Fallen

“Ah angel face,” You hear over the calm chatter at the bar. The pet name almost sounds like a hiss, making you turn your face to the side.
“So this is where you’ve been hiding.” The strangers voice grabbed the attention of the drunken crowd, brushing flakes of fallen snow from his long trench coat. He shook it once, twice letting the door slam behind him.

You drop your head in defeat, and close your eyes. After everything that happened today, today of all days, you’d have to deal with this. This one voice you had hoped to never hear again- ever.
Your head pounded from work and all you wanted was to drink your sorrows away, before heading back to your dingy motel room for the night. There was lot you needed to do already, apparently someone else had other plans.

Without turning around you knew the man was headed for you, it was only a matter of time. His tall dark figure pauses a moment when you signaled the bartender. He mimics the movement, taking up a seat beside you. The bar regulars slowly tore their eyes away from the newest guest resuming their original activities.
At first you were holding onto false hope that the leather and sulfur smell lingering in the air was just someone passing by, until he spoke again,
“Why so glum, Doll?” His velvet voice wafting through the smoke filled room. *Doll*. Yep. There was no doubt now that it was James. James your biggest mistake to date, unless you were including what you had done today...

Going against your better judgement you decide to face the music. When your eyes focus on the blue eyed devil, handsome as the day you first met him, a long exaggerated sigh accompanied by a string of curses leave your mouth.

“Nice to see you too.” You remark,
“What in God’s green earth do you want from me?” Frowning you lift a brow. Your shoulders where already hunched, your expression- stoek. Your outward demeanor kept any and all around you from disturbing your pity party. If you could feel anything, now would be the time.

“Just checking in,” he says with a matter of fact tone. His voice low, as if he was sharing a secret, “Seeing how you’re fairing after our little...trade.”

“Good,” you raise your last shot up, “never fuckin’ better.” You glance at him as you gulp the poison down as quick as you could. His eyes trail down watching your throat move. “Tell me, demon, let’s cut out the sweet talk and get right to the point?” Grunting you wipe your mouth on your sleeve. You had given up acting like a lady a long time ago.

“Damn Y/n, I had forgotten that you’re so assertive!” He chides like you’re old friends, pals even, with his eyes squinting while he laughs at his own comment. He pushes back the flaps of his coat and rejoins his hands on top of the bar settling down. “that’s one of the things I love about you though!” His pearl white teeth peek out from his lips. “No tip toeing around you,” Two of his fingers move on the bar as if walking to you, “just get right into the meat of the-“

“Spit it out already.” sneering at him, looking around to see others reactions. “No one has time for all your speeches and fancy words.” You shoo his hands away. Were demons usually this playful? Was this normal? You don’t remember him acting like this that last time you saw him. He was downcast and depressing- even for a demon. You thought they were suppose to be making everything seem greener on their side of the fence.

James was taken aback by your tone. His eyes flashed a charcoal black then just as quickly, resume their sparkling shade of baby blue.

“First off y/n don’t be so rude, we’ve got all the time in the world.”, he bites his lip letting his eyes drift over you. A bit of the light has faded from your eyes- compared to when he had first met you. When you had summoned another and got him instead ... “Now I’ve come to not only boast, of course-yes but while I’m feeling so SO generous, and.. since it was YOUR soul that got me- US here-“

“Again, you’re welcome.”

“I was able to invest it, your soul that is.”

“Wha? What are you even talking about?”

“You think souls are only good for trading or mediocre parlor possession tricks! NO. A soul like yours-“ He sucks in a sharp breath, reminiscing “so pure, innocent, dare I even say it- beautiful- like its previous owner- is worth more than humans realize.”

Rolling your eyes with drink in hand, You beat drunkenly on the bar, making him a bit uncomfortable finishing off your last shot. He fidgets with a button on his coat knowing he had nothing to do and no where to go.

You plop a wad of cash onto the bar. “Oh don’t make me start blushing, you ass.”
Standing now you shove your hands into your pockets, James notices how scraped they are. The skin is rough and stained a deep chrisom. He was too interested in taunting you and concerned with his agenda, he had not noticed the marks. He quickly rushes to follow you out, shaking the thoughts of compassion which were spreading like a virus.

He gently rests a leather gloved hand on your arm, making you stop walking and stare at him with doubt.
“It was honestly a thing of beauty.” He says lost in your eyes. He looked back at you quickly dropping it to his side. “Anyway I invested it.” James turns and you both resume your stride.

“I’m not following.”

“You know like investing money in stocks? bonds?” He continues talking, you notice no cool puffs of air are departing from his lips. Ofcourse not, he was far from alive.

“Ugh, ok. Souls are not as pure as they use to be,”

“No shit” you say wearing a smirk. Why was he telling you all this? Why was he even there?

“Exactly. Now a days, unless I’m snatching a soul from a toddler-“

“And I wouldn’t put it beneath you,” you laugh breathing into your scarf. The falling snow stings your exposed face.

“Ouch.” He pretends to clutch his heart, “Give me some credit y/n, I might be low but not that low.”

“Ok point taken.”

“Anyway 100% pure souls are a thing of the past.. Now in Hell souls are bartered traded even.”

“Ok...”

“But I put yours in stocks. Do you know how many demons lower than I will trade a plethora of souls, just for one, single pure one?”

“Why?”

“Well I’ll have you know, I can be very persuasive.” James wiggles his eyebrows giving you that killer smile.
He straightens his jacket. “It’s all about how you sell it.”

“Eh. Ok. So...”

“So yadda yadda, now I have come into a large amount of souls, like currency and I need someone to-“

“....To...”

“Spend them...with.”

“So what does that have to do with me?” You question, completely confused.

“I have no soul.” You say nonchalantly, “I’m literally just a shell of a human.”

He felt uncomfortable when you said this. His heart should be dark and warped after what he had been through, but it wasn’t, not completely. When he had first fell in love with you, this wasn’t the outcome he had pictured. He felt mostly responsible as he believed should, for everything that had happened up to this point.

“Yes that is true. Now, if I recall correctly you sold your soul... for love.” He swallows thickly. He had hoped he could have done more to change your mind that day. But he was younger then and had just been turned into a demon, ten years ago. He was furious even though in the end, it had been his choice to make. Yet he was so estatic when he laid eyes on you, thinking at this time finally, he be able to have you.

You let out a long, loud laugh, gaining the attention of most of the passerbys trudging through the thick blanket of snowfall. “Yep. Sure did.”

“Now,” he scratches his forehead, “How- how’s that working for you?” He clears his throat turning fully towards you. Now, he just wanted to do anything to make you happy, or have you feel half way human.

His knee accidentally bumps yours and you could have sworn you felt a jolt. You glared at him only for a second. That has been the first thing you’ve felt since you sold your soul. You briefly wondered if he felt it too.
You sucked your teeth taking a deep breath,
“Caught him cheating last night.”

“Ah yeah.” He laughs to himself yet you don’t find it quite as amusing, “that would explain why you smell like copper.”

“What?”

“Blood. You reek of it.”
He looks over your knuckles again. A twinge of pain makes him uneasy. He turns away rubbing his face. “So, you decided enough was enough?” The streetlights flicker on and that when he sees it. He notices the stitches above your eye and the bruising on your cheek. His overly confident expression falters. “He did that to you?” James’ hand reaches towards you, ghosting over your face. His Adamsapple bobs in his dry throat, unable to pull any words together. Anger coursed through his veins. How dare that man had put a finger on you! He had knew it. He had seen what would happen but no matter what he had done he hadn’t been able to change what would happen to you.

You study his face. If he had ever been a human, he had been a gorgeous one. His short brown hair was pushed up and back, just as shiny as his smile. , and his blue eyes were as sharp as his jaw. The rest wasn’t bad either. Broad shoulders, muscular frame.

“You knew, didn’t you?” You whisper. He turns again studying you. He should have just done it. He should have told you when he came to see you that night. Why he had decided to appear before you and have you make the finish the deal with him instead of another.
Maybe if things had happened differently you might have ended up together.

James eyes are darker now, filled with jealousy thinking about what could have been.
“Who was I to come between what you desired?” He swallows. He can feel the pain dragging and pulling at his heart, what was left of it.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” You cannot prevent the hurt laced in your words. You feel exposed in your drunken state.

“Because I’m a Fucking DEMON
Y/N!” He yells, getting worked up he puts a finger over his mouth. His nostrils flair a few times. “I’m sorry.” He rubs his eyes, turning a light shade of pink. “Im sorry. He- he was suppose to take care of you.”

“Who told you to come back here and stalk me?!” You close your eyes gaining some composure, “I hope you know, being foolish, young and so smitten by Brock- selling my soul was the worst decision I ever made.”

He looked from your busted knuckles back to your face. “Where did you hide his body?”

“Ha, and here I thought you knew everything?”

“Y/n, I just want to help you.” His voice breaks. You stop walking and watch him. Something had happened. Why would a demon seek you out?

“Help me?? Really?”You sarcastically scoff. “Lookin here folks a demon what’s to help me! I’m just tired. Tired of being human, James.A lot comes with it. And If youre really here to help me, put me out of my misery.”

“Don’t, don’t say that. Do you even hear yourself, Doll?! The world couldn’t be without you, Y/n.”

“A demon with a conscious. This is rich.”

Hey, I’ve got an idea, come away with me, then you’ll never have to worry about all this again.”

“That’s not a possible thing. You’re a-“

“I’m a demon, I’m aware but you’re soulless. You’re practically half way here, already. What’d ya say?”

“What do you want from me James? You’ve already taken my soul, what else do you need? My will to live?”

“No, it’s- I’m not here for that.” He almost sounded hurt. Hurt that you would accuse him of such a thing.

“Then what? Are you suppose to talk me out of my current life choices because if you’re some kind of a sick and twisted guardian angel,”

“I am.”

“-Then you’ve got a hell of a lot of explaining to do because, first off,” you freeze in the middle of your rant. His response was nothing but a whisper. You spun around looking at him. Your breath fanned against his face as you stared into his eyes. “wait? What did you just say?”

“I am. I mean was.” He sniffs again, looking at a couple scurrying to their homes for the night. “I was a soldier, really not so much of the guardian type.” He shrugs, “Except for you.” Now the truth was out he felt like a burden had been lifted.

“Ok now you’ve gone too far. you’ve stooped so low to tell me lies now?! I’m not a child!”

“Y/n I’ve known you for years. I’ve watched you grow and learn and change into someone I-“

“If this is true, how do I know it? You’re a fucking demon.”

“Yes. And we lie but I’m not lying!”

You are walking faster now, hopefully you can get some sleep before you have to run I’m the morning. You don’t know where you’ll go but one thing is for sure- you need to come up with a plan of action soon.

“I can tell you about anything in your life.” James begins almost at a jog. “when you were five, you fell down the steps at the library and cut open your knee.”

You pause, looking down.

You’ve still got the scar, am I right?”

You turn again cutting down a side street. When he continues,
“When you were fourteen, sam Wilson kissed you in his tree house, you slapped him in the face.”

You stop so quick he almost runs into you.
“How did you-“

It was your first kiss.”

Ok. I’ve told some of those stories to people friends even. So I’m not buying it.”

“You lost your virginity to Anthony stark!” James yells from behind. You freeze. No one knew. You had denied it for years.

“-on prom night, in the back of his red mustang. You didn’t speak to him the rest of senior year because he had spread the rumor around saying you were a slut.”

You walk back towards him, your face was unreadable.

“That was the first guy that broke your heart.”

You put your hand up feeling tears start to prick your eyes.
“Just stop. Ok what if I believe you, you’ve just been lingering around? You could have made my life better at any point?!”

“It doesn’t work that way, y/n.”

“Then how did you go from angel to demon? Where you bad? Was it because of the choices I made?”

James let’s out a chuckle tucking his hands into his pockets, “You could say that I was bad yes, but it was nothing you did.”

———————-

“She’s so beautiful.” James breaths out admiring you from afar. He’s currently watching you mix your paints as the breeze from your kitchen window stirs the curtains.

“Yes, but so are my other creations.”

He immediately hears the call of his Maker returning within a flash of light. He gulps coming face to face with the dark skinned, tall man dressed in white, walking towards him. The Watchers Room was grand, going as far as he could see and then some.
Every few feet were placed large globes with lights on them. The globes let each of the angels keep an eye on their multiple wards.
While the other angels were out serving and blessing others James would spend his time in the Watchers room or on earth surrounding himself with things that reminded him of you.
He would whisper in your ear during your long walks in the Forrest surrounding your house, sit with you unmoving when you would paint or sketch. Some nights he would even linger by your bedside, watching your chest rise and fall with every breath.
The Makers gold eyes follow James as he walks around him. He soft white dreadlocks gently tap against his lower back when his moves.

“I agree,” James began, “But none of them compare to her.”

“My dear child, she is but human,” the Maker chuckles lightly, “and you are-“

“I know. It is not right, according to your standards, heimdal . Against the rules for an angel to even *go* to earth, with intent to be with a human.”

“So, I’ve been informed you have been spending your visits to earth doing just that, being in her presence?”

“You are all knowing. You already knew this. Why would you ask as if it’s really a question?.” James turns around to face him. His eyes are watering, his tears just begging to fall.
“You made me this way. Couldn’t you just make me human? Turn me into one so I may be with her? My spirit is restless when-“

Heimdal grabs his shoulders gently patting them.
“I know. It will pass. Give it time.”. His crisp suit is blinding and the light changes with Heimdals every move. “Involve yourself in the responsibilities with the others. Your a soldier, you have no wards. Your job is to be on the front lines making sure these humans are safe.”

“It won’t.” James shrugs turning to meet his eye. “I’m meant to be with her. I know I am and no amount of distractions will ease my heart.”

“James,” heimdal puts his hands up in surrender. He knew the outcome of this and a million more just like it. No matter when he were to say or do, the outcome and James’ decision would most likely be the same. “I could make you do my Will. You know this, right? Ofcourse you haven’t forgotten. But it would be better for me to let you decide.”
Heimdal drags a finger over one of the globes spinning it gently. “James when I made you, I knew you were special. I need you, my soldier, with me.” Heimdal waves a hand over the globe before him dimming the lights on it.
“Now, You will stop this at once or-“

“Or what?”

“I’ll have no choice.”

“You’ll cast me down like all my other free thinking brothers and sisters?”

Heimdal took a exasperated breath, opening his arms looking around the room. “It’s not free thinking. Why must so many of you stray away from the path?” His voice booms, even James can’t help but cower at the sound. Though Heimdal does not wish to appear threatening. “Angels and humans are not meant to interact. Not the way you are wanting to in your heart.” He speaks low into James’ ear walking a circle around him. “Humans feel pain and despair,”

“But also love.”

“Yes. Love.” Heimdal responds rubbing his hands together. He clasps them, resting them in front of him.

“And a want. I *want* to be with her because I love her. She’s perfect.”

“Humans are incapable of being perfect.”

“Then let me be because I have been blinded by this love.”

“You do not know of what you speak!” Heimdal roars. His sadness is overwhelming him. He knows the conversation is almost over. He already knows what James will choose and yet he is still fighting. “ I am warning you, son. My child, turn away from this before it engulfs you and I will have no choice.”

“I’m not like the others.” James points towards the large white door at the end of the space. His lip is quivering and his face is hot. “I am not just- You’d cast down one of your soldiers?” He already knew yet he was hoping there would be an exception.

“Sacrifice a few for the many. Have you forgotten so easily our way?”
Heimdal gives him a look of disgust. “I beg you. Think from her perspective, you will deal with things you were not built for. How will you bring her security, comfort when you are unsure of these feelings- emotions yourself? Your brothers and sisters will have to mourn you and you will be cut off from here- your home.”
Heimdal meets his eye once more, “I beg of you, turn away from this foolishness. James, my love for you as well as the humans is abundant and never ending,”

“I have seen.. seen what will become of her and I could give her so much more. All I need is to be given that chance.”

“James, this choice will be permanent. You will be cast down but not to earth. A fallen such as yourself, becomes a demon. You would still be unable to have the life you want with one such as her. Is this decision worth it? Ask yourself this.”

“There is a way. There is always a way.”

—————————-

James was trying to read your expression but it seemed confusing. He was still trying to learn a bout human emotions.

“When you made a deal with a demon, I felt it. It caused me so much pain. Y/n, It was excruciating, like getting the wind knocked out of you. I had never experienced pain before except once and I had to find you. I had to make sure you were ok. When I found out you were trying to sell your soul for some asshole I- “

“But you didn’t stop me. If you had cared even the tiniest bit,”

“I couldn’t. The only thing I managed to do was arrive after the deal had been sealed and collect your soul. Collect is the wrong word, I stole it. I wanted to make sure, I wanted to see you one last time. I wanted you to see me. We had never officially met and face to face was...
I fell in love with you before your time. I tried to walk with you throughout your life. I’ve always been there. I was cast out of heaven because of my attachment to you.”

You looked down, feeling James run his fingers over yours. Your body felt jolts though your fingertips as his fingers lightly danced across your palms.
“You losing your soul was actually the best thing and the worst. It meant I was one step closer to you but also you sold it because of your love for another.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Would you have believed me, a demon, If I would have told you that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings?”

“That’s part of the problem, I feel nothing James.”

“I know.”

“Do you- demons feel anything?”

“Sometimes though I know I’m not like the others. But would you be willing to find out, together?”