Meeting "Max"
I pull up behind my parents car at the cabin.
"Ahh, cabin, sweet, cabin." I say as I try and fix my hair, looking in the rear-view mirror.
Peter rolls his eyes as he huffs.
"Ok, I'll be right back." I tell him.
"Great." He says sarcastically as I grab my bag and exit the car.
'Please let this work.' I pray to myself as I open the door and enter the cabin.
It's nice and warm in here.
I can see the stockings hanging by the fireplace, Christmas lights all over, and Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You is currently blasting through the cabin with my dad singing along to the song.
"Oooh! My baby is home!" My mom greets as she suddenly ambushes me and squeezes the life out of me. "Honey! Our little boy is here!"
My dad runs from one of the rooms and greets me with a handshake and a hug.
"Mom, why are you crying? We just saw each other a few days ago." I tell her as my parents are squeezing me.
They pull away from me.
"Harry! What did you do to your hair?" She asks me, noticing that it isn't in it's normal, signature style.
"Don't ask." I tell her.
"It seems like you were having sex because it looks wild." She tells me.
"Mom!" I exclaim. "That's embarrassing. Daddy, make her stop!" I say hiding in my daddy's chest. "And how do you know what sex hair looks like?"
"We watch porn." My dad supplies nonchalantly.
"Norman!"
"What? He asked."
"And why would you - never mind." I say disturbed from their confession.
"Ooh!" My mom exclaims, cooing at my sweater. "That's one hot sweater, right babe?"
"Mom." I whine.
"I think it's too much." My dad says. "So what happened, today?"
"Everything!" I tell him honestly trying not to cry. "I woke up early, but the elevator got stuck, there was a car accident on the way to Columbia, security escorted me off the premises, some jerk knocked into me and spilled my coffee…."
"Ouch." My daddy says. "Normally I would say that this is a bad reflection on me, but life happens."
"I'm sorry, daddy." I tell him, hanging my head.
"There are other places where I know some people." He says lifting my chin up with his finger so he can look me in the eyes. "They still owe me favors so-"
"Thank you, daddy." I tell him, hugging him tightly.
"Can we not talk about business? Please?" My mom asks.
"Fine." My dad and I respond.
"So, where's Max?" My dad asks.
"Oh, he's in the car." I say, forgetting about Peter.
"Bring him in!" My mom says. "We don't want the poor thing to freeze to death. Shame on you, Theo!"
"I will." I say. "But before I do, you know how dad gives people tells lame jokes to the staff at the restaurant and people give him a fake smile or laugh?"
"My jokes are funny!" Norman defends.
"Dad, the last time you told a joke, people rolled their eyes. I even rolled my eyes."
"That's just rude." My dad says.
"Then tell me a joke." I tell him.
"What did the disco ball tell the lamp?" My dad asks.
"What did the lamp say?" I ask.
"Don't be shady, it's time to disco!" My dad says, laughing at his own joke.
"Totally not a dad joke, daddy." I say sarcastically. "It was timeless."
He tries to spank me with his towel, but he misses.
My mommy laughs at us.
"Anyway, as I was saying, he kinda feels awkward when he's put on spot he puts on this whole 'Why am I here? I don't want to be here at all' or 'I've been kidnapped' act." I say.
My parents look at me quizzically.
"It's kinda like dad's joke, so-"
"I got it." My mom says.
"You too?" My dad asks, feigning in shock.
"I'll make it up to you later." She says seductively.
"Can you two stop being disgusting and just laugh along?" I ask them. "Please?"
"Okay, sweetheart."
"Now, go get your boyfriend. We don't want him to freeze to death." My dad says.
"Ok, but please don't tell him any of your embarrassing dad jokes." I beg. "This guy is really cute and I don't want him to be scared, yet."
"Alright." My dad says. "Go get him."
"I'll be back." I say as I turn on my heels to get Peter out of my car.
As I get to my car, I spot Peter going though my glove compartment.
"There's not a damn thing that can help you get out of those handcuffs." I tell him as I open his door.
He shuts the glove compartment closed and he puts his hands on his lap.
"Alright, let's go." I tell him pulling out the key to the handcuffs.
"No! I'm not going in there with you. I don't fuck with you like that."
"Fine. Stay here are freeze to death." I tell him. "I will enjoy the warm, toasty cabin as I drink hot chocolate and sit in the presence of human beings."
"On second thoughts, get me out of this car." He tells me after thinking about the ultimatum i just gave him. "I can't wait to end this charade anyway."
I unlock his handcuffs and he pushes me out of the way and he sprints into the cabin.
I chase him.
As I step into the house, I spot him looking at my parent.
"Max!" My mother greets, hugging him. "You're the first boyfriend that I actually approve of, and that's just excluding looks.
"MOM!" I exclaim, wanting to cry out of embarrassment.
"Yeah!" My dad says, shaking Peter's hand once my mother stops smothering him. "We always met these weirdos who dyed their hair pink, had blue nose piercings and thought that tofu, cotton balls and BBQ sauce made for a delicious meal."
"Oh my God." I say face-palming myself.
"At least you're not an innie because my son here threw up watching straight porn." My dad says as my mom laughs at the memory.
"DADDY!" I whine.
That was a bad memory.
"Look." Peter starts. "I don't know how to say this without sounding horrible, but this son of yours is a raging lunatic. He held me at gun point, kidnapped me, and brought me to this cabin as his boyfriend."
My parents simply stare at him for a moment before they start cracking up like loons.
"I see what you mean!" My dad exclaims. "You really did choose a good one! I approve!"
"Why are you laughing?" A confused Peter asks my parents. "Didn't you hear what I just said?"
"Mm-hmm." My mom hums, nodding her head as my dad is still laughing.
"Your flesh and blood kidnapped me, which makes him a criminal!" Peter argues.
"Yes, he is!" My mom says, unknowingly playing along with this story. I am so going to hell for this.
Peter simply looks at my parents, wondering what the hell is wrong with them.
"Let me get you some eggnog." My mom tells him.
"What is the matter with you people?" Peter asks my laughing parents as my mom walks towards the kitchen. "Are you guys crazy or something?!"
"Alright, babe. That's enough." I tell him, trying to calm him down.
"Have a seat, sweetie." My mom yells. "I'll be back with your eggnog, Max!"
"And my name is not Max!" Peter yells.
"He does that too." I tell my dad.
"And I will not sit down!" Peter says.
"While you stand there and argue, I will help mom with the eggnog." I say patting his shoulder before I walk away from Peter and my daddy.
"Come on." I hear my dad say. "Have a seat with me, son."
"Mommy? Can I be the key master this year?" I ask her as I help her find a cup.
"Really?" She asks me as she gets the eggnog from the fridge. "You hate being the key master."
"Well, I'm with Max now, and I feel a change coming." I lie.
Karma level at this point?
Maybe 30% at this rate?
"Well, does this change include handling your grandma?" My mom asks. "You know how she gets before drinking any type of alcohol. That stroke really did a number on her."
"Isn't she like 5000 years old?" I ask semi-sarcastically.
"Yes, but she's still so strong." She responds semi-sarcastically, pouring Peter's eggnog in the cup.
"Well, considering what I've been through, what else can go wrong?" I challenge.
My mom sighs.
She walks over to a drawer near the stove.
"I'm trusting you." She tells me as she hands me a small bag.
As I turn, I spot Peter outside.
He's trying to open both of the car doors, but he can't them open.
"HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!" I faintly hear him yell out.
As I am about to leave the kitchen, I hang by the threshold as I hear Peter talking to my dad.
"Sir, I can get this situation straightened out, if we talked just you and I."
"Grammar too? I am really impressed with you, Max!" My dad compliments.
"Do you have a cellphone?" Peter asks him.
"Nope." My dad says. "We are always disconnected from all electronics when we are on holiday. The only person who has all of our phones and keys would be the key master."
Suddenly, the door opens.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" A girl yells.
"And Happy Fucking New Year!" A guy yells out.
My other best friends are here!
My weird best friends who call my parents mom and dad, but best friends nonetheless.
"The gang is here!" My dad yells. "Gwen! Flash! You guys look good!"
My mom passes me with a tray filled with cups.
"Gwen! You look good!" My mom compliments. "How's everything going?"
"It's going well." She greets as she hugs my mom. "I lost seven pounds."
"Fantastic!" My mom says placing the tray on the coffee table. "Flash, you're looking handsome!"
"Thank you, thank you!" He says hugging my mom.
"Em, you've truly outdone yourself this year!" Gwen says. "Can I hire your designer for my future wedding, Ma?"
"Sure, but I'll have to charge you extra since I decorated the place." My mom says.
"No way! You decorated this place by yourself?!" Gwen asks.
"Yup. After the run of Cinderella finished up on Broadway, I came and decorated the place."
"Wow! I thought that you took Norman's money from his yearly vacation budget." Flash jokes.
"Hey!" Norman says, smiling.
"Just kidding, pops." He says.
"Where's Liz?" My mom asks Flash.
"Well, unfortunately, she couldn't get this week off. Luckily for me, I was able to get this week and next week off, Ma."
"Oh." My mom says sadly. "Well, at least we have you two here."
"I know." Flash says. "Hey, Blondie!" He greets me as Gwen is hugging me.
He hugs me once Gwen pulls away.
"Look at this hair. Who've you been banging?" He asks me.
"No one." I tell him.
"Oh, before I forget, we have company." My mom says. "Flash, Gwen, this is Harry's boyfriend, Max."
"Ah, it's nice to meet you, Max." Flash says, holding his hand out to shake Peter's hand.
"I am not his boyfriend!" Peter yells out, declining Flash's handshake.
I simply look at the poor man, feeling sorry for him.
"I met this-this weirdo when he put a gun in my face and kidnapped me to wherever we are right now!" Peter says as my daddy is trying so hard not to laugh.
"I guess I should be embarrassed." I admit, knowing that no one will get that.
My mom starts cackling while my dad starts laughing like crazy.
"AH! He's like your dad, telling people corny jokes and stories!" Gwen says.
"I like him." Flash says.
Suddenly, Peter pulls Flash aside to explain the situation, but he fails miserably.
"Where's the eggnog?" Flash yells as he makes his way back to the main room.
"Babe, come get some eggnog. It's Christmas!" I yell to Peter.
He looks at me with disdain, but he accepts.
"Oh, let's take your stuff upstairs!" My dad says as Peter takes a sip of eggnog.
I take my bag and we follow my parents up the stairs.
"So, Harry, you can take this room-" My mom says showing me my usual room when we stay up here. "And Max, you can-"
"Mommy, I am 28 years old. I will sleep with my boyfriend in the same room, end of story." I tell her.
"Oh." My mom responds, visibly offended.
My dad leans and whispers something in her ear.
"Ooooh! You're right!" She says happily, perking right back up.
I look at him and he's....smiling.
In fact they're grinning at me and Peter.
What did he tell her?
"Thanks, Mommy." I say as I take Peter by the hand and lead him into my room.
I can hear my parents giggling.
What are they up to?
♂
Later that night, I get ready for bed, pulling out an extra set of pajamas out for Peter.
"Here you go." I tell him. "I brought an extra toothbrush that you can have." I say as I give him the stuff.
He takes the clothes and heads to the bathroom.
I lay in my bed as he’s changing.
"You better be used to sharing the same space with someone." Peter tells me as he lies in bed with me, getting ready to turn in after a long day. "Your jail buddies Jackson and Alex will be locked up with the infamous Norman Osborn's son."
"Peter, if I cuddle with you, will you finally shut the hell up and relax?" I ask him.
"Mark my words, Osborn. I WILL find a way out of here, and I promise you that." Peter tells me. "The only thing that keeps me happy is the fact that when you get arrested for kidnapping me, the man I admire most, will find out that his son will have a mugshot, disgracing him."
"You know, I think you should try and make the most out of this holiday because there's no way out of here. As the key master, I have all the phones and the keys, so you're trapped here until we leave. If you're thinking about looking for them, don't even try because I have hidden them so well that I don't even remember where I put them." I confess. "So if you don't want to cuddle in this cold weather, then I suggest that you get some sleep, have a bit of fun this Christmas with me, and after we're done, you can move on, babe."
Peter grunts and turns his back towards me.
I turn off the light and do the same to him.
This is going to be a long Christmas I think to myself as I silently say my usual night time prayer.