Driving Lessons
Somewhere in Desolation. December 7, 2197.
Jane looks lost in thought. Bucky notices, as he glances at her several times with the corner of his eye. She sits with her feet on the dashboard – despite Bucky telling her not to several times already – as she stares outside the window, the small book she had been before reading long forgotten in the floor, and the earphones loud enough for him to hear the music playing on the iPod that remains in her lap. Bucky has been driving for four days now, stopping only to eat three meals, and to sleep once. The other times they did were to pee which Jane was reluctant to do at first, she was more embarrassed about it than anything else, thing that Bucky didn’t realise at the time, but after an argument – which ended with Bucky mocking her and saying she was acting like a petulant child, and Jane slamming the car’s door close as she left the car – they decided to move pass it (meaning Jane didn’t mention it, and Bucky didn’t apologised). As they moved north, he could start feeling the chill of the winds of winter during the nights, which he supposed had already started, but the sun bright and hot above them during the days made him feel warm enough as they drove.
He didn’t like the cold, he had gotten used to the warm temperatures of Arcadia and the hot permanent summer in Catalean, the night before he had woken up several times and not only because of the cold, but because Jane, who was laying on the backseat while slept on the passenger’s seat, was talking in her sleep and it was like she was having a nightmare.
Jane on the other hand seemed to be fine with the low temperatures, she had stripped off the long-sleeve shirt she had been wearing, staying in a thin cotton shirt. He swallows looking at her throat and collarbone as Jane plays distractingly with the earphones cord, eyes glued outside the window. He wants to say something, make conversation but can’t think of anything. Bucky had figured that they would be spending a lot of time together of course, and the car wasn’t like his room in Arcadia, where he could run outside if he didn’t feel like talking to her. He sighs heavily as he feels a sheen of cold sweat cover his back, and begins to shrug the thick leather jacket off – the one Jane had gotten from him since the other one had been shredded to pieces – without taking his left hand off the steering wheel, throwing it in the backseat afterwards. With the corner of his eyes he catches Jane staring at him, a grimace on her face.
“I should take care of that” She says.
Jane points at his arm, where the wound is bleeding through the bandage. He takes a deep breath and thinks about shrugging it off but after a few seconds nods, knowing that if he refuses Jane would only insist. A quality of hers that didn’t contrast well with his short-tempered nature. He starts slowing the car until it comes to a full stop while Jane reaches for the medical kit in the backseat.
She kneels on the seat and opens the kit, “Does it hurt?”
“No” He answers, “It sort of… Itches”
Jane nods as she begins to peel off the gauze covering the cut. He hadn’t seen it – but it had hurt like it was bone deep – And he doesn’t want to either so he tries focusing his sight on something else, and he ends up looking at the top of Jane’s head, as she does look at the wound closely.
“It’s healing nicely” A small frown crosses her features, “Very fast too”
“I’m a fast healer” He says absentmindedly, paying more attention at sweat droplets on her forehead.
Jane hums, “It will leave a scar” she continues, cleaning the wound with medical precision.
“Yet another one”
“Scars are just another kind of memory” She says quietly, and then it’s like she realises she said it out loud bites her bottom lip, “Sorry”
Bucky chuckles, “You apologize too much”
“It’s a reflex” Jane retorts.
“So you don’t really mean it” He looks at her frown.
She lifts her gaze, “Maybe” Bucky’s lips quirk, “You shouldn’t move it too much” she goes back to talking about the cut.
Bucky takes a deep breath as Jane starts wrapping his arm again, he could do it himself, but he admits to himself that he likes feeling Jane’s hands on him, he shakes the thought away and looks outside the window. There is nothing outside but more desert, a few mountains in the distance.
“How much longer we have to drive?”
“Not long” Jane answers, “Is that too tight?”
He shakes his head, keeping his eyes on the horizon. Truth was, he worried they were going in the wrong direction. As if she can read the concern in his face, Jane reaches for the compass left in the dashboard, and stares at if for a few seconds, before she closes it and throws it in the back of the car. He frowns.
“Unless” She begins, Bucky glances at her, “Unless we take turns driving”
Bucky doesn’t know why, but a snort leads to a sonorous laugh that bubbles out of his chest and that he can’t control. When he turns to Jane, the woman is bitting her bottom lip, clearly trying not to smile as she raises an eyebrow at him, before she rolls her eyes.
“I mean it” Jane says, “If we make fewer stops we will be there by tomorrow, I promise”
He glances at her and then back at the road ahead. He knows she’s right, besides he isn’t sure there’s enough provisions for them to last over a week and he too wanted to get to Glassmere, so they could leave as fast as possible. Bucky scratches his chin.
"Bucky" Jane says.
Bucky unlocks the door and opens it, stepping out of the driver’s seat. Jane stays inside the car, following him with her eyes, a confused look still in her face as he stretches his legs. He ignores her gaze on him, and looks around taking a deep breath. the cold wind of the outside and the sun, almost too bright, make him realise how tired he actually is.
When he opens the passenger’s door, Jane stares at him.
“Move” Bucky says, glancing around.
Jane can’t help the smile that pulls from her lips, “Really?” Bucky nods once.
She moves to the driver’s seat as Bucky enters the car again taking a deep breath. Jane takes her boots off for some reason, and when he raises a questioning eyebrow she ignores him.
“Do you know-“
“Yes” Jane cuts him off, her feet jumping up and down in excitement, “Can we put music on?”
Bucky looks at her and shrugs, “Sure” he sees the iPod on Jane’s lap and takes it before she reaches for it, “How…”
Jane presses a button in the dashboard.
“Synchronise device one” Jane says loudly, like she’s talking to the car.
A robotic voice coming from the speakers repeats her words and then the iPod in his hands chirps and vibrates. Bucky looks at her with a raised eyebrow and Jane reaches for the book between his feet.
“The instruction manual” Jane explains.
Bucky can help but smile softly at her, picking up the book. It was a notebook actually, someone had written the tricks and tics of the car, probably Yondu or that Rocket kid and Jane had gone through all of it already. Jane takes the iPod from his lap and presses the screen until music comes out from the speakers. Before he can ask about it, Jane steps on the accelerator, making him curse. Despite Jane obviously having control of the car, he feels the need to tell her to slow down, and she seems to notice.
“I know how to drive” Jane rolls her eyes.
“Of course you do” Bucky licks his lips.
“I told you we had cars in Glassmere”
Bucky accommodates on the seat, “You also said you had horses, you planning on riding one of those to impress me too?”
Jane doesn’t take her eyes off the road, but he can see her dimple at him and he feels a small tug on his lips. He flips the pages of the instructions manual for a few seconds, before looking at Jane again.
“Are there any animals in Desolation other than mosquitoes and snakes?"
Scorpions, lizards, and the damn mosquitoes were all he had encountered so far.
“I think so” Jane answers, “I imagine in the second Ring”
Bucky shifts in the seat, “What do you mean?”
“Take out the map” Jane instructs.
Bucky reaches for his bag, looking for the old map where Jane had drawn the New World for him. He takes the marker too, and then sits back, accommodating on the seat before spreading the map across the dashboard. He can see the circle she had drawn, where the five colonies were.
“You know the colonies and Desolation” Jane starts.
“Alright” Bucky nods.
“Now, She says, “Desolation has three areas”
“Like Arcadia”
“Kind of, yes” Jane nods, “The first one is the desert we are driving through right now called Desolation, then there’s a second Ring called The Green”
“The Green?”
“It’s… Trees and forests, there’s suppose to be a lot of wildlife there” Jane explains, “I’ve never see it, but… My father always said that people got lost because animals ate them”
Bucky grimaces, “Sounds...”
“Terrifying” Jane says, “But he always said that the Abyss is worse”
Bucky knew that he would pass by it at some point, after all it was the only way to get to Maraud – Although Jane might know another way – which was the reason not many people tried to reach it. When the war started, bombs were dropped in every city, but it was Jericho what really destroyed the country. The atomic bomb started the nuclear war that almost ended the rest of the world too. It is said that took years for the skies to clear afterwards, remaining angry red all that time, and no snow or rain fell from the sky, only ash.
Jane continues, “The call the area that surround the Abyss-“
“Ash Valley” Bucky says.
“Ash Valley” Jane nods, “The only way to get to the Freelands would be to round it”
Bucky looks at her, “All of this” he makes a circular motion with his finger and Jane bites her lip before nodding, “Shit”
Jane lets out a small sigh.
“I don’t think anyone has ever seen the Abyss” she continues, “It’s suppose to be a crater miles and miles deep”
Bucky looks at her, “I rather not find out if that’s true”
He sees her nod, and then he takes his eyes off her. Bucky decides to let her focus on driving, talking seemed to be a distraction even though – He admitted to himself – he would enjoy continuing the conversation with Jane. Desolation seems to be infinite, and he wonders if they would be able to see the ocean anytime soon, he knows that ocean surrounds the continent, but he didn’t know if in other colonies they were as close to it as they were in Catalean. Glassmere couldn’t be, and if there was it must be frozen ice.
“Did you ever see the ocean?”
Jane turns to him and then back at the road.
“No” She answers, “A frozen lake is the nearest thing I’ve seen”
Bucky hums.
“Have you ever seen snow?” Jane asks, “Sorry” she adds apologetically.
He stares. Bucky knows she’s apologizing since it’s obvious he hasn’t, he lived all his adult life within the walls of Arcadia. He doesn’t say anything, shrugging instead and turning his eyes to the road. He wants to tells her about the ocean, the sand and the smell of salt, but he doesn’t, they will go to Catalean together and she will be able to see it for herself.
He doesn’t say that either.
For a second there, Jane thought Bucky would continue talking. They hadn’t being able to have an actual conversation so far, except for that one that ended in an argument, and that was about either her being spoiled or public urination, two things she really, really never wants to talk to him about again. Unless he does so to apologise. Jane keeps her eyes on the road, the compass long forgotten since she now knows where they are going. In the distance she can see the familiar mountains that were visible from her home, the dark blue formations with white peaks, and she grips the steering wheel wondering what will be left from Glassmere.
Bucky throws the leather jacket he was wearing in the backseat, trying to get comfortable in his seat. Jane licks her lips, thinking about a way to keep the conversation flowing casually.
“Her voice is so beautiful”
“Mm?” Bucky looks at her, then at the iPod, “never heard it before”
Jane tilts her head, “What kind of music do you like?”
Bucky seems to consider it for a second, and then he stays silent a while longer. As far as she understands he doesn’t remember much about his life in Catalean when he was a child, and his adult life he spent in Arcadia. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t been able to pick up hobbies, or didn’t have a favourite song or book. Bucky scratches his jaw, where she noticed the days old stubble, and then she ends up wondering how will he look in a few weeks when he has a beard. She bites the inside of her cheek.
“Coulson played a lot of rock in his bar” Bucky starts, “I liked it”
Jane wants to stare at him longer, but her eyes shift from him to the road.
“Although if it’s all I’ve heard I don’t think it counts” He adds a beat later.
“Well, there are over a thousand songs in that iPod and we have a long road ahead” Jane smiles soflty, “Perhaps you will pick up a taste”
Bucky nods and chuckles, more to himself, and then runs a hand through his hair and face, shaking his head softly. Jane wants to ask if he is alright, but Bucky then yawns unexpectedly and she realises how tired he looks. She didn’t get a good night of sleep, and she should feel as tired as he looks – and probably is – but she feels excited for some reason, perhaps the mountains ahead indicating how close she is to home.
“Those mountains look closer” Bucky says, pulling her out of her thoughts.
Jane looks at them, “Yeah” she clears her throat, “Yes” she says louder this time, “I used to be able to see them from my bedroom”
Bucky looks at her.
“I knew Solstice started when the peaks where touched by the three stars of Orion’s belt” Jane continues, she raises her hand and points at the three mountains one by one from left to right, “Alnitak, Alnilam and Mintaka”
“How can you even remember that?” Bucky chuckles.
Jane smiles and shrugs, “I used to spend a lot of time reading” she says, but doesn’t say anything else in fear of sounding like she was a lonely girl.
And she was. Apart from Darcy, she didn’t have any other close friends. Her father, Julia and Darcy were her only family. Jane tries making a comparison between them and the three mountains ahead of her, but all she comes up with is that they were home, and well, that was enough. But the mountains were there and they were gone, a voice inside supplies, and her eyes blur with tears that she fights hard to contain. And if only she could distract herself with the road, she thinks, but she’s knows it will take her back to an empty home. So she tries to distract herself with the song that is still playing, but when she does she regrets it too.
Who'll take all your pain,
Honey, your heartache, too?
And if you need me, you know
That I'll always be around if you ever want me
Come on and cry, cry baby, cry baby…
So Jane lets out a breathy laugh instead, at how everything from the road to her memories, to the song playing on the radio seem to mock her pain. And she forgets for a moment that she’s not alone, until she feels a warm hand over hers, gripping the steering wheel as she turns to face him. Bucky’s blue eyes bury into her own, Jane can’t bear it for now, so she looks away, wiping her cheeks with the back of the hand that was covered by his a few seconds ago.
“I’m sorry” Jane apologises.
“Don’t-“
“It’s this stupid song, it’s so-” She reaches for the control panel and taps the screen a few times, until the music changes to a different more upbeat one, “Sorry”
“Don’t apologise” Bucky looks outside the window considering for a second, then back at her, “I don’t know- I never asked about what exactly happened to you when they took you” he says, “I just know it was not long ago and it must- I imagine you must feel… I can’t imagine how you feel”
He looks at her almost apologetically.
Bucky is a man a very few words, it wasn’t hard to figure that out, but whenever he felt like talking he talked. The words are said in soft-spoken tone, the one he tends to use whenever he speaks to her about something important, and Jane likes it, she realises as she finds herself wishing he continued talking. Finding confort in Bucky wasn’t a good idea, at least she thought it wasn’t, but then he talked to her like that, and looked at her with those blue eyes and she thought it was the only way she would want to get any comfort at all. For now, it was just the two of them, later it would only be her. Much, much later, and the thought truly terrified her, so when Bucky stays quiet again, she slows down the car until it completely stops. Before Bucky asks what is happening, she pulls him in for a hug. The position she is in is uncomfortable but Bucky returns the embrace a few seconds later, so she forgets about it.
“Why is this for?” Bucky asks.
Whether it was an honest question or he was just trying to lighten the mood she isn’t sure, but she chuckles and pulls back, wiping her cheeks. Bucky smiles softly, almost in a shy manner and Jane smiles back at him.
“You should rest”
Bucky blinks several times and then nods, “Yeah”
“I’ll…” Jane turns the engine again, “I’ll takes us there”
His forehead feels cool against the glass window as he comes back to reality slowly. When he opens his eyes there’s a faint light above him and it takes him a few seconds to realise it’s actually the moon, it’s dark outside and there are no clouds so he can see the starts clearly. Bucky lets out a yawn, and a hand shakes his shoulder softly. When he moves, the jacket over him slides down his body and he clutches it tightly, letting out a sigh that make the window fogs. He doesn’t remember taking his jacket from the backseat so Jane must have covered him at some point.
“Bucky” Jane calls, shaking his shoulder, “Hey, Bucky”
“Mm” He hums, wiping the drool on the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Are you awake?”
He almosts rolls his eyes, “I am now”
He hears her shuffle next to him, and then the roof light is being turn on. Bucky curses under his breath and covers his eyes, next to him Jane lets out a breathy chuckle.
“I want you to see something” She says, her voice barely above a whisper.
When he finally looks to her, her face is close to his, and he frowns before offering her a nod. The car is not moving, he realises, and Jane is moving to the backseat to search for something inside her bag. Jane throws him a jacket, a winter coat, thicker than the leather one in his hand and then gets one for herself. Bucky looks at it and then outside the window as he puts it on.
“Where are we?” He asks, looking for the mountains he had seen that afternoon. Or the day before, he isn’t sure how long he slept.
Jane simply says, “Outside” turning the light off and opening the car’s door.
Bucky presses his lips but follows her nevertheless.
“Fucking-“ He mutters when the cold air hits his face.
It’s not just chilly, it’s freezing, terribly so. A kind of cold he had never felt before, it took over him seeping through his skin and freezing his bones. He knows now why Jane had gotten him the winter coat, obviously, what he doesn’t understand is why would she stop in the middle of Desolation for them to… He sighs heavily and turns looking for her in the dark. Jane’s hand finds his and she tugs from it, making him walk a few steps, his eyes get used to the dark seconds later and he can finally recognise her features, she points ahead.
“See?”
His gaze follows. Three mountains. Three white peaks. Three shinny stars above them but not quite yet touching them. Right ahead he could also see the faint lights of what he knew was Glassmere. He hadn’t realised he was standing not on dirt, but on white snow. He turns to Jane, who is zipping up her coat.
“We can’t go through the main road” Jane starts, she points left, “I figure if Pierce’s men are there they would…” She trails off.
“You know another way in” It’s not a question.
She nods, “There was a spot some used to leave the colony and go ice fishing, since not many people did that not many knew about it, over there”
The spot she points at is completely dark, hidden between the frozen woods but barely a hundred feet from what seemed to be the citadel.
Bucky licks his lips, “And you know because…?”
“Darcy took me to a gathering once”
“An ice fishing gathering?” Bucky raises an eyebrow, and he sees Jane getting closer to him, for warmth perhaps, so he does too.
Jane narrows her eyes playfully, “More like a ‘we stole some sweet wine and that means party’ kind of gathering” she chuckles, condensation leaves her mouth, “Darcy took me”
He nods, looking around while he tried to warm up his hands in vain. The car is a few feet from them but Jane makes no sign of moving, and when a strange wind blows their way, and it’s so cold that it feels like a slap in the face, Bucky turns to Jane.
“It’s freezing out here” He says, “Is there-"
“Hush” Jane says, taking her finger to her lips.
He purses his lips, and when he is about to ask Jane if he can go back to the car he hears something in the distance. A howling. Jane turns, and he knows she heard it too.
“Wolves” She looks at him, “They move around during winter, leave the colony for a while” she smiles softly.
Bucky nods, “Is that what you wanted to show-“
“Look” Jane points at the sky.
Bucky looks upwards but doesn’t see anything, “What are we looking at?” he asks, and he’s annoyed, “Look, I’m freezing and-“
And then he sees it. In Jane’s hair and dark coat. He reaches for her sleeve, and realises his coat is also dusted with white.
“It’s snowing” Bucky whispers dumbly, opening his palms as if trying to catch the snow that had started falling all of sudden.
Jane looks at him and smiles brightly. Bucky looks at her and then takes his eyes off her, looking at the snowflakes falling in his hand. It was almost as if Jane knew exactly when it was going to start snowing, but he doesn’t say anything. There are snowflakes trapped in her eyelashes, and he gives a step back realising he’s too close to her. Jane looks at him and she is also rubbing her hands together for warmth, when she sees him staring, she puts her hands inside the coat pockets and shrugs, looking back at the colony ahead.
“I thought I would come back and this would be buried in snow” Jane bites her bottom lip, “I think it barely started snowing one or two days ago”
“Is that bad?” Bucky asks.
Jane looks at him, “As long as we stay away from the lake” she chuckles almost sadly, “The ice still thin” she shrugs.
He nods slowly.
“I’m hungry” Jane says suddenly.
Bucky doesn’t say anything, but his stomach agrees making an embarrasing sound tha the hopes Jane didn’t catch. They walk towards the car, and when they lock themselves inside he’s grateful for how warm it feels. They have enough food rations for four more days, enough to make it to Catalean or at least he thinks so, truth was he didn’t want to stay too long in Glassmere, not only because of the cold, but because Jane seemed… Gloomy, and they weren’t even there yet.
“Do you want to sleep here?”
He blinks several times being pulled out of his thoughs, “Huh?”
Jane frowns, “We could sleep here and go to Glassmere in the morning” she repeats, “The car’s got enough energy for the heater to be on all night, then we charge it in the morning”
Bucky licks his lips and nods, looking around to figure how they could sleep in the car. Jane hums, he wouldn’t need much sleep since he felt rested enough, even if Jane didn’t want or didn’t think it was necessary he would keep guard. He continues chewing the meal in silence as Jane who already finished eating – two meals instead of one – toyed with the iPod.
“What are you doing?” He asks.
Jane looks at him, “I’m making you a playlist” he frowns, “A list of songs I think you would like” she chuckles, “I imagine you won’t sleep much, right?” she adds, and he looks down at his meal with a nod, “Here”
Bucky takes the iPod from her hands. Jane yawns and throws her coat in the backseat, moving there herself afterwards. He tries not looking at her much, since she was putting on a long-sleeve shirt and it seemed like he was peeking. When she finally stops moving, finding a comfortable position she sighs.
“Talk to me”
“What?”
Jane looks at him, “Bucky, you don’t talk much” she says, turning her body to him, “It makes me kind of tired of hearing my own voice”
Bucky chuckles, “That makes two of us” Jane barks out a laugh and his lips quirk upwards.
“Snark” Jane says, “I like it, you should use it more often” the last part of the sentence is mixed with a yawn.
Bucky leans back on his seat leaving the empty can of food in the cupholder between the seats, “Just go rest” he says, not knowing what else to say.
“But tomorrow we talk… Anything”
He looks at her and she smiles softly, but her eyes are already closed. Bucky makes an agreement noise. It doesn’t take much for Jane to falls asleep, he stares at her for a few seconds and then outside, where the snow started falling like heavy rain. He sighs, and runs a hand through his face and hair, eyes falling on the iPod in his lap. He puts the earphones in and plays the first song.