Agony and Bliss
Well. It was official.
Darcy was going to die.
Darcy was going to die right there on the toilet like Elvis.
There was no way around it. She would have preferred a more dignified end, but her asshole trainer/boyfriend had destroyed her legs and now she couldn't get back up again after her morning pee.
She should have just stayed in bed, dammit.
She should have hopped in Big Blue and hightailed it out of there the moment Bucky even mentioned running.
Maybe if she sat there long enough her legs would go numb and she wouldn't feel them when she tried to stand. That seemed like her best option.
It was either that or rolling off the toilet and onto the floor, and even then she'd still have to figure out how to stand up eventually.
Fucking Bucky, this was all his fault. He was permanently banned from seeing her naked ever again. And fired. Definitely fired. Natasha could train her when she got back stateside.
Darcy took a moment to gather her courage and strength, gripping tightly to the ledge of the sink, and leveraged herself off the toilet. She was actually kind of proud of herself. She didn't even cry despite the fact that it felt like her legs had been dipped in lava. She glanced down to where her pajama pants and underwear were wrapped around her ankles.
Fuck ‘em, she wasn't bending back down to get them. She put most of her weight on the sink and stepped out of her pants, washed her hands, and hobbled her way back to bed. She opted for flopping down face-first and straight-legged and just rolling until she was fully on the bed, pulling the covers as she went until she was a nice toasty burrito of soreness and regret.
Bucky had been thoughtful enough to bring a space heater home from the store the day before so she'd actually slept well that night. One point in Barnes’ favor. Of course, with the heater to keep her warm, he'd insisted on sleeping out on the sofa, claiming safety reasons and to guard the front door.
Whatever. She was sore and cranky and didn't want to snuggle his stupid muscles anyway.
She could hear him puttering around in the kitchen, humming softly to himself and presumably making breakfast. Lifting her head, she could just see his back and profile through the partially open bedroom door.
She bit back on the grin that his cheerful domesticity was causing. He was lucky he was so pretty, otherwise she probably would have tazed him by then. It also helped that he’d let her actually sleep in that morning. Of course, if the dark circles under his eyes were any indication, he may have had a rough night and needed the extra hours as well.
Darcy settled back into her pillow, listening to the chirping of happy little forest birds and watching the thin winter sunlight streaming through the window slowly creep across the bedroom floor. She dozed for a while longer until she felt the bed dip at her side underneath Bucky’s weight. She kept her eyes closed, refusing to acknowledge his presence, even when he stroked a hand through her hair.
“Darcy, babe, you awake?” His voice was pitched low and gentle, a tender caress in her ear.
She struggled with the urge to give in to his sweetness right away. She needed to make him suffer her wrath at least a little bit. It was only fair since she was in agony and it was all his fault.
“Darcyyyy. I made breakfast, beautiful. The good stuff this time. Bacon and eggs and toast and sausage. Lotsa protein to strengthen you up.” He reached out and gripped at her thigh only for her to jerk under his hand with a sharp cry of pain.
“OW shit! Motherfucking, OWWww, goddammit Barnes, don’t touch me! ” She yowled ferociously at him.
Bucky pulled his hand back as if he’d been branded, jumping away from her and the bed, his hands raised to his shoulders in surrender. “Darcy what’s wrong? What’d I do?” he cried out.
Darcy, who was now sitting up and glaring at him, her hair a mess around her livid features, pointed an accusing finger at him. “YOU. You are what’s wrong! You broke my damn legs, James Barnes. You have crippled me with your wicked plans to train me!"
Relief, followed by amusement, passed over Bucky’s features. “Oh. Is that all? I thought my arm malfunctioned for a minute and I’d broken something. It’s just a little muscle soreness, Darce. You’ll be fine.”
Darcy stared at him, incredulous. “It’s...it’s just...it’s just a little muscle soreness? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Bucky, I can barely walk! This morning I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life on the toilet because my legs hurt so bad I couldn’t stand back up! You pushed me way too hard yesterday! Don’t you dare act like I’m being a baby about this!”
With a placating gesture Bucky came to sit next to her on the bed. “Darcy, honey, we only ran six miles at most.”
“SIX MILES?? YOU MADE ME RUN SIX FUCKING MILES, YOU SADIST?? NO WONDER I FEEL LIKE I’M GONNA DIE!” She reared back and punched at his shoulder, only to hiss in pain when she, belatedly, realized she was aiming for his metal arm.
Bucky reached out with both hands to soothe his fingers over her abused knuckles. “Darcy, six miles isn’t even a third of the distance I’d make the Widows run when I was training them in the Red Room. I think you’re overreacting a little bit.”
Two things occurred to Darcy at that moment: One, she was going to murder him for that “overreacting” comment. And Two, she was starting to get an inkling of why he was being so nonchalant about the rigorous level of training he was putting her through.
“Bucky,” she started, her sweet tone layered with menace. “Weren’t the Widows all pumped up on superserum White Russians?”
Her tone had his hair standing on end, warning bells sounding in the back of his head. “Uh, yeah, they’d been dosed with something similar to what me and Steve got. That’s why I only had you run a fraction of the distance that they did.”
Darcy closed her eyes and pinched at the bridge of her nose. “Sweetie,” she hissed. “Pick a smaller fraction. When was the last time you trained with or around a person that was not either already in peak physical condition or pumped up on superserum, hmm?”
Bucky chewed at his lip in thought. “Uh…”
“I’m gonna go ahead and guess ‘never’ is the correct answer, so let me break it down for you. Non-superheroes can’t go straight from ‘only ever running to catch a bus they’re about to miss’ to running six miles nonstop. Normal humans do not work that way! If I’d run for just one mile yesterday, that would have been pushing me. And if you’re thinking about starting me out lifting fifty pound weights then you got another thing coming because you are going to end up seriously injuring me unless you readjust your expectation of my physical abilities, okay?”
He blinked at her slowly as his gut sank. “Darce, I didn’t realize...I’m, I’m so sorry.” He reached tentatively for her, relieved when she allowed him to pull her to his chest.
“For a genius, you can be kind of an idiot,” she grumbled into his chest.
He barked out a laugh. “Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”
“Hey, Bucky?”
“Yeah, Darce?”
“Just so you know, if you ever accuse me of ‘overreacting’ ever again, I will taze you in the balls, capice?”
Bucky went eerily still under her, his breath coming out in short, labored gasps. She pulled back to look at him, shocked to see the strain on his face.
“It wouldn’t...be the...the first time that’s happened,” he uttered through clenched teeth.
Darcy could tell he was teetering on the edge of some ugly memory and leaned into him, brushing her hand over his forehead and cupping his cheek. “Hey, Buck, it was just a joke. I won’t hurt you. I’ll never hurt you.”
He turned into the touch, giving one last full body shudder and then his breath came whooshing out of his lungs. She pulled his head down onto her shoulder, stroking over the the short hairs at the nape of his neck while his breathing evened out.
“You okay, buddy?”
“Yeah, I’m alright,” he muttered, turning in to place a kiss to her neck. “Sorry for being a jackass and not listening to you and pushing you too hard.”
“I forgive you. And I’m sorry for threatening you with physical harm and sending you into what looked like a super duper unpleasant memory.”
Bucky huffed a laugh across her collarbone. “Yeah, that was a new one that I really wish had stayed forgotten. Hydra certainly had some sick fun with me back in the day.” He pulled out of her arms, reaching to hold her hands between his.
“I don’t want to pry, but do you need or want to talk about it?”
Bucky grimaced but nodded. This particular memory was relevant to their relationship and she had the right to know. He blew out a breath and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Really, to explain it properly, I need to tell you a little bit about my time in the Red Room.” He glanced at her concerned blue eyes, gathering courage that he wasn’t sure he even had anymore. “I’m not clear on the dates but at some point Hydra loaned me out to the Russians to train their Red Room operatives, the Widows.”
Darcy nodded, letting him know that she was tracking.
“I taught them to fight, hand-to-hand, weapons training, and so on. Uh, but uh, as you know, one of the trademarks of the Widows was their training in...seduction.” He bit at his lips, wincing at the admission.
Darcy arched a brow, “Did you teach the Widows how to seduce a man?”
Bucky snorted. “No. That’s not how they used me...I...um, I played the role of their mark.”
Darcy stared at his deeply uncomfortable expression, blinking slowly until something clicked.
“Wait a minute...are you saying that the Widows honed their sex skills on you?”
“Yes,” he cringed.
“So...you’ve fucked all the Widows?”
Bucky’s eyes darted to his lap. “Yes,” he murmured.
Darcy gasped in sudden realization. “So you’ve fucked Nat?”
“Yes,” he breathed out, shame coloring his cheeks and neck.
“You…. lucky son of a bitch. Damn, I’m not gonna lie, I’m kinda impressed. I mean, if I had that floating around in my head I’d be off taking cold showers every thirty minutes.”
Bucky’s head whipped up. “You’re not disgusted with me?”
“Dude. You were brainwashed and studded out. Not exactly something you were in control of. I totally get why the whole lack of consent might give you a panic attack.”
Bucky shook his head and made a dismissive motion with his hand. “The sex wasn’t what I remembered. There was an incident with Natalia...she was my best pupil. The very best of the Widows and we...our relationship strayed from strictly teacher and student. It’s a hazy time for me, but from what I can remember, the bits and pieces that were still... me inside, they may have even loved her. Our keepers found out and we were both severely punished.” He grew quiet, lost somewhere in the horrific past. “I could hear her screaming...I ended up killing quite a few of the Red Room supervisors trying to get to her.” He heaved out an unsteady breath, Natalia’s screams still echoing in his ears.
Darcy reached for him, soothing her palm up and down his arm. “Oh, babe, I’m so sorry.”
Bucky’s mouth twitched into something between a grimace and a smile and shrugged. “It was a long time ago. But they sent me back to Hydra after that. The idea that their pet dog could develop feelings, enough to disobey my handlers, greatly concerned them and the higher ups decided that desire was not an urge that they could afford to keep in me. So they beat and burned and electrocuted it out of me just like they had to the rest of my humanity.”
Darcy watched as Bucky’s eyes glazed over with tears and lifted a hand over her mouth in horror.
“They’d uh, they’d stimulate me, bring in women or show me pictures, things like that, and any time I’d, um, react...they’d hurt me. Over and over, they’d get me hard and then torture me until I stopped responding to anything stimulating. For a while after I escaped and before Steve brought me in, I’d flinch every time I saw a scantily clad woman. I couldn’t watch a tv because of all the fucking beer commercials with half naked women. It took a while, but I stopped expecting pain when I’d see that stuff. Desensitized to it I guess.” He trailed off, blushing furiously and avoiding Darcy’s eyes.
Darcy’s voice shook with anger. “What the fuck? Fucking, Hydra, man. Bucky, I want you to train me now just so I can go on a Hydra murdering spree. Oh my god, those sick bastards!’ She then gasped, a realization hitting her. “OH my god! Angie’s Christmas gift! I’m SO SORRY. Oh god! How did you stay so chill about it!?”
Bucky snorted at the look of sheer terror on Darcy’s face. He gripped her shoulders, leaning in to kiss her. “It’s alright sweetheart. I’d gotten over my case of Hydra-induced E.D. by that point. No harm, no foul.”
“Still, I feel awful for exposing you to my dickhead sister.”
Bucky gave a full throated laugh. “Don’t be. I like Angie, she’s fun and can be sweet when she’s not being a dickhead.”
“Hey, that’s almost the exact quote I gave for her page in her senior yearbook!”
Bucky tilted to the side until he was giggling into the mattress. “I’m sure she loved that.”
“Oh, yeah. It went over really well.” She smiled down at him where he was laying on the bed, stroking her fingers through the softness of his hair as her expression sobered. “Thank you for telling me all that. I know it couldn’t have been comfortable for you to share. Is...is that why you didn’t want me to touch you...before?”
Bucky closed his eyes and nodded while his fists clenched against the coverlet. He curled himself around where she was sitting in the middle of the bed, tucking his forehead against her knee. “Sorry,” he mumbled so softly she almost didn’t hear it.
“No, don’t apologize for that Bucky. It’s not your fault and I already agreed to take things slowly with you. It’s good to know why, though, it’ll help keep me patient.”
Bucky peeked up at her with one eye. “You? Patient? I’ll believe it when I see it.”
Darcy stuck her tongue out at him and darted her fingers to niggle into his ribcage. He jerked away from her hands, gripping at her thigh in his effort to escape. His inadvertent grip on her had her squealing in pain and flopping back on the bed.
“Oh shit, sweetheart! I forgot!” He sat up, hands hovering uncertainly over her, not sure how to help her without hurting her.
“It’s fine,” she moaned. “Just leave me here to die. Tell my family I love them. Give Jane all my plaid shirts. Burn the porn collection under my mattress.”
Bucky lost it, tears of mirth leaping almost immediately to his eyes. “Woman, you certainly have a flare for the dramatic,” he chuckled once he’d regained his ability to speak. “You oughtta let me give you a massage. It’ll help rub the soreness out and then we can ice your legs and get you some pain meds.”
“Nooo, it hurts when you touch them. This is all just a ploy to feel me up. You can’t fool me, Bucky Barnes.”
“Well, I’m not saying I won’t enjoy it, but it really will help you, honey.”
Darcy groaned. “Ugh, fine. Fine. I put my life--and legs-- in your hands.”
Bucky chuckled and tugged the blankets out from around her, effectively pulling her out of her blanket burrito. He stared at her bare legs, blinking slowly before meeting her eyes. “Darce, what happened to your pants,” he paused and tilted his head to peer under the hem of the shirt she’d stolen from him, “...and underwear?”
“Don’t you judge me, James Barnes. I abandoned them in the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to bend over to pull them back up.”
Bucky closed his eyes and bit back on the laugh that was struggling to escape at the mental image of her choosing nudity rather than risk the pain of bending her legs. He took a calming breath through his nose and helped ease her onto her stomach. He started out at her shoulders, trying to get her to relax instead of tensing up in anticipation of pain. The looser she was, the less painful it would be for him to work out the soreness in her legs.
He worked his way down, digging his thumbs into the muscles lining either side of her spine before gliding his hands up and over the globes of her ass and coming down to press into the tender flesh of her upper thighs. Darcy hissed and let loose a stream of curses, tensing under his hands but remaining in place through strength of will alone.
“I’m sorry, Darce, I promise this’ll help,” he said, pressing more and more firmly into her muscles with each passing stroke of his hands.
Darcy moaned pitifully into the mattress, the feeling of his hands working out her soreness was a strange mixture of pain and pleasure that teetered just a bit too far into painful to be comfortable. “I hate you, James Barnes. I hate you so much right now,” she choked out between grit teeth.
He grimaced but kept with his work, slowly but surely breaking up the tension in her thighs, moving down to her calves, and then back up again. When he dug his knuckles into the thick muscle of her ass, she shrieked and nearly came up off the bed.
“Oh shit!” she squeaked, settling back down into the mattress and flinching with each roll of his wrist. “Oh fuck me sideways on a rubber raft,” she practically sobbed into the mattress.
“A rubber raft? Really? I assumed our first time would be somewhere a little more romantic...but if inflatable watercraft is what does it for you...”
“Oh, go to hell, you smarmy bastard. You’re enjoying this way too much,” she spat out.
“Maybe a little,” he admitted, leaning forward to drop a kiss to her bare ass. “Can’t help it. I’m a bad man, Darcy.”
“Yeah, I’m figuring that out, you little shit.”
Bucky just chuckled to himself and kept up his work. It was an excruciatingly slow process, but eventually the way his hands were digging into her muscles tipped from pain to mostly pleasure, and she groaned in relief at the rapidly lessening soreness.
Until he flipped her over and started the process all over again on her front half. Dammit, she would be tempted to throttle him if it weren’t for the fact that it was actually helping her. The way his eyes went gentle in apology and the kisses he dropped randomly along her legs helped a bit too.
Bucky patted gently at her hip. “Better?”
“I guess,” she grumbled, not quite ready to admit that the pain had been worth it.
Bucky's smirk indicated that he saw right through her. “Let me get you some water and a couple Tylenol.”
He disappeared into the kitchen and returned to press a glass of water and two little pills into her hands. She swallowed them down quickly, set the glass on the bedside table, and collapsed back on the bed.
Bucky's fingers brushed lightly over the top of her thighs, his gaze intent and thoughtful. He flicked his tongue out over his lips and met her eyes. “You know, Darce, I was thinking about maybe kissing you better.” His fingers slid higher to slip under the hem of his shirt where it lay against her upper thighs, tripping over to tease the sensitive skin between her legs. “Do you think that’d make you feel better?”
Darcy's eyes went liquid, her face going lax as her hips made helpless little thrusts against his hand. He slid the rough pad of his thumb against her, forcing the air from her lungs and sending her heart beating frantically against her ribs.
“I asked you a question, Darcy. It's rude not to answer,” he admonished, withdrawing his hand to cross his arms over his chest and earning him a one eyed glare from his girl.
“Yes!” she spat out, reaching up to grip at his arms. “Come back. Kiss it better!”
“Such terrible manners, Darcy. I’d put you over my knee and spank you right this minute if you weren't already so sore.”
Darcy arranged her face into some semblance of contrition, batting her dark lashes at him. “Bucky, would you be ever so kind as to kiss me better? Pretty please?”
“Of course,” he smirked, climbing onto the bed and parting her thighs to kneel between them. “Little bit of manners goes a long way,” he teased, and then he was sinking down into the mattress and shifting her legs over his shoulders.
His mouth hovered over her while he held her eyes, the heat of his breath curling against her and sending frisson up her spine.
“Hope I remember how to do this right,” he murmured, a hint of genuine concern in his tone.
Darcy reached down to stroke softly at his cheek, a small smile gracing her lips. “I'll tell you if you fuck it up.”
He rolled his eyes. “Gee thanks, you're real swell, Darce.”
She smiled down at him, her nose crinkling adorably. “Anytime, pal. But in all seriousness, you do your thing and I'll let you know what works for me and what doesn't...and we’ll go from there, yeah?”
Bucky bit his lips and nodded, then lowered his head to kiss at the juncture of her thigh, smiling against her when her knee gave an involuntary jerk. Darcy sighed in contentment when he finally moved to kiss her where she wanted him.
The scent and taste of her flooded Bucky’s senses, sending his thoughts spiraling. God, she was just so good. Her heart and her brains and her voice breaking as she whimpered out his name, it was all so completely, perfectly good. He had had so few good things in his life and the thought that she was one of them and that she even wanted to be there with him had him groaning into her heat and his hips stuttering against the mattress.
He traced his name into her soft flesh, something he'd learned as a young man. This time though, he did it to brand her, to press his name into her skin as a promise to Darcy that he was hers and a promise to the whole damn universe that he wouldn't squander this gift that he'd been granted.
His movements were reverent, an intense worship of her body and it had her panting and pleading for release beneath him. He hummed against her, his flesh hand sliding up her stomach to hold her firmly in place as she bucked against him. Her legs tightened around his shoulders and tears gathered at her lashes until she was falling apart with an ecstatic wail.
She came back to herself slowly, disjointed sensations filtering in out of order. Wetness on her cheeks, numb lips and fingers and toes, silky strands slipping through her fingers, warm calloused fingers trailing over her other palm, lips pressing kisses up the length of her body, and the heavy weight of Bucky settling into the cradle of her thighs.
“You okay there, kid?” He brushed back the sweaty strands of her hair that stuck to her forehead, placing a soft kiss to her brow.
She gave a quiet hum of affirmation. She opened her eyes to see him peering down at her, adoration shining out of the soft blue. She lifted one impossibly heavy hand to cup his face, wiping shamelessly at the traces of her desire that shone in his stubble, running her thumb over his lower lip and then pulling him down to kiss her slow and sweet. His hands cradled her face like she might break, thumbs sweeping up to brush away the tears that slid over her temples and into her hair.
“Am I forgiven for running you ragged?”
“Mmm, yes. Definitely.” she murmured, eyes half-lidded.
Bucky chuckled darkly. “So I guess I didn't fuck it up too bad then, huh?”
She arched a brow at him. “Really? Fishing for compliments? I would think that's beneath you, Sergeant Barnes. Or have you lost all your supersoldier observational skills?”
“C’mon baby, give my ego a little stroking. It needs it.”
“Hah! Not likely. There's only one thing on you that needs stroking and you've already marked that down as off limits for the time being.” She raised a suggestive brow at him and rolled her hips up against where he was straining against his pants.
Bucky's smug face dropped to her shoulder at the action, mouth hanging lax and a long, low groan escaped his throat.
Not so smug anymore, eh?
“Shut up, Lewis,” Bucky grunted, rolling his hips into her firmly. A little too firmly for her over sensitized body.
Darcy yelped and jerked her legs up, attempting to to still his hips by digging her heels into the back of his upper thighs. It was an unnecessary action, however. As soon as he'd her sound of discomfort he'd stopped moving.
He lifted his head. “Sorry Darce, got a little carried away,” he said, slight chagrin bunching his shoulders.
Darcy soothed her hands between his shoulder blades. “It's alright. Just, you know, give me a little recovery time.” Her smile was soft and her eyes held that bone deep exhaustion that can only come after satisfaction of earth shaking proportions.
He returned her smile and they gazed at each other in that stupid way that people who've fallen head over heels for each other do. He was so gone for her and he didn't even know when it had happened. Maybe from that first moment when he'd seen her be a true little shit and shysted Rogers into giving her a peep show.
“Damn, I bet breakfast is cold now,” Darcy pouted, twirling a lock of his hair over her index finger.
“I can always make more, if you want.”
Darcy's eyes lit with interest. “I mean, I'd hate to be a burden and I would make it myself but I'm very concerned that my body is completely useless now, for a variety of reasons, so if you wanted to do that for me I wouldn't be opposed to it.”
Bucky rolled his eyes and rocked back onto his knees. He placed a kiss to the inside of each of her knees and then slid off the bed, folding the blankets back over Darcy.
“You rest up for a bit and I'll call you when breakfast is ready. I know having the best orgasm of your life can be an exhausting experience.” His self-satisfied smirk wasn't diminished even slightly by the pillow suddenly flung at his head.
“Yeah. Definitely don't need that ego stroked, Sarge.”
He exited the room with a chuckle and Darcy enjoyed the view before flopping back on her pillow with a satisfied sigh.
Ho-ly shit.
Well. It was official.
Darcy was going to marry that bastard.