You know, they say your first love never truly leaves you. Maybe it was that first boyfriend you had in middle school or that girl you admired from afar all the way back in grade school. You still remember his (or her) face, right? Yeah, well, it wasn’t much different for Clint Barton either.
Lola Adler, or to Clint, Lollipop, was perhaps one of Clint’s most precious memories; hidden away, lock and key.
He didn’t know why he found himself thinking of her; perhaps it was the weather, a certain scent he caught while walking around, the blowing of the wind. But one conclusion he always came back to…Lola…Her skin smelled of apples, her lips tasted of bubblegum, her hair felt like silk through his fingers. How he ached for her to come back again.
He wasn’t obsessed; he made that very clear. He loved Laura and his children more than anything else in the world, and he wouldn’t give them up for anything…ever Lola. Never would he try to win her back or anything like that. He didn’t spend every aching minute thinking about her; God, no.
He just, well…she’d been on his mind lately.
It was his fault that they broke up. They had been dating when Clint wasn’t yet in Shield, after he had fled the circus. He was in a weird place then, and the last thing he needed was a girlfriend…and yet…Lola was just too perfect to pass up.
Clint could remember the day he met her like it was yesterday…
“Hi, you must be the new guy,” a friendly voice chirped from behind Clint. It was his at The Theater on 9th Street and he wasn’t feeling any better than he did the night before. In fact, he felt worse, seeing as though the hangover didn’t do him any favors.
“Yep, that’s me,” he mumbled, turning around to face the owner of the voice. A short woman stood in front of him, looking up at him with an inviting smile on her face. “Oh,” he peeped. He had the sudden impulse to smooth down his hair.
“I’m Lola,” she greeted. Instead of putting out a hand for him to shake, she grabbed him in a friendly hug. It was a little awkward because she barely reached his shoulders. “Sorry, I’m a hugger,” she said, pulling away and smiling again. “It’s Clint, right?” When Clint nodded, she continued. “It’s great to see a new face in the theater. You’ll fit right in.”
Clint blinked, still a bit shaken from the hug, and, involuntarily, smiled. “It’s nice to meet you too,” he found himself saying. He felt warmer, maybe it was the hug, maybe it was her presence, maybe it was the beaming smile she kept flashing. Either way, Clint knew he was absolutely screwed.
He wasn’t the best boyfriend; he openly admitted that. Back when he was young, he didn’t have the balls to admit when he was wrong. But Lola was a trooper; she took pretty much all he could deal. He was selfish, he was arrogant, he was narrow minded, and he was reckless. But she stuck with him, through all that.
It wasn’t until he had been invited into Shield did Lola actually begin to act affected. He was a bit on edge, and his moods curbed Lola’s. She became more quiet, more distant. Of course, everyday when he came home she would greet him with a bubbly “welcome home!” and a kiss on the lips, but…it wasn’t the same. The sparks they had when they first moved in together were gone. She clung to him every night when they went to sleep like he would fade away. It wasn’t hard to guess; she didn’t want it to end. But they both knew they couldn’t go on for much longer.
It was a Monday…or a Wednesday. The date wasn’t exact, but the emotion was. When Clint came home, he was covered in sweat and stink, his bowcase in his hand. He trudged up the steps, not bothering to grab his keys because he knew Lola could hear him coming.
“Welcome home!” came her voice from the other side of the door, as she had done hundreds and hundreds of times before. She opened the door, but instead of kissing him on the lips, she reached up as far as she could and kissed him on the forehead. She lingered for a few seconds that seemed like hours…and Clint knew. He knew where this was going.
“Lollipop,” he said, his voice cracking. “It’s time,” she whispered, her hands on both of his cheeks. She bumped their foreheads together and he could see the tears streaming down her face. Her eyes flitted between both of his, as if searching for another way…another possibility. “Yeah, it’s time.”
She mustered a smile, planted another kiss on his forehead and pulled away. Clint straightened up, looking down at her with a mixed expression. “We can fix this, Lollipop,” he said, though it wasn’t convincing. “No, Clinton, we can’t and you know that,” she answered firmly, walking backwards to pick up her suitcase.
“Where will you go?” he asked, staying frozen in place. “I don’t know; somewhere warm. I’m tired of the city.” She smiled brightly. “I’ll think of you often; you’ll always be apart of me.” She pulled down her shirt to reveal the arrow tattoo on her collarbone.
“I don’t want you to go,” he said as she began towards the door. She cupped his cheek affectionately. “But we both know I have to.” She held up a hand as Clint went to protest. “It’s the only way you can grow and thrive, Clinton. I’m holding you back, and you know that. Don’t bother denying it.”
Clint looked down in shame. “Don’t be sad, snowflake,” she chided. “This is a happy time. Put on that smile; your eyes are like starlight.” He looked back up and she beamed that sunshine smile he couldn’t forget. He smiled back softly. “There it is.” She pinched his cheek playfully. “Don’t you let it go.”
She turned and began her descent down the stairs. Clint couldn’t see her face but he could imagine that her smile was still on her face; she was, by far, the happiest person he had ever met. “Goodbye, Lollipop!” he called after her.
She was at the bottom of the steps, her hand on the doorknob. She turned around, her lips quivering but her smile still there. “Bye, Snowflake.”
He had kept tabs on her for awhile. She wasn’t married, she didn’t have kids. She lived in Maryland, believe it or not. He wouldn’t have minded if she had found someone new. He was quite indifferent. Their relationship was over; he had no say in what she did or didn’t do. He didn’t care who she dated or who she slept with; it was her choice. He wasn’t broken up about it. He’d just been thinking about her.
He’d been moping and he knew it. He took some time off for himself. He went back to the city where they had one lived, the movie theater that was no longer standing. He looked up at it, remembering her…the times they spent together, the fun they had. Yeah, he felt a bit guilty that he wasn’t at home right now spending time with the family he had created. But he just had to make peace with the memory of her. It had been years since he had seen her.
He walked further into the giant glass building that used to be the movie theater. People in professional attire bustled about holding briefcases, their eyes blank as robots. Clint did his best to avoid bumping into anyone. He craned his neck to see if anything remained of The Theater on 9th Street. Perhaps an autograph or an old photo of the staff.
He found it in the very back of the building, hidden behind the marble steps. It was framed and not at all polished. His younger self stood beside Lola. They were holding hands and smiling like a young married couple. He brushed his finger over her face, letting out a slow breath.
He heard footsteps coming beside him but he didn’t bother look. The figure stopped right beside him, just as calm as he was a few minutes ago. The familiar smell of apples wafted up to his nose and he stiffened. His eyes travelled painstakingly slow to the person beside him. She was short, her hair looked smooth and soft to the touch, her cheeks were a rosy apple bloom. She too stared at the picture intently.
He didn’t make any noise to grab her attention. Instead he just stared, as awestruck as a blind man getting his sight back.
Sensing his eyes on her, the woman turned her head towards him, eyes calming as a summer breeze drilled holes all the way through him. She smiled that same old smile, the smile that brought him to his knees.
“Hi, Lollipop,” he greeted, his voice cracking.
“Hi, snowflake.”