They sit at the bench. It’s freezing outside, the path is covered with ice. Foggy can barely contain his laughter when Matt slips and almost falls. Good thing he was holding on to him. That’s how they always walked. With their bodies really close to each other. It was never on purpose. It just kind of happened. It was like they were drawn to each other but they probably haven’t realized that yet. Matt would always hold on to Foggy’s elbow and Foggy would always say “mind the curb”, “steps ahead”, “ let’s cross”. He’s mindful, he’s not like the other people in Matt’s life.
- What are you doing? – Matt says, a bit confused by the noises Foggy’s making;
- I’m trying to warm my hands cause I can’t feel them anymore. Why did we decide to take a walk in the coldest night of the year? – he asked sarcastically;
- Because you love walks.
- Hmm, yeah, good answer. – Foggy says and he waits a few seconds before finally giving in. – Are you going to tell me why you look so sad?
Matt was kind of struck by the forward question. He thought he was doing a good job hiding it. Apparently not.
- What are you talking about?
- Come on, Matty! I see you struggling. You’re barely sleeping, you’re not eating. Even your glasses can’t hide the bags under your eyes. Tell me, what’s wrong?
Matt didn’t know what to say. He was panicking. He had been avoiding this conversation for the past six months. Honestly, it’s a miracle how it took Foggy this long to say something. But it hurt. It hurt too much. How do you tell your best friend you’re in love with him? Foggy is the only person who’s stuck around. Foggy is his only friend. Matt doesn’t have anyone else in his life. Telling him about his feelings will only make him run away and Matt could not bear that thought. He’d been left by too many people in his life and he was not about to do something to drive Foggy away. But he also couldn’t keep it inside. He had to make a choice, right in that moment – be honest and lose the most important person in his life or tell the truth which will set him free and recently, Matt’s felt like a bird stuck in a cage.
- I have something to tell you.
- Okay. – Foggy said with caution in his voice. He could tell this was something important.
- For the past few months I’ve been thinking about us.
- Yeah? – Now Foggy was really worried. Was Matt about to tell him he didn’t want to be his friend anymore? What has he done?
- I love you. I mean, I’m in love with you. – Matt took a small pause to process what he had just said. He never thought he could say that out loud. Now it feels real. – I know I have been a bit distant for the past few months. I thought If we weren’t so close anymore I would stop having these feelings, but it didn’t work. It feels even worse , you know, not spending as much time with you. I miss it. I miss you. I miss going to that stupid bar and drinking so much vodka that we can’t find our way back to the dorms. – Mat recalls that with a smile on his face. That was a fun night. – I miss laughing until we have tears in our eyes. I miss our movie nights and the way you describe every little detail on the screen with such precision I can almost picture it in my mind. But I had to do it, I had to pull away. I don’t want to lose you.
- What do you mean lose me? – Foggy was confused and that was all he could say at that moment. Matt was in love with him? With him? The tall, dark-haired, devilishly handsome Matt was in love with him? That was not possible.
- I know you don’t feel the same way and I knew that telling you was going to make you back away. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that I’d lost you and it was all my fault.
- Matt, that is never going to happen. - Foggy’s voice was soft and calming. That was not the reaction he expected. Foggy took a deep breath. His heart was racing and his hands started shaking. He did not think the night was going to take such a turn. – I love you too.
- What?! – Matt was not sure what that meant.
- You heard me right. I have been in love with you since that night you told me about your dad and the orphanage. I have never met a person like you, Matty. You’re stronger that anyone I know. You’ve been through hell, first losing your sight and then your dad… and you’re still here. You still get up every single morning with a smile on your face. You have a kind heart, you would do anything to help someone who is in need. You always have so much to give… I admire you. Since that night I’ve known you’re special.
Matt felt like this was a dream. This could not be real life. He didn’t know what to think. There was so much happening in his mind right now.
- Why are you smiling like that? – Foggy asked.
Matt hadn’t realized he had been smiling like an idiot for the past few minutes. Since he heard the words “I’m in love with you.” , to be honest.
- Hearing you say that makes me the happiest person the world. That’s why I’m smiling. Isn’t that what happy people do, they smile? I think that’s right…
- Ohh stop being a smartass! – Foggy said, they were both laughing now. Matt was so relaxed. Keeping this secret for so long made him feel like he couldn’t breathe.
- This feels good. – said Matt, still grinning ear to ear. But what do they do now? How do they start this relationship? Was there going to be one? He was not sure.
- It does. Your company always feels good. – Foggy says as he takes Matt’s hand in his. He kisses the back of his hand. They sit like that for a while. Holding someone’s hand, Matt thought, it was the most intimate thing you could do. Wrapping your fingers around theirs, not letting go. It conveys the message that you’re going to be by their side. That you’re always going to be there. That whatever you do your hands are going to locked, forever.
– Let’s get back. It’s freezing.
- Yeah, let’s go.
They do not move.