Chapter 26
He'd been doing so well. It'd been nearly two weeks since the last seizure, and the memory he'd relived then hadn't been too bad. He'd been getting so hopeful.
It was supposed to be a romantic evening. Thor was out of the way, off visiting his Midgardian friends (and girlfriend) and Loki and Sif had begged off accompanying their friends to the party that Fandral's latest conquest had invited them to in favor of going up to the rooftop garden to watch the sunset and spend some time together without their friends. They'd both agreed that acting outwardly romantic around their lifelong friends would just feel weird, so while they didn't try to hide their relationship they hadn't really changed how they behaved around their friends either. Hogun seemed to have figured it out anyway. Loki was willing to bet his favorite helmet that Thor was completely oblivious. If Volstagg or Fandral guessed, they hadn't given any sign of it.
"Are you shivering? I thought it was supposed to be the man that offers the lady his jacket, not the other way around." Sif teased him, "Though you probably would fit into my clothes." Loki stuck his tongue out at her. "Ooh, careful or I'll bite that."
"What kind of threat is that supposed to be?" He laughed and ducked as Sif halfheartedly swatted at him, falling off the bench when the arm he was using to keep his balance as he dodged spasmed. "Oh Hel no."
Sif was by his side in a second. "Are you alright…Oh no, this isn't what I think it is, is it?"
He stood, a crowd of kneeling humans before him, in some paved courtyard. Illusionary doubles of him were positioned around the crowd, fully armored and armed with a short very ornate spear that glowed blue. That same spear hummed distractingly with magic in his hands as he heard his own voice taunting about how they could not handle ruling themselves and should allow him to do it for them. An old man stood and defied him, and he stalked toward the human with a clear threat in his voice and gait, tried to blast him with a bolt of magic from his glowing spear, but another human dropped from the sky in front of him, deflecting the blast with his shield so that it rebounded and knocked Loki off his feet. He recognized this human, evidently, and they fought, the upper hand unclear. Then a second… thing… came shooting out of the sky, this one armored from head to toe and shooting energy bolts of its own, and shot him clear across the plaza with an energy blast. He slammed against the pavement and back into the present.
Sif didn't realize that she'd been holding her breath until finally Loki lay still. He stared unseeingly at the darkening sky a second, wheezing, and then squeezed his eyes shut and struggled to steady his breathing.
She knelt at his side and took his hands, squeezing them. "It's over. You're okay." Well, not quite okay. His left hand was slick with blood, and she realized with a start that he must have cut himself deeper than she'd thought when he hit the bench in his flailing. "Everything is going to be okay."
He finally looked up at her, eyes dull with pain that she knew wasn't from his bleeding arm. "I'm a monster."
Her heart skipped a beat. If he'd just remembered his true parentage… "No you're not." She pulled him into her arms despite his stiffness.
"I tried to take over a world! And hurt people! On purpose! People who I don't think did anything to wrong me!" Ah. Well, at least it was something of which he had some warning?
"You were tortured, manipulated. Those creatures broke your mind and bent you to their will. You know that. You're worn out and you've hurt yourself thrashing about. You need rest and healing." The hand that wasn't carding through his hair in an attempt to soothe him gripped his injured arm and turned it over, causing him to look down in surprise at the gash. He pressed his other hand to it and the bleeding slowed substantially but didn't completely stop. They both looked at the partial healing job. "You're too exhausted for magic right now, aren't you." He nodded, giving in and letting his head droop against her chest. "Good thing your room is just down the hall then. Come on, let's get you to bed before you collapse."
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"Shall I get a healer to finish seeing to your arm?"
Loki shook his head. "It will heal itself by morning even if I am too tired to actively perform spells."
"At least let me bandage it."
"Very well." He tossed the handkerchief that he had been pressing to it to join his bloodied shirt in the corner and watched his girlfriend clean what was left of the cut. His girlfriend. At least as far as he could remember, that was a first for him. "I don't understand why you care for me, but I am grateful to have you."
Sif rolled her eyes. "Loki, you're not a monster. You were kind of a mess for a few years and some unpleasant creatures took advantage of it to force you to do things that you'd never do normally. The fact that these memories cause you such pain is proof that you're not a monster. As is how hard you're fighting to avoid it ever happening again."
"So you're saying the Chitauri are the monsters, not me?" He didn't know why he suddenly remembered the word, but he felt it was right. "I think that's what they were called, anyway."
She pressed fresh gauze to the wound and began wrapping it. "There are very few true monsters. Most of those creatures probably weren't real keen on the idea either. It only takes a few ill-intentioned people in positions of power to do great damage. You know that, you've read the entire library."
He looked at her, head cocked to the side questioningly. "And yet we are taught all our lives that some races are monsters and dangerous and untrustworthy. What are we supposed to believe?"
"Our own experiences and instincts."
"Taken a liking to dwarves and frost giants all of a sudden?"
"They're not monsters, not all of them. The bad ones give their entire races a bad name." She gave his arm back with a slight push. "Lie down before you nod off and fall off the bed, silly."
He yawned. "Fine, but only if you cuddle with me. And I suppose you've met good ones?"
She joined him, nestling in close. "Sure have. You have too, you just don't remember it."
He yawned again, eyes already starting to close. "I'll trust you on that."
"Want me to stay?" She was awfully comfortable curled around him.
"'Course I do."