Grade A American Beef

Bucky wasn't sure what to expect when he spotted Darcy crossing the parking lot, her gloved hands twisting together and her face pinched and downcast. Even as sharp-eyed as he was, he couldn’t quite get a read on her expression and the uncertainty of the moment spiked through his gut and sent his heart skittering in his chest. He’d been a complete ass and he owed her an apology, but the prospect of facing her anger or hurt was an altogether terrifying prospect.

He rolled the joints in his wrists, listening to the creak and pop of tendons from his right and the low hiss of hydraulics from his left. When Darcy was a few feet from the car, she finally dragged her eyes from their diligent survey of the cement. Sitting in the dark as he was, it was unlikely that she could actually see him in the cab, but he dropped his eyes to his lap anyway, unable to face her troubled gaze.

Bucky twisted his hands together in his lap, waiting for the clunk of the driver’s side door opening. He was startled when his own door opened and he was suddenly enveloped in the soft warmth of Darcy’s arms, her hair flying around to catch at the stubble on his jaw. She buried her face in his neck causing him to flinch when her frostbitten nose found its way into the warm skin of his throat.

She’d planted herself sideways on his lap, hauling herself up into the cab without second thought and leaving the door gaping open. Bucky reached around her, tucking her feet and legs carefully into the car before shutting the door and enclosing them into the dark, warm space of the car. He hesitated a moment before wrapping his own arms around her, his left arm settling around her shoulders and his right hand sliding along the wool fabric of her coat where it hung at her hips.

She pressed a small kiss to his throat before mumbling “Are you done being a dumbass yet?”

A chuckle that was more relieved sigh than actual laughter rumbled up from Bucky’s chest. “For this specific instance, yes. In general, probably not,” he admitted.

“I expected as much. You may be a wonderful man, but you’re still a man. Dumbassery is somewhere on the Y chromosome, I’m sure of it.”

“That sounds about right,” Bucky said, grinning into her hair before sobering and pulling her back from him. “I’m sorry, Darce,” he said softly. “I shouldn’t have been so harsh with you. Or run from you like that. Next time I’ll let you help me. I promise, I won’t run from you again.” His right hand drifted up, settling against her neck, and his thumb began tracing slow circles behind her ear.

Darcy leaned into the touch, a small, sad smile pulling at her lips. “It’s okay if you have to run sometimes, Bucky. I know it was only because you felt threatened by all those strangers. It’s understandable. It’s even understandable that you’d need space from me every once in awhile. That’s normal for anybody when they’re upset. I’m not expecting you to keep me close every moment of every day now that we’re together. Space is good for both of us. The only promise I need from you is that when you’ve had the space you need, you let me back in. Don’t keep me at arm's length for too long, because I...I want to help. Even if I can’t fix whatever is wrong, I can at least support and comfort you as best I can. Promise me that you’ll let me be that for you? Promise me you won’t push me away.”

Bucky’s fingers tugged at her neck until she was resting her forehead to his. He nodded against her, breathing in her scent slowly. He lifted his head to press a kiss to her forehead. “I promise,” he murmured, his lips grazing against her skin. Then his lips swept over the lines of her brow and along her cheekbones, finally settling against her mouth for a languorous kiss that had them both breathing hard by the end of it.

“Wow. James Buchanan, you do not mess around with those apology kisses,” Darcy commented when some of her brain function returned.

Bucky smiled and ducked his head to place hot, open-mouth kisses along her throat, sucking and teasing at the tender skin. Darcy hummed her approval, tilting her head back and to the side to allow him fuller access. His lips and tongue traveled up to the curve of her ear, his teeth nibbling along the edge until he came to her earlobe. He pulled the lobe between his lips, tugging lightly at her dangling earring before releasing her to whisper darkly into her ear.

“Wanna fool around?”

Darcy jerked back in surprise, locking eyes with him. “Are you kidding? What happened to going slow? I’m not having sex with you for the first time in my sister’s car, James Barnes!”

Bucky bit down on a grin, looking up at her with an appealing gleam. “I wasn’t suggesting that. There are...other things we could get up to.” He lost the fight to keep his grin at bay, his lips spreading into a toothy smile as his flesh hand found its way beneath her coat to rub against the skin of her knee.

“Oh.” Darcy’s eyes lost their focus with each rotation of his palm. “Oh.”

“You already said that.”

Darcy snapped out of her daze, smacking her hand across Bucky’s shoulder. “Bite me, asshole.”

“Okay,” Bucky said with an agreeable shrug, then ducked in to nip at her throat.

Darcy squealed and swatted him away again. “Behave yourself, Sergeant Barnes. This behavior is highly unacceptable from an esteemed officer of the United States Army.”

“I’ve been granted honorary discharge, sweetheart. I can do whatever the hell I want.” He growled into her neck, causing a cascade of giggles from Darcy, who squirmed away from the tickling sensation. Bucky’s hand slid a little higher up her leg, inching beneath the fabric of her skirt. “Besides,” he continued, “Rob said I could.”

“What!?” Darcy scrambled back, indignant.

“He said no to car sex, but gave me the go ahead on ‘heavy petting.’” He shot her a toothy grin.

“Oh no. No way, José.” Darcy drew her knees up, twisting to crawl gracelessly into the driver’s seat, accidentally kneeing Bucky in the groin as she went.

He huffed a low groan. “Watch it, sister. You’ll damage the goods.”

Darcy struggled to fold her legs down under the steering wheel while simultaneously trying to untwist her coat where it was tangled around her. “Good. Plotting with my damn brother-in-law, there is something kinda skeevy about that.” With a final jerk, she was able to right her coat and sit properly in the driver’s seat.

Bucky, who had seemingly recovered from his grievous wound, replied, “Hey, there was no plotting on my part. Rob just mentioned it as he was leaving. I’m merely taking advantage of the situation. Or trying to.” He leaned towards her over the center console, his hand finding its previous position on her thigh again and his lips searching out hers.

Darcy put her hand up, effectively blocking his mouth from reaching hers, and clamped her other hand over his wrist to stop his wandering hand. “No thanks, buddy. I’d rather not have my family that aware of my love life. The last thing I need is to ride home with Rob and Angie while the whole car smells like sex and candy.”

Bucky’s eyes brightened. “There’s candy?” he asked with unchecked excitement.

Darcy groaned. “Of course, that’s what distracts you from trying to seduce me. If only I had a bag of Skittles to toss out the window. I’d probably never see you again, since you love sweets more than me.”

Bucky grinned and took the hand that was against his mouth in between both of his palms. “Aw, don’t be like that, Darcy. That’s not true at all.” He pulled her hand to his mouth again to kiss her knuckles like a gentleman, melting her heart just a little. “I love you both equally.”

Darcy scoffed, pulling her hand from his and retrieving her phone from her jacket pocket. “I’m calling Angie. I’ve had enough of you, you little shit.” She tamped down on the little thrill of excitement at hearing him say that he loved her. Okay, it was in relation to sweets, but still. It partially counted.

Bucky leaned in one last time, placing a sweet kiss against her cheek while she made her phone call, and then got out of the car to climb into the backseat. As soon as she hung up, Darcy joined him in the back, studiously ignoring him until he reached across to take her hand in his, lacing his cold, metal fingers through her warm flesh ones.

Darcy glanced at their joined hands and then back up into his blue eyes, losing herself for a moment as they both smiled stupidly at the other. The spell of their idiocy was broken by the sound of the McKenzies’ return. Darcy bit back on her silly grin, turning her head to gaze out the window as Rob pulled the car out of the parking lot.

Rob’s eyes met Bucky’s in the rear view mirror. “So, did you guys kiss and make up?” he asked, his bland tone belying the mischief flitting in his eyes.

Bucky snorted as Darcy huffed out, “None of your business, you perv. I expect this sort of behavior from Angie. I thought you were one of the good ones, Rob.”

“Normally, yes,” he said, then added sagely, “but bros before hoes.” He met Bucky’s eyes in the mirror again, nodding at the other man in a show of solidarity.

Darcy and Angie made matching sounds of disgust while Bucky just looked confused.

Rob nodded again, this time to himself. Score one for Robert McKenzie, rescuer of evenings and supporter of romantic liaisons.

***

Post Christmas packing was always a bit like playing tetris, Darcy thought. Sure, all your clothes fit neatly in your suitcase and your suitcase fit neatly into your car beforehand, but with the addition of presents, things got...tricky.

“No, you can’t put it in that way, you need to turn it on its side.”

“It is on its side.”

“No, the other side.”

“I’m sorry, did you want to be the one manhandling the luggage?”

“Bucky Barnes, don’t you sass me. We both know you have the superior upper body strength for this. If you’d just listen to my directions, you wouldn’t be having any problems.”

Darcy crossed her arms over her chest, scowling at Barnes and tapping her foot impatiently against the snow covered curb. Bucky turned his back to her, grumbling under his breath and rearranging the suitcase she’d been instructing him on how to position. He rotated it onto its right side, eliciting a hum of pleasure from Darcy.

“There you go, babe. I knew you could do it. Now kind of tuck it up against the back of the seat. Perfect! I’m so proud of you,” Darcy cooed at him.

Bucky straightened from the trunk of the car, stretching the stiffness from his back and tilting his head back to stare up at the bright blue of the cloudless sky.

“Dear Lord,” he began, clasping his hands in front of his chest. “What did I ever do to deserve this bossy woman? Have I not taken enough orders to last me a lifetime? You had to go and stick me with this devil woman? It’s not my fault I couldn’t go to Mass for seventy years. I was brainwashed!”

“Can it, James. I’m the best damn thing that ever happened to you, and you know it. You ought to drop to your knees and praise God for allowing you to be my luggage lackey.”

Bucky turned to her, edging carefully across the snow covered ground until he was standing in front of her, an evil little smirk in place. “Yes ma’am,” he replied, sinking to his knees. He reached for her gloved hands, sandwiching them between his. “Dear God, thank you for sending me this woman. This mild-mannered, sweet-tempered, demure woman, whose single goal in life is to please me and make sure all my needs are met. Amen.”

Darcy ripped her hands from his and took a step back. “It’s finally happened. You’ve completely lost your damn mind. Steve is going to be devastated.” She clicked her tongue sadly with a pitying look.

Bucky crept closer to her, still on his knees. “That’s right, baby. I’m stark, raving mad.” He then proceeded to growl at her, emitting the occasional bark and chasing after her across the yard on his knees, hands stretched out into claws as he attempted to snare her in them. Darcy giggled and backed away from him, hopping just out of reach every time he made a lunge for her.

“You’re going to ruin your pants if you keep this up,” she squealed.

“Yeah, but you can always sew patches on for me when they tear. Just like my Ma always would for me and Pop.”

Darcy snorted. “You really have lost it if you think I know a thing about sewing. I don’t even know where to buy a needle! And even if I did, I’d probably just end up poking myself!”

Bucky finally got close enough to sling his arms around her hips, pulling her tight to his chest. He looked up at her, resting his chin on her belly, smiling triumphantly. “I’ve got something to poke you with.”

“Really?” Darcy snorted. “Back to the car, you idjit. You’ve still got to get my book chest in there somehow.”

“Alright, alright. I swear to God though, if you yell ‘PIVOT’ at me one more time, I am going to...to…”

“To what?” Darcy challenged.

“I dunno, but you’ll regret it!” He scowled up at her.

Darcy bent at the waist, clasping his face in her hands and kissing Bucky on the tip of his nose. “If you get everything packed without any more fussing, I’ll reward you.”

“Oh yeah? What do I get?”

Darcy tapped her finger thoughtfully against her chin. “Hmmm, you know those cheesecake brownies that Angie made yesterday?”

Bucky’s eyes glazed over, his tongue lolling out of his mouth slightly. “Yes…”

“You be a good boy and do what I say without whining, and I’ll smuggle out the rest of them to take with us on the trip.”

Bucky’s eyes lit up with boyish charm as he leapt from the ground. “Yes ma’am,” he called enthusiastically, practically running back to the car to finish packing. Darcy rolled her eyes and followed him to resume her role as luggage coordinator. Hey, somebody had to be the boss, why not her? She was really, really good at being the boss.

***

With luggage finally tetris-ed into the trunk and cheesecake brownies successfully hidden away in the glove compartment, Darcy and Bucky made their goodbyes to the McKenzie family. They were both enveloped into warm hugs and promises to visit soon and Violet was passed between the two so they could get their last minute baby snuggles before they hit the road.

Bucky held the little girl in gentle hands, curling her to his chest and nuzzling his face into her soft baby curls before hoisting her up so he could speak to her eye-to-eye. “Goodbye, little one. You be a good girl while I’m gone.” Violet smiled and gurgled back at him, reaching out to grip his chin in one chubby fist.

Angie watched the exchange, elbowing her little sister and coughing out something that sounded a lot like “father material.” Darcy elbowed her back with a scowl.

“Okay babe, time to go. Hand over the baby before her parents decide to ship her off with us.”

Bucky tilted his head to the side, still chatting with the little girl. “That wouldn’t be so bad. We get along swell, don’t we Vi?” Violet screeched happily at him and he turned to give Darcy a look that clearly said, “I told you so.”

Angie stepped forward to reclaim her baby. “Unless you start lactating in the near future, I suggest you leave her with us until she’s a little older.”

“Fair enough,” Bucky replied, handing the little girl over to her mother. As soon as Violet left his hands, her face scrunched up and she began emitting a rather pitiful wail.

“Oh, baby girl, it’s gonna be okay. We’ll see him again soon,” Angie cradled Violet to her chest, bouncing and shushing her.

Bucky looked at the little girl, brow furrowed with distress. “We can’t leave now,” he said, turning pleading eyes to Darcy.

She took his hand in hers, tugging him towards the car. “She’ll be fine, babe. Ange will stick a boob in her mouth and she’ll forget all about us. Besides, some of us have actual jobs that we need to get back to.” Darcy shuddered just thinking about the pile of emails sitting in her work inbox.

Bucky deflated, letting Darcy pull him to the driver’s side of the car. He ducked into the cab, pushing the seat further back to fit his longer legs and turning the ignition as Darcy climbed into the passenger side. They both turned to wave one last goodbye to the McKenzies before Bucky pulled away from the curb and headed towards home.

Once they had gotten down the road a ways, Darcy pulled out her laptop with a groan, turning on her mobile hotspot and pulling up her inbox. She winced as it updated, pinging with streams of new emails. Oh hell, she might as well get started on this madness while she was stuck in the car. Maybe she wouldn’t be quite as swamped when she returned to work the following day.

She began the slow processing of working through her emails, organizing them by what was most urgent and what could wait for later in the week. Thankfully, Brandon had returned to work the day before, so she was able to actually make some progress even though she was out of the office. The man was a freaking life saver. She made a note in her calendar to give him a nice fat bonus for his birthday that was coming up in April. Plus a homemade cake. Everybody loves cake and money on their birthday.

Darcy was muttering over a particularly persnickety correspondence with some rich busybody that was demanding the Avengers make an appearance at her upcoming gala or her husband, the CEO of one of the larger local news stations, would be publishing some unattractive bullshit about an undisclosed member of the team. Yeah right, bitch. Darcy Lewis doesn’t cave to spoiled rich women that think they can blackmail her. She shot off an email to Brandon, updating him on the situation and asking him to contact Friday about cracking down on the people who had access to her work email. This fruit loop should never have been able to get through to her in the first place. It was likely that palms were greased at some point, she thought with distaste.

Darcy was unaware of how loud she was grumbling or how hunched her shoulders were until she felt Bucky run his big, warm hand over the back of her neck. She closed her eyes at the gentle sensation, consciously uncoiling the tightness of her muscles as he kneaded the tension along her neck and shoulders. He dug his thumb into a particularly tender spot and she let out a low hiss, letting her shoulders drop just a little bit more before rolling her head from side to side.

“Better?” he asked, eyes still glued to the road.

Darcy hummed and smiled, leaning her head back to rest on his hand. “Yeah. Thanks. Dealing with assholes makes me kinda tense.”

“Need me to kill anybody?” he asked.

“Maybe,” she grumbled. “I’ll let you know in a couple days.”

Bucky chuckled and rubbed his thumb tenderly across her jaw. She turned her head slightly, catching the pad of his thumb with a kiss, causing his lips to twitch up into a lopsided smile.

Darcy returned to perusing her emails, handling a few more minor crises before deeming herself done for the day. The rest could be handled when she was back at the office. She turned off the hotspot and her laptop, slipping them into the backseat and reaching up to stretch out the tension in her lower back. Bucky’s eyes trailed over, following the way her breasts pressed against her cardigan as she stretched.

“Eyes on the road, soldier.”

He smirked, but did as he was told, hands tightening slightly on the steering wheel. “You getting hungry? I’m thinking we should stop to eat soon.” His pronouncement was punctuated by a growl from his stomach.

Darcy snickered and nodded her agreement. “Sounds good to me.”

They made a quick stop in some tiny town in Maryland, choosing the first decent looking establishment they could find. The food wasn’t the best Darcy had ever eaten, but it was enough to whet their appetites and the service was fast. They were back on the road in under an hour, with Darcy taking over driving.

Bucky sprawled out in the passenger seat, pushing it as far back as it would go and laying it near flat. He tucked one arm under his head, reaching the other across the console to hold Darcy’s hand as he drifted into a light doze.

He jerked awake some time later when Darcy laid into her horn. “Watch it, asshole! Stay in your own lane!” she shouted, pulling her hand from Bucky’s to flash some rather colorful hand signals at the other driver.

“Everything okay?” he asked, tilting his seat back into an upright position.

“Yeah. Just New Jersey drivers. Freaking crazy people.”

“Ain’t that the truth. Even back in my day they couldn’t drive worth a shit.”

Darcy grinned and reached over to pat his knee. “Tell me more about the good old days, grandpa. Did you have to walk to school uphill both ways?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. And usually hauling Steve’s sorry ass the whole time. That kid hated going to school.”

“Why? Too many bullies?”

“Nah. Just wasn’t very interested in most subjects except art and civics.”

“Really? I always assumed he was the brains while you were the brawn.”

Bucky’s nose flared a little in irritation. “See, everybody always assumes that. But I’m the one that almost always had straight A’s in every subject. Especially any of the math classes.”

Darcy glanced at him, eyebrow arched in disbelief. “You were a math whiz?”

“Damn straight, I was. Still am.” He jerked his head in a self-affirming nod. “I was the sharpshooter for the Commandos, one of the best in the army at that time. And that was when we had to work with long range rifles that didn’t have all the fancy equipment to compensate for the Coriolis effect or calculate wind speed and trajectory.”

“The Corio-whatnow?”

“Coriolis. When you’re shooting over a thousand yards or so, your bullet is traveling long enough that the rotation of the Earth affects your bullet trajectory. It causes your target to move just a bit off center, causing you to miss. Unless you can calculate the yardage and time the bullet will travel, factoring in the amount the Earth will rotate in that time period. And then adding in how much the bullet will drop due to gravity as it travels along its trajectory.”

Darcy stared at the road ahead of her, mouth gaping in shock. “So...so, you’re saying that you can do split second trigonometry, in your head, in order to shoot people from over a thousand feet away.”

“Yes.”

“Holy fucking shit. I think I need to pull over.”

“What? Why?” he asked in mild alarm.

“Because I need to make out with you right the fuck now.”

Darcy swung her car into the closest exit ramp, pulling off the access road and parking on the grass before scrambling over the console and into Bucky’s lap.

Bucky eyed her as if she’d suddenly lost her mind, grasping her by the shoulders as she made a lunge for his face. “Doll, what the hell?”

“Barnes, you just admitted to me that you are a math genius. I am woman enough to admit that that makes me tingle in certain places. Now let me kiss your face.” She tried to push closer to him, but Bucky’s grip remained firm on her shoulders.

“I...what... really? Math is what gets you all hot and bothered?” he asked incredulously.

Darcy whimpered pitifully, nodding her head and trying to break from his hold. “I like smart boys.”

Bucky shook his head and smiled in disbelief. “You’re nuts, you know that, Darcy?”

She nodded absently, eyes locked on the way his lips were moving as he spoke. She bit down sharply on her own bottom lip, glancing up with pleading eyes. Bucky snorted and shook his head, but pulled her into him to give her a chaste kiss.

It wasn’t enough for Darcy. She twisted in his lap, properly straddling him and gripping his head in her hands. She tugged at his hair, tilting his head back and pulling a satisfying moan from his mouth. She took the opportunity to tug his lower lip between her teeth, sucking and soothing at it with her tongue. Bucky’s gasp in response to the sensation was utterly sinful.

His hands, which had been resting at her waist, darted around to grasp her ass, jerking her down as he rolled his hips up into her. They both groaned at the motion, and Darcy’s head momentarily lolled against Bucky’s shoulder. She turned to nibble at his throat, tasting and teasing him as she went.

Bucky cleared his throat. “Sine squared theta plus cosine squared theta equals one,” he growled lowly into her ear.

Darcy flinched, digging her fingers tighter into his scalp and shoulder. “Oh god,” she moaned.

“Tangent squared theta plus one equals secant squared theta,” he mumbled, followed by a hiss as she ground down particularly firmly against his lap.

She drew her lips up to his mouth, unable to take anymore of his smartboy dirty talk, kissing him breathless. She had him writhing underneath her, throat emitting alternating whimpers and groans with each roll of her hips and tongue, when they were interrupted by a loud clunking against the passenger side window.

Darcy turned her head to identify the sound, while Bucky remained in a lusty haze, jerking back when she realized what had hit the window. “Oh shit, Buck, it’s the fuzz!”

“What?” Bucky murmured, reaching out to try and pull her back down to him.

Darcy slapped his hands away, gripping his chin and turning his face so that he could see the state trooper who was standing just outside their vehicle, one hand on his hip and the other held up against the window in a fist.

“Oh fuck!’ Bucky yelped, sitting up straight and nearly dumping Darcy onto the floorboard. The trooper tapped against the glass again then motioned for them to roll down the window.

Darcy slapped her hand out to press the button and lowered the window, clearing her throat and running the other hand through her mussed hair. “Good afternoon, officer,” she squeaked.

The trooper repressed a wry grin at her disheveled appearance and obvious nervousness. “You kids having car trouble?” he asked.

“Uh, no. Not exactly. Just needed a little, um, break. You know, we’ve been driving for a while, thought a uh pitstop would be prudent.” She gave him her best news-hour-smile, full of shiny white teeth and feigned honesty.

“Uh huh.” Officer Cockblock did not seem to buy the story. “Well, you two should really be on your way. This can be a high traffic area and you shouldn’t have your car parked here unless there’s an emergency. Wouldn’t want you to cause an accident.”

“Right you are, officer. We’ll just be on our way now. Thank you!” Darcy started to scramble off of Bucky’s lap and back into the driver’s seat. She started the engine and sent the officer a friendly, 100%-compliant-please-don’t-arrest-us wave. The trooper just rolled his eyes and walked back to his patrol car.

Darcy pulled off the roadside, setting the car back into the flow of traffic and merging onto the highway. They’d gone less than a mile down the road when Bucky broke the tense silence of the car with gut-busting bouts of laughter. Darcy couldn’t help but join him.