Frostbite
Howard dismissed Frank´s men. He was glad that his friend had to attend some business in the town and therefore was not here to yell at him. Frank would probably call him a fool and idiot, maybe worse depending on his mood. And he would be right in a way.
Howard risked a lot by hosting a norse god – he almost got used to the crazy idea – in his house because there was no possible way how to control him. He had to fully trust his son in that matter. Trust that whatever deal they had between them will keep Loki from slitting their throats in the night. However, he still kept Frank´s men close. Did he think they were any threat for an immortal sorcerer? No. Did their presence make him feel safer? Yes. Howard had learnt during his life that not every feeling had to be rational to be helpful.
His decision to put his wife and small Tony out of the harm way on the other hand proved to be a right one. Howard could feed himself with fake illusions but he wasn´t naive. He didn´t feel okay to let his grown-up son in the same room with Loki either. But it was Tony´s choice and the safest option they had.
Even now Howard could sense how angry he was. Loki had tried to provoke him as it seemed only for the sake of provoking and Tony had fell for it in the beginning. That was when few of important facts had slipped of their mouths. Like Steve for example.
Howard didn´t mean to push the topic and he didn´t have to. Soon as they both settled down to their work again, Tony started to speak by himself.
He mentioned the ice and how they´d formed the team, he also spoke about the time they´d spent together. It was nice. Half an hour of listening to the stories cut out of superhero comic books. Still something was missing. Something more personal, something what would dig deeper and help Howard understand the tension between him and his son. Where did it go wrong? And when?
“Was I a bad father?” he ended up uttering after a moment of silence, earning a sudden rise of Tony´s eyes from the piece of armor in his hands. He looked puzzled. But also willing to talk.
“Do you really want to know?”
He did. Nothing bad could happen except that he won´t like the answer.
“I thought that I hated you for some time,” Tony admitted and something inside Howard started to scream that he asked for it, “but I didn´t. I was just… upset and disappointed that you couldn´t put me and mom above your work.”
Yes, that sounded like him.
“After that I was angry that work suddenly changed into life-time mission of finding Steve Rogers. Man, who didn´t have to be alive. And then I felt like I disappointed you because I wasn´t the son you wanted me to be.”
Howard expected to hear some kind of a negative charge behind the lines, but there was none. This was only a confession after a long long time of denying and forgetting.
“Only now I can see how much alike we are,” Tony continued, “I can… well, understand. I love my job just as you do, I usually ruin all of my relationships because of it. Now I can see that I should have enjoyed rather few moments than none at all because of my stubbornness.” He watched him tap on the arc reactor – as he called it. “You did this because you were working hard and it saved my life. So I could say we´re even.”
“If I should tell the truth,” Howard tried after a small pause, taking it all in, “it´s really frustrating to hear about my past-future mistakes and not be able to do anything about them.”
Tony had put it clear. As soon as they are gone, the past will repeat itself whether he liked it or not. “But you will at least know that if given a chance I would try to make things right.”
He watched Tony nodding, his face much more relaxed. “I will remember.”
“I guess we can still do something in your time? Together? Eh?” Tony froze. “Or am I still so busy with the company? I hope I´m enjoying the pension with your mother somewhere hot and sunny, but I know myself. I´m probably still talking into the business…”
Tony kept his eyes on the ground level, his heart beating in his ears like execution drums. What now? What should he say? He has to say something. Quickly.
“Tony?”
He remained quiet, but that seemed to be enough for an answer.
“I´m not around anymore, am I?”
“No,” he admitted still not able to say more in the moment.
His father took a deep breath. “How? When…” He let his hand run through the black hair. “Or you know what, no, I don´t want to know.” He shook his head dismissing the idea. “And your mother?” He had to know the answer before he asked. “Together?”
Tony made himself nod again.
“That is the reason why you don´t want to meet her?”
Finally the voice returned to Tony´s throat. “Yes. No… Yes. Damn it.” He was trying to poke into something to remain calm and his attention diverged, but all he managed to accomplish was to get a weak electric shock into his arm. He threw away what he had in hand and stood up. But his father didn´t move, he looked like a piece of materialized sadness and confusion. God, he´s just told him about his own death and the death of his wife. He had no right to walk away from this.
“It was too soon. I wasn´t ready.” He´d never said those words to anyone, not even to Pepper. “I couldn´t understand why I was the only one who was left here alone. I almost drank myself to death. If Jarvis hadn´t interfered in time, I would go few weeks after you.”
Because Starks were made of iron, right? How could he ever tell anyone that the playboy grew up from the broken boy who just couldn´t stand the sudden overwhelming burden of media, company and empty house?
“I would love to see her,” he said slowly, closing his eyes, because, fuck, that was too much on him for one day. “There´s nothing I would rather do, but I don´t want to get attached only to lose her again in few days. It´s enough that you are not a prick to me and I´m getting attached to you.”
On the contrary there was a hint of a smile on his old man´s face, which made him sight but in the good way. He´s just acknowledged that the man was slowly getting under his skin.
“Good. I won´t make you. It´s your choice. But you know her. I don´t know for how long Jarvis can hold her away until she´ll storm in the house whether we like it or not.”
“Jarvis?” How stupid from him. How could he not realize he was here as well.
“He´s gone too?” Howard asked earning Tony´s admiration for how cool he took this absurd situation in.
“Yes.”
He watched his father stand up and stretch. That was a clear sign for a break. God knew he needed one too.
“Ok, enough information for now. I have the feeling those topics will haunt me at night, so I would say we can go and grab a bottle of beer and maybe discuss something less deathly… like… ehm… sport?” They were already moving to the large living room as he was talking. “By the way do you know who will win the cup in… What?” He stopped when he saw Tony making a face. “You can´t tell me? You tell me I´ll die and this is a secret? Really?”
OOO
When Tony returned to his room, Loki was not there and he didn´t come back while he was fetching himself a dinner or after he set to work again. This time he continued without his father who had to attend some other business. It had to be around 1 am when he decided not to wait any longer for probably still angry god and he went to bed. It was the only bed in the room, but past days he´d not witnessed Loki sleeping at all, so his conscious was alright with that matter.
Tony didn´t really expect to fall asleep so early after lying down, that was unusual. That way when he started dreaming it was far more realistic for his liking.
His nightmares were no easy thing to live through.
When he´d once asked JARVIS how long lasted his nightmare according to his pulse, the answer was 1 hour and 25 minutes with pauses and returning conditions. That meant when no one woke him up, he could be trapped in his dream for a really long time and get pretty confused with his surroundings when he opened his eyes. Of course, he hadn´t mentioned that to Pepper as the reason for not breaking up with him. For last months it was JARVIS´es task to do the waking up part and it worked well for him.
But JARVIS was not here.
Whatever woke him now, he was thankful, because the last thing he wanted was to spend 1 hour and 25 minutes in his personal hell.
He had to look like a trash. Shaking, panting, covered in sweat. He knew he was awake, he knew, but where… The room was dark. Where?
“Your father´s house. We time-traveled. It´s 3:45. Only you and me in the room.”
Tony recognized Loki´s voice. But where was Obadiah? Where was Loki? His hands stroked towards his arc reactor. It was there. Fuck, of course it was there, it glowed.
“Where is he?” Tony muttered.
“You´re unharmed.”
Damn it. He wasn´t making any sense. No one was here. No one except Loki sitting next to the window, his pale form unmoving in the light of the moon. He was looking at the wall or nowhere at all. What did he say to him?
He finally managed to control his breathing and locked himself in the bathroom. It was still early, but there was no way he was going to sleep again. The shower helped him to collect himself. Unfortunately, he didn´t take spare clothes with him. He had to go back to the room to find something to put on.
He felt Loki´s eyes on him the entire time even in the still pitch black night. At least he was here, back in the room, not doing any villain things.
“I am not apologizing for my behavior,” Tony turned after the voice finding the god sitting in the exact same way as when he left him, “but I admit that my contribution to the quarrel we had was unnecessary. I can see it affected you.”
Tony smirked. “It almost looks like you care, be careful.”
“Don´t read me wrong, Stark. Our partnership is still needed.”
“Of course,” he murmured, putting on new pair of pants, his back turned to the god. “Thank you by the way… for… well whatever you did.”
It was hard to miss the broken glass on the floor when he entered the room. Suddenly he could very well remember what sound woke him up.
Loki stayed quiet. Maybe too quiet. When Tony turned to explore the situation he abruptly found him standing right in front of him. As a reaction he unconsciously made a step back.
Loki´s green shining eyes were stuck to his bare chest, his pale face and thin lips illuminated in the blue color. He looked dangerous and… captivating.
“Do you remember our deal?” he asked, his voice resonating in the small space between them.
“You want to… now?” Tony shivered from the idea.
“I need to have it in my hand to understand it,” he explained calmly, “you don´t have to worry, I promise not to damage it in any way.”
Tony laughed. “Only removing it from my chest will damage me.”
The god´s face twisted after his confession. “You are indeed so easy to kill.”
“Wow,” Tony pointed out sarcastically, “that sounded really non-threating.” But Loki wasn´t really threating him. There was something else on his mind.
“Will you die after its removal?”
“Question for question, what do you say?” Fuck, this was probably the biggest mistake in his life – talking to his enemy about what will or won´t kill him. A game.
There was a brief hesitance on the god´s side, but Tony doubted he would turn off the challenge.
“Yes, I will die, but not immediately. Why do you turn blue?”
His question had only two possible aftereffects: an answer or a punch to his teeth.
“It is because of my heritage, my true nature. This,” he pointed at himself, “is only an illusion.” Ok, option one. Tony counted himself lucky.
“How long can you last without it?”
“Few minutes, max. 10 before I pass out. Do you want to invade Earth again?”
“No. Have anyone tried to remove it before against your will and that is the reason why you are so protective about it.”
Well, he was protective because, yeah… he couldn´t live without that damn thing.
“Yes.”
“Who?”
“A friend.” Tony frowned. “You stole my question.” Loki smiled indicating for him to go on.
“Do you want a revenge for that last time?”
“No.”
“Why are you on Earth then?”
Loki didn´t reply immediately. “I have no other place to go.” Fair enough. “Did you kill that friend?”
“Yes. Isn´t there any other safe place where the whole planet isn´t hating your guts?”
“This is the safest place of all.” That was not making much sense to Tony.
“Even with us chasing your tail? And Thor wanting to take you back on Asgard?”
Loki watched him with his intelligent green eyes. “It is safe because of your team´s presence.”
“Are you hiding from someone?” Tony suddenly remembered something – a theory long lying inside his head, something he noticed and didn´t talk about. After all he didn´t want to be one giving poor Thor any hope without the proper evidence. He wasn´t even sure if it even mattered when Loki himself wasn´t indicating any misjudging. “You weren´t working alone, were you?” he asked really curious. “You were also controlled. I can remember your eyes. They were blue.”
“Why it is not surprising me that you notice such details?” It was kind of a compliment or at least it sounded like one.
“They didn´t have the full control, did they?” Despite his discovery, Tony couldn´t hide a surprise.
“No,” Loki admitted, “but they were rather persuasive about what our common goal is.”
“Did they torture you?”
“Did they torture you, Stark? In that cave.”
“Yes.”
A brief second in which Tony felt the stream of warm air escaping god´s lips. “Yes.”
“But you wanted to rule Earth.”
“I wanted to rule something.”
“So they got you on the promise of ruling?”
“No. They used my own weapon. A simple deal. They offered me they won´t take something from me if I agree to the plan.”
“What was it?”
“I will tell you, if you let me hold that device for few seconds.”
“I let you if you show me your other form.” What the hell… Did he really willingly said yes?
“Deals within deals. I like that you are so complicated.” Tony waited.
At the first he thought he reached Loki´s limit. But then he felt a chill. The temperature in the room went few degrees down in a one single moment, the same one as Loki´s skin changed into blue marble. In the dark Tony could hardly see anything else than his face, but that enough was breathtaking.
“Disgusted, Stark?”
Tony shook his head, not able to stop staring. “It´s different, but not ugly. Not ugly at all.” Handsome. Exotic. He only wished to see more.
“Your turn.”
Tony´s breath got stuck in his lungs when his fingers touched the reactor. This might be his last minutes alive. Steve would be so disappointed.
He slowly turned it clockwise, until he heard a familiar sound. One painful groan escaped his lips. When the device was out, he outstretched his hand.
“I offer you my heart, literary.” Sarcasm, his fighting mechanism. Great.
Loki carefully took it in his cold fingers, letting his eyes slide from Tony´s face for the first time. He took his time studying the arc reactor stopping in the moment when Tony left out another painful exhale. His eyes jumped back at him. He smiled. And for a brief second Tony had the feeling that he might crash it in his hand.
“You are extraordinary brave and stupid, Tony Stark.” Was there more black around him than five minutes ago? Jesus. He almost closed his eyes, when he felt the cold hand grip his arm, steadying him. A scene very familiar from the first day of their adventure.
“I want to give you something, an extraordinary experience so I believe. No magic.”
Loki moved even closer, so close Tony could feel his breath on his face. He didn´t stop him.
His skin was really beautiful. Surprisingly Loki let him touch it. Did he ever leave someone touch him while being in this form?
“Close your eyes, but don´t die.” Tony wanted to smirk, but he was too exhausted. He did as he was told. And then in next second there were Loki´s lips on his, striking electricity to every cell in his body, setting him on fire and freezing him at the same time. Cold, tender, stealing the last air he had in his lungs.
He was like a storm and a day on the beach. Painful and esoteric. This was god giving a kiss of life on the verge of death. Like when you tie a rope around your throat just to make the end more orgasmic. And sometimes you might hang yourself in the closet, but other times you experience a paradise.
This was Tony holding himself at the end of his consciousness. This was god of lies keeping his promise, inserting the reactor back in its place without breaking a contact.
Tony was lying on his back on the bed. He was trying to catch his breath knowing that Loki was somewhere close, waiting. And there was a chance for him to stand up and leave, forget maybe. But at the same time that chance wasn´t really there anymore.