Chapter 2
Warmth...
Hunger...
Silence...
Time held no meaning.
Curiosity, then fondness...
Discomfort, worry...
There was no thought, just the faintest of sensations.
Fear-hopelessness-quick! Pain-
Quiet...
...
...
Warmth, a stifling heat. Tightness, a once-cozy embrace that had long since morphed into a grasping cage. She had to escape it.
Twisting, turning, but there was no room to wriggle. How to get out? Instinct had her instinctively reaching-
What were these?
Long, thin projections on both of her sides, splitting off into even smaller projections. There were five of them on either of the larger projections, and they- oh! They were strong, so strong.
Using her 'hands' - she had hands, now - she ripped apart the papery walls of her cocoon. For the first time in a long time, she took a breath of fresh, unfiltered air. For the first time ever, she sat back. She held her hands in front of her face, opening and closing them. Amazing. So strong. They were part of her. They were hers.
But...
Who was 'she?'
She was a separate thing, not part of the gold on the ground or spiraling up around her. She was not like the furniture that molded itself from the beautifully curved walls, so artfully arranged in a way she would later learn to describe as tasteful. She was different. She was imperfect in a way the flawlessly golden walls weren't. She was...
Something fluttered in the back of her mind.
Mantis, a sweet voice sung. Your Dada and Mami love you. Never forget, my little butterfly.
Those were 'words.' They held 'meanings,' meanings she once knew, long ago. She...
No, not she.
I. I am...
Mantis. I am Mantis. And my Dada and Mami love me.
But what was a Dada or a Mami?
The floor was trembling. It was not much, but instinct told her... something was coming. Larger than her, heavier, right outside the door. What was it? It seemed that she was finding out soon; the door was opening. A face, a face so familiar, yet so different...
"Oh, you lived," a voice said with something more than disinterest but less than intrigue. The voice was familiar too, familiar in a way that made her pulse quicken and shoulders tense with a feeling she was too new and unfamiliar to name. "You didn't move for so long, I didn't think you would survive."
"Survive," Mantis tried, tasting the word. "Survive. Mantis survive."
"Yes, I guess you did," the voice sighed. "A lot mouthier now, too. You have legs, though, so I guess it's for the better. I won't have to pick you up anymore."
Pick her up? Mantis's head tilted as she thought, neurons forcing new connections in her head. This being had cared for her while she was at her most vulnerable, picked her up and brought her everywhere with it. It was strong, distinctively masculine. Male. Did that mean... "Dada?" Mantis asked, opening her arms in welcome.
The being looked down at her, nudging her with his foot. Mantis reached out, brushing insistently at the flesh peeking out above the strange material cladding the 'foot.' Doubt. Wary amusement. Hesitation. The foot moved away. "You shall call me Ego."
That was neither a confirmation, nor a denial. "Dada?" Mantis repeated insistently, following the foot.
"Ego." Frustration. A lick of Anger. No, this was not a Dada. A Dada should not burn like this.
"Ego," Mantis agreed, disquiet. The foot moved away, and this time, Mantis let it.
~*~
Mantis was a young, shaky thing. When she emerged from her chrysalis, Mantis had shed off her cocoon and, with it, her larval memories. Memories... Memories were fickle things, liable to change with new information added. The willfully determined could change their own memories to fit with their beliefs, to cast a better light on themselves.
Mantis... Truth was, Mantis missed her childhood memories. It was as if a hole had opened up inside her. It was too late though. They were gone. The memories had been a part of her and Mantis didn't want to let go of them, but...
They made Mantis so sad.
Perhaps it was for the best that Mantis forgot them.
There were other things for Mantis to see and hear and feel.
Mantis's legs were long and thin and so very new. They shook as they carried her weight, but they listened to her. Learning to walk was easy enough. It was a matter of hours before Mantis could run. And run Mantis did.
Away from Ego-who-burned and the empty-house-not-home. Away, towards Mami and Dada. But where were they? What were they?
Down the halls. Through the empty fields. Faster and faster.
Somewhere...
But no matter how far Mantis ran, how fast, she couldn't escape. They were watching. Eyes. Eyes were always on her. Watching. Judging. Even when Mantis hid in a big cave she found, the presence was there, laughing.
Screaming...
Pain...
I hurt...
Please!
Help me!
No!
Not this cave, anywhere but this cave! Where did this...this...fear come from?
She had to run. Mantis had to escape.
Mantis ran...
and ran...
and ran...
When Mantis realized that she alone could not avoid the eyes, she went to Ego. Ego, with his overarching power, could help her.
The presence pressing down on her did not decrease when Mantis went to Ego, in his room so wide and bare. Ego turned his eyes on her, and the presence grew stronger, and was pressing down, his hand was on her wrist, and everything... and...
Mantis screamed.
~*~
Mantis was a mere four days emerged from her chrysalis when Ego - Master Ego - took her off his planet for the first time Mantis could remember.
White walls curved up around them in an orb-like formation, and they were off. Light and colors burst around them. Mantis felt like darting for a hiding place. She felt too big for her skin. It was excitement, and nervousness, and so much more. Mantis wanted to feel like this forever. It was like jumping in place, like spinning and not stopping. It was like laughing until her stomach hurt.
Mantis did none of this. She stood quiet next to Ego, like he wanted. Mantis did not move. She barely breathed.
Ego looked at her, eyebrow raised.
Mantis didn't move.
Ego looked away.
"You're more quiet than I thought you'd be," Ego rumbled. "I like that."
"Thank you, Master Ego," Mantis recited. She stood stiffly for the next few hours until they reached Ego's newest planet.
~*~
"Remember," Ego told her, hand on the top of Mantis's head, "you are an orphan, abandoned by your kind. I, your generous father-figure, took you in and raised you as my own. Understand?"
"Yes, Master Ego," Mantis said, looking down respectfully.
Ego's eyes narrowed, and Mantis felt how unconvinced he was. "I don't believe you. Do you understand?"
Ego's will pressed against her own. Mantis crumbled under the weight. "Yes, Master Ego," Mantis said meekly. "You generously took me in when I was abandoned by my own kind."
"Acceptable," Ego decided grudgingly. The hand left her head, and Mantis could think again.
"Master Ego, is a father like a Dada?" Mantis asked.
"They mean the same thing," Ego informed her.
Mantis reached the only logical conclusion she could think of. "You are my Dada."
"I am your father-figure."
Mantis opened her mouth to argue. Ego reached his hand out. He didn't touch Mantis, but Mantis flinched back, still.
They didn't talk about Dadas again.
~*~
There were many people on the planet, so many that Mantis hid when they were near. Unlike her, the people were blue. Even Ego became blue.
'Nanetha' was the person Mantis saw the most on that planet. Mantis followed Ego, Ego was always with Nanetha, and Nanetha liked to talk to Mantis. Nanetha used long words that sounded funny, and she would always tell Mantis what they meant when she asked. Nanetha was so much smarter than Mantis, but she was kinder than she was smart. Nanetha was what Mantis thought a Mami should be like, but Mantis knew she was not Mantis's Mami. Mantis still wanted to be like Nanetha when she grew up.
Nanetha had a thing called 'books,' that held 'knowledge.' Nanetha taught her to read the books. They were beautiful, and when Mantis read, she went to many different places. When she read, she became many different people, people happier than she was. She didn't want to stop reading.
She didn't have to.
Nanetha liked that Mantis liked the books. Every day, Mantis got a new book from Nanetha. Mantis liked it, just as much as she liked Nanetha. Mantis never wanted to leave.
~*~
They had to leave.
Ego had come to the planet to do something, and he did it, so they had to leave. Ego wanted to leave fast, but Mantis read books. She knew that goodbye was important part of a story, so Mantis took a long time collecting her books. Nanetha came home before Mantis found all the books. She was confused, so Mantis told her that Ego was leaving.
They were shouting now. Screaming and shouting and crying. Mantis didn't like that. She wanted her not-Dada and her not-Mami to get along. She went into the room.
"At least leave her with me!" Nanetha was yelling. "She deserves a home!" Who was the 'she' they were talking about?
"No! She has to stay with me. I'm the only one that knows how to control her powers. I know her limits, what she can do!" Ego was shouting back. "This girl is death! The last of her kind!"
Mantis didn't like that. Who was the girl who brought death? Mantis didn't want her near Nanetha. "It's okay, Nanetha!" Mantis said, trying to make Nanetha feel better. "I'll protect you from her! I promise the girl won't hurt you." She ran to Nanetha and hugged her. Hugs always made everything better.
Nanetha was crying. Skin was touching Mantis's arms. There was sorrow, sorrow so deep, that it brought Mantis to her knees, but something else was there. Love... This was what a Mami should be like.
"All the more reason she is to be protected!" Nanetha told Ego. "She doesn't want to hurt anyone."
"And that would make a difference, wouldn't it?" Ego mocked. "When she tears apart someone's mind, that makes it okay because she didn't want to hurt anyone?"
Nanetha took a long time to get ready. She went upstairs to the library and took out crates and crates of books, more books than Mantis could read in years. Books with words Mantis didn't know the meaning of and books with words from a different 'language.' Nanetha gave her the books.
The books, the precious, precious books were piled in crates at the corner of the Ego's spacecraft, but Mantis didn't care. Ego could have all the books in the world. Ego could destroy all the books, could have all the words and letters and make them disappear forever. Mantis didn't care about the books. All Mantis wanted was Nanetha.
~*~
"If you want it," Ego said slowly, patiently, "come get it." His lips curved up, but Mantis knew that a touch of his flesh would not reveal happiness. It did not matter. Mantis did not want to make him happy. He would never be truly happy. He didn't know how to be happy. Mantis did.
No, Mantis didn't want to make him happy, even if she could. Mantis wanted the book.
Mantis approached slowly, watching the book in Ego's hands. After they had returned from Nanetha's planet, Ego had not bothered to change his appearance. As such, the hand holding the book was still blue. It was raised over her height, but not unbearably tall. If she should jump, the paper would be within reach. But...
It was a trap.
It had to be. Mantis could not remember a single time he gave her something freely. There was always a price or a goal. There were no females nearby, no ladies Ego could impress with 'kindness' Mantis knew he did not possess or lure with false words he did not mean.
She could jump. He would raise the book, but could she reach it in time? Snatch it out of his hands before he raised it too high?
"Well?" Ego asked, almost taunting.
No, Mantis could not do it. She was quick, but Ego was faster.
...Maybe he meant to give the book to her this time?
Mantis reached up. The book raised even higher. "No, if you want this, you know what you have to do," Ego told Mantis. "Make me sleep."
Mantis looked uncertainly at Ego. He was so much stronger than Mantis.Mantis could not make him sleep...
...could she?
Ego was holding his hand out to her, like the fathers she saw at the playground. He was smiling.
Did he mean to act like a father?
Mantis reached up.
She wrapped her hand around his fingers.
It burned.
Mantis heard screaming. It was shrill and loud. Mantis didn't like it, but the screaming didn't stop. Mantis could not tell the screaming girl to stop. It hurt so much, Mantis could not talk.
"Silence," Ego said harshly. He was talking to... Mantis.
It was hard to think. Why was he talking to Mantis? Ego should be talking to the screaming girl. She sounded hurt.
But...
Mantis was the one screaming, the noises tearing themselves out of her throat.
Hand on her wrist, grinding bones together. Whose hand was it? Who was touching her- it hurt! It hurt!
Fingers, torn from the Inferno. Thankyou, thankyou, don't touch me-
Mantis, tossed onto the floor. Sliding, sliding across the room.
The floor was hard and cold, but she still burned. Fire won't leave, won't go away-
Shadow falling over her. Who-?
"Pitiful," Ego said.
He walked away, leaving Mantis on the cold, cold-floor-can't-move-let-me-go-STOP!