I.
Clint's not trying to listen in, but he can't help, but overhear Peter, Miles, and Ganke talking about sexy Christmas ideas. Clint twitches when he hears them discussing them gift wrapping their junk. Clint continues to the hallway vent access. Mainly, because the last time that Clint dropped into the middle of the Spider's room, Ganke looked like he was going to have a heart attack.
The door is partway open and Clint nudges it further. "Yeah, I wouldn't recommend that."
All three of the boys jump at the sound of his voice.
"Wouldn't recommend what?" Miles asked. He always managed to look the most innocent.
"Gift wrapping your junk to give to your girlfriends," Clint replied. Parker and Ganke both went red and Clint could catch the slight color change of Miles' blushing face.
"We weren't…" Ganke started.
"Yeah, I know you aren't, because you haven't found anyone that realizes how awesome you are, but the other two were thinking about it."
The boys stayed quiet.
"You all live with your parents. You're kind of asking for someone other than girlfriend to walk in on you. Pete, you really want Aunt May to see that. Miles, you father?"
Peter and Miles shared a horrified look with one another.
"Of course, it could always be Ganke." Clint was an asshole, because Ganke needed to share in that horror. "It would be even worse if you did at MJ's or Kamala's house, because it could be their parents.."
II.
Clint entered the lab, calling out to Fitz. He watched as the other man kissed Jemma quickly, before looking over to him.
"Agent Barton," Fitz said. "What can I do for you?"
"You were going to make the night-night arrows?" Clint asked.
"Yes!" Fitz agreed, moving to go get them. He paused, before looking at him. "You're in a long term relationship with Agent Coulson, correct?"
Clint nodded.
"I… I'm kind of new to the whole dating thing."
"Yeah?"
"Any advice for the holidays?"
"Don't gift wrap your junk."
Leo's eyes widened. "What?"
"Don't gift wrap your junk," Clint repeated. "Tape plus balls is horrible experience. Would not recommend. Though you're smart enough that you'd think to leave room for yourself to move."
Fitz's mouth dropped open as he stared at Clint. "I… I didn't want to know that about you."
"Know what?"
"That you…" Fitz gestured towards Clint crotch.
"Hey! My penis is amazing, Phil can't keep his hands off of it!"
"I should have never have asked you," Fitz said, turning and walking away as he shook his head.
"Hey!" Clint called to him as he exited the lab. "About the arrows?!"
Clint sighed.
III.
Clint yawned, typical Christmas movie after all at least until the male lead showed up on screen with a bow around his censored dick to surprise his girlfriend. Bucky grunted softly at that.
"That is not as sexy in real life." Clint commented. "Though I did use gift wrap."
"With tape?" Bucky asked.
Clint nodded.
"If I tried it with Natasha, she'd use it as a cock ring," Bucky stated.
"Yeah, that's true."
"You don't seem surprised."
Clint hesitated. "I've slept with Tasha before. Enough to be intimately acquainted with Big Willy."
Clint glanced over to see Bucky blinking and shaking his head. "Yeah, I've met... Big Willy."
"You're wondering why she named it that?"
Bucky nodded once. "She refuses to tell me."
"Because she didn't name it." Clint grinned.
Bucky stared at him. "I'm surprised that she's still calling it that."
"Natasha doesn't go back on her word."
Bucky was quiet and giving Clint a considering look when Clint looked over at him. "What'd she make you do?"
"Increasingly difficult accuracy challenges." He paused. "While she was fucking me with it."
"What…" Steve's voice came from behind them.
Clint turned to see him standing in the doorway. "Hey Steve," he said along with Bucky.
Steve looked between the two of them, and his eyes went to the TV. "I just decided I don't want to know. Buck, running with Sam's sick, so I wanted to know if you can go running with me tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah, sure," Bucky agreed.
Steve nodded and gestured at them. "Sorry for the interruption, carry on." With that he turned and left.
Clint glanced over to see Bucky watching him go and there was a hint of lust in his eyes. He sighed, before turning back to look at Clint. "Well, I guess that's why she always takes you with when she needs a sniper."
Clint grinned at him. "Yeah, it was a long time ago. Actually, how I proved to her that I was more than just a jumped circus headliner."
Bucky snorted. "And you're an old man now."
Clint cheerfully flipped him off. "No one ever offered me anti-aging serums."
"You'd only take one if Phil took one with you."
"Very true," Clint agreed. "He's… Fuck, he's everything. He gets me."
Bucky smiled, turning his attention back to the movie. Clint watched for a few minutes.
"So, uh, when Tasha and I were together and I was crushing on Phil, uh, she always said, she'd share me with him."
"So…?"
Clint scratched at the back of his neck. "Saw how you looked at Steve."
"Yeah," Bucky glanced down. "We've talked about that. Doing a foursome, but, uh, I can't picture Steve being interested in sharing, so much."
"He is very wholesome, but I know you don't get along with Sam that well, but uh, I don't think Steve is as vanilla as you think."
Bucky grunted as he considered everything. "What about you and Phil?"
"Huh?" Clint grunted, eyes narrowing as he looked at Bucky.
"Based on this conversation, you're not that vanilla? Is Phil?" Bucky asked.
Clint grinned. "I wouldn't say we're as kinky as Tasha and I were, but I think we were trying to figure out what we liked."
"So are you still open to that?" Bucky asked. "Or are you greedy when it comes to Coulson?"
Clint blinked, taking a few minutes to rewind the conversation to figure out exactly what Bucky was asking and then thinking about it - the four of them, sweaty sexy, probably tied up (both Tasha and Phil liked it when he was), lots of edging, wondering if Bucky would be suffering with him or be tormenting him, how the slide of metal fingers would feel against his skin compared to Phil's prostetic.
"Clint?" Bucky asked, snapping two metal fingers in his face.
Clint grunted, focusing on Bucky's smirking face.
"Yeah, you're into it. How about Phil?"
"Have to ask." Clint swallowed. "You?"
"Have to ask Nat, but… it would solve the problem on what to get her for Christmas."
"No tape to the balls, hard limit, Barnes."
Bucky laughed. "I'll be sure to tell her that. Ask Phil. Tower is going to be empty for Christmas after all."
"Yeah," Clint agreed. Tony was going to Pepper's family, Steve was going to Sam's, Vision was giving Wanda an all expense paid trip for the last night of Hanukkah and were leaving the 23rd to Hawaii, and Thor was going to be with the Asgardian refugees in Wakanda. Christmas would be just about perfect, especially since they were planning to celebrate it together anyway. The celebration just might last a longer now.
IV.
"Careful, if you break the ribbon, we're done," Phil said softly, pressing a kiss to Clint's forehead.
"You couldn't have found softer ribbon," Clint groused.
Phil chuckled. "I didn't pick your ribbon."
Clint's eyes widened. "You've been talking to Tasha."
"Of course, I needed to make sure she was fine with this. Consent is sexy." Phil smiled, before turning around to grab whatever else was in the box. He'd already been tied up with ribbon, the cheap thin kind, but that meant that he'd be able to break free easier. Of course, breaking free would end whatever scenario Phil and Tasha had whipped out. Phil came out with a bow, a big floofy looking thing.
"What's that for?" Clint asked.
Phil smiled. "Baby, you remember a few years back, when you gave me your dick…"
"No, Phil, that's the one place I don't want a bow on!" Clint whined, but Phil was already leaning down to attach it to his dick.
"I believe you told Bucky that your hard limit was no tape to the balls." Phil stepped back to study his handiwork with Clint kneeling, hands behind his back, he was tied up shibari style. There was a separate ribbon around his neck with another big bow on it and Clint was fairly sure that there was a bow on the buttplug, not that he could turn to look at it.
"So you decided to go with bows?"
"It's Christmas," Phil replied. "Both Natasha and I thought it was… festive."
The door opened to the bedroom where Natasha and Bucky had gone to get ready.
Phil looked at him. "Ready?"
"Yeah," Clint said, taking in the sight of Bucky in a leather harness with antlers, followed by Natasha in what Clint was going to interpret as a dominatrix Mrs. Claus with Big Willie in her hands. It was Christmas after all...