Tony landed not-too-gently on the landing pad, eyes instantly catching onto the god as he moved, Jarvis’ robotic arms coming up and removing the suit as he walked. Although the god didn’t show it, Tony liked to think he was impressed. Loki looked at him with a mix of suspicion and confusion, clutching the golden spear in a vice grip. Damn, he looked like he needed to relax big time. Not even Pepper could look that tense on a bad day.
So, being the rational person that he is, Tony’s sights instantly shifted his sight for the bar, where his favourite drinks were lined up neatly on a shelf. He tried his best to not tense up when the god slowly approached him, grin in place as he sauntered forward.
“Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity” No, I’m gonna get hella drunk and hopefully never wake up again, Tony thought. Instead of voicing this, however, he simply plastered on a smile of his own.
“Actually, I’m planning to threaten you”
“you should have left your armour on for that” Loki commented, eyeing him up and down, trying to figure out what the mortal was planning, or if he really was stupid enough to go up against Loki with no protection or even a weapon.
“Yeeeaah… seemed a bit mileage. And you’ve got the glowstick of destiny” Tony said, casually motioning towards the glowing, very dangerous weapon the god was holding onto for dear life. Loki took half a second to look offended, looking down at his stick with an expression Tony couldn’t quite interpret.
He made his way over to the bar, placing two glasses on the counter and pouring some laphroaig into them. Loki looked on, eyebrow raised in curiosity. Never let it be said that Tony was a bad host, aside from after an uninteresting one-night stand, but that didn’t count until after he’d gotten laid. With more confidence than he should have, he approached the god with the glass, holding it out for him to take. Loki looked, well, he looked baffled. Which was a funny expression to see on a would-be conqueror.
“What is this?” He asked, eyeing the drink suspiciously. Tony took a sip of his own drink, enjoying the burn down his throat.
“Laphroaig, it’s whiskey. Aged twenty-five years” he explained, pushing the glass further towards the god. “Try it. It’s good”
Hesitantly, Loki took the glass from his fingers and sniffed the content. Loki hummed his satisfaction, stepping back a few inches to get more space in-between the two, taking another casual gulp from his glass. He watched as Loki lifted the glass to his lips, taking a small taste of it. Tony grinned when the god shrugged, throwing the whole content of the glass down. Casually, Tony reached for the bottle and refilled his glass, then his own.
“You look stressed out. Thought you could go for a drink. Nothing like alcohol to keep the demons out, am I right?” Tony said, taking a bigger mouthful than necessary. Loki hummed his agreement, following his example.
And so, one drink turned to two. Two turned to five. Five turned to ten (in Loki’s case at least). It wasn’t long until the two of them were sitting casually behind Tony’s bar, Loki having insisted on trying the different brands. They drank whiskey, wine, left-over punch Tony for some reason still had his fridge, baileys, champagne ect.
Meanwhile, all hell was breaking loose outside. Aliens were pouring from the skies, seemingly confused by the lack of a leader. But they didn’t let that stop them, instead attacking anything in sight from buildings to cars to people. The only reason Stark tower was left standing, was because of the tesseract on the roof, keeping the portal open. Captain America, Black Widow and Hawkeye were busy covering the streets, making sure the people on New York could get out, while Thor and Hulk were fighting against the giant whale-creatures that decided to show their ugly mugs.
“Where the hell is Stark?!” Natasha yelled over the coms. As far as they knew, Tony had gone to confront Loki in his home, and get a new suit. They hadn’t heard from him since.
“I don’t know!” Steve replied anxiously, throwing his shield to hit one of the chitauri before it could get too close to Clint.
“Do you think he’s been compromised?” Clint asked, firing an arrow over Natasha’s shoulder, hitting a chitauri that was trying to sneak up on her.
“If we was, wouldn’t he at least have attacked by now?”
“She has a point. Loki would hold such a valuable fighter like Tony away from the battle” The captain mused. For the uptenth time, he tried to get through the coms. “Stark, come in!”
No reply. They were starting to get worried now. But with their hands full with alien attackers, there was little they could do.
“I’m gonna try to make my way to the tower. See if I can stop the tesseract. Boost me?” Natasha said. And so, she jumped up on Cap’s shield, just in time to grab onto one of the flying chitauri cruisers.
Back in the tower, Loki was sitting hunched over Tony’s bar with a strange green drink in his hand. He was staring at the tiny yellow umbrella Tony had placed in it with a bubbling laugh. Tony was busy playing around with Loki’s helmet, using it to bump against Loki, pretending to be a goat. The god was having a difficulty controlling himself, finding the mortal’s actions hilarious in his alcohol-induced haze.
“Loki, look at me! Loki, look, quickly!” Tony said in-between gasps of laughter. The god turned, almost collapsing into his drink when he saw the mortal barely able to stand straight. He had taken a towel from the bathroom earlier to clean up some unfortunate spills when he’d constructed Loki’s current drink, and was now wearing it like a cape, Loki’s helmet still on his head while he held the staff in one arm. Loki was wheezing with laughter, face red as he looked on as Tony unsteadily tried to stand straight and keep a serious face at the same time.
“Who are you supposed to be?” The god asked.
“I am an anient god of… what are you the god of again?”
“Mischief and chaos”
“Damn, that’s quite a load. I am the ancient god of mischief and chaos. Fear me, or I shall use the glow shtick of destiny to make you my slave. Mwahahaha!” Tony ended up braking character in a fit of giggled, hunched over and using the bar table as leverage to keep himself from toppling over. Loki was in a similar situation, though he was smart enough to stay seated.
“That was the worst impression of me ever” the god commented, taking a sip from his drink.
“I am offffffended that you would say such a ting” Tony defended himself with a slur, waving the deadly weapon around before he actually stopped to look at the thing. “Where’d you get such a thing anyway?”
Loki looked down into his drink, the good mood in the room evaporating instantly. And so began the long tale of how he had ended up in the clutches of the chitauri, how his true heritage had been revealed, and how his father had lied to him his entire life.
“I suppose it explains why I was never good enough compared to Thor” The god said into his drink. Tony had moved closer, now sitting almost shoulder to shoulder with the Norse deity.
“Dude, your dad straight up sucks. And I thought I had it bad” he mumbled, taking another mouthful of alcohol. The spear now lay forgotten on the bar table, next to Loki’s helmet.
“you had problems with your father as well?” Loki asked, looking up at Stark. Green eyes met brown as Tony shrugged his shoulders.
“Don’t think my old man knew how to be a father. He sent me away to boarding school as soon as he got the chance. To be honest, I never really saw much of him or my mom when I was young. Not that it matters much, I guess. They’re both dead” Tony slurred, studying the content of his glass before offering a small cheer. “To shitty dads”
“To shitty dads” Loki agreed, meeting Tony’s glass with his before they both swallowed down what was left in their glass.
“I think I got another bottle of-“ As he was about to get off the chair to get more to refill their glasses with, Tony managed to trip and fell face-first to the floor behind the bar. In his not-so graceful landing, he managed to catch his foot against Loki’s chair, sending the god toppling over him. They lay there in a heap of limbs, trying to coordinate themselves enough to stand up. Which was more difficult than it should be, as the room was spinning around them.
“Welp, I’ve been in awkward positions before, but never with a literal god” Tony managed under the weight of Loki on top of him.
“Do you want me to get up?” Loki asked stupidly, trying to get his arms on steady floor to push himself up and off of Tony, when a hand snaked around his back, keeping him in place. Confused, Loki stared back at the mortal who was looking at him, eyes wide with something Loki was having a difficulty identifying.
“No, it’s alright… stay, please” Tony said.
It all happened in a blur after that. Somehow, Loki found himself leaning forward slowly, Stark welcoming and meeting the movement until their lips brushed. The kiss deepened, turning into something more messy toothy, really. Tony’s hands were gliding up the sides of Loki’s body, his heat radiating through the thick fabric and leather. It felt like warm water trickling over his skin, and Loki wanted more.
Being as intoxicated as they both were, it ended with a half-naked Tony pressed under the weight of Loki, who had magicked away most of his armour until only a green tunic and leather trousers remained. They were a mess of roaming limbs and hot lips, mumbling incoherently into each other’s mouths. Through the constant buzz of the alcohol in their system, this seemed like one of the best and most rational ideas ever.
Even when the Avengers arrived at the scene.
“brother!” A booming voice rang out into the room, making the two shapes on the ground pause for a small minute. Loki shifted to look up, giving Tony enough room to see the group of worn-out avengers as well. The only one missing was the widow, as well as Loki’s sceptre.
“Oh, hey guys” Tony said, voice slurred and lips puffy and red. “Fancy seeing you here. The door is over there, you can show yourselves out. Bye” The inventor tried to pull Loki back down, but the god was quite literally pulled off of him before he could. A giant, green hand having grabbed the god and yanked him away. Tony grunted, crossing his arms.
“Hey, that’s my date. Give him back”
“Bad god!” Hulk scolded, shaking Loki angrily. The god wiggled in his grip, looking more like a kitten more than the valiant warrior he actually was. Steve looked around the room, eyes taking in the numerous used glasses and bottled that littered the place.
“have… have you been drinking this entire time?!” he asked, eyes snapping back to Tony who gave a nonchalant shrug, or tried to at least.
“maybe I have, maybe I haven’t” Was Tony’s defence, finally pulling himself up and almost falling again when he miscalculated the distance between his hand and the bar table.
“tony, are you drunk?!” Steve asked, sounding horrified. The billionaire put up a not-drunk face, shaking his head, although he quickly had to stop, because it was making his head spin as well as the rest of the world.
“Nuu”
“Holy shit, you’re fuckin’ pissed” Clint shot in, bow still aimed at Loki although his attention was entirely caught up by a very much drunk billionaire. How the hell could someone get drunk when aliens were literally invading the planet?!
“What were you doing with my brother, man of iron?!” Thor growled, taking a threatening step towards the drunk man, hammer raised.
“Well, I if you really want to know, I was gonna fu-”
“Tony, no!” Cap shot in before he could even finish that sentence. Thor looked beyond pissed, lighting crackling around the hammer. The static that filled he room made everyone’s hair stand on end.
“You dare lay your hand on my brother!” Thor shouted, raising his hammer to strike, much to everyone’s horror but Tony’s, who was too drunk to really take in the gravity of his situation.
“Thor, you oaf! I do what I want with whoever I want!” Loki shouted, interrupting the other deity before he could do any damage to his would-be lover. The god managed to shake himself out of the Hulk’s grasp, landing not-too gracefully on his face. Tony managed to reach over and help him up, a great and honourable feat for one so drunk as him. As if to prove his point, Loki grabbed Tony by the neck and smashed their faces together in a messy smooch. Thor’s entire body was shaking with anger, his face as red as the blood in his veins.
“Loki, he is mortal-”
“Oh, so you can do it, but I cannot?!” Loki yelled back angrily. Meanwhile, Tony found himself completely content with the god’s arm wrapped around his shoulders, his hands stroking up and down Loki’s chest in admiration. The other avengers could do nothing but look on, or risk putting themselves in the line of fire of two royally pissed off gods.
“That is not what I meant. Jane and I have never- we didn’t even try to- I barely even kissed her!” Thor said, fumbling with his words.
“So you are jealous that I am taking it all the way with my mortal?” Loki hissed back, arms tightening around Tony to both show his possessiveness and keep himself from toppling over. Stupid world never stopped spinning.
“Loki, we are going back to asgard now, and you will forget this ever happened” Thor said, trying to at least sound calmer than he was. Tony made an unhappy noise, not wanting to stop halfway.
“No! You are not taking me back to your shitty dad only to throw me into a prison cell and forget about me. You always ruin all my fun, Thor!” Thor looked horrified at Loki’s use of language, while Tony showcased a goofy-proud smile.
“Fuck shitty dads” He said, reaching for a drink and being disappointed when it was empty.
“Loki, you are not in your right mind, and neither is he!” Thor said, just as Steve finally stepped forward now that they were at least not yelling at each other anymore.
“Tony, step away from the wanted criminal” In reply, Tony stuck his tongue out at the captain, flipping him off.
“fuck you, Cap. I’m a grown ald… adl… I’m a grown man!” Clint facepalmed.
“I am taking the man of iron, and I am going to perform the most intimate acts on his body” Tony giggled. “hehe… you said intimate”
And with that, they disappeared in a puff of green smoke.