Over the River and Through the Woods
“OVER THE BIFROST AND THROUGH THE WOODS
TO ALL-FATHER’S HOUSE WE GO!
SLEIPNIR KNOWS THE WAY TO CARRY THE SLEIGH
ACROSS THE REALMS AGLOW”
Thor boomed into the microphone.
Tony winced as Dummy released a screech of feedback and leaned over to grab the fire extinguisher from Butterfingers before it could spray down the god.
“I swear I will donate you to an elementary school,” he threatened the robot as Butterfingers inched closer to the sound box where Thor was recording.
“OVER THE BIFROST AND THROUGH THE WOOD
TO ALL-FATHER’S HOUSE AWAY!
WE COULD NOT STOP AT THE COFFEE SHOP
‘TIS CLOSED FOR THE HOLIDAY”
Thor continued to not so much sing, but shout into his microphone.
Tony smiled at the lyrics change. After Thor’s first experience with coffee, Darcy had made it her mission to take the god on what she coined “The Ultimate Coffee Investigation For Science”. Much to everyone’s amusement and Tony’s abject horror, Thor had decided pumpkin spice lattes were the epitome of the coffee experience.
No matter how many times Tony wailed about there not being any actual pumpkin in them, or how they were an insult to the very institution of coffee, Thor insisted that they were a true “warrior’s coffee”. Between the PSLs and his reverence for minivans, Tony was convinced that Thor must have some kind of weird suburban soccer mom fetish.
“OVER THE BIFROST AND THROUGH THE WOOD
OH HOW THE WIND DOES BLOW!
IT STINGS THE TOES AND BITES THE NOSE
THROUGH JOTUNHEIM WE GO!”
Well, Tony certainly couldn’t fault Thor’s enthusiasm. His volume control could use a little work, but that’s what post production was for, he supposed. As long as Butterfingers didn’t fry the recording equipment with the fire extinguisher he had liberated from somewhere…
“Elementary school,” he told the robot warningly. “Small children with sticky hands and screwdrivers.”
Butterfingers beeped sadly and put down the extinguisher.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
Tony looked up as Thor finished his first take. The blond god was beaming from ear to ear, apparently pleased with himself. Tony thumbed on his speaker to the recording booth. “Hey, great job on the first take. Maybe tone down the volume a notch and go again?”
Dummy whirred in agreement, claw bobbing up and down in his version of a nod.
“Of course, my friends!” Thor declared. “This is indeed a joyous time to celebrate the gathering of family and friends. It would not do to hinder the meaning behind the song with sheer volume. I will endeavor to restrain myself to such dulcet tones as to complement this worthy cause of supporting world hunger!”
“OVER THE BIFROST AND THROUGH THE WOOD
WHEN FRIGGA SEES US COME
SHE WILL SAY ‘OH DEAR, THE CHILDREN ARE HERE,
BRING APPLE PIE FOR EVERYONE!”