thirty-four.
"Bucky?" Steve's voice was soft as he walked towards the bed.
Bucky didn't try to deny his tears, as he knew he'd already been caught. Any denial would just worry Steve further than what was necessary, and Steve was already worried more than he needed to be in the first place, and Bucky refused to make it worse for him when he had so much going on, to begin with.
Bucky didn't move as he felt Steve sit down on the edge of the bed beside of him. Steve moved his arm away from his face, and that's when Bucky focused on his worry-stricken face.
"Baby, what's the matter?" Steve brushed Bucky's hair from his face. He didn't use the pet names very often, but Bucky loved it when he did. Steve knew, but he didn't want to use them too much, in case it started to be too much for Bucky instead.
Bucky's voice trembled and it made Steve crumble. "How... How can you love me...?"
Steve's heart hurt for his lover. "What do you mean? How could I not?"
Bucky shook his head. "How can you love me after what I did?" A sob left his lips and Steve sighed and pulled him into his arms.
"It wasn't you that did those things and you know it... I loved you before, and I'm gonna love you forever. No matter what happens," Steve tilted Bucky's chin up. "Okay?"
Bucky nodded and watched Steve's face for a minute before focusing on his lips for a long beat. He finally leaned in and kissed Steve, and Steve understood what it was that Bucky wanted from him. He wanted Steve to prove that he still loved him, that he was still appealing and good enough. He wanted love, and by God, Steve was going to give it to him without hesitation.
He kissed Bucky back with all the gentle sweetness that he had inside of him. He wanted to crawl into Bucky's skin and pull out everything that ailed him. He remembered a time where Bucky would do the same thing, claiming that one day he'd find a way to take all of Steve's pain away. Bucky delivered his love to Steve whenever he wanted it back then, after light protesting over Steve's health and the laws, but he always gave in for Steve, nonetheless.
So Steve pulled him closer, kissed him deeper, held him tighter. He tucked Bucky's unruly hair behind his ear and cupped his cheek. He shifted until he hovered over Bucky. The brunette looked up at him with loving and still lustful eyes. See, Bucky didn't bottom very much, but when he did it was a treat for everyone involved.
And Bucky, who still had tears in his eyes, was clinging onto Steve's arms and quietly begging for him to bed him properly.
Steve kissed him gently and slid his fingers beneath Bucky's shirt. He could feel the risen scars along his skin, and he didn't know which ones were obtained in battle and which ones were self-inflicted. Steve wasn't sure he wanted to know the difference.
Bucky trembled under his touch and let out a breath. He knew what Steve was thinking, but Steve quickly moved passed it so he wouldn't freak Bucky out any farther. He stripped himself and Bucky both from their shirts and he could feel Bucky's erection against his hip.
Steve didn't waste any time in undressing them, but he always took his time with Bucky. He always took the time to get him relaxed and ready, took the time to make him feel loved and beautiful. Because he was.
Steve began to press into Bucky, slowly and gently. Bucky's arms wrapped around his shoulders and he used this to pull Steve closer to him as if Steve didn't want to be as close to Bucky as humanly possible. Steve pulled back a little to watch Bucky's face as he rolled his hips. He saw the tears in the corners of Bucky's eyes but paid no mind. Bucky had already been crying beforehand, and he was very emotional when he bottomed.
Bucky's lips held a smile though, and his cheeks were flushed a beautiful rosy pink. Steve could never get enough of how gorgeous his boy was. It was a dream come true to be with him every day.
The two continued on, making love in a rickety bed. The creaking sound of the bed frame mixed in with the sound of their moans, and it was almost like a song the way the tones pressed together, just how those boys were. Pressed together so closely that nothing could ever come between them. Lips and tongues meeting somewhere in the middle of it all, dancing together like a couple at a ball.
One of the tears slipped down Bucky's face and Steve kissed it away as he tried so hard to do with all of Bucky's problems. Bucky dug his fingernails into the taut skin of Steve's muscular shoulders, and just like it was so long ago, they tried to be quiet. And just as it was, they failed, but who cared? Certainly not the two of them. All they cared about right now was each other and the love that they were making.
This was the way to restore some of that self-confidence that Bucky struggled with so often. Knowing that even after all they'd been through and all The Winter Soldier had done, Steve still wanted him and loved him and found him attractive was enough sometimes.
Steve combed his fingers through Bucky's hair and listened to the tell-tale signs of his impending release. The delicate whimpers and the clenching of his eyes clued Steve in to just how close Bucky really was.
"That's it, come on baby..." Steve purred against Bucky's lips. Bucky, who was far past speaking, sputtered something in Russian as he pulled impossibly closer. "I've got you Bucky..."
Bucky finally managed to get out something in English, but all it was was "Stevie, Stevie, Stevie..." Over and over again like a mantra, the only word he could think of to say, but Steve understood.
He pressed his lips to Bucky's neck and the brunette came between them. Steve's own release came simultaneously, and the two men lay tangled together, a mess of hair and muscle while catching their breaths. And their hearts were entwined the same way their limbs were, and they were in love just like they always had been.
Bucky began to doze off and Steve pressed a kiss to the tender skin of his temple, on the side where the old machines used to torture him, to prove that he was more than what happened and that he always would be. "I love you, James."