Tommy Shepherd didn’t have any real friends before being broken out of Juvie. He had ‘cool’ friends or at the very least he knew kids who acted cool. They smoked cigarettes and joints behind high school gyms before making fun of anyone who didn’t. They’d get drunk before school dances and end up wasted on bathroom floors by the third song. Occasionally, they’d pull a prank on the kids who weren’t deemed ‘cool’ these pranks were the ones Tommy always got blamed for.
It was one of those ‘pranks’ that got him thrown into Juvie.
And after none of his ‘friends’ visited him in juvie, Tommy decided he didn’t know need people after all. It was after he’d broken out of Juvie that Tommy realized that while he might not want friends, he might need them.
It starts when Cassie invites him to the mall for smoothies. She corners him after an especially rough practice when he managed to insult Billy and Kate at the same time, (Tommy’s never been great with his words) and invites him up to a mall he’s never heard of. At first, he stares at her like she’s talking to someone else, someone who isn’t a major screw up. But when she asks him again, this time adding in Tommy’s name.
He blinks at her before responding, “Don’t you have homework or something to do this weekend Shorty?”. Instead of being angry at the nickname she smiles when he says it. Then Cassie bats her eyelashes and asks him again if he’d like to meet up. It's then that Tommy understands why some kids get away with murder. He begrudgingly agrees.
They meet up that Sunday because she does, in fact, have a project to work on Saturday.
It’s mundane, boring by any normal person’s standards, but Tommy’s neither a normal person nor is he very mundane. Tommy hides how much he loves it behind eye rolls and snarky comments. Tripping Cassie up when he gets the chance, laughing when she lectures him on being nice. Growing a few inches when he gets especially close to crossing one line or another.
They meander through the mall, drifting in and out of stores with smoothies in hand. “I swear to god you’ll love the strawberry apple blast!” Cassie gives him a smile that would melt the Grinch’s heart, and reluctantly he orders it. He doesn’t admit he loves it, but Cassie knows he does.
She’s much more patient with him. Cassie doesn’t snap like Billy or Eli. Cassie doesn’t walk around like he’s fragile, and doesn’t flirt with him only to pull away at the last second, sending him spiraling. Cassie tells him about her school. Describing her friends and teachers with a snark he hadn’t expected but loves.
“And then Ms. Cook like pointed at my skirt and told me it was too short! Which it totally was not! I mean at that point it might’ve been but if Derrick hadn’t-” She rants pulling a dress off a clearance rack and holding it up to herself. He gives her a thumbs-up and holds her smoothie as she goes to try it on. Continuing her story through the dressing room stall.
“And I’m just waiting for my stepdad to pick me up because of course they call him, I mean talk about throwing salt on the wound. Am I right?” He nods in agreement, sucking up the last of his smoothie. Cassie laughs as he sucks up the last of his smoothie, annoying the older mom standing behind them in line.
By the time they reach the other end of the mall a few hours later they’ve already made plans for the next weekend.
When he’s on his way ‘home’, Tommy finds himself smiling as they send texts filled with the craziest emojis back and forth. He’s feeling better than he has in months and suddenly he understands what having the right kind of friends might be like. Tommy doesn’t tell Cassie though, he doesn’t tell anyone.
Instead, he hides it. Keeping it close to his heart, away from the world he knows is cruel, the world that tears up any shred of happiness it can find. He sends Cassie an especially funny picture he finds online in place of the ‘thank you’ he wants to send.
Tommy’s revising his definition of what friendship is when he’s kicked out of the house. He’s expected it for weeks now, the rising tension between him and his parents only getting worse since his escape from ‘juvie’. He starts couch surfing with people who’re a friend of a friend, a cousin of an especially nice weed dealer, the sister of a guy that owes him one. Tommy’s pretty sure no one’s noticed until Kate finally brings it up.
“Where have you been staying?” She asked from the other side of a punching bag. They’ve been maintaining this awkward friendship ever since their ‘date’. She hadn’t apologized for getting back with Eli and he hadn’t expected an apology. When he doesn’t reply she throws a harder punch before asking again. “Where have you been staying? I know it hasn’t been with the Shepherds.”
He could lie. He knows that he could. She wouldn’t know, or if she did she’d take the hint and stop questioning him about it. He could lie, and make it all stop. But instead of lying he responds with the most honest question he can come up with.
“Why do you care?” He doesn’t flinch when she jabs the punching bag harder than he expected. Doesn’t take in a deep sigh of relief when she ducks her head around to frown at him.
“Because Tommy, like it or not you’re a part of this team and if you aren’t working at your best then you shouldn’t be trying at all. And if you don’t have a reliable place to stay then you aren’t at your best.” She replies, he doesn’t know if she’s being a hardass on purpose or if this is a way to make Tommy agree to whatever she has planned. Though Kate is harder for him to read, it doesn’t help that his maybe-spirit-brother is practically an open book.
“I have a place to stay.” He deflects, flinching when she pulls back as if she’s going to go back to the punching bag. Instead, she shoots back a response.
“And tomorrow?” He hesitates before giving a half-baked answer. She rolls her eyes and moves back behind the bag.
“Awesome, because I need someone to watch one of my dad’s apartments. It should only be for a few weeks and the kitchen is always stalked up by my dad’s assistants.” Wait, what? “Technically I’m supposed to watch it but it’s way out of my way, so I’ve been asking around to see if anyone can like stay there until he doesn’t need a house sitter anymore. Do you think you can watch it for me?” He’s shocked, to say the least. He’d expected criticism or a lecture, at worst he was prepared to turn this group routine into a solo act.
“What?” Is all he can say. She ducks around the bag again and raises an eyebrow.
“I need someone to watch my dad’s apartment, do you want to do it? If not, I can find someone else to do it, but it’ll be a hassle.” Kate replies. He blinks at her. She blinks back. “Are you in or not Shepard?”
“Uh, yeah sure.” They don’t talk much after that. She goes back to punching before her phone rings. She takes off her gloves and answers the phone. Her voice goes up a few octaves as she replies with short and blunt words. Kate’s face twists painfully every time the person on the other end of the phone responds.
They don’t talk much after that. Kate scribbles down the address and hands over the keys. The look in her eyes tells him that she’s gotten what she wanted, which doesn’t surprise him. The look of relief when she thinks he’s not paying attention is surprising. Kate doesn’t voice her relief, then again, neither does Tommy. She leaves first, offering up a smile and telling him that ‘I will kill you with my bare hands if you screw up my dad’s apartment. Superspeed has nothing on me.’.
Tommy lingers in the training room for a few minutes after that. Staring at the key in his hand. It feels like a promise, as if, by taking the key, he’d promised Kate he’d stay safe. That he’d stay on the right side of life. That he’d stay with the Young Avengers for as long as they lasted.
He’d stay. Plain and simple. No add-ons or hidden conditions.
Smiling at the note and key Tommy wondered if this was also a promise that things were going to get better.
It wasn’t.
He’s sitting on the couch of the apartment that’s not really his but it might as well be, mourning with everything within arm’s reach. Ice cream and tequila and in his rage, there might’ve even been a used tissue or two. Nothing is making sense and he hates it. Instead of going by fast the world was going too slow for him to fathom. The definition that he’s been creating in his head is set aflame the moment he'd realized what’d happened.
Everything sucks. Death sucks. Life sucks. Every, and anything in between sucks. His mind continues to replay Cassie’s death. All he wants to do is forget. Forget, forget, forget, forget.
Tommy trips over the hole he’s created from pacing the floor. The only thing he had going for him is gone. It wouldn’t surprise him if Kate showed up and demanded the apartment back.
He doesn’t get enough sleep that night, or the next for that matter. A part of Tommy understands and even accepts that he’ll never get enough sleep ever again. Just like a part of him relates when Billy doesn’t move from his spot next to the window. Tommy knows he should attempt to help Billy, but he’s never been good at comforting, especially Billy. So, he leaves that job to Teddy and does what he does best.
He runs.
Life eventually gets back on the fast track. Which is exactly when everything goes wrong again.
Meeting David was like the tortoise meeting the hare, or the Hulk trying to solve a Rubix cube. Except for the fact that Tommy took an immediate liking to David. He made Tommy feel like he wasn’t the only one moving at a pace too fast for others to understand. They’ve only had lunch once but it’s a lot more than he’s done with anyone else he’s met at the company.
Which is why his immediate thought being ‘shit feelings’. He’s not even completely sure what the feelings are, except they’re good feelings. Tommy knows that he likes the way David laughs, and if he laughs really hard then he snorts. He likes the way he can use chopsticks so much better than Tommy can, and how David teases him when he dropped a noodle after spending several minutes trying to pick it up. It’s something that feels comfortable, they click right off the bat, or almost right off the bat.
It sparks something in his stomach when David smiles or shoots him a glare from the corner of his eye. The spark terrifies him in a way that not much else does. He finds himself wishing to fight Dr. Doom, or even Kang again instead of facing these feelings.
Which is why he’s dumbfounded when he invites David to a stakeout instead of pushing him away. Tommy’s even more dumbfounded when David agrees.
They set up in a car across from the warehouse a few days later.
“Are you sure we should be doing this?” David whispers as if something can hear them. Which something probably can, but Tommy had never been one for discretion.
“Of course, we should! I mean what’s the worst that could happen?” He asked much louder than David had. Because really, what could go wrong?
A lot. A lot can apparently go wrong. It doesn’t help that when he sees the imposter patriot he thinks of Cassie. It doesn’t help that terror wracks his brain, causing every cell in his body to move too slow. His brain is screeching faster, faster, faster, faster, faster! and there’s nothing he can do about it.
Whenever Tommy attempts to remember what happened during those few weeks he was trapped inside of the imposter patriot vague memories surface. He remembers screaming and fear. He remembers feeling insecure. The feeling of terror and instability stuck to his skin for weeks afterward.
In the back of his mind, he knows that he went somewhere strange during those few weeks. Some place that changed him, though he’s not entirely sure how it changed him.
He completely remembers ‘waking’ back up. He remembers David’s lips on his own. The butterflies fluttering away in his stomach as if their wings weren’t made of razor blades. He remembers feeling terrified as he ran away to what he thought was a party. Leaving David alone on that hill.
It takes all the courage he has left to go back to find David. He talks to Kate for five minutes who explains that it was David who alerted them to Tommy’s disappearance. It was David who was hell-bent on finding Tommy no matter what. So, using what little social skills he’s gathered over the years he goes back to, hopefully, regain the only friendship that hasn’t failed him.
“I didn’t know that was going to happen,” David says with a frown. A thought in the back of Tommy’s head tells him to kiss it away, but another and louder thought tells him not to. He listens to the louder voice. “I’m sorry I kissed you.”
Another thought pops up in his head. ‘Don’t be sorry.’ It begs. ‘I didn’t mind that much.’. It insists, making Tommy’s insides feel like a really shitty smoothie.
“Hey, it’s all good,” He uses whatever chill he has to make sure his voice doesn’t crack. “I mean I’m back aren’t I?” David nods in agreement. He almost says something else, but Tommy in his need to clear the air, continues to ramble. “Besides it’s not like it was a shitty kiss, even though it was brief and shit.” He continued, repeatedly using the word shit and hoping he wasn’t screwing up this friendship/maybe crush/what the hell even are feelings thing.
David gave him a smile that stopped Tommy in his tracks. The razorblade butterflies erupted in his stomach once again, cutting him and letting his feelings pour into every crevice and hole he had. The air around them felt heavy and for the first time in his life, Tommy’s world began to slow down. Of course, that didn’t mean Tommy slowed down, the rapid heartbeat pounding in his ears and acute sense of how fast his blood rushed through his veins.
“I guess it’s back to the stakeouts now that we’ve saved the world?” He asked, and Tommy allowed himself to smile. He shook his head, David turned and began to walk towards a car that Tommy didn’t recognize. “Come on!” He yelled over his shoulder. “We’ve got to get back to California at some point.”
Tommy followed him with a smile.
He’s not sure if he believes what he’s seeing. In front of him is a picture of Cassie. She’s a few years younger than he’s ever seen her, wearing a basketball uniform with her arm slung around some girl he doesn’t recognize. The ache in his chest is no longer an ache but a fresh break. The scars have been cut open and everything is pouring out too fast for him to stop.
“Hey, do you want spaghetti or- Tommy? What happened?” David’s standing in the doorway to their bedroom holding a can of tomato sauce. He’s watching Tommy like he’s on the verge of exploding. Which is accurate because his body is filling up with emotions he only feels on the really bad days. All he can do is shake his head, attempting and failing to deny what’s in front of him.
David moves in slow motion to Tommy. He leans over and sees the picture at the speed of a snail, reacting just as slowly. Tommy’s engulfed in a hug after what feels like several hours. Tears are streaming down his face, although he didn’t remember when he started to cry.
Was it when he saw the picture? Or when David walked in?
His memory is as hazy as when he’d spent years trapped inside of a being that stole the image of his friend. None of it makes any sense, none of it at all.
“Hello? Who is this?” It’s Cassie’s voice. As soft and sweet as Tommy remembers. It takes all his willpower to keep himself together. “If this is a prank call you really screwed up by not hiding your phone number.” She adds and Tommy’s voice escapes him in a laugh that is more sob than laugh.
“I see death hasn’t changed you that much Shorty.” Cassie gasps on the other end.
“Tommy? Is that really you? Because this is a really fucking cruel joke if not.”
“It’s definitely me Cass.”
“Oh god Tommy, I’m so sorry I didn’t call you before this, I asked Kate for your number, but she said she didn’t have the right one, and when I asked if you were still in New York, so I could visit she said that nobody had seen you since the Mother incident. I was so worried! So is Billy! And he tried to look for you, but he said you had this ‘anti-magic’ thing around you because he got major migraines whenever he tried. I thought you died! How could you just not be around anymore! Tommy? Tommy are you okay?” He knows he’s crying. He knows she can hear him crying on the other end, but he can’t stop.
He’d thought a lot about what could’ve happened if Cassie hadn’t died. Tommy imagined they’d still be good friends if not more. He imagined they’d have a standing Sunday ‘date night’ where they’d hang out at the mall or make fun of low budget movies on Netflix. They’d complain about their lives, the people they loved and lost, the cute guy or girl they noticed on the subway earlier. In every fantasy he had, it was always Cassie who brought him and Billy together. It was always Cassie who encouraged him to date and love and cry and experience his emotions rather than run from them.
“Fuck I’m sorry Cassie, it’s just been, it’s been a lot without you.” He feels something heal in his body, an ache that’d been there for so long he’d accepted it as a part of himself. “I missed you. I missed you a lot.” She hiccups on the other end and suddenly they’re both crying.
The crying lasts for far too long and by the end of their phone call, they’ve made plans to have Tommy come down on Sunday. It feels comfortable and entirely new and terrifying.
“How’re you holding up?” David asks later that night when they’re laying together on the couch watching a movie with a lot of explosions and an attractive male lead. He’s holding onto David like he’s afraid he’ll slip through his fingers and disappear without a trace.
“I don’t know, it just doesn’t feel real. Like when I meet her on Sunday she’s just going to disappear again.” He admits. Honesty has always been easier with David. Easy to form the words that sound harsh to his own ears and say them out loud. “And she’s also like a middle schooler now, and I’m an adult which makes everything so fucked up.” He hides his face in David’s neck
“Do you want her to be apart of your life?” He asks. Tommy makes a noise that means yes. “Then everything’s going to work out.” David sounds much more positive than Tommy feels. David shifts so that Tommy can no longer hide in his neck. “I’d offer to go with you, but I think we both know your answer.”
“Yeah,” He responds, they fall into silence just as another explosion occurs on screen.
‘Tommy, I swear to god you can’t keep waking us up, we have a baby now. She needs sleep.’ Billy had told him the last time Tommy had interrupted his and Teddy’s limited sleep time by waking up Katie. He’d been glowing when he’d said this which both terrified and humored him. Of course, he hadn’t listened, though in the back of his mind Tommy justified his visit because dear god this is important.
“Tommy? What the hell are you doing here?” Billy asked blinking tiredly after he’d opened the door. Teddy yelled something from the other room which Tommy didn’t catch. “He says that you need to stop knocking so fast or else you and David are getting a visit from Hulkling.”
“Would you be my best man?” Tommy asked in response. Billy blinked at him. He guessed Billy hadn’t understood him and repeated himself. “Will you be my best man?”
“Why don’t you come inside.” He said opening the door farther and inviting him inside. Tommy entered with his hands hidden in his pockets and his heart beating wildly. Teddy smiled at him when he sat down across from his spirit twin and his spirit twin’s space king husband. Tommy wondered how his life had gotten so insane, and when he’d just accepted it as insane.
“Okay so, you’re engaged?” Billy asked running his hand through his hair. David had never been Billy’s favorite person, in fact, if Tommy remembered correctly then Billy’s reaction whenever he’d announced that they’d finally started dating was ‘You go after my twin after going after my boyfriend? Is nothing sacred to you?’. In a way that sounded sarcastic but left Tommy with a horrible feeling that it wasn’t. Luckily Billy had come around and began to play a sort of ‘tough older brother’ and playfully threatened to hurt David if he broke Tommy’s heart.
“Not exactly. I mean well…” He trailed off feeling his face go red. “I might’ve sort of panicked and ran off when David proposed to me.” His heart was still beating too fast to be real life. All he can see is David shifting off their shitty couch and onto their stained hardwood floor. Kneeling and searching his pocket for a small black box, he says something that makes Tommy tear up before opening the box to reveal a small black ring with a lightning bolt surrounding it.
Then, in true Tommy fashion, he ran.
“Let me get this straight. He proposed to you, and your first instinct was not to say yes, but to run across the country and ask me to be your best man?” Tommy nodded. “Fucking hell Tommy and I thought I was the hot mess sibling. You should probably tell him your answer before he freaks the fuck out.”
That reminds Tommy of the fact that no, he hasn’t actually responded to David. Which means that he can’t ask Billy to be his best man since there won’t be any wedding. Because he’s not engaged.
“Oh shit.” Is the last thing he says before running back to David. Who’s still waiting on the floor of their mostly crap apartment.
“Hi,” Tommy says.
“Hello,” David responds with a smirk. He doesn’t look mad. Or disappointed. He looks almost resigned as if he’d expected this to happen.
“I guess you expected me to…”
“Yeah, I guessed you might.” David stood up and brushed off the knee of his pants. He gave Tommy a tired smile and slipped the ring box into his pocket.
“… sorry about that.” Tommy didn’t want to look at David, but he did. It’d taken him years to realize that running away from his problems wasn’t going to help him. What he needed to do was face it. As hard as facing problems was.
“It’s okay Tommy, I get it, you aren’t ready for-” He rushed forward, accidentally knocking David back a few steps. David watched him with wide eyes, the resignation gone.
“No! No, no, no, no, no. No.” David raised an eyebrow at him.
“Okay so I expected you to not be ready, but I wasn’t expecting such a-” Tommy cut him off in sentences that were probably too fast for David to understand.
“No, I mean yes. Yes. I want to, I want to marry you. I want the whole stupid monogamy thing, I want the rings and the commitment and the snotty comments from homophobes. I want to walk down an aisle and see you and cry because Christ you’re beautiful and Yes. Yes, I want to marry you.” He’s crying now. But so is David and he looks so relieved that Tommy feels like a shitty boyfriend for leaving him and running. “That is if you still want to marry me?” David doesn’t reply, instead, he takes Tommy’s face in his hand and kisses him.
“Damnit Tommy, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.” He whispers letting their foreheads lay against each other. It reminds Tommy of their first kiss, the one that was mostly feelings and less attractive. That one left him terrified and ecstatic and sick all at the same time.
“You know me, always making people cry.” Tommy laughed through his own tears.
It takes Tommy years and years to redefine what friendship is. Real friendship. The kind that backs you up in a fight but calls you out when you’re in the wrong. It’s the safe feeling after a horrible day and the one thing that keeps you fighting through to the next day.
It takes him years to trust and allow himself to feel safe, to feel loved, but it happens, and Tommy finds that he prefers this corny kind of friendship that he has over the ‘cool’ friends he had so long ago.