Tony was a genuine man with an honest to god golden heart. Everything about him was generous and kind, even if the world couldn’t see it. The day he invited the team back to the tower, the group just about saw Steve cry for the very first time. They had never seen any type of emotion in the super soldier other than happiness and control, but the way his hands twitched to hug the billionaire caused the heroes to freeze on the spot.
“What’s the matter, Cap? Got ants in your pants?”
“Tony, you have no idea how much this means to me. I don’t deserve this from you and I-”
“Fine. You can have one hug, Capsicle. Buck make it quick, I have a tower to run”
After that the past few months have been nothing but normal, boring yet happy days. They don’t even mention the incident and Barnes has even become like family to everyone he comes in contact with; in the tower of course. He and Tony had actually taken a trip together to take down some simple enemies and eventually clicked so well that Steve grew a little suspicious. He always knew he was surrounded by the best, but seeing it in action still blew his mind. He loved his team.
Maybe he could of shown it better of course, but after all these years of being a soldier, sentiment and love languages were not his cup of tea. Unless it was Bucky, who naturally brought more than one emotion out of him, he just found it difficult to find new levels in his personality. Living in this tower the past 7 months has helped enough, but he still felt no emotional connections deep enough to show his team who the real Steve Rogers could be.
Regardless, they had been pretty continuous lately. There had been no real threats, just simple hydra agents popping up here and there. The worst fight he has had was the one against the accords and that was verbal; and won easily by the way. Either way, resting at home and finally getting time with his boyfriend? Nothing could beat that.
Currently everyone was spread across the tower, doing their own things as Steve stood silently, yet contently in the gym. He was beating on some punching bags, listening to some new music as the doors slid open to reveal the man he had been waiting for. As a vibranium arm came to halt the swinging weight, Steve let out a smile and turned toward the other.
“I expected you a while ago, Buck.”
“Yeah, got busy. We gonna spar now or what?”
“If you think you can catch up with me.”
“I dunno, Rogers. You missed your run this morning, you sure you up for fightin’ me?”
With a scoff he grabbed the older man’s hand, dragging him toward the small ring and ducking under the rope.
“Let me tell you, I have been working on this.”
“Hope so, because if you called me down here to lose again..”
Steve swung back around quickly with a glare, watching the ex-assassin swing under the rope himself before punching him in his shoulder.
“Hey! We hadn’t even started yet!”
Before Steve could laugh, Bucky had tripped his legs, bringing them to the ground and rolling on top of the blonde.
“Buck!”
The laughter brought a grin to the man’s face, staring down at the other as he gently pressed his lips against the red ones below.
“Thought you could keep up, Rogers.”
Steve heard the gym door slam closed, going to comment when their lips connected again. The got heated enough before Steve let out a whine, taking advantage of the distraction and flipping them back over. Now that his face was clear of hair, he smirked at the control, raising an eyebrow and pecking the forehead under him.
“Stop gettin’ sappy on me, punk.”
“I’m not! I just love you is all.”
“Well I love you too, but i ain’t gonna sit here and take all this gooey shit.”
With an eyeroll, Steve let up, as if he could actually control the situation, and brought himself up to his feet. They kept their eyes locked as Bucky crouched a little and smirked widely.
“Jarvis? Turn off the cameras.”
They didn’t get a response as they usually did, assuming he just did without confirmation as Bucky began to tiptoe closer. Realizing what was gonna happen Steve immediately let out a string of laughter, backing up as Bucky picked up his pace. The brunette chased him all the way up until his back hit the ropes of the ring and he let out a curse, not bothering to turn as he yelped.
“Buck! Cut it out! Someone could walk in!”
But he didn’t mind it as the arms reached out, threatening to pull him back down as his foot reached up and latched onto the lower bundle of ropes.
“Like you care.”
They were face to face now, Steve unable to stop his grin as it started to ache his jaw, too happy as he leaned himself even farther over the edge.
He knew he was gonna fall back, expected the thump of the ground, but the moment he hit ice cold water he immediately let his expression drop, seeing the shock on bucky’s face as he was enveloped into a pool of water. The panic surrounded him in waves, body immediately beginning to thrash as something jumped in next to him and clutched tightly to his arm. He tried to fight, but the terror froze his bones as he was dragged up and immediately pulled into a thick, equally soaked chest.
“What the hell is going on?”
The confusion of Bucky’s voice should have anchored him, the calm tone that was still holding happiness from earlier continuing to keep Steve’s breath under control; But he was too terrified to think of anything else as the water continued to rise higher and higher up his thighs. The shivering was the least of his worries as he was dragged toward the door and Bucky began to speak again.
“Jarvis? What's going on?”
Silence.
“Jarvis! Tony! God, what the hell is going on?”
Steve let himself be dragged about, breaths getting quicker as his legs began to tighten and tears threatened to swell in his eyes.
“B-Buck..”
“Yeah- Stevie, you alright?”
The steps stopped, Bucky immediately crouching down just enough to look into Steve’s eyes as his hands in the t-shirt grew weak. He shook his head viciously, or as much as he could before his body began to fall and the other had only seconds to catch him.
“Fuck- Steve! Hey, hey I gotcha, babydoll. Hey, hey look at me!”
“I can’t go back, oh god, I can’t! Bucky, I can’t go back!”
He knew the man kept speaking, but only two things ran through his mind as the lights went out and things were fading to black.
The cold of snow.
The day they jumped on the train and lost each other in the deep drops of the alps. It was the worst day of is life, it was the day he lost his will to live back when he finally thought things were looking up. They day Bucky became the Winter Soldier and lost everything that James had created all throughout his life. He could feel the frostbite, could feel the weight of his shield that shouldn’t of let this happen. The sight of the drop, the sounds of the screams. He let his hands reach but he grabbed nothing, Bucky was gone.
“Why didn’t you catch me, Stevie?”
And the day he lost seventy years.
The way he had said goodbye to Peggy and expected to go back to the man he loved. When all he saw was ocean for miles and miles each way as the bomb continued to tick.They think after those words he was knocked out, but god he felt everything. He felt his organs tear away from their positions. He felt each bone shatter and he slammed against ice. The way his head pounded from it's contact with the panel rocked him into slight disorientation and he had no way to move as the water lifted up to his neck. He tried keeping breaths, tried swimming up to the surface, but he couldn’t feel anything, He was numb yet in pain and nothing would work. He screamed and screamed under the waves until his body began to freeze and he couldn’t sleep until the burning began. The air supply stopping as his face was different shades of blue. It was dark and he began to sink. Everything hurt.
Why couldn’t they find me sooner?
The sound of slamming made everything come to, his body slung across Bucky’s shoulder as the man pounded against the door. His throat burned and he realized he was screaming, desperately clawing against the larger man’s back as tears completely blurred his vision. He felt water touching the ends of his shoes and the way his heart was pounding physically caused an ache in his chest.
“Tony! I know you can hear me! God damnit, open this fucking door!”
He heard slight buzzing before a voice broke over the intercoms, alerting them immediately what was going on.
Sergeant Barnes, I am afraid the plumbing has malfunctioned and that led to a small spark in my system. I am back and am alerting you that Mr. Stark is already on the issue and the water should stop rising at any moment.
“Make it stop quicker! What the hell am I suppose to do?”
Let me put you through to Mr-
“Barnes!”
“Tony, get us out of here now!”
“I am trying- what the hell is going on in here?”
“Stevie’s freaking out, keeps screaming something but I can’t understand it. He needs out of here now, Stark!”
“Okay, okay! The water should be stopping right about.. Now.”
Bucky let out a breath as the water finally came to a stop, pulling the body over his shoulder up and around until the blonde pushed up against his chest. The screaming had quieted down to sobs and the fact that he was still in water pissed the soldier off. Without a thought he immediately forced himself through the water, getting back to the ring and pulling himself up on the platform. He kept his metal arm tight against the form so it wouldn’t drop the blonde and used his strength to get them a little higher.
“Here we are, babydoll. I gotcha. Savin’ your ass like always, huh?”
The voice was muffled, but Steve recognized the sound as he pushed himself tighter against the chest in front of him. His hands clutched to the soaked material around him and he continued to shiver as the cold continued to seep through his own. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, but the fact that his feet and hands were away from the water helped him enough to calm his sobs down. He didn’t realize he was even letting out such noises until Bucky’s hand wrapped around his face and he felt his breaths against the palm. Letting his eyes slip closed, he tried to curl himself tighter as he began to try and control his breaths.
His eyes snapped open to water once again, his brain going into overdrive as he body was wading through the cold liquid that was all around him. Before he could panic the arms around him tightened, Bucky’s voice registering as his breaths began to pick up.
“Still here, babydoll. We are having a long, long discussion about this later.”
His voice was serious enough that it helped anchor him down. His chest wasn’t as achy and he let his eyes wander only to realize the hand was still blocking out his view.
“B-Buck.. I’m sorry.”
He tried adjusting, getting prepared to get out from the grip, but soon realized that it wasn’t gonna happen.
“I ain’t risking you goin’ back in that water, you just stopped screamin’.”
The sound of the door opening immediately raised a large amount of calm in his chest, the hand finally moving to wrap around his thighs as the other arm wrapped around his head. He felt small, yet it helped as the water began to go down and he let himself untense.
“You guys alright?”
“Stark. I hate this tower.”
The growl erupted in his chest, helping Steve focus as Bucky stopped walking and Steve watched as the water seep down the hallway. The gym looked a mess, everything soaked and ruined as the lights flickered back on and feet ran down the hall. As soon as they got close enough to where Steve knew they were about to turn into view, he felt his feet hit the ground, body feeling weightless as Bucky yanked him directly into his side.
He kept his gaze down and followed the running water all the way until he recognized the shoes of Natasha, Clint and Pepper.
“Oh my God! This place is a mess! Tony, what did you do?”
Shame flooded his face immediately, tucking tighter into Bucky as water continued dripping down his overheated face. Before he could wipe it, a towel beat him to it and he knew immediately that it was Bucky wiping away the dripping. His eyes burned at the touch but his throat was worse as he let out heavy coughs into the soaked shoulder to this right.
“I dunno, something burst and it immediately began leaking into all the main rooms on this floor. Luckily it's only the gym, the weapon room, the weight room and everywhere else we go to train.”
The man’s hands swung harshly to his sides, something dropping from his hands and slamming into the water harshly as he sighed in annoyance. His eyes scrunched harshly and Steve snuck up a glance before returning to the spot in which he felt invisible.
“Sorry love birds, didn’t mean to flood you in there.”
“Just.. fix your walls, Stark.”
With that he felt himself being pulled, flinching only for a second before he realized Bucky was already half way down the hall. Without looking at any of their faces he immediately reached out, picking up his pace as Bucky raised his hand backwards as well. As their grips connected his heart fell into his lungs at the sight of blood staining the back of Buck’s shirt.
“Sorry about the scratches, Buck..”
“Don’t worry about it, baby. And stop talkin’, your throat is gonna get worse before it can heal.”
The stayed in silence all the way to their room, Steve not entirely uncomfortable as Bucky stayed constantly by his side. The door recognized their forms and slid open quickly before closing as they entered inside.
“You good for a bath, babydoll?”
“I’ll be fine-”
“That’s not what I asked.”
He looked up to lock eyes with the avenger, finally noticing how stern he looked as he looked right back.
“Yeah, if um..”
His hands clutched at his sides, head looking down at the wooden floor in embarrassment.
“Hey, don’t you dare start gettin’ embarrassed and shy with me punk, we will talk about what happened but for now there’s nothin’ different.”
“I know.. I just, you’ve never seen me like that Buck.”
“You serious?”
His head shot up at the laugh, confusion painting his face as his hands loosed just enough at his sides.
“1941, your dumb ass freakin’ out over Mrs. Blanchett's dog. 1937, you had a panic attack because those boys were cornerin’ ya in that alley way and I got there just before they could use that knife. I have seen you freak out a million times and PTSD isn’t gonna turn me away now, you punk.”
“But it was just water..”
“Stevie.”
He watched as the man walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder as Buck tilted his head and gave a small smile. Their faces were just inches apart and he felt a peck on his lips before the man spoke.
“Remember my freak out when I saw that picture of an octopus for the first time? What did you tell me?”
“I told you that it wasn’t stupid. You went through some serious hell and there is nothing wrong with getting back into the swing of things at your own pace.”
“Then why is it so hard for you?”
“Because Buck,” his voice cracked, feeling as if it was on fire as his eyes pathetically began to water again, “you went through something worse than me and-”
“Oh cut the shit Rogers, you lost everyone every time you came near a cold temperature or an icy ocean. I knew you would have some kind of issue, just never though it would be this bad. I’m not gonna let you beat yourself up over something so stupid. You hear me?”
“Yeah, Buck. I hear you.”
“Now, are you good for a bath?”
“Can you get in with me?”
“Didn’t even gotta ask. Go get us some clean clothes and I’ll get you something to drink.”
“Thanks, Bucky.”
As he began to walk away he let out a huff, wiping his eyes as he heard Bucky tell the computer to start a warm bath.
They must have cuddled in the water for hours, thanking modern day technology as it stayed warm the entire span of time. They had talked about the incident easily, Steve telling him all of the triggers he's discovered since waking from the ice just a few years ago. They included more than he wanted to admit, but the way Bucky held him and rubbed his back made him realize maybe he could get better.
It was ice for sure.
Cold water, including the pool on top of Tony’s tower.
He didn’t mind flying in planes or piloting them himself, but he felt the need to stray away from seeing the ocean for more than a certain span so on missions he tried to put in headphones and sleep.
Trains were a no, he hadn’t had a reason before to ever go on one, but he knew the moment he did he would be fucked.
And snow? Yeah, every winter he stayed inside as much as possible and if he needed to go out he always planned it to be with another avenger and as quick as possible.
Bucky had told him how proud he was of him, how happy he was to finally be let in on this stuff, and Steve could only smile in response, straddling his waist and locking their lips together.
After that they got in bed, Bucky’s clothes baggy enough as they huddled under the blankets and finally let themselves relax. Steve felt comfortable and as his eyes drifted shut he finally felt as if he was home.
He had his Buck and now he could heal.
He could be Steve Rogers again.