Tony knew that many of his classmates never friends thought he had it easy. They thought he came from a prestigious family, a rich father and a caring mother and butlers and maids to take care of his every need.
And if his Father had his way then it would certainly stay that way. And the more Tony thought about it, the more he came to the realization that perhaps his father was right. They had it perfectly well in their belief. They didn’t deserve to achieve the knowledge how his father disregarded his every move, how his mother was never home because she didn’t want to deal with him either, and how the only people he ever knew that were nice towards him, not because of who he was but because they liked him, were his butler and maid.
Ana and Jarvis.
They would comfort him when he had tried to show his father an invention, and his father would say “Damnit kid can’t you see i’m busy trying to find Stevie here!?”
Tony didn’t know who this Stevie person was, he just understood that if he were ever going to get his fathers attention he had to be better than them.
Then he asked Jarvis and he thought.
oh
oh
oh
oh
Now he understood why he would never be good enough. He could never be as good as the great Captain America.
But nobody knew how hard it was during Christmas. How it was to be trapped in a closet with nothing but his thoughts. Thoughts that turned on him, and whispered hateful words that somehow made sense. Well they weren’t supposed to anyways, and if it was up to Tony they never would.
---
Clint and Tony were similar in a lot of ways. They both loved to have prank wars (resulting in a tower that needed a huge clean-up afterwards), and they could snark at each other all
day long. They had become friends, which was a huge surprise for the genius.
But there was one way in which they were different. Clint loved Christmas. Tony hated them with his whole being (though he never told a soul the why).
No one on the team really knew why Clint loved Christmas as much as he does. Maybe it was a very Clint-like-reason because of the double c’s. Or maybe it was a more profound reason. They wouldn’t talk about it, but the team knew that every time Christmas approached Tony would hide in his hidey hole also known as his workshop. While Clint would literally deck the halls with boughs of holly.
Sometimes the genius would emerge from a science binge. Then he would look at the decorations and groan. Clint learned to take it in stride. But this year he decided he had had enough, he wouldn’t allow his good mood to be soured, just because one of his friends where in a bad one.
“Clint,” Tony said as he was emerging from his private workshop elevator “please take that down”
“No! Grinch, I will not, listen I’ve dealt with your sour mood during Christmas for the past years, but you know what, I have had enough!” Clint said in frustration. Frustration that erupted from many past Christmasses. “YOU KNOW! Maybe I should just lock you in! Because then me and Barney CAN GET OUR CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU RUINING IT!”
He didn’t know where that had come from. He didn’t want to lock Tony in, that was no, that was something Clint’s farther would do!
“Oh, I’m sorry I guess, uhm okay I’ll just, eh go then. I-I think. Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I’m gonna do that. Note to self: Hoard more Coffee in the ‘shop.” Tony said trying to back out of the room.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry Tony, i’m so sorry, shit, shit, shit, I didn’t mean that. Shit, i’m sorry.”
“No no no it is totally my fault, yeah I’ll just go.” Tony rambled on, ignoring Clint completely.
He tried to ease out of the room again, but Tony had forgotten that Steve was standing behind him. And suddenly it wasn’t gentle hands trying to calm him down. No, it was strong hands trying to force him into a small enclosed space again, and was that cigar smoke?
He couldn’t breathe.
It felt like his body’s purpose was to surge with adrenaline.
He could hear a gentle voice calling for him. It was gentle and not harsh so maybe it was safe to come out now?
“Tony, hey there son, I think we lost you there for a while, but uhhh It’s gonna be alright now, you are safe, Howard can’t get you here.” He tried to calm the genius to the best of his abilities. He could only hope that it worked.
Tony couldn’t help but notice, even though he was still panicky, that Steve said his fathers name with such venom. That somehow made him feel just a teeny tiny bit better about himself.
And even though Tony hated talking, he soon found himself with a Marksman and a super soldier, listening to him. And for once Tony thought, oh so this is what Home feels like.