Background for this Fanfic:
This takes place after the events of The Punisher Season 1 (Netflix). Only about a week after their moment in the elevator, Karen was kidnapped in her apartment. Frank looked for her for weeks with no success before she turned up suddenly in the local hospital with a broken arm and too many lacerations to count. Frank, going by “Pete Castiglione”, stayed by her side at the hospital, admittedly much more than Foggy or Ellison were comfortable with. Karen didn’t mind though. Hell, she loved it. After a rocky few months of carefully dancing around one another, they finally decided to let their closeness become something more. Believing that Karen was infertile due to the experiments done to her, they had unprotected sex, and well… MPREG! Yay! Anyway, once Curtis informs Frank of his situation, he considers ending it, decides not to, talks to Karen, they decide to raise the baby together. Stuff’s delightful for a few months. Then Jigsaw starts coming after them. At 8 and a half months, Jigsaw stabs Frank in his belly during a fight. Karen kills Jigsaw. Curtis performs an emergency C-section. By a fucking miracle, their little girl’s okay and so is Frank thanks to Curtis. Here’s the after:
Frank stood in front of the mirror in the bedroom of his and Karen’s apartment and ran his rough fingertips over the healing scars on his abdomen. He almost didn't notice Karen come in.
"Hey," she started softly, "you okay?"
Frank glanced up, slightly startled, "uh, yeah, yeah, I'm good." He cleared his throat and strode to the dresser to put on a T-shirt.
Karen's brows furrowed.
She walked to him, concerned, and tried to place a hand on his abdomen as he shrugged on his T-shirt.
Frank gently pushed her hand away and briefly met her wide worried eyes before averting his gaze.
There was a tense moment of silence. Karen delicately grasped his hand, "Frank, you know you can talk to me, right?"
He peered at her for a moment, "Is there somethin' to talk about?"
Karen sighed softly, "I know something's wrong. Ever since-" she hesitated, Frank's brow furrowed, "ever since Lily was born, you've been acting - different."
He scoffed, "different how?"
"Just- I don't know- you haven’t really held her, not more than for a couple minutes, hell, you've barely touched her- and I mean, at first, at first that made sense, you-you were exhausted and you needed to recover, I get that, but it's been over a month, Frank. I'm really worried about you. I mean I thought you'd be happy. We've been waiting for this baby for months and now that she's here it's like..."
Frank cocked his head to the side, "it's like what, Karen?"
Her eyes darted to the floor and her voice became hushed, "it's like- it's like you don't even want her anymore."
Frank's nose twitched at this, "are you- are you fuckin' serious? You think I don't want her?!"
"No! No. Frank, I know, I know you want her. I know you do. I know you love her. It's just the way you've been acting- I don't know what to do. You won't talk to me, you won't talk to anyone, all you ever say is that you're "fine" or that you're "good", but the more I hear you say that the more it seems like bullshit."
Frank shook his head and chuckled bitterly. He turned away from Karen, walked to the bed, and sat down slowly - though mostly healed, his abdomen was still a bit sore. He sighed and leaned forward, propping his forearms on his thighs.
Karen closed her eyes tight for a moment, willing herself to find the right words to get through to him. She followed his path carefully and kneeled down in front of him.
He met her concerned gaze for a brief moment before focusing back on the tawny rug.
Karen delicately placed her hands on his forearms, "Please, Frank. Please talk to me."
Frank sniffed and twitched his nose again. His eyes shifted quickly from one nothing to another.
Karen bowed her head and whispered, "I just- I need to understand. I need to understand so I can help."
Frank closed his eyes.
Karen watched him patiently.
They could both hear the muffled cooing of Claire in the other room as she played with Lily. She was a great babysitter.
When Frank opened his eyes, they were brimmed with tears and he quickly pinched the bridge of his nose to mask his wiping them away.
Karen didn't miss it.
"Frank," she cooed softly.
He sat up straighter and directed his trembling gaze to the wall.
Karen's hands gently stroked his thighs now.
Frank sniffed again and looked down as if he was looking at the nightstand next to the bed. His gaze was empty, but his eyes started to water again.
Karen kept one hand gently caressing his thigh and reached for his hand with the other.
He accepted her gesture of affection, but would not look at her.
Karen waited, unsure for what exactly, but she waited in silence nonetheless- she hoped that simply being there was enough, at least for now.
"I," Frank started quietly, eyes darting anywhere but toward Karen, "she-" he seemed to choke up and shut his eyes again.
Karen continued to silently stroke his thigh and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
"I was supposed to keep her safe," he finally mumbled.
Karen's brows furrowed, "You did keep her safe."
"No. No, I didn't!" Finally, Frank met Karen's gaze as the tears leaked down his cheeks.
"Frank, she's alive- she's completely okay-"
"Yeah," he scoffed, "by pure fuckin' luck! Don't you get it, Karen? I failed her. I fuckin'- I fuckin' failed again!"
Karen shook her head, opening her mouth to protest, but he cut her off.
"Yes I did. Yes I did! Don't you deny it! I failed her just like I failed Maria and the kids! I couldn't protect her!! The only god damn difference this time was that we got lucky!!" He practically yelled.
Tears welled up in Karen's eyes now too and she rose to wrap her arms around him as she sat down next to him on the bed.
"How could- how could I- I'm the god damn Punisher and I can't even protect the people I love- I- I just-" he buried his face in his hands as he hunched forward again.
Karen held him tight and pressed her forehead to his temple.
"I’m sorry." She whispered.
“What?” He glanced up at her from the side and slowly lowered his hands, revealing his tear-streaked face.
Karen’s eyes teared up too, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner. I-” she shook her head slightly.
“Karen, no.” He sat up and grasped her hands firmly, “that ain’t fair. Curtis was with me and even he couldn’t stop Billy. How can you-”
“And Curtis wasn’t even 8 and a half months pregnant.” She said pointedly.
Frank’s brows furrowed as he held his gaze with hers. “Karen, that’s-” he shook his head slightly.
“If you say ‘that’s different’, Frank, I swear to Christ.”
He dropped his gaze to their hands, Karen’s firmly holding his.
“Curtis was a soldier too. If he couldn’t stop Billy, and if you don’t blame him and you don’t blame me, how can you blame yourself?” She hunched forward and to the side slightly, angling her body just right to get his eyes back on her. It worked. “Come on, Frank. You’re not being fair to yourself.”
He blinked, averted his gaze again, and sighed.
“Frank,” Karen cooed softly, “none of this is your fault.”
He let out a quiet scoff under his breath, “even if it’s not, that doesn’t change anything.”
“What do you mean?”
"I don't know, Karen. I just- what if- what if-" he met Karen's eyes again, "what if we still lose her?"
Karen opened her mouth to say something, but Frank continued, "what if- what if she dies? Karen- I can't-" the tears came again, "I can't- I can't lose her, I can't lose her again- not again- I can't-"
Karen put her arms around him again. He returned the gesture this time, burying his face in her neck. They held one another firmly.
“We’re not going to lose her. That’s not going to happen,” Karen said firmly, “she’s got both of us and Curtis, and Claire, and Foggy, and so many others who care about her and we are not going to let anything happen to her. That’s the best anyone can ask for Frank,” Karen pulled back slightly and cradled his face in her hands, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay. Hell, I’m scared too. But we can’t live our life based on what we’re afraid is going to happen. That’s not living! She needs you Frank. Our daughter needs you. You’re her dad. We need to be brave for her."
Frank sniffed as Karen tenderly wiped the tears from his cheeks with her thumbs.
He held her gaze for a few moments before nodding. She delicately pressed her lips to his forehead. Frank closed his eyes and savored the feeling for a moment. He sighed slightly as she pulled away once again.
“Come on,” she said gently, nodding toward the door, “We can’t let Claire have all the fun.”
A small smirk flashed across Frank’s lips.
Karen rose from the bed and gave a gentle pull on Frank’s hand.
He got up carefully, with Karen’s affectionate gaze and hands standing by at the ready in case he needed help. She held his hand as they slowly walked into the living room together. Claire was cradling the 6-week-old baby in her arms. The girl wasn’t crying, but she was starting to get a bit fussy.
Claire grinned when she saw them, “hey, I was just about to feed her.”
“Hey,” Karen smiled, “mind if we take over?”
Claire chuckled and got ready to pass the infant into Karen’s arms, but she shook her head slightly, stepped to the side, and placed her hand tenderly on Frank’s back. He stepped forward cautiously and met Claire’s surprised smile. “Alright, here you go big guy.” She passed Lily into Frank’s protective arms. He made sure to support her head and held her close against his chest. Lily seemed to snuggle in and relax at this. Claire went to get the bottle. Karen wrapped her arm around his waist and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. This time, when Frank held her, he let himself smile.