Chapter 5
6:15PM. Living room sofa. Apartment. Manhattan.
Wade Wilson slept soundly on the couch, sprawled out in a position that did not look comfortable, snoring loud enough to sound like a bad attempt at faking sleep. But nope, sound asleep. Out cold. Peter Parker was infinitely grateful that the flat wasn't studio, and also completely grateful he didn't know why Wade was so tired. Being honest, he'd rather keep his knowledge of his roommate's life as minimal as possible. And he seemed like he probably did weird shit when Peter wasn't there. Peter glanced at him from the kitchen every once in a while. They'd been sharing the flat for exactly three weeks now, and it was going surprisingly well. Neither of them were ever home enough to have real conflict of any kind. It had felt good to actually go back to the normal routine of being Spider-man by night, actually stopping crime and such, since Deadpool had gotten off his tail. Not that he was actively avoiding Deadpool (He was), he just wasn't ready to talk about what happened last time they interacted. There'd actually been good balance in Peter's day life since Wade settled in. It took stress off him to actually have faith in his flatmate not cheaping out on rent. Much to his surprise, the guy had actually come through last month. Peter had his suspicions that Wade didn't actually work where he said he worked, but didn't care enough to wonder what else he would be doing. Their private lives were on a need-to-know basis, as in neither of them needed to know.
They had actually shared some decent interactions lately, and everything seemed to be generally good, so why fuck it up to know more about a personal life you don't actually care about? He interrupted his own thought to go back to putting away dishes. It's not like Wade's life is of any concern to him, right? He wouldn't want Wade poking around with questions about his, so why should he do anything but the same? Thoughts are weird. After storing all the dishes in the door-less cabinets (They were gone when he moved in. Maybe the last owner was going for the minimalistic, hipster-y look. Or they were poor.) and microwaving an indistinguishable, pre-packaged frozen lump of what claimed to Thai food, he walked over to the sofa on a mission to stake his claim in front of the TV. It was his weekend off from classes and running Tony Stark's errands(And Spider-man) and he was determined to relax and watch a movie. Aggressively trying to relax is definitely a paradox, but one can always try. After wasting ten minutes trying to scoot Sleeping Beauty to the other side of the couch, he gave up and rolled Wade onto the floor. With a satisfying clunk and a "What the fuck, Parker?!" His roommate groggily accepted his fate and rolled a few feet closer to the TV. "Urghhhhh.. Star Wars? You're such a nerrrrdd." Wade groaned at Peter's movie selection. "You're a dick." Peter replied, not taking his eyes off the screen. "Suck it up or go in your room. It's my night off." (He actually had two nights off, but Wade didn't need to know that.) The Star Wars theme blared as the opening crawl for 'Empire Strikes Back' scrolled by onscreen. "But moooooooooommmm" Wade croaked, dramatically making a show of writhing on the floor in annoyance, "I don't wanna go to my room."
"Then you're watching Star Wars." Peter laughed and kicked him lightly.
"Is this the one with Worf?"
"You're breaking my heart."
"You're breaking my heart. I wanted to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show. You know I have a thing for Tim Curry."
"Well I guess I do now. Even as Pennywise?"
"Especially as Pennywise."
"Gross."
After a continuous half hour of snarky commentary being battled with "Shut up, Wade." They watched the movie mostly in silence. Only once was it interrupted by "What the fuck is this. Who in fresh hell is this stupid Jim Henson-looking motherfucker?", once again retaliated by "Shut up, Wade." By the end, Peter had fallen asleep against the arm of the sofa and Wade was sitting cross-legged in front of the TV like a child, thoroughly enjoying the movie. He had practically no idea what was going on, but didn't really care. He thought it was cute how much Peter liked this nerdy shit. Seriously. And he thought he was a nerd for liking Captain America. Not in a gay way though (Definitely in a gay way), just in an I-have-a-weird-amusement-with-patriotism-despite-being-Canadian way. Even unrelated to his own open pansexuality, which was now bordering on Omnisexuality after watching Star Wars, Captain America is just fucking cool. He wondered if Peter was more of an Iron Man kind of guy. That nerd probably was. Bet he couldn't be a Cap guy without feeling like he was cheating on his sugar daddy. Peter would definitely be offended if he said that out loud, but hey, Peter can't scold him for wondering. He drew his attention back to the TV, and after a minute of dialogue he awoke Peter with a loud "What the fuck, man?! Darth Vader is Luke's dad?" Peter sat up and rubbed his temples. "Was that really necessary? Of course Darth Vader is Luke's dad. It's like, the most iconic cinematic reveal in the history of cinematic reveals. How the hell did you not know that?" Peter stood up and started walking back to his room to go to bed. It was only 8:15 but he was tired. "Where. Are. You. Going." Wade gasped. "To bed. Where do you think?" Peter monotoned. He left the room just as the credits started. He spent the next two hours with a pillow over his head, trying to ignore the soundtrack of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Wade's accompanying heckling coming from the other room. Most notably:
8:30: "Let's fuck the guy in the casket!"
8:40. "Castles don't have phones, asshole!"
9:05. "He's not gay! -Not gay? Not gay?!"
9:20. "Elbow sex! Elbow sex! Elbow sex!"
10:10. "Instant audience, just add LSD!"
By 10:30, he finally heard Wade's bedroom door close, and the rest of the night was silent. As annoying as his roommate's disregard for peace and quiet was, the comments he'd been hearing over the last two hours were pretty funny. He had never seen RHPS, and never intended to, but whatever would cause such weird out-of-context heckles was probably something worth watching. Maybe someday, but never a live showing. He'd heard those to be quite the R-rated, low-brow, chaotic, horny kind of riot. Not that Peter looked down on that kind of sense of humour, it just wasn't his thing. Not at all. He fell into a deep sleep at 10:45 and slept through the whole night for the first time in months. It felt weird –and good- to be in bed before sunrise. Finally, a peaceful night. Nevermind. He awoke to a loud rapping on his bedroom door. He sighed a heavy sigh and turned his eyes to the digital clock on the nightstand. 9:05. When was the last time he slept this late? Felt weird. "What?" He hollered back. The door swung open to the sight of his roommate, balancing a hefty stack of DVDs in his arms. "Parker, what the fuck? Why didn't you tell me how awesome Star Wars was before you turned into my strict ballet teacher from 3rd grade last night? Did you get the stick out of your ass in your sleep? Because it's time to prepare for an entire day of witty commentary on your most cherished nerd movies." He set the stack down on Peter's glass desk and turned his gaze to his roommate. Peter was groggily starting to sit up, yawning and rubbing his hands over his face and hair. He stood up and stretched without a word, ignoring Wade, and walked the long three feet from his bed to the closet. "I'm not Sue Storm, even though I could totally pull off her outfit, I'm right here. Talk to me, Petey." He piped, feigning sounding hurt. Peter glared at him through tired eyes, gestured his finger up for 'un momento' and grabbed a shirt and jeans from his closet. He turned around and pulled his old shirt off in favour of the new one, Wade ogling from the corner. Peter looked over his shoulder and grumbled, "Do you mind?" And tossed the old top into the hamper. "I do mind. You a superhero or something? I literally didn't know the human body was capable of being that skinny and that muscular at the same time." Peter's heart skipped a beat at superhero. "So, are we gonna watch Star Wars or are you officially too shredded to be a geek? Honestly, the line's really getting blurry." "Oh, we're watching Star Wars." Peter promised. "Prepare to have your mind blown."
He would've much preferred to binge his favourite movies alone on his day off, but this would definitely do. He was actually growing to appreciate Wade's sense of humour. He shuffled out to kitchen and started brewing coffee. As soon as he'd finished his (Mediocre) breakfast of a still semi-frozen burrito and downed the last of the java, he sat in front of the TV next to a very impatient Wade Wilson. After a movie and a half, Peter actually felt himself relaxing on the couch and daresay enjoying himself. As much as the oblivious comments such as "Where's the green lady? Wrong movie?" hurt his lame little heart (What green lady? What sci-fi movie stars a green lady?) it was genuinely pretty enjoyable to watch someone else get introduced to Star Wars for the first time. Unfortunately, the biggest spoiler in the series Wade had already seen the night before, but regardless it was entertaining. About halfway through Return of the Jedi Peter interjected. "What about the prequels? We should've started with the prequels." Wade turned to him dramatically. "THERE'S PREQUELS?" Oh man. "You can't have been expecting to binge all of them without watching the prequels. I mean, they kind of suck, but we still gotta watch them." His roommate stood up to rifle through the stack of DVDs in search of these fabled prequels. "Good news. I got them on accident." He beamed, holding up episodes I, II, and III. Peter smiled. "I guess we won't be watching them in order then. Man, you're gonna bully the shit out of Jar Jar Binks." "Sounds like someone I'd torture relentlessly." Wade confirmed.
After about ten hours, even though he knew the plot, all the movies started blending together. They sat together on the couch, curled a little closer than he'd originally intended. It's natural tendency to drift closer when your sofa is that tiny, but he didn't really notice it until he was about to get up. He didn't really care what was going on, but nonetheless Wade remained enthralled. Did they really just waste his entire precious day off watching Star Wars? "You know you can't watch all of them in one sitting, right? It takes like, twenty hours to get through all of it. I hate to say this, but I'm gonna go study. I have to return to my hellish sleep schedule tomorrow. I had fun though, thank you. ...And I actually mean that. Thanks for buying all those DVDs." He stood up and took a long stretch. Wade avoided eye contact and changed the subject. 'Buying..' "What is this, high school?" "College, actually." He corrected. As Peter was about to walk off and close his bedroom, he heard a cat-calling blurt. "You know you've been in your boxers this whole time, right?" His face turning red, he flipped the bird behind him and shut his door. He couldn't believe how comfortable they'd unconsciously become around one another in the last month. A month ago, they were strangers who met by chance at a laundromat, now they actually got on well, daresay they were almost friends. Wade seemed to actually be pretty considerate, even though he made himself out to be worse than he was. Peter wasn't actually sure if he'd bought those movies cause he even wanted to watch them, there was almost an unspoken wonder if he just did it for Peter. He laughed a little at the thought. True love is enduring the Star Wars prequels to make someone else happy. Not that they loved each other or- Or anything- Not like- Why would he think that?
9:44PM. Peter Parker closed his laptop and sat at his desk with his head in his hands. This was getting conflicting. Maybe he was just fabricating emotions that weren't there because it'd been a while since he'd seen Deadpool? It was probably the lack of the merc's constant complimenting that made him convince himself his roommate and him were more than that. Not that he cared about Deadpool, he was just a voice of superficial ego feed. Pretty ironic he'd never actually seen Peter's face. He sat at the desk for an hour convincing himself of what was and wasn't, while little known to him, just through the wall, Deadpool was crawling out of his roommate's window.