Inside Jokes and the Consequences that Follow

That’s really what she wished for. But she could see why he wouldn’t talk to her again, and she also thought that maybe that was what she really deserved because of what happened in that elevator. She really shouldn’t have snooped in his bag, even though she is his assistant technically. And since the workday had started again, she noticed that he’s abandoned that bag and came along with a simple small wallet.

They were going in as backup for a meeting between the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency. Mori was already ahead of them, about a block away now, and they were following behind to make sure everyone was okay.

Higuchi wasn’t looking forward to this meeting because she knew that Akutagawa was going to see that tiger guy again. She knew all about their strange rivalry and hatred, it was odd to her that someone was so confident in going against Akutagawa.

“Did you bring the gift basket?” Tachihara spoke up to the group, no one in particular, but Higuchi responded after leaving her thoughts.

“Yeah, and a plant. I read online that plants are good office gifts in this article,” She stopped when she noticed no one was really paying attention. But it was true, she had been reading many articles lately, mostly because of the nervousness caused by Akutagawa’s silence and behavior.

Whenever she did something potentially bad, she apologized instantly, and then would get herself busy with so many hobbies so she wouldn’t have to think about what she did wrong. It was an effective way to distract herself, but now she’s thinking about possibly sending Akutagawa a house plant to brighten up his place.

The last time she was there was when she saw you – and well, you definitely lit the place up by a lot. But his apartment seemed so dull most of the time and dusty. She understood why it would be dusty, but it was Akutagawa for goodness’s sake! He doesn’t like dust or anything of the sort. So, maybe a plant will be placed in his living room, and then he would be reminded to take care of the plant, himself, and the rest of the apartment.

That was a good way of telling him that she feels bad still and she still cares about him as a friend, right? She continued to think about what plant would suit him best, but she was stumped between a few of them. She started to look closer at him, knowing that he would pay no attention to it.

Her gaze turned into something penetrating, as if she were looking through his body, which freaked a few of the people out. She started to hear some comments about it, but she didn’t care, she just continued to stare at him until she figured out what plant would be best suited for him.

“Is she like trying to kill him with her eyes or something?”

“Probably not. I think she might be trying to seduce him into forgiving her… But that’s Akutagawa, come on. He doesn’t forgive.”

“True, like Hina. Poor Hina.”

“Who’s Hina?”

“The girl you replaced. He maimed her after she accidently punched his arm during a fight.”

Higuchi turned around to stop the conversation from going any longer, behind her. It was Hirotsu and another member of the Port Mafia that she hadn’t really talked to much before. Hirotsu sent her a quick smile, acting oblivious to the fact she caught him talking behind her back, literally.

The conversation stopped instantly once she turned back around and continued to walk. By the time everyone was at the meeting point, she felt uneasy. It was almost like a stomachache, but instead of food causing it, it was just nerves and stress. The meeting was supposed to be peaceful, and she really hoped it would stay that way, especially because she bought the Agency an office plant.

She set those gifts on one of the benches on the side of where everyone was grouped around. She actually took a seat too, thinking that it would be safe to since everyone else was watching out for something to happen.

And then she noticed Akutagawa had placed his wallet on the short wall next to where she was seated. Was that a sign? Was she supposed to stand up now? Usually, she would ask Akutagawa these questions or do what everyone else was doing but today, she decided not to.

Instead, she stared curiously at his wallet.

She shouldn’t dig through his wallet! That’s what she instantly thought of doing when she saw it simply sitting there. It looked so precious though, like it was waiting to be picked up… No, she wasn’t going to fall for that. She knew that there would be a higher chance of being killed if she were to do that, especially after searching through his bag the other day.

Beside the wallet was his phone and a few other things from the group that walked with them. Her eyes widened at his phone, still wanting to get your number. But she couldn’t do it again because she wasn’t going to piss him off again and because it was kind of morally wrong to do.

Her attention went back to the conversation taking place between the Agency and the Port Mafia. It was tense but it seemed that Mori was trying to lighten the mood with a few sour jokes about the city. She wondered what Mori would think about the situation between her and Akutagawa, and even you. She wondered if he had any clue that you existed.

Akutagawa was so secretive, no one had the privy of getting to truly know him. Today he was especially acting secretive, he just didn’t want people to look at him or talk to him. He didn’t feel like talking with others after last night, and now after having to be here and see Atsushi and Dazai and the others.

Atsushi didn’t seem to be paying him any attention though, and he was glad about it. Dazai, on the other hand, told Akutagawa earlier to sharpen up on his social skills. He pushed that to the back of his mind, knowing one day he’ll likely try to follow whatever Dazai said, but he didn’t want to be bothered by it now.

Last night was the real bummer that worried Akutagawa right now. He was speaking to you online and you two decided to play a game. He thought it would be fun until he found out it was intrusive, and if he ever were to really tell you the things he’s done, you’d run for the hills.

He did confess one thing to you last night though, during the start of the game. He confessed he hasn’t had his first kiss, ever (except for that one time he had to “kiss” for work – which was when he had to kiss a mannequin to try to throw someone off his trail, it was an awkward experience), he had never truly shared his first kiss and he wasn’t sure how to approach it. And you laughed at him until your insides were sore. He was pissed off, obviously at the fact you found it so funny, and then he was still unsure about what you said.

You told him, “I’ll be your first kiss, next time we meet up in person, I’ll kiss you.”

He wasn’t sure if it were a joke or not, but he’s been worried since. He had to end the call with you a few minutes after you said that, because of how nervous and anxious he got thinking about it. Kissing you? He wondered if that would be a good thing or not.

He wasn’t even too sure if he should ever give real kissing a try. He would go red at the thought of really kissing anyone, and with you – he even had trouble breathing once he got to thinking how your lips would feel. He would rather stick to himself all the time, unless he was bored and lonely… But truly, he had trouble figuring out if he had any romantic desire in him.

Yes, there would be the odd thought of having rough sex with a stranger standing next to him at times, and he would entertain the idea but then he’d second guess himself. Does he truly want to have sex? No, he would say instantly, even though he got those thoughts. He was glad he hadn’t been required to have sex for a job, hoping to keep every experience for himself until he wanted to do it.

And again, he would question himself. It was a repeating cycle of thoughts. And then he felt like he should go out and have random sex with a stranger, just for the fun of it. But that wasn’t like him, and he didn’t like change that much, so he would always stop himself.

He even had problems with porn! He didn’t like watching porn, everyone was too loud, and it felt so fake. And he’d only ever try to watch it when he was so desperate for entertainment. He wouldn’t even finish the videos. He’d watch two minutes at most and then get either angry or too stunned.

He’s tried reading erotic comics, but that didn’t go too well. He charged it to his credit card, not remembering that Gin was connected to it as well. She tried to casually ask him about it, just to make sure it was him and he was too embarrassed to admit it, so he told her that he lost the card, and it must’ve been stolen.

He ended up canceling the card and having to get a new one because he tried something like that. And the comics weren’t even that good! It was so cheesy, and it also gave him some breathing troubles after he choked on a snack he was eating while he was reading it. He tore it up with Rashomon to get rid of the evidence.

But he got back to the thinking point of you kissing him. That would be incredible. He hasn’t decided if it would be incredibly good or incredibly bad though, and it confused him greatly. This morning he tried searching the internet for “does my friend really want to kiss me?” and “how to kiss girls on lips for first time”. He felt embarrassed by his own search history, glad that he was able to erase it.

He tried to remember all the strange advice Dazai used to give him about sex and relationships, but all he kind of recalled was Dazai’s pickup lines.

He gazed over to him for a moment, a frown forming on his face when he remembered those lines about double suicides. It caused him to start listening into the conversation though, once Dazai spoke up about something.

“And you want us to monitor the train stations? That’s so much work…but a great place to jump in front of a train and die. Hmm, I’ll have to think about it.” Dazai groaned, shaking his head. Dazai glanced back to Akutagawa and then shrugged, as if he was considering something.

“Of course, you’re complaining about work, stupid idiot. You haven’t changed.” Chuuya criticized him loudly, looking annoyed and ready to leave. Kunikida stared at him oddly, mumbling his agreement of how Dazai didn’t like to do work. Akutagawa’s eyes didn’t leave Dazai’s face though, watching as they continued their conversations.

“You wouldn’t need to be at the train stations, just place a few cameras and watch.” Mori ignored Chuuya’s words, sliding back into a familiar tone of voice he used with Dazai. Akutagawa noticed that Mori still enjoyed talking with him, only a little bit. He wondered what it would be like if Dazai had stayed and took over Mori’s position.

It would be a huge change compared to how life was today. Akutagawa fought the urge to crook a grin at the thought, because he knew if it did happen, the Port Mafia would either have the greatest power within a few cities’ ranges, or it would be in the dump because Dazai made a bad risk.

Akutagawa didn’t like those risks that Dazai pushed him into, and he didn’t like that Chuuya had tried to fill in Dazai’s position after he left, even now. He appreciated that Chuuya was there to support him in times he didn’t want to admit he needed help, but it was strange to watch Chuuya’s face screw up in an expression as he tried to teach him something new.

Chuuya wasn’t a great teacher, but a kind figure to him instead. And Akutagawa’s mind wandered a bit, glancing over to Chuuya as he was reminded of his predicament with you.

Would Chuuya know what to do?

When thinking of you, he was also reminded of Higuchi. He wanted to groan out loud at the reminder, eyes trailing down to where he put his belongings, right next to her. She was staring at them so intensely, it made him furrow his eyebrows in annoyance, and he sighed quietly, ignoring the quick look from Atsushi.

Higuchi obviously became enamored with you so fast; it was almost funny. It was as if it were her first time trying a candy and getting hooked on that sugar. She was struggling with not being able to contact you and Akutagawa didn’t know if he should feel guilty of that or not. You’ve been asking about her too lately, except it was more of, “Oh I hope she’s not been having bad days at work because of you”.

It was a joke, but Akutagawa knew that Higuchi was indeed having bad days at work because of him – which also was because of you. It was a strange triangular mess and he even started thinking about the time he knew Higuchi had a crush on him.

Did she like him that quickly too? Or was it just because you were simply an amazing person and had great looks. And a few other qualities that he started to think about in his mind. You were an overall great and decent person to be friends with, because you knew when to stop poking the bear and when to continue joking.

And yes, he did think he was a bear. A huge bear, that was terrifying to everyone and everything around him. He enjoyed watching people be scared of him because he was powerful, and he was also scared of many people around him. It wasn’t like a specific fear of certain people, it was just an obnoxious fear of the audacity of people. And it wasn’t a real fear – he thought it was just maybe his preference.

Higuchi continued her stare-off with Akutagawa’s things as he continued to stare at her. It was so weird that she couldn’t sense his stare, but it was only because of how intense it was, staring at the things that could get her to become closer to her coworker/boss, and to get your number.

She’s checked phone books already.

So many of them, and she still wasn’t sure where you were from. It didn’t seem likely that you lived in the city because if you did, there was a very high chance that you’ve seen Akutagawa in action. And if you did see him, she figured you two wouldn’t be friends anymore, since he was keeping it all a secret from you.

And then, finally she turned her attention away, looking up and seeing him staring straight back at her. Instantly, she flinched back with a loud gasp and not only that, but she also slipped off of the bench, onto the pavement. Her face was covered in astonishment and embarrassment, and she felt absolutely terrified. She maintained the eye contact with him, and she practically felt his smirk through his stare, and she couldn’t find it in herself to look at the others, because she knew they were all also staring at her.

“Are you alright, miss?” Kenji was the first to speak up, a bit timidly but very kind. Everyone continued to stare, not bothering to help her or lend a hand and Higuchi let out a groan of discomfort, feeling a bit of pain in his back.

“Yeah, thanks.” She replied, getting up slowly. She didn’t sit down again, instead walked away from Akutagawa and leaned against a wall, shaking her head at herself.

“What scared you?” Tachihara questioned, more to himself but the entire group of people heard him. Higuchi sent him a small glare, not appreciating the question because she knew the answer would make her look like a clown. And then she heard a quiet cough, so she turned back to look over to Akutagawa.

He was covering his mouth, coughing but when he removed his hand, she saw the slightest bit of a smile and she scoffed.

“Of course, he’d smile at that…” She mumbled under her breath, ignoring Tachihara’s question all together.

By the time the meeting was done, Higuchi had excluded herself from almost everyone because of what happened. And she was at the back of the group, walking and looking down at her feet. She knew Akutagawa was obviously sticking back too. He was right in front of her, intentionally being slow and she wanted to curse at him for being such an asshole.

“I’m going to step on your shoes if you keep this up.” She warned him, and he ignored her, purposely stopping now. When he stopped walking, she lightly kicked at the back of his feet, rolling her eyes, and then turned to walk in front of him, but he stopped her.

“Stop sulking. You look stupid.” He mumbled, taking a hold of part of her jacket. She almost gasped in surprise at his hand, knowing he never liked initiating contact. He didn’t like anyone around him in general, so it was odd seeing it, but she pushed that aside.

“You’re the reason why I look like this.” She responded, dull of any emotion. She didn’t want him to be any ruder than he already was.

“Yeah, since you looked at my wallet and phone like it was treasure.” Akutagawa shot back, irritated. He was just trying to be a little nice, and it was pretty funny she responded to his stare like that.

She didn’t say anything back and he felt a bit guilty, glancing over to her face. She looked so embarrassed when she fell off that bench, and even now she still had a little blush on her face from it – or the anger she felt because of him. He breathed in, looking away as he was reminded of how you looked when you were so angry.

You always had your eyebrows knotted down, nose scrunched, and you always looked at the floor, just like Higuchi. He faltered in his step, looking away from her. He didn’t need to be thinking about you right now, especially after what you said and how worried he felt about it.

“Stop it.” He spoke up, in a whisper and Higuchi’s lip twitched, annoyed with how he always demanded stuff.

“Stop what? You’re so…” She trailed off, not wanting to continue with that sentence. If she were to really say all the things that were bothering her about him right now, she would definitely be punished with the Port Mafia in some way or another.

“Why do you even want her number?” He scoffed and he finally let go of her jacket, walking towards the group. They were so far away now, they were probably near the vans already, that had to be parked a few blocks away for safety reasons.

Higuchi stared at his back in shock, almost wanting to laugh at his question. She had no clue how to respond properly, fearing that he’d actually lash out. She’s pushed his buttons so much lately because of meeting you, that she wouldn’t be so surprised if he’d hurt her on purpose or accident.

“Is this why you’re being so rude to me lately?” She openly asked, pushing a hand through her hair.

The two walked a bit slowly as Akutagawa tried to form back a response. He shook his head one time and then nodded and then sighed at himself, confused and irritated.

“No, I just know you’re going to somehow screw things up.” He replied, raising his eyebrows slightly, and Higuchi nodded, kind of agreeing with him.

It was true, she was known for screwing things up, but it was still hurtful to hear – especially about his friend.

“I’m not going to hurt her.” She offered in return, and he shook his head instantly, “I know you won’t.” He said it quietly and quickly, as if he wanted to stop talking about the subject now but at the same time, he had to get things resolved so work didn’t become an issue because of what happened between them.

“Then what?”

Akutagawa gulped, not used to this side of Higuchi. She was usually a kiss-up to him and now her attitude has totally changed. He felt like he was seeing a new person in front of him, but it was just Higuchi. He wasn’t intimidated, but he was being more than just vulnerable with her at the moment, wanting to get it off his chest before he burst.

“I don’t want her to find out about the Port Mafia, ever.” He noted, breathing out a sigh as he looked away from her. He didn’t want to see a pitiful look aimed at him now, it would punch him right in the gut and lower his self-esteem more than he’d like.

“Psh, you know I can hide that.” She shrugged it off, adding in a strange sounding laugh, but they both knew she was lying.

Akutagawa questioned in his mind if he should just take the risk. There were more cons than pros he could list, but Higuchi would continue to bug him, and you would also ask about her a lot.

He raised his eyebrows again, “And if you don’t?” It was a rhetorical question, they both understood what he was saying. If she managed to slip up about the Port Mafia to you, then Akutagawa will kill her. He didn’t like thinking about killing her, but he was letting her into his social life. If she even hints at the fact that he is the omnipotent assassin you two joke about all the time to you, it would be a no question decision to him.

“I’d ask for her number now, but I feel too nervous to reach out to her.” Higuchi admitted but he just shook his head, taking her phone out of her pocket to add it into her contacts. He unlocked it with ease, recalling the password he memorized while her jaw dropped at his actions.

“Too late.” He replied, sending the first message for her, to you. It was a simple, “hi there :)” and no, he does not use the smiley face emoticon in his messages. It was weird to have to type it out, but it was Higuchi’s texting preferences.