Tony Stark/Thor Odinson/Loki Odinson
“You cannot have him!” Loki snarled as he fired magic at Thor.
Tony was hiding having taken cover when Loki suddenly appeared in the tower shouting at Thor in some strange language. Clint, Steve, and Natasha who had also been home due to having no one else to spend the holiday with were hiding as well because magic and lightning crackled around them. No one wanted to risk being hurt by it.
“You think he’d choose you?” Thor growled back at his younger brother.
“Surely I would be favored more. Unlike you brute I have a mind that can match his.” Loki fired another spell that froze the furniture it hit when Thor dodged the strike.
“You may have a mind of intelligence but it is full of trickery and lies. I can protect him and stand beside him in battle as equals. You have done nothing but attempt to harm him and his world.” Thor said before throwing Mjolnir at Loki who dodged.
Tony had had enough. He intended for his holiday to go out get drunk and find a hot piece of ass to spend the night with. Maybe a few hot pieces of ass, it was Christmas after all. He got up from under the table to stop this madness.
“Both of you stop this shit.” He yelled angry and beyond done with this bullshit. “I’ve had it up to here with your arguments. I have no idea why you’re fighting but take it someplace else. It’s Christmas and I want to get laid.”
Both gods stopped and looked at him.
“Anthony I will handle that matter later once I’ve removed Loki from our home.”
Loki glared at Thor.
“He didn’t say he wanted you Thor.” Loki turned a kinder gaze on Tony. “If you wish to get laid I can help. I am a shape shifter so I can be whomever you wish. I can also make clones of myself so you’d never be left unsatisfied.”
Tony’s brain short circuited for a moment as he processed what Loki just said and understood now why the two brothers were fighting. When his brain rebooted and processed what happened he turned to the others.
“You’re going to want to get out of here, it’s about to get R rated in here.”
The other scrambled to get out of the room and likely out of the tower to avoid hearing or seeing anything that was about to happen. It was a good move on their part because the gods were very vocal.
Tony wasn’t sure how everyone else’s Christmas went but he was pretty sure his went the best.