Sex with any girl feels like something I shouldn’t shouldn’t be able to ask for
I could text her
Ask her
Why don’t I? Why can’t I!
Solely because it would get around
It’s painful that I say solely because it would get around
Because I would not step away from the chance
To be on her bed with my lips kissing her lips and her lips kissing mine
With the lights on because I would never want them off
On her soft flannel red and tan blanket given by her mother
And I wonder how much she’s done
And if what had happened was true
And i think of her and woman and girl and broad and lady and woman
All free like Mercy Lewis dancing in the forest
Clothes tossed aside
CLOTHES TOSSED ASIDE
Because i’m still leaking
And my friends would ask because they are her friends some of them
And when you talk about protection and putting a condom between us, that plastic
It feels like we’re too young
It’s not the natural way
And then my mom and my auntie barge in
And while they dont barge
They come into their own house
It feels like they are interrupting something almost religious
But the clothes are all off in my mind
And there’s extreme unbridled joy in the static air around me
That’s not static anymore
“Or were we enjoying our time alone,” she smiled
In a way you know something and nothing about, I was
She interrupted me from my cavern of thoughts
That was musical and indeed mystical and majestical
And that is all I can get out from an unfiltered mind.
Oh.
But, no no no no
I’m still leaking onto this page.
Epilogue.
To life each day as my last. Now my stomach turns as I read the rest.
If she drank champagane and danced we’d say she lived while she could
But would it be so good?
I am scared of my own thoughts sometimes
I think we all are
If I went and kissed someone
I’d be haunted by what I could and couldn’t do
If I went and fucked with someone
Then the guilt would consume me