Steps Toward Soothing
Tony stood, frozen in shock for several minutes after the recording ended, processing what he’d just heard. Sage was terrified that she would do something and they would kick her out. She genuinely thought that if she did something wrong it would drive them to changing her mind about her and- he needed to go. He needed to find every other family that ever fostered his beautiful girl and make them realise how wonderful she was and that if they thought that they could treat her like that-
“Anthony!”
Loki’s sharp bark of his name broke him out of his daze, and he froze again as he realised that he’d summoned the armor on sentry mode. Fuck. Fucking shit. This was bad. This was so bad, he had been ready to-
“Anthony. My love, it’s alright.”
His name was softer this time, and in the back of his mind, he registered Loki slowly rising to his feet, ignorant of the Iron Man armor and making his way to his side, hands outstreched, but not touching. Not yet. Not until he had assessed the damaged that had been done.
Fuck.
This is why Loki hadn’t wanted a child, it suddenly dawned on Tony. Because the god had recognised what Tony couldn’t in his baby frenzy. He wasn’t mentally or emotionally stable enough to care for himself, much less a child. How was he supposed to be able to help Sage if the thought of her past foster families not treating her right had reduced him to an irrational, seething, raging psychopath? What would he have done? He wasn’t safe to be around, he-
“Anthony, hush. You are perfectly safe, you wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Part of him noted that he was shaking, and that he must have been voicing his thoughts aloud, but the louder part of his brain was shouting that Loki still hadn’t touched him, so obviously the god thought he was dangerous too, and he was right. He shouldn’t be around Sage, he’d just hurt her, oh god is this how Bruce felt when the Hulk took over, because now he totally understood why Bruce was so scared of the Other Guy, and he would never tease his friend about that again and-
Loki’s hand rested gently on his forearm, grounding him. Giving him a point of contact to focus on. Keeping him in the present. His voice was murmuring softly to him, sweet nothings and gentle reassurances, repeating his name over and over, because his god who had tried to conquer New York could be gentle and sweet, but he was too fucked up to find a peaceful way to deal with his daughter’s former “families”, but no of course, that was totally fine, because-
“If you keep saying things in that vein of thought, I will personally lay you out on this sparring mat over and over until you cannot move and you have to listen to me explain very carefully to you in excruciating detail how entirely wrong you are, dear. I love you very much. Sage adores you nearly as much as I. You are not this cruel, capricious creature that you believe you’ve turned into, you are a kind, loving man who would put his daughter before the world if it meant making her happy.”
By now, Loki’s arms were around his waist, and his chest was pressed to Tony’s back, his warm breath ghosting over Tony’s cheek as he spoke softly in his ear. Tony was still regaining his footing after that, but it would never cease to amaze him how wonderful Loki was. He was caring, and soft, and deliberate in how he helped Tony to calm down, but in the whole time that they’d been together, he had not once stepped away or said that he could not help or ever questioned whether or not he was needed when Tony was like this. Pepper and Rhodey said that he needed to say what ‘this’ was if he was ever going to get anywhere, but it wasn’t like he didn’t already know.
He suffered from panic attacks. Debilitating ones, and apparently, hearing Sage nearly have a panic attack about her foster brother meeting the team and becoming angry over how poorly she had been treated in her lifetime was enough to trigger one. Good to know, he supposed.
“Fuck. I- I’m sorry.”
Loki let out a sigh and rested his head against Tony’s exposed collar bone. “Darling, there is absolutely no reason to apologise. I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again and again until there’s no need for you to hear it any more. Never apologise for what you cannot control. I love you, and our partnership entails me supporting you. If it takes me calming you down for twenty minutes or even an hour, I’ll gladly do it, if only to see that you are alright again by the end of it.” He laced his fingers through Tony’s, and brought their clasped hands to his lips, pressing soft kisses to each of his lover’s knuckles. “Come, I will draw you a bath so that you have no need for dealing with the shower, and then I shall join you and we will view episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race until Sage returns home. If you wish to discuss the footage from JARVIS we will, but not around Sage, and not until you are perfectly calm once more. Agreed?”
Tony nodded miserably, turning around and wrapping his arms around Loki’s waist, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “I still want to apologise.” He mumbled into the skin just above Loki’s clavicle. He knows full well that the god was able to hear him, but he pulled away and Loki did not so much as mention the small sentence. They both knew vividly the lasting affects of childhood emotional abuse. The god would never fault him for his inherent need to apologise, to fix everything he supposedly did wrong. It was a defense mechanism, and they both recognised that.
Loki took Tony’s hand and led him upstairs, mind already churning out ideas for ways to reassure Sage that she would always be welcome with them, no matter what.
---
Sage and Sam spent several hours Ubering from thrift shop to thrift shop, strolling through the stores, putting on mini fashion shows for each other, just having fun. Sage bought at least one thing for each of them at each store, sometimes several things each, despite Sam’s protests.
“Sage. You’ve already bought me two pairs of jeans, four t-shirts, and a pair of boots. You cannot get me that.”
The younger girl pulled her best puppy dog eyes and pouted up at him. “But it’s a leather jacket. I don’t do leather jackets, you do. You can’t pass up an opportunity like this, Sammy!” She draped it over his shoulders, manipulating his long arms into the sleeves of the jacket and turning him to face a mirror as he sighed heavily. “Look! All you need is a wallet chain and eyeliner and you’re the punk rocker of any emo boy’s wet dreams.”
“Sage!” He practically squealed, scrabbling to cover her mouth and look around frantically to ensure that no one had overheard. “You can’t say shit like that, you dummy.”
“Why not? Do you have a boyfriend?” She gave him a smug sort of stink eye, crossing her arms in front of her and looking as imposing as was possible for a girl who barely cleared five foot.
“No. Neither do you.”
“Well yeah, but I’m not actively searching for one.” She threw him a knowing look and turned back to perusing the clothing racks behind him. “Let me buy you the jacket, muffin. It suits you. Besides, you paid at brunch. I have ample funds for this. And yes,” she cut off his inquiry before he staged it, “It is my money. I worked concessions at almost every sports game last year to stay out of the house. Don’t worry about it, okay?”
He let out a begrudging sigh and turned back to the mirror, aprreciating the view for a moment. “Fine. But this is the last thing.”
“Sure, Jan.” She pulled a sweater off the rack and held it up against her torso, turning to face the mirror as well. “How do we feel about turtlenecks? For me, not you.” She added quickly with a laugh. “Too much double chin?”
Sam laughed and shook his head.
---
When they got back to the tower, despite their arms being laden with bags full of clothes, Sage grabbed Sam and pulled him into the tightest hug she’d allowed herself to give in a while. “Don’t leave me hanging if I call, alright? You know how much I hate that.”
“Calling me or me not picking up?” He asked jokingly, pulling back enough to look her in the eyes. He chuckled softly, and then moved in for another hug. “I’d never,” he whispered in her ear. “Don’t be a stranger, okay? I’ll text you my new address. It’s a good neighborhood, I made sure of that before I signed the lease. Wanted you to be able to visit.”
She bit her lip and closed her eyes against threatening tears, resisting the urge to bury her face in the crook of his neck. “Thanks, Sammy. I’ll be sure to drop by.” She pulled back completely, breaking their contact and smiled at him, eyes a bit watery. “Text me or something, okay? I should go so that Tony doesn’t freak out, but… let’s make this a thing, yeah?”
“What, getting together for brunch and then thrift shopping for five hours?” He grinned as she laughed at his semi-skeptical tone.
“Yes. Definitely. Every weekend. I- I’m serious, though. I can’t go for that long without seeing you again. I miss my best friend.”
He scoffed. “I’m not your best friend. Tami is. And you’ve got all kinds of friends at school.”
“They’re not my friends. They don’t get me. I’m not even remotely out to them, they don’t count.” The fierce look in her eyes told him that she was serious.
“You stop it. They most certainly are your friends, I’ve seen your instagram. They’re at the very least fracquaintances.”
“Come again?”
“Friendly acquaintances. This isn’t the point. What were we talking about?”
Sage laughed lightly and shook her head, easily recognising his old tatic of distracting her from self-deprication. “Yeah, yeah. Alright. I’ve gotta go.”
“Of course. Be good.”
“I always am.”
“That’s a filthy lie and we both know it.” He smiled and stepped off the curb to Uber that he’d made wait for him while they said goodbye. “Seeya, babe. Mister Security.” He gave Happy a mock salute and got into the car, Sage watching as it drove away and she gradually lost it in the hubbub of New York traffic.
“Well, we had a good day, didn’t we, Happy?”
The older man walked over to join her on the sidewalk, small smile on his face. “It was certainly a day.”
She snorted. “Alright, welp. Let’s go see how everyone else is doing.