Never Left Behind

  “Go away Karen. I don't want to talk to you.”

She never called her Karen. It was always Kare- r something else, not Karen. “It's not Karen. It's me.”

 The door creaked open a bit then he saw little blue eyes rimmed with red looking up at him. “Frank? What are you doing here? When did you get here?”

  He moved past her and walked in the room before she could try to close the door on him, “So I heard you and Karen had a little fight today after you got back from the meeting with Social Services- wanna tell me what happened?”

 The little girl looked back at him with red rimmed eyes, and he knew she had been crying before shaking her head. Obviously something was wrong, and she didn't want Karen to know about it- something had happened at the meeting that had bothered her- from what he could tell from what Karen said.

 “Wanna talk about it?”

Another slow shake of the head. So he decided he had to think of a new way to go about it.

 “Wanna take Duck on a walk?”

It was obviously not the question she was expecting as her head shot up in confusion- and when realization dawned on her that he wouldn't be questioning her on things she didn't want to talk about she nodded her head wanting to get out of the house.

 “Okay let's go, go get his leash.” She smiled and rushed out the door heading towards the kitchen counter where his leash sat.

 Karen looked up at him with a look of confusion that funnily reminded him of Sophie, wanting to know what was going on- “Soph and I are gonna take Duck on a walk.”

 “Oh- um okay, should I come with?”

Frank looked back at Sophie who was clipping the leash onto the excited dog who sat in front of her, “I don't think so- I think it should just be me and Soph.”

 “Okay, be back soon?”

“Yeah twenty- thirty minutes top, and I'll take my “phone with me.”

 She nodded at him knowing this would probably be the best way to get her talking. Both of them slipped on their shoes and jacket then the trio left the apartment, and Frank locked up behind him- before heading out with Sophie and Duck in tow. They decided to head towards the park down the street. Normally Frank wouldn't want Sophie going down to the park at this time of night, but with both himself and Duck with her, he figured she was safe. Once they got there, they saw it was still pretty crowded, despite it being eight thirty at night in the middle of november. He figured she might still be hungry, since Karen said she hadn't eaten yet- so he walked towards the little cart near the entrance and bought three hot dogs, one for Soph, one and half for himself, and half of one for Duck. “Don't tell Karen were eating these? I don't want her freaking out, okay?”

 “Okay.” She was quieter than usual, but she seemed better now that she was out of the house- away from Karen. The three of them walked over towards a bench and sat down- just sat quietly watching people come in and out. Frank had already eaten his hot dog then split his next one with Duck while Soph was still working on her first, he really wanted to know what was going on in that little head of hers- but he didn't want to push her. She would speak when she was ready, that much he knew.

 So he waited, he watched as more and more people left the park- now only a few people were walking around near them. Frank looked at his phone watching as the time ticked by, and knew he would have to eventually text Karen to let them know they would be later than expected, he felt Duck lay at his feet waiting to go home.

 “We went to go see that lady today,” Frank looked down at her, already knowing that from Karen but nodding for her to continue.

 “She asked me about living with Karen, all the stuff we do. How I like it and stuff…”

Oh shit- Frank panicked that she had unknowingly told the social services lady about Karen's friend, Frank.

 “Don't worry, I didn't tell her about you. I don't know why- but I know I'm not supposed to say anything.” He was grateful she was so perceptive, for such a young kid she had been through so much- she could read people.

  “And then what happened? How did that turn into you and Karen getting all mad at eachother?”

 “And then she started talking about how I was still gonna stay with Karen, and I was happy. But then she was saying how we would have more meetings-”

 She paused and looked towards Duck, looked anywhere but at him, “And then she was saying how I would start meeting people- and if I was really good someone might adopt me.”

  Frank was starting to understand where this might be heading, “Well is that what you want?”

That's when she looked up at him- tears in her eyes, “No! No I- I don't want them to take me away. I don't want to leave Duck, I don't want to leave you, I don't- I don't want to leave Karen….”

 Now he knew, this was about Karen. She was afraid they would make her leave everything she had grown to love, behind. Sophie didn't want to go.

 “So if I have to be bad so none of those people want me- then I will! I'll be as bad and mean and terrible as I have to be to stay! They can't make me leave…”

 She was hurting- and it killed him to see her tears running down her face, so he pulled her into his chest- an arm around her shoulders as she wept. “Well why you cryin, kid? That kind of stuff takes forever, and if you really don't want to leave- I gotta friend who can stall it for a real long time.”

 Her little chest was moving up and down making talking really difficult, he could barely make out what she was trying to say through all the tears and sniffles and snot, “No, i'm cr- I can- Ka-”

 “You gotta calm down, I can't understand you when you talk like that. Take a deep breath- In and out. In and out.”

 Sophie took a breath in, then out at least a good few times before she was finally understandable, “I'm crying because Karen doesn't want me! She brought me to that lady and now she doesn't want me anymore!”

 What!? Where was she getting this?

“No, no, no- you listen to me. Karen loves you, she doesn't want you to leave- you got that?”

   “You're wrong! Karen wants to give me back- she hates me!”

“No, you listen here- and you listen good. I don't sugarcoat my words and you know that. You must be stupid if you think Karen hates you, and you're not stupid are you?”

She finally looked up at him before shaking her head, “No, I'm not stupid…”

“I didn't think so. I don't know a lot of things, and I may not be the smartest guy out there- but there's one thing I do know. And that's the fact that Karen loves you Sophie, and there's no world in which she would hate you.”

  This was what she needed, after everything she's been through in her short life she needed to hear that she was wanted- that someone wanted her for her, not for any other reason except for the fact that she was herself. She needed to hear from someone other than Karen, that she loved her. He didn't really know what her day to day life had been before he rescued her, but Frank would bet all he had that her druggie parents didn't make sure she knew how to be loved. Some people might think it is easy to be loved by someone else, but not for some people- not for her. All she had ever known was that ‘love’ meant something that came with a cost, and no matter how much she craved Karen's love- she would always be wary that someone would want something in return.

  Frank pulled her into his lap and her little arms wrapped themselves around his neck, and she cried her heart out into his shoulder- all he could think of was the night he found her and how much this reminded him of that night. Eventually she fell asleep and he got up and started walking back towards Karen's apartment, with Duck trailing behind him. The dog knew something was up with his little owner and he didn't like it, Duck didn't like seeing tears run down her face as little as Frank did- and had started whimpering many times at the park when she cried. Duck was finally relaxing now that she was asleep, but Frank knew he would insist on sleeping in the same room as her tonight incase she started again, and he couldn't say that it bothered him that Sophie would have a living teddy bear to hold onto if she started to cry.

  He was putting the key in the door when it was ripped open, with a worried looking Karen on the other side- regretting that he hasn't texted her since he left.

 “Is she okay?”

“Yup, shes just asleep. Let me put her down?” The rest of the sentence went unsaid; let me put her down and then I'll tell you what was wrong.

 “Yeah. Of course, you know where her room is…” So he brought her there and tucked her in- watching Duck get settled beside the little girls bed, before heading back out to the other woman waiting for him.

 She was sitting on the couch waiting for an overview of the conversation, so he gave it to her- told her why Soph was acting up. Told her how Sophie was just afraid, worried that she would be taken away.

 “Jesus, what do I say? Should I let her know that you told me what she said? Or should I wait for her to say something?”

  “If you wait for her to say something, you'll never hear it. She thinks you want her to leave, Karen. And it doesn't have anything to do with you- it's nothing you've done, it's what she knows. Abandonment. Heartbreak. I think you should just sit down and talk to her.”  

  Karen nodded her head, thinking it crazy that there could be any universe where she wouldn't want Sophie- where she would want someone to take her away. And thinking like that opened a whole new can of worms for her that she didn't even want to start thinking about yet.

  “How am I supposed to let her know that I want her?”

 “I don’t know, I guess you just gotta keep telling her- don’t stop until she’s begging you to with how annoying it it to hear it all the time.” She laughed at the fact that that was probably what she was going to have to do- keep reinforcing it for as long as it took.

 Karen was exhausted- it had been a long day, and a long night worrying over what Frank and Sophie were talking about, she just wanted to talk about something other than this fucked up situation.

 “So I pulled you out of Sunday night dinner, did I? How was that going? Is that a regular thing, Frank?” She pulled her legs up on the couch and curled them under her butt.

 “Yeah we were finished though, so it wasn't a big deal.”

“Well it was nice of David to drive you over here. Must be a good friend.”

  “Yeah, yeah he is….” All that reminded him of what David wanted him to ask Karen, and that same feeling he felt in the pit of his stomach when he mentioned it in the car, came back to him. So he tried to be subtle about it.

 Subtle wasn't exactly his thing, “They uh- they asked me to come over for Thanksgiving.”

“Aww that's really nice, Frank.”

   “What are you guys doin?”

Karen puffed out her cheeks before shaking her head, “Who knows? I haven't really thought about it… I can't go home- that's a joke. I'm not sure what we're gonna do.”

  God, here it comes- just spit it out!!

“Really? Well David actually wanted me to invite you guys over too, of you want. His um- his family wants to meet you.” He looked over at her and wondered what was going through her head, “And Sophie!! They want to meet her too!”

 Jesus he sounded like a fool, well that's what he was- he might as well embrace it and let the embarrassment wash over him in one big wave instead of thousand small ones.  

  She was silent for a while, thinking it over- Karen knew Sophie would enjoy it. But she also knew herself, and despite the offer coming from David- Karen knew she would overthink it and overanalyze everything. But it would be good for Sophie to have an actual Thanksgiving, instead of the small meal Karen was planning on having for just the two of them- so she conceded.

 “That would be great, actually- I think Soph would really love that. I would- I- Yeah it sounds like fun, for me too- I mean.” What was she saying? She sounded like an idiot in her ears- God she had to get out of here before she said anything else stupid.

 So she shot up, like the couch was on fire- she practically sprinted to her room, before turning around. “You gonna stay?”

 He whipped his head towards her- the first time in a long time staying was even an option.

“I uh-”

  “You can stay, if you want.” Her cheeks burned bright red, and she turned towards her room before he could answer- knowing of he wanted to stay it wouldn't be because she would beg him- but because he had the option to choose.\

  And Karen had no idea how much Frank wanted that- to stay. How long he had wished he had- stayed that is.