two.
Fitz decided to go to the lab after he got back from Radcliffe’s. He didn’t have anything to work on, but lately it’s been harder for him to sleep. Going back to his room would mean Jemma would, once again, realise that he went another night without sleep. It would be easier just to say he fell asleep while watching the game at Radcliffe’s and came back early in the morning.
Only the director and the main team lived on base. All the other agents had homes nearby that they could go to at night. Fitz did technically have one, with Jemma of course, but with all that was going on, it was easier to stay on the base most nights. Since it was harder for him to get to sleep, he was staying on base even if Jemma had gone home. He’d stay in the lab, sometimes working, sometimes just messing around with whatever he could.
Tonight he was on his computer, looking through past designs. Designs from way back in his academy days to ones he had recently come up with. Some completed, some not. Some had been built and some hadn’t been approved. He wasn’t looking for anything but a way to kill time.
He sighed and put his head on the desk. He felt so run down and exhausted, but he could never sleep. It started after he nearly died. A few weeks ago when he, Coulson and Robbie where stuck in that… He still didn’t know what it was. Everyone thought they had died and he remember feeling like he finally was. After going to the bottom of the ocean, another planet, facing Hydra and everyone else who opposed them, he felt like he should’ve died years ago. Of course, he didn’t want to. But he constantly felt as though it could happen at any moment.
He also remembered feeling so tired but so energetic at the same time. He wanted to run and run and he felt like he could for days, but the thought also made him feel exhausted. As if he could just sleep forever. And maybe in that dimension he could. Who knows what was possible there. There were so many questions and they all floated around the back of his mind.
He looked up the see his screen had gone black. He could barely see his reflection in the screen but he could tell that he looked like a zombie. He may have felt like he could survive but he knew it didn’t look like him. He could also see someone walking into the lab through the door behind him. He turned and smiled when he saw Daisy.
He had thought that Daisy wouldn’t come home as quickly as she did. After their talk, he was sure she would go off again and he would have to go half way across the country to see her again. But, instead, she had decided to come home.
“Hey.” She smiled and pulled up a chair and sat by Fitz. “Everything alright?”
“I know I look like shit, you can just say it.” Fitz said, making Daisy laugh. “But yeah, I’m fine just haven’t been able to sleep since I nearly died.”
“That can’t be fun.” Daisy grimaced.
“Isn’t… I’ve slept about four hours every couple of nights, average, since.” Fitz sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. “But, it seems to be getting better, I think.”
“Why don’t you talk to Jemma or Coulson or someone? They could get you something to help just ‘til it gets better.” Daisy said, her head tilted in confusion.
Fitz shook his head. “Nah, it’s no use. I can survive.”
“Or do you just not want to bother them?”
Fitz looked away. “Yeah.” He said in a voice so deep and quiet he wasn’t sure Daisy heard. He cleared his throat and begun to speak again. “So, why’d you come here?”
“I know this meant a lot to you so now that I’m home I thought you’d want it back so…” When Daisy reached to take off the necklace, he leant over and gently held her wrist, shaking his head.
“Keep it. Sometimes, there are gonna be days where you doubt that you should’ve come home. It’s gonna suck, but it’s gonna happen. Keep it to remind yourself on those shitty days.” He smiled slightly, letting go of her wrist.
She started playing with the chain, which remained around her neck. “Do you still feel as though you are alone?”
He nodded. “There are days were I feel as though even Simmons isn’t with me, but this reminds me that you all are. Before Simmons I had no friends. I don’t know if it was shyness or no one liked me or my dad but, I just didn’t. Instead, I was just bullied. So it was the world versus me until I was sixteen and Jemma Simmons entered my life.” He chuckled while Daisy smiled.
“Thank you, Fitz.” She stood up and hugged him. He didn’t hesitate to return it. “Let me talk to Jemma or Coulson, please.”
Fitz gave in and nodded. He didn’t say anything, but he hoped Daisy knew he was thankful.
The next night he and Jemma were alone in the lab, working late. He was so focused on his work he didn’t hear the door open or the footsteps that followed. He didn’t even notice there was a person standing next to him until Jemma spoke.
“Ah, Coulson! Thank you for coming down.” Jemma’s voice was as cheery as ever. He stopped his work and took in the scene. Jemma had gone to find something and Coulson was standing beside him.
“Did Daisy talk to you?” He asked.
“Yes.” He knew Coulson would ask the question, the one where he asks about him finding Daisy, he just hoped Jemma didn’t hear.
Jemma came back over before Coulson could open his mouth, with two pill bottles. She placed them down in front of them. “I took the brain scans the two of you had done after you came back and adapted these to it. It will get better over time, but for now you will both need them.”
She smiled as they both picked up the bottles. “Thanks, Simmons.”
“Yeah, thank you.” Fitz said.
She quickly hugged Fitz. “I’ll see you in a minute, Coulson said he wanted to speak to you”
He watched her walk out of the lab and around the corner. He knew the question was coming any second.
So when Coulson made a statement instead, his eyes widened. “Daisy said you went to her, she also said that I shouldn’t mention it around anyone else.”
“Daisy didn’t want to come home at the time, I didn’t want people to find out where she was and try to make her. Besides, tell anyone now and they’ll be upset I lied to them.” He shrugged, trying to play off the guilt he felt.
“I get it, Fitz. She told me that you had went to tell her that she could come home when she was ready. And that we would be here with open arms when she did. She also told me that you really helped her realise that she didn’t have to run forever. You really helped her Fitz, in a way we couldn’t because we were blinded by our feelings. You put yours aside, found her and made the truth clear to her.” Coulson put his hand on Fitz’s shoulder.
Fitz smiled. “After I realised I was blinded, I started to understand a little bit of how Daisy felt.”
Coulson’s face was unreadable, but Fitz could tell from his eyes that he wanted to know more. He could’ve told him about how his father would tell him he was worthless at an age so young he would always, at least on a subconscious level, believe was true. Instead, he shrugged.
“I’ve wanted to run too. For my own reasons, obviously.” Coulson nodded and had decided not to push. Besides, he could probably figure it out if he looked through his file.
What he did say, though, did make him realise he was playing with the chain around his neck. “Those chains have something to do with it, don’t they?” Fitz paused. “Daisy was playing with one around her neck.”
He shrugged again, trying to make the situation more casual than it was. “It was the day after you told me Simmons left to go to Hydra. It was a bad day. I could barely talk, my hands shaking so much I couldn’t even eat cereal without spilling it. I felt so worthless and alone and Hunter noticed. It was him who gave them both to me. Said the chains where a reminder I wasn’t alone and that physical reminders can help us when have negative thoughts.”
“You gave one to Daisy, to remind her that we were here for her?”
“Yeah. That we were here and waiting and would always want her to come home.”
Coulson smiled. “Thank you. Take tomorrow to rest up, I’ll speak to Mace in the morning.” He turned around and before he walked out, he stopped to ask one last question. "How did you find her?"
"Followed her through five days worth of street cameras. Took a sixth to get to her without being followed."
"Huh." He nodded and began to walk again, leaving him alone in the lab.