Tony Stark + Thanos+ Random Threesome Because Booty
He had known an invasion was coming, he’d tried to tell the others but no one cared to listen. They had been to occupied with talking about his ego or how he wasn’t actually an avenger and only a consultant. So when the invasion came on Christmas of all days Tony was just the perfect combination of pissed off and annoyed. He had been throwing a holiday party (the sexy kind which was why he was dressed as a sexy version of Mrs. Claus which included a very mini one piece outfit with a frilly skirt, white knee high stockings, and heels.
Of course the alien attacking their planet was some giant (admittedly handsome) purple alien. Tony knew he shouldn’t think the alien handsome but sue him, he’d been lonely since Pepper broke up with him and the avengers pretty much all fucked off to nowhere(he knew the rogues were in Wankada but it might as well be nowhere)
“You’re the iron man, the one who stopped my chitauri forces?” Big, purple, and handsome asked after all the other guests had run off screaming.
“So you’re the big bad guy that I’ve been preparing for. Got to admit I was expecting someone as ugly as the chitauri. Not sure I’m happy I was wrong or not.”
Purple guy frowned slightly while his eyes trailed over Tony’s body.
“Did you just insult me and compliment me at the same time?”
“I do that a lot, love to piss people off. Hell I offered Loki a drink then made a comment about him not being able to get it up. Totally worth being thrown through a window then blasting his ass. So sorry not sorry you’re nothing special. Well besides that whole exotic alien look you’ve got going for you.”
Tony crossed his arms over his chest staring down the alien with a don’t give a fuck attitude.
“So if you’re here for revenge fine. Might as well have another attempt on my life on Christmas. Bring it on big guy, you want revenge fine. I’ll be Santa and give you what you want for Christmas. Ho, ho, ho.” Tony decided to move his hips in time with each ho to further piss off and confuse the alien while waiting for his armor to arrive.
It apparently had an unexpected effect on tall dark and purple. The alien looked turned on which Tony could totally work with that.
“I am Thanos, known as the mad titan and feared across all worlds. I came here to conquer this world as revenge for the failed invasion. I have changed my mind though…so long as you let me conquer you.”
Tony smirked.
“Many have tried to conquer and tame me; you’re going to have to keep my interest if you want to get this booty big guy.”
Tony turned away swaying his hips as he went. Thanos followed as though in a trance as his eyes locked onto the booty he wished to conquer.
~
A year later once again on Christmas Thor, his brother, some group of aliens calling themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy, and the rogue avengers broke into the compound intent on fighting Thanos. They all froze when they found the once world conquering alien sitting on the couch with a genius in his arms as he fed him chocolates.
“Oh my god these chocolates are delicious. Where did you find them?” Tony all but moaned as he wiggled closer to Thanos.
“Your comrade Happy told me of a small chocolate shop that is mostly unknown.”
“Oh my god I’m going to make that place famous, Friday update my media accounts. This place has the Stark seal of approval.”
Thanos gave a sound of disapproval.
“Sorry, the future bride of Thanos’s seal of approval.”
Thanos grinned satisfied.
“Tony what the hell?”
Tony looked up to stare at the group who all looked shocked and slightly horrified of the sight in front of them. Tony pouted because he thought he looked amazing in the mini skirt (and not just because Thanos refused to let him wear anything else around the privacy of their home).
“Hello uninvited guests. This is my home,” he pointed to Thanos. “and this is my mad titan. Now that that’s out of the way I’d like to enjoy my holiday with my fiancé.”
“Fiancé?” Steve asked sounding a mixture of disapproval and disgust.
“Yes fiancé, he proposed with the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’ve ever seen.” He held out his arm which had a golden bracelet with several different colored stones in it.
“Oh Norns he has the infinity stones…” Loki said paling quite a bit.
“Not all of them, just the ones Thanos got before he came to earth. I mean the time stone is with the sorcerers and the mind stone with Vision so naturally it’s only the other four. Isn’t it pretty though?” Tony asked showing off the bracelet again.
“Well we’re clearly doomed if they intend to destroy the universe. Anthony, can I have that drink you still have not given when you offered?”
Tony jumped to his feet and went to the bar not having a single problem moving around in heels. Thanos’s gaze was locked onto the perfect bubble butt partly hidden away by the very tiny mini skirt.
“What’s your poison Lokes?”
“Brother now is not the time for this.” Thor scolded.
“Hey Point Blank, no picking on Reindeer Games. I’m still not happy with you for trying to choke me to death.”
That earned a very possessive growl from Thanos who finally stood towering over the group. Tony just grinned seeing even the thunder god shrink back afraid.
“Thanos babe, try not to kill them. I don’t want blood everywhere, we have guests coming.”
“Please tell me you didn’t invite-”
“Thanos darling, miss me?” Wade asked popping into the room with his arm around his lady love Mistress Death, apparently Thanos still didn’t like the mercenary even if he had given up trying to win Death’s love and had fallen for Tony.
“Yes I did invite him and no you’re not allowed to try and kill him. Also Spidey is coming with his aunt and some friends.”
Apparently the situation was just too weird and no one wanted to dare pick a fight with Thanos. So the group left (except for Loki who was enjoying free drinks and looking at Tony’s bubble butt)
It was the best Christmas ever (For Tony who got a threesome with Thanos and Loki after everyone else went home)