Nightmares and Oh God
Bucky laid in bed, staring at the blank white ceiling above him. He was thinking about the kiss earlier. Stupid Clint and his strong arms and bright blue eyes. It was over before it started, the kiss between Clint and him. He rolled over with a sigh.
“We’ll do that again maybe, yeah?”
That was possibly the second most terrifying thing he had ever experienced. Staring into his eyes as he suddenly, forcefully too, kissed Bucky.
He was going to have to talk to Clint about it. He hadn’t wanted to kiss him. They hated each other.
He wanted to make up not make out.
Bucky left for the dining room, his eyes scanning the halls to see if he could find some trace of Clint.
“Buck!” Steve smiled when he reached Bucky and rested a hand on his shoulder. Bucky placed a hand on his head and squeezed his eyes shut.
He chuckled. “Tired? Come on, it’s nearly time for dinner.”
He was praying no one had found out about his and Bartons kiss, or he would be screwed. They would never let him hear the end of it. He didn’t even like it.
Steve and Bucky approached the door to the entrance to the dining room. “Who makes the food?” Bucky asked once they had sat down. Somebody had to be doing it, right?
“We take turns,” replied Steve. “There is a schedule for each month. Clint Barton usually takes charge, though. He loves to cook.”
“How was your evening?” Bucky said, trying to take the conversation down a different road.
“Good, how was yours?”
“Oh, uhm,” a hundred different curse words ran through his thoughts. “It was alright. Normal stuff.”
Steve could tell Josh was lying. Of course, he could.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Alright.”
Clint was in the kitchen slamming the knife against the cutting board. Oh hell, They’re gonna find out.
“Little Buck got freak-ayy!” Steve, Tony, and Natasha, who were talking in the doorway, turned to Clint in the kitchen area.
“Clint, you need to stop spreading rumors.” Tony said, sliding into the chair next to Bucky while Nat sat by Steve.
Clint’s face filled with mock hurt. “How could you? Clint Barton does not spread rumors, especially not taboo related rumors.”
Tony snorted. “Of course. A leader should never make assumptions. I’m truly sorry.” Tony waved his hands around wildly.
Clint sighed. “Yeah, I don’t think so. You see, you are not the boss. The depressed hunk who’s banging Bucky is.”
“I am not having sex with him! We didn’t do anything!” Bucky blurted out.
Clint scoffed. “I don’t know why you think I’m stupid.”
He hated this guy.
Nat grunted. “Clint, stop embarrassing him. So what if he had sex?”
“We didn’t!” Bucky was becoming hysterical. “Clint kissed me and that was the climax of the day! That’s it!”
“Woah, you actually kissed him?” Steve’s face was full of amazement. Bucky really wished he wasn’t alive.
“I didn’t like it. It’s never going to happen again.”
“But you want it too.” Clint sang quietly.
“Alright.” Tony declared. He pointed down the hallway.
Clint shrugged and held out his hands. “Alright, I’m going. Good luck trying to bang the boss, Bucky.” Clint patted Bucky on the back roughly and left down the hallway.
“I’m sorry if he embarrassed you Bucky. He’s been acting weird lately.”
“Whatever,” Bucky mumbled.
“Have you guys talked about it yet?” Steve asked.
“I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Bucky-”
“Please stop.”
“Alright Steve, let’s just let him be.” Tony pulled on Steve’s arm a little.
“I’m going to go to bed.” Bucky announced as he stood from his chair.
“Wait!” Natasha darted into the kitchen and rustled around a bit before coming out and placing a paper plate in Buck’s hands. Nuts, cheese and crackers, grapes, and milk. Bucky grabbed the plate and mumbled a polite ‘thank you’ before he left the table. When he got back to his room, Bucky took a long, hot shower.
He felt dirty.
---
He had just barely finished dressing for the day when there was a loud beeping noise in his room. He could hear Loki’s voice. It must be a speaker system.
“James? Can you hear me?”
“I can hear you,” Bucky muttered.
“Good, it works. I would like to speak with you privately.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“That wasn’t so much a suggestion, it was a command.” Bucky was still looking for words when the speaker clicked off. He sighed and slipped on his shoes.
Loki was pacing his quarters when Bucky pushed open the doors. The record player was playing something with cellos today.
He was wearing a black T-shirt and black dress pants, your stereotypical emo teen...
“Hey.” Bucky murmured as he made his way over to Loki. He prepared to sit down, but Loki grabbed Josh’s arm and twisted it behind his back, pulling him close until there were only a few inches between them.
“We need to talk.”
“This is kind of an uncomfortable way to talk.”
Loki raised an eyebrow, but then realized and let Bucky go.
“You seem upset. What is wrong?”
“One minute Clint’s acting like he hates me and now he-”
“He kissed you.”
Bucky’s jaw clenched. “Everyones knows by now. They don’t have to deal with the shit I do. I didn’t even like it! And they won’t let it go!”
“Nobody has it easy.”
“Yeah, no one in here does either. You know, they worry about you.”
“Uhm, yes. We need to talk about what I called you for.”
“When I first saw you, I thought you’d be dead in minutes. But then you weren’t.” Bucky didn’t dare breathe. “I was in control of Mr. Barton.” Loki sighed.
Bucky stared at Loki in shock. He walked out without looking at Loki.
He jogged up to his room and slammed the door. Then he was turning around and punching the wall as hard as he possibly could. A stray tear dripped down his face. Bucky’s door clicked open in the midst of his thoughts. He held his breath. He wasn’t to surprised when someone came into the room. He refused to make eye contact.
“Uh, I thought I heard something. I came in here to check. Are you alright, James?” It was Wanda.
“I punched the wall,” Bucky muttered.
“You punched a wall? Why did you do that?”
He was an idiot.
Finally, He made eye contact with Wanda. He was silent as he wrapped his arms around her and embraced her.
“I got upset.”
“Okay, just tell me what I can do to help.”
“You can’t do anything for me.”
“I heard you talked to Loki today.”
“Fuck Loki.”
“Alright.”
Bucky rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry for yelling.” Wanda nodded.
Bucky decided he was going to take a nap.
---
He found himself dashing quickly through the forest. The trees around the strange building didn’t help Bucky figure out where he was. Everything looked the same. He tripped on an uprooted tree trunk, rocks embedding themselves into his bare arms as he fell. Bucky looked up to see the outstretched hand of someone trying to help him up.
Loki. Wearing a referee outfit?
Bucky gratefully took his hand and sprang up to his feet. But now he wasn’t in a forest. He was in an arena, and Loki was still holding his hand.
“The Winter Soldier!” Loki yelled as the audience cheered. Bucky couldn’t speak.
He yanked his arm away from Loki and stumbled backward, falling once he walked into something behind him. He felt the mud in between his fingers as he sat up. Blood, not mud. His head whipped around. He had fallen on a heap of his friends. Thor, Wanda, Bruce, Nat, Tony, and even Clint.
“Wha-?” Bucky tried not to let out a wail.
“Let’s hear it for our champion once more!” Bucky took a step back as Loki spoke to the audience. “Place your bets now folks, the fun’s just getting started.”
“Why is this happening to me?!” Bucky asked, his voice raw.
“It’s Saturday night, baby!”
“Stop this.” Bucky begged.
“It’s kill or be killed here.” Loki whispered. Then Loki reached out and grasped Bucky’s wrist again.”Let’s see how our next opponent fairs!” Bucky looked across the arena.
Steve.
Bucky watched himself slaughter Steve. He saw himself strangle him. He felt Steve’s bones crack under his skin, his body full of bruises. He whipped out that gad damn knife and pressed it against Steve’s throat. He had no control of his body. Steve wasn’t fighting back. Why wasn’t he fighting back?!
One long, sharp cut opened Steve’s throat for the crowd to see. He dragged Steve’s lifeless corpse to the pile of rotting friends. They turned into ash as Bucky saw himself smile.
Bucky shot up from his bed. He was covered in sweat and rubbed his eyes to adjust to the darkness of his room. Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. It had only been a dream.
There was a knock on his door.
He held his breath and shuffled under his covers. The person knocked again. He figured they would go away if he just didn’t answer. The person didn’t stop. Bucky grumbled under his breath as he climbed out of bed opened the door. Loki stood wringing his hands with that stupid smirk on his face. Bucky blinked. He didn’t know what to say. What should he say?
Loki gestured to Bucky’s room. “Would you mind if I come in?”
Yeah, I care, Bucky thought.
He pulled the door open farther so Loki could come in anyways. Loki looked around the room before his eyes found Bucky.
He sighed. “I was just- I was walking around and I heard a scream.”
“Just walking around?”
“Well, making breakfast and-”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I know you don’t believe me. I’m trying to make things better around here, and not just for you.” What did he mean? Bucky sighed quietly and thought about the situation, still slightly confused. Loki was genuinely trying to make things right. Maybe he can change for the better.
A small smile arose on Bucky’s face. “Yeah?”
“Maybe we’ll have to work together. I’m asking for your help because I can’t keep trying to pretend I’m able to do everything by myself.”
“Together.”
Loki leads Bucky out of his room to the kitchen to resume preparing breakfast for the group. He looked up at Loki with a small smile on his face as he helped make pancake batter. After the third try, Loki had correctly made the perfect batch. Bucky was quick to lightly hug Loki without really thinking about it. Loki didn't seem phased by it and laughed instead.
“You did it!” Bucky cheered.
“That’s because you did most of the work. I don’t want to hear your smart ass comments.”
Bucky laughed. “You’re just jealous because I’m a better cook than you.” He grabbed a pancake off the plate and took a bite.
Today was already off to a great start.