well, yeah. Tony basically adopted you, he adopted me... keep up Parker I don’t have time for shenanegans.”
“Shenan-” No. This was not happening right now. He couldn’t deal with this. It was a school night! “Sage, it’s a school night.”
“So?”
“So, I have school in the morning! And so do you last time I checked!”
“And?”
“And if you don’t let me go back to bed in the next two minutes I will call your girlfriend and tell her that you aren’t sleeping. And then I’ll call Da- To- Mister Stark for good measure.”
“Peter!”
This girl had the gall to sound affronted. Right in front of his salad. Peter was going to McFreaking lose it. “Sage. what the fuck did you wake me up at three am on a Tuesday to tell me?”
“Oh. Right, that. So. I was thinking… Bum bum bum! We should have a movie night.”
Peter groaned and rolled over to shove his face into a pillow. He was going to kill her. He was going to have to kill his not really adopted sister, and then Tony Stark was goiing to kill him, and he would never be able to see the end of the Fantastic Beasts movies. What had he done to deserve this? Who had he murdered in a past life? Why did karma hate him so much?!
“Peter.”
“Wut.” He couldn’t even be bothered to lift his head from the pillow to respond.
“I can hear you spiraling from here. Snap out of it. I need your help.”
“With what? A movie night? We do those all the time, Sage! Why do we need to organize a special movie night at three in the morning?!”
“Peter Benjamin Parker-Stark you should be ashamed of yourself!”
“E- excuse me?! What did you just call me?”
“You heard me. I said what I said. You know damn well why we need this movie night. It’s been nearly two weeks since Papa and I were kidnapped, and we haven’t had a single fun team get together since. Everyone’s walking on eggshells around me. I’m fucking sick and tired of it. I’m about to throw a party on the ground floor of Avengers Tower and see how long it takes for someone to call the police. I’m getting desperate here, Peter. I want to be a family again. I want to be back to normal. Please please please help me plan this, I’m begging you.”
“Have you considered maybe, I dunno, talking to the team about this instead of calling me at three in the morning on a Tuesday?!”
“Gross. Who let you get all old and cranky? Look, this isn’t something we need to talk about. It just needs to happen, and then everything will be back to normal, I can tell you I told you so, and it’ll be great!”
“Okay. Okay okay okay okay okay. Fine. I’ll help you. But not right now. Not tonight. I have a physics test in the morning and the last time I fell asleep in class May threatened to ground me, so.”
“Right, okay, yeah of course. But you’ll help me right?”
Peter sighed. “Yeah, Sage, I’ll help you. But never call me like this again. It’s too goddamn early. I want to be sleeping and pretending that I’m welcoming the sweet caress of death, not having you scream in my ear.”
“Yeah, that’s… that’s fair. Thanks, Peter! Goodnight! Sorry I woke you up.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He hung up and tossed his phone across the room, burying his face back into his pillow.
---
“So she called me at three in the morning, and -”
“Oh yeah, she’s definitely Tony Stark’s kid.”
“I mean, she’s not biologically- what is that supposed to mean?”
“Staying up late, manic bursts of creativity and inspiration, too smart for your own good… it’s a common trait of being a Stark or Stark adjacent.”
Peter groaned and looked at his friend with wide eyes. “Please tell me you’re not talking about-”
”Yes, I’m talking about you, dude! The two of you could be actual siblings! Are you telling me that you don’t see it?”
“Okay, first of all there is no resemblance between the two of us at all, and secondly-”
Ned rolled his eyes and shoved Peter.
”Secondly, am I the Stark adjacent?”
“Duh.”
“Duh.” Peter muttered under his breath, shaking his head and looking upward. “The entire world is falling apart around me. I’m going insane. I must be going insane.”
“What’s so bad about this phone call anyway?”
Peter groaned and practically slammed his head against his locker. “She wants to throw a party because she’s going stir crazy! God forbid anyone in that tower think that maybe, just maybe getting kidnapped would create some mental and emotional trauma for her!”
“Who are we talking about?”
Peter jumped about a foot in the air and couldn’t contain a high pitched shriek as MJ materialized behind them. “Dude!”
“Duuude!” Ned laughed and gave the girl a high-five. “What?” He asked, in response to Peter’s offended look. “It was funny!”
“I’m going to kill myself. I’m going to kill Sage and then myself before Tony can kill me first, and then-”
“Who the hell is Sage?” MJ looked back and forth between Ned and Peter suspiciously. “Did Parker finally get a girlfriend? I thought you two were dating.”
“What?!” The two cried almost in unison.
“No way, I am not dating Ned. Definitely not-”
“No, we are wayyy straight for each other no homo here, no siree-”
“And even if I was dating Ned, don’t you think that we would maybe-”
“I mean, we haven’t kissed in like a year, and that time was on a dare, so-”
“Wait, what- dude!”
“What?!” Ned looked at him with wide eyes. “Was it something I said?”
MJ dragged a hand down her face and let out a long-suffering sigh. “Forget I asked. You two have your gay panic somewhere else. I can’t handle the amount of panicked boy vibes in this…. Particular area.”
“Panicked, bo- We do not have panicked boy vibes! Just, as an aside!” Peter called after her in a desperate attempt to save face.
“Yes you do!”
“N- no! No we- dude!!”
“What?! What is it? What did I say? I wasn’t even paying attention to the words that were coming out of my mouth, was it something bad?” Ned’s eyes were wide and panicked and, okay, yeah, maybe they did kind of have panicked boy vibes.
“Ned. Oh my god.”
”What?!”
“You told her about the time that we-”
“Oh, you mean the time that we- Oh… Oh shit, Peter, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean-”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know man. It was an accident. Just… Oh my god.”
“D- do you think… Do you think she thinks-”
“Probably.”
“Shit, dude.”
“Yeah.” Peter groaned. “Tuesday, man.”
Ned nodded morosely. “Tuesdays are the worst.”
“Like worse than Mondays.”
“Definitely worse than Wednesdays.”
“Maybe even worse than…” They both exchanged and glance and said together, “Nah.”
‘You know, man, you wouldn’t be the worst person to date. Too bad you’re straight though.”
“Wait, you think I’m-”
“You mean you’re not-”
“No, dude I thought you were-”
“Huh.” Peter gave Ned a considering once-over. “Wait, dude. You thought I was straight? I’m Spider-Man! I’m a bi icon! I swing both ways!”
That got an entire snort-giggle out of Ned. “Oh my god! You’re so right! I can’t believe I didn’t realise that before! Dude!”
Peter grinned. “Man, we need to get to class.”
---
“Peter, if this is revenge for calling you at three am, I’m sorry, but please-”
“No wait, mine’s actually important.”
Sage glared at him for that, but opened the window wide enough for him to crawl through anyway. “What’s up? Is this a just me situation, or is it a whole girl’s night situation? Can I call Addy?”
“No, I just- it’s not- why would you call your girlfriend? I met her once when you were kidnapped.”
“Yeah, she told me about that. Smooth.”
“Shut up.” He shoved her shoulder and smiled softly when she laughed. “I dunno, I just… I found something out today and I wasn’t quite sure how to process it.”
Sage pulled a pillow into her lap. “I’m listening.”
Peter explained the events of the whole day, getting side tracked a couple times here and there, but eventually he got to that afternoon. “And then she said ‘I thought you two were already-’”
“Spider Parker!” Tony’s voice boomed over JARVIS’s speakers and both kids jumped. “What exactly are you doing in my daughter’s bedroom at eleven o’clock on a school night?”
Sage rolled her eyes. “Dad, leave us alone, we’re having a moment.”
“Sage, you already have a girlfriend.”
“No! Peter’s having a gay panic!”
“I am not!”
“... What flavour of ice cream should I bring?”
“Anthony, no, you need to-” Loki’s voice was cut off and it sounded like Tony was covering some microphone.
The teens exchanged exasperated glances and waited for Tony to speak again.
“Sorry.”
“No, this is good for him. He’s been weird and distant lately. Honestly, this is a relief. Sorry I tattled on you.”
“He would have found out eventually anyway. I just don’t know if I should try to date Ned or not, you know? He’s my best friend in the world, and we’re both some flavour of not straight, so maybe? Is it worth the risk?”
“Did you tell him the bicon Spider-Man joke? About how you swing both ways?”
Peter grinned. “Yeah, I did. Thanks for that, by the way.”
“You’re so welcome. What did he say?”
“He thought it was funny and clever. I dunno.”
“Might as well go for it, ya know? If it doesn’t work between you, then you’re still best friends. If it does work, congrats you’ve got a boyfriend!”
“I feel like I’ve kind of always had a preference for girls though.”
“So? I have a preference for idiots who will probably rip my heart out, but I’m still with Adeline. Preference doesn’t restrict you. It just… gives you a guideline.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
The door burst open and Tony walked in with two pints of ice cream and three spoons. “So what was this about Peter having a gay crisis?”
The two exchanged and look and started cackling.