Silence
To Leave It All Behind
Chapter Three
And I never had someone to call my own
I'm so used to sharing
Love only left me alone
But I'm at one with the silence
Nico was restless.
They had been on the road for at least twelve hours with no clear destination and absolutely no indication from Alex as to whether they would be stopping anytime soon. The lack of communication between them and the cab was going to be an issue.
She knew it was a smart idea to get as far away from the Pizzeria as possible because the owner or the kid would surely have called the police by now. They could probably add assault and the theft of four pizzas to the charges against them. Nico couldn’t help but wonder how many more would build up the longer they were stuck on the road, once their money ran out.
They acted like their parents were evil but already within one day they had hurt a man. And probably traumatised that kid whilst they were at it. She had recognised the fear in his eyes when Alex ordered him to drop the phone. It was the same fear they all had when they thought of their parents. The thought that they end up being just as bad made her stomach roll. It was a downward spiral, one minute they’d be stealing a pizza and the next they could find themselves killing kids.
She hadn’t realised her leg had been shaking until Karolina so kindly informed her in her half asleep state.
“Stop moving.” The blonde mumbled, still not fully conscious, as she shifted her face further into Nicos thigh.
Not soon after they had escaped from the pizzeria Karolina had fallen asleep. It was understandable considering she must have been awake for at least twenty four hours at that point, not even counting the amount of time she’d spent driving that day.
Nico had ignored Chase’s waggling eyebrows as she shifted Karolina’s head from her shoulder and gently lifted her into her lap. The poor girls neck had been bent at a practically ninety degree angle that couldn’t have been comfortable for anyone. Chase had snorted loudly as Karolina buried her face in nicos stomach as if she was burrowing for warmth. Nico could understand though because the metallic floor of the van was pretty cold.
It didn’t stop her kicking Chase in the shin and then smirking smugly when both Molly and Old Lace decided to use him as a human pillow not even ten minutes later.
“Sorry.” She muttered, stroking a few stray pieces of Karolina’s hair in a soothing manner. The taller girl sighed and promptly fell back asleep. Nico chose to ignore the way Chase poked her foot with his. He had no room to talk with a dinosaurs jaw resting on top of his head. She wondered if Gert’s feelings translated into her dinosaur because if Old Lace was in love with Chase, she would at least have some entertainment for however long they were stuck on the road.
Soon after Molly, Chase also fell asleep. Nico could admit that both of them had formed was quite adorable. Chase had one arm around Molly’s shoulder and her head was tucked into his shoulder as they both snored, each with pizza grease smeared over their faces. Old lace’s large tail surrounding them both.
Nico wasn’t sure how long it took exactly before the van gradually slowed to a halt but she was relieved when it did. The sounds of the front doors opening and closing had Molly jolting awake. Nico was beginning to get worried with the amount of sleeping the younger girl was doing but she supposed it was a side effect of super strength.
The urge to instantly jump out of the stuffiness of the van and stretch her legs was only pushed down by the still sleeping girl in her lap. She would be cruel to wake her when she had only been able to get comfortable after much shifting.
Molly had no issue in waking her pillow as she untangled herself from under Chase’s heavy arm causing him to jolt awake just as the doors opened to reveal Alex and Gert.
“What happened? Where are we?” Chase asked concernedly, disorientated from the quick wake up call.
Nico swallowed uncomfortably as she noticed how quickly he had tensed and the momentarily wild look in his eyes before he’d recognised where he was. She’d overheard many of her parents hushed conversations when she had been living in the same house as them. It was easy to be overlooked when they never payed attention to her up until recently. She didn’t have to stick around long to get the gist.
Victor Stein was by no means a perfect husband or father. In fact he was the worst kind. Chase had never told them about the abuse, even when they had hung out all those years ago but it was obvious to Nico.
It was clear in the way Chase held himself. The fierce protectiveness he had held for his friends, Gert had told her briefly about what he did for Karolina at the party. She had yet to bring it up with the girl herself. And of course the brief lapses of panic and fear she noticed in his eyes everytime he was woken up.
“Some Motel in the middle of nowhere. It looks deserted which should be good for us.” Alex informed them as he stretched his arms behind his back. Nico winced when she heard several cracks as he did so. “I’ll go get us a room. You guys wait here so we’re less suspicious.” He tells them, well she thinks he’s telling them but his eyes are locked with hers as if looking for a confirmation.
She shrugs and waves him off. Since when was she the last call on all group decisions?
Alex nodded and jogged out of view, pulling the giant roll of cash from his pocket as he went. Nicos eyes narrowed in thought. The money. The gun. Where had Alex gotten all of this stuff from and more importantly why hadn’t he told them about it beforehand.
Gert climbed in the van, stepping over Karolina’s long limbs and Lace’s tail until she was sitting by his head. Chase pouted as she pointedly avoided his gaze and Nico couldn’t help but smile when Molly patted him on the arm reassuringly.
They sat in silence, Gert revelling in being reunited with her dinosaur and the rest of them watching amusedly until Alex returned.
“He didn’t recognise me. I’m pretty sure nobody in this place had watched the news in years.” He told them proudly.
Nico raised her eyebrow as he held the key up and shook it victoriously. “Only one key?” She asked.
“I figured it would be best for us to stick together in case another pizza incident happens.”
Gert guides Old Lace out of the van and grabs the key from Alex’s hand without a word.
“Room eleven!” Alex called after her only to not receive a response. “What’s her problem?” He asked confusedly.
Chase frowns and hops out of the van, breaking into a speed walk to catch up with Gert.
“How do we...” She trailed off gesturing down to Karolina still clutching to her stomach like a koala. Nico really didn’t want to wake her but the girl was really, really tall and she doubted they could managed to carry her up to the room without banging one of her limbs on something.
“I got this.”
There was something incredibly amusing yet impressive about watching a fourteen year old girl pick up someone who was likely two feet taller than her and carry her across a parking lot with ease. A few weeks ago Nico would have found it weird but by now she was getting used to things that went against the norm. Dinosaurs, magic staffs, people glowing like rainbows, she could go on.
Alex held out his hand to help her down from the van but the withering look she shot him had him withdrawing as if he’d been burnt. Nico was sure that if Gert was still her he would have actually been scolded, then promptly lectured on the damaging effect such gestures had on female empowerment. The fact that Nico’s own brain had drawn up the statement made her think the other girl was rubbing off on her.
They began to walk across the parking lot and Nico took a moment to survey their surroundings curiously.
The motel was exactly what she thought a note would look like. It had the flickering neon sign that seemed to be straight out of a vintage America calendar. There was what looked like the booking office at the far end of the lot and separate from it was a gate that led into the two story block of rooms. There couldn’t have been more than twenty rooms but they were all arranged in a ‘U’ shape around a pool. The pool seemed to be in good condition, it was probably why the only lighting was the single floodlight shining on the water.
The owner was probably smart to make sure his guests couldn’t see the state of the buildings until it was too late. The pool was probably the only selling point of the place.
‘It certainly isn’t the hygiene’, Nico thought with a scowl as she eyed mould on the corners of the block. She hadn’t appreciated how clean the Bay Area was until then. In the space of one day she had seen more mould than in her seventeen years on earth.
“So, I’ve been wanting to talk to you alone...” Alex rubbed the back of his neck nervously as they pushed through the gate.
“Good, me too.” She needed Alex to tell her everything. It scared her to know that even though they were supposed to be in this together he had been keeping secrets since day one. First with Amy which had been bad enough and then the gun. How were they supposed to protect each other if they couldn’t even trust one of their own.
“Really?” Alex seemed surprised, his eyebrows raised and a smile on her face. She couldn’t really blame him. She’d been practically ignoring him for weeks and if she did speak to him it was to argue. Nico knew they had to put everything behind them.
It didn’t mean she forgave him. He had lied about her sister. Let her think for years that she could have done something different...
But they had higher priorities right now than her selfish hurt feelings. Maybe after this was over they would have time to fight but currently it wasn’t an option.
They began to climb the stairs as Nico spoke first.
“You can’t keep secrets from us Alex. We’re supposed to be a team.” She watched intently as his smile fell.
“I said I was sorry about the Amy thing.” He muttered as his shoulders sagged. Nico knew how guilty and responsible he felt for Amy’s death.
“Yeah, you said that you were sorry. Yet you do the same thing over and over.” She can hear the anger and frustration in her voice building. She becomes very aware that there may be people sleeping and the last thing they need is someone to come investigate.
He frowned as they reached the door to room eleven. She waited for him to respond but he seemingly had nothing to defend himself with.
“Where did you get the gun from Alex?” She asked seriously.
Alex sighed deeply and reached up to rub his eyes under his glasses. He then moved to lean over the railing, eyes focused solely on the pool. Nico moved to stand next to him as he explained everything.
Karolina had woken to the sound of static and quiet whispers. She blinked her eyes open to find Gert and Chase sitting cross legged on a bed opposite her, holding hands with their heads close together as they spoke.
With bleary eyes she had glanced around the room to find Molly struggling to work the television. It was one of the ancient block tv’s that had dials on the side instead of remote. The kind you only still found in rundown motels. Which meant they had found a place for the night.
She wondered how they had got her from the van into the room.
Once she had rubbed the sleep from her eyes she realised that two people were missing from the room. Nico and Alex.
She jolted upright causing the others to shoot her worried looks.
“Everything Okay?” Chase asked. Karolina noted that Gert had quickly moved her hand away from his.
“Nico?” She asked desperately. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep next to Nico in the van and now she was gone. Had something happened whilst she was asleep? “And Alex?” She tacked on, remembering her other friend.
“They’re fine.” Gert assured her with a placating smile.
“They’ve been having a heart to heart outside for like an hour.” Molly cut in distractedly as her tongue poked out in concentration. The television clearly bemusing to her.
Karolina’s brain felt foggy as she watched Chase clamber over the bed to help her use the tv. His experience with technology not seeming to be of any help with the antique. Gert became occupied with petting Old Lace who was curled up on the floor between the two double beds that occupied the room.
She quietly drew the covers of the bed she was in over her shoulders and turned to face the wall, away from her friends.
What were Nico and Alex talking about? Could Alex have made his move whilst she was asleep. So quickly? How would Nico have responded? Was that why there were only two beds in the room. They could have gotten their own room. A little privacy to talk and who knows what else. Karolina couldn’t stop her racing thoughts.
Would Nico even think about her if that was the case. For all she knew Nico could only think they were a fling. Three spur of the moment kisses when they didn’t know if they would live the next day. That was nothing compared to years of build up with a boy who everyone thought you were going to end up with.
Karolina instinctively reached down to her pocket under the covers and sighed in relief when she felt the outline of the vodka bottle she had purchased earlier. She needed to stop thinking for a while and if it hadn’t of been for the presence of the others she would have downed the bottle.
Instead she fiddled with it anxiously and decided to wait for the others to fall asleep. They eventually gave up on the tv and she felt Molly climb in the bed behind her as the lights clicked off. After another half hour the door clicked open and Nico and Alex’s hushed voices filtered through.
Karolina was ashamed at the sheer amount of joy she felt when she realised they weren’t sleeping alone. She should be happy for her friends regardless. She was being selfish.
She waited another hour until she was certain the others were thoroughly unconscious before sneaking out from under the covers and grabbing the room key from the bedside table.
The door made a soft clicking noise as she exited and found herself on the landing of a two story motel. In the darkness she couldn’t see anything but the cool blue water of a pool below.
It was freezing cold outside and she only wore her disguise. A crop top and jeans. She couldn’t help but wonder why they couldn’t find her anything less conspicuous. Also something a little more warm.
Karolina strolled idly down to the the pool and removed her shoes before dipping her feet in the cold water. She was probably going to get sick but she didn’t care. The water was comforting. It reminded her of sitting at home by the pool whenever things became too much. She began doing it after Amy’s death.
Shortly after it had all happened she had found herself completely alone. The others stopped talking to each other.
It was Alex first, he didn’t even show up to the funeral which was understandable but completely cutting off ties wasn’t. Then it was Nico, too wrapped up in her grief to meet up with them. Nobody could or would blame her though. Karolina understood why her calls and texts went unanswered. Then Chase joined Lacrosse and became too wrapped up with his new life to care about their meetups. When Chase left Gert followed quickly after, taking Molly with her.
It had hurt. Of course it had. She had waited for someone to answer her calls but as the months went on she slowly grew used to the loneliness. She threw herself into being the churches poster girl. What she didn’t realise was just how isolating that would be. Nobody wanted to be associated with the weird ‘brainwashed’ girl. It was hard. Especially when she saw the others around school and was reminded of what she once had. She couldn’t even make friends at the church because they all wanted to use her to get closer to ‘the great Leslie Dean’.
When it all got to be too much and she realised that she hadn’t spoken to anyone other than her parents for days at a time she went down to the pool. She sat there for hours at a time just staring at the water and thinking.
She found peace in the early hours of the night with only the sounds of the water for company. She was used to her boring, quiet life for so long. Being thrust in all this drama was overwhelming.
With a deep sigh she pulled the bottle out of her pocket and stared at it for a long moment. Her fingers tapped on the cap contemplatively. Drinking it would stop her thought from spiralling. It would numb her.
She was still staring at the bottle when she noticed two feet joining hers in the pool. The toenails painted a familiar shade of black.
“Hey.” It was a simple greeting but it still made Karolina’s heart twist painfully. She felt like she hadn’t spoken to Nico in a really long time when in reality it had only been a few hours. And in those short hours everything she thought she knew about them was now questionable.
“Hi.”
She could feel Nico’s eyes on her but she daren’t look up and face her.
“So, you going to drink that or just stare at it all night?” Nico joked but Karolina could hear the underlying tone of worry. Maybe even pity.
“I don’t know...”
It wasn’t an answer but Nico seemed content in not knowing at that moment in time. Instead she shifted closer so that their thighs were pressed together and her head was resting gently on Karolina’s shoulder.
The action set Karolina’s brain off again. Questions racing through her mind on what they were doing. What Nico and Alex where. What were they were.
Nico nudged her foot under the water and glanced up at her until Karolina made eye contact.
“You’re thoughts are loud. Tell me what’s on your mind?” It was a suggestion, not an order. One that Karolina could have easily refused to answer. But Karolina has always been an unfailingly honest person, especially when it came to Nico.
“I just want to know what we are.” Just like that the floodgates had been opened. “I mean, we kissed. Three times. And I liked it, I really liked it. And I really like you. But then we never really talked about it and I’m not really sure what you want because sometimes I think it’s me and other times it’s Alex. I just want to know if we’re-“
Nico placed her hand on her thigh and Karolina promptly stopped speaking. Her eyes zeroed in on the hand.
“Alex and I aren’t a thing. We won’t ever be.” Nico told her reassuringly and Karolina felt some of the pressure in her chest lifting. “And we only kissed for the first time two days ago. I only realised I liked girls two days ago. I just figured we should take things slow because I really like you too.” Nico paused before adding. “I don’t want to mess this up.” It’s a quiet whisper, full of vulnerability that had Karolina wanting to scoop Nico up in a hug instantly. Instead she squeezed the hand on her thigh in her own.
“Take things slow?”
Nico nods.
“Does this mean we can still kiss though?” She hedged awkwardly and blushed brightly as Nico laughed.
Instead of a verbal confirmation Nico pulled her in close and leaned in to brush her lips against Karolina’s. She pulled back and Karolina chased her lips only for their noses to bump together. They both pulled back with broad smiles.
“We should probably go back inside before you light up this whole place like a glow stick.” She gestured down to their feet, still in the pool, and Karolina cringed when she noticed her feet glowing. They created swirling rainbow patterns in the pool that, despite looking beautiful in the night, were not at all subtle. They were still on the run after all.
Karolina nodded and stood, holding out a hand to pull Nico up. They picked up their shoes and padded barefoot back up to the room. Karolina left the bottle by the edge of the pool.
The tips of her toes were still glowing a pale pink colour.