One
He doesn't know when it started. Scratch that. He does. He just doesn't wanna admit it. But he starts checking alleyways as he passes them. Doesn't matter what he's doing; he has to. He's tried to stop doing it because he doesn't even know what he's fucking looking for, but if he doesn't look, he feels an overwhelming sense of anxiety. And then he has to go back and check which just wastes his fucking time. He doesn't even feel emotions anymore. Not really. He's just an empty vessel. Or has been up until now and this change in demeanor isn't welcome and he can't do anything to change it back.
So he doesn't stop. He ducks into alleyways and looks for fuck knows what and never finds shit and still ducks into alleyways and repeats this routine because it's become normal, like keeping his weapons on and always touching one or making himself unseen or not sleeping or not trusting anyone.
And sometimes he sees movement, pictures a fight, gets ready to defend someone he doesn't know. One day he does see a fight but he can't move because his brain is telling him that the kid's too big, that his hair's too dark, that he doesn't fit the category for "people I protect until I die". He's fucking frozen and there's only one person in that category, and it's not anyone he remembers, but his image is clear as day. His blond hair, his blue eyes full of determination, that skinny body that he somehow knows is probably the shittiest body ever, that attitude that wouldn't let him ever fucking die no matter what.
Ever since the man on the bridge (that he knows knows him because he saw the way his expression had changed), his memory has jumpstarted and presented him with random-ass images that didn't really fit together, with doubt because he can't sort out fact from fiction if he has no one to help him. He wishes that the man on the bridge would seek him out so he could confront him about what he's "remembering". He wishes that he could just fucking leave Hydra because even if it's all he remembers it's probably the shittiest place ever to be. He wishes that he just didn't meet him because it's so fucking hard to deal with this and he'd sometimes rather be just a mindless vessel.