Chapter 17
"Doll, whaddya gonna do at this hour of night?" Why the hell does Steve want to go somewhere at 2:30am?
Steve shakes his head with a slight frown over his face as if he's hiding how much distress he's in. He grabs Bucky's arm pleading this time. "Please, please Bucky. I wanna go somewhere."
With those little puppy eyes, Bucky can't resist. He groans as he climbs out of bed stretching and throws on old beaten up jeans, a sweater, a jacket, combat boots with a matching scarf and beanie. When dressing Steve though, he wraps so many layers around him he forgets how much there actually is. They quietly escape the Tower without notifying anyone and plot themselves at the two front seats of their 4x4.
The ride is a comforting silent. Thick mats of snow over frosted grass, headlights beaming forward as Bucky shovels through on the roads. Steve sits back enjoying the scenery with two fluffy blankets tightened over his whole body and his machines all put to one side, even the oxygen tank has a small space to fit in. Faint music plays from the radio, trucky-like songs that Steve wants to scowl at, yet can't help but to feel enlightened with it.
"Where do you wanna go baby?" Bucky murmurs still staring ahead.
"...The...fair."
"The fair? With the games and rides? You sure?" Steve nods with a smile and Bucky shrugs, taking a left to head on off to the fair.
Bucky thought for sure that it would be closed, but of course it isn't. Underneath a dark morning sky, snow covers a tall spinning ferris wheel lit up with colours surrounded by a small area of yellow and red stalls. Only a few people wander around, mainly teens, giggling as they buy candies being sold around the place. Bucky parks underneath a tree hiding the couple away from the small crowd, while close enough to see the shining lights.
Instead of asking, he already starts to pull Steve's wheelchair out and unfolds it onto the frosty ground, carrying his husband out of the vehicle. Once connecting his whole set up the two walk around the fair listening in on the faint carnival music.
"What made you want to come here?" Bucky asks, leaning on the handles of the wheelchair as he pushes it around, eyes exploring the place.
He knows exactly why Steve wanted to come here. Because he's leaving. Because he's going to smile once more, then fall asleep, and never wake up again. Bucky knowa, that's why he didn't want to question so much. He just wants to hear Steve talk.
"...Just wanted to." Steve mumbles, eyelids heavy over his eyes.
"Y'know, the last time we came to a fair together was 3 years ago. It's good seeing everything is still the same."
"...Yeah."
They circle the fair, not bothering to grab any food. Steve feels his body weaken by the second, not because of the weather, the snow and low temperatures, but because of his illness. It's what woke him up. Now he knows. The sickness was alerting him. And he needs to spend his last time with Bucky. His beloved.
After another lap around the fair Bucky finally stops at a wooden bench, ensuring that the blankets over his Omega are tight and warm. They stay stuck together, wheelchair beside him as they watch the ferris wheel spin and spin through the white specks floating in the air.
"Bucky." Steve whispers, head leaning on the Bucky's shoulder.
"Mm?"
"I love you Bucky. With all my heart."
"I love you too Stevie. With all my heart."
"Don't forget to take out the trash every now and then. I know you're quick to forget that stuff." A small smile erupts on Bucky's face as he turns to his Omega, their gazes now locking. Their fingers entwine as softly as possible as Steve's skin begins to fall pale.
"I won't forget doll. Ever. As long as you stay with me a little longer, please?" That's all he asks for. Even a few more minutes. Please don't take Stevie away from me yet.
"I'm not going anywhere Buck. I'm never leaving you." Then his eyelids start to lower.
"You are Stevie. You're leaving me baby. Please don't. I can't lose you. Don't leave me Steve." Bucky falls off the wooden bench and now stays on his knee's in front of Steve, leaning over his legs as his lips caress every single calloused finger. Such graceful hands that have touched so many things, drawn such beauty, painted such paradise, trembled every night as he suffered for his child. Their child.
"I'm never leavin' ya. Cause I'm with ya...til the end of the line Bucky." Steve whispers, staring down at his Alpha in his lap.
Bucky shakes his head in denial. Don't leave me alone. His tears could almost drown a country as they stream down his face. His face reddens angrily, painfully, and his hair falls over his eyes messily.
"Til the end of the line, Steve." Bucky coughs up his Omega's name once more as he looks up, seeing Steve smile like he could live on forever. That smile. It could move mountains, stop a racing avalanche, end war and conflict. It could do so much to heal the wounded.
Steve lifts a hand up and runs it through Bucky's hair, feeling those thick locks tangle between his fingers. Then he stops, leans his head back and closes his eyes. Bucky watches Steve fall into peace, watches him silently smile and his heartbeat stop. The Alpha then burrows his head into Steve's lap deeper as he whimpers and sobs, the loss of his Omega already sinking in. A sweet, succulent smell no longer lingers around his nostrils, completely evaporating into the thin and stale air. Bucky's lost his mate, his Omega. He can tell because the mate bond that was bitten into Steve's neck on the night they first made love no longer radites, blindly or at all.
He stays like that, just like that. Sobbing for god knows how long, then just laying in Steve's lap quietly, sniffling and resting with bloodshot eyes that watches specks of snow join onto blankets of it on the ground.
*****
"I'm going to go get more drinks. I'll be back soon."
"Alright. Be safe."
Bucky doesn't answer as he throws on his coat and slowly shuffling himself out the door, back into the depths of chaotic snow. He walks along the driveway towards his car, climbing inside the warm space of light brown leather seats. A small picture of Steve hangs through a string tied on the rear mirror, and Bucky stares at it for a good minute.
Two years. Two years have passed since Steve passed away. And since then Bucky hasn't even bothered to laugh. Chuckle. Smile, anything. The mate bond on his neck he received from Steve has disappeared completely, not leaving a trace of its existence. Steve's smell no longer lingers on any of his clothes, and there's no cologne, deodorant, soap, or anything that falls close to the familiar scent. Now Bucky spends his days working in his warehouse at Stark Tower, boxing and managing as before, and spends his nights in his recliner holding one of Steve's shirts.
He doesn't talk as much. Nods, grunts, only says small phrases like "Thanks", "Okay" and "Will do". Everyone tries to start a conversation with him but nothing makes him talk. He doesn't want to talk.
The radio turns on as the engine roars alive, and Bucky backs out of the driveway. He goes up the road, turns a left and passes all the stores. Goes around the city until he's made his way out of it, onto only an empty road with no skyscrapers towering over him. Only forever extending patches of frosted land going on and on. Fewer roads cross through his as he starts to speed up. Bucky passes a sign, one that he should've taken notice to but didn't bother to. From almost further down on his right a loud sound wails over his ears and he glances to see a long, everlasting train travelling its way crossing his pathway.
He speeds up even more. The train doesn't, won't stop under any circumstances in time. Bucky looks back up at the picture of Steve smiling with his body wrapped in his Alpha's arms on their wedding day and he feels the tears start to well up in his eyes again.
The train goes off again and Bucky doesn't lift his foot of the pedal. He keeps on going, driving. The closer he gets to the train track the louder the horn gets until his ears are blocked.
"I'm coming Stevie." He murmurs as tears finally drop off his cheeks.
The train honks once more and Bucky's car merges with the front of the train. Everything in his sight goes black, then everything goes silent.