I Saw “Mommy” Kissing Santa Claus
“I'm telling you, Pepper, this is going to be big. We could win one of those little golden record players.”
Pepper sighed, “You mean a Grammy.”
“Yeah, that.” Tony grinned, mind already on finishing up the line up. “What do you think of 'Food Humanitarian Assistance’ for the charity?”
“You're not going with something… science related?”
He turned and looked at her, a smile twitching across his face. “You know. I thought of that. I really did. But-- holidays and all that. I mean, not to be denominational or anything, but there's a lot of religions-y things, and since most major religions have food involved it seems to me that, as a philanthropist I should do my part. You know, other than keeping Thor away from the food banks.”
“Are you sure this is a good idea, Tony? There's other ways to raise money. I mean, you're superheros for crying out loud.”
“That's why it's a brilliant idea. How many other hero groups are out there putting out feel good albums?”
“...Tony, you are the only hero group around.”
“Details details.” He waved her off. “Now, what I need you to do is help the bots with the sound board.” Not that he didn't have the utmost faith in the three of them, but YOU did have an unfortunate habit of spraying down the controls with the fire extinguisher when he got excited. Something they had learned the hard way. Tony wasn't even sure where he had gotten the fire extinguisher in the first place.
“I'm the babysitter.” Pepper commented, raising a well manicured eyebrow. “Really Tony?”
“Well, maybe a little. But you know how excited they can get, and honestly they don't listen at all to Vision. Something about him being the younger brother, though DUMMY never gave JARVIS a hard time about it.”
“Gee, I wonder where they get it from.” Pepper said in good humor. “Well hurry up Tony, I've got a board meeting to get to. It's not like I can expect you to come.”
“You're such a killjoy about this, Pep. Where's your holiday spirit?”
“On layaway for your good behavior.”
“Haha, you think you're so funny. Fine I'll make this fast. I've been practicing all night.” Tony said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
And only a few minutes, he was in the studio booth ready to sing. DUMMY was on music, BUTTERFINGERS was on the soundboard, and YOU was supposed to be on mixing. He’d just have to see how that went. Hoping Pepper could watch the children long enough that they wouldn't light anything on fire, blow stuff up, or spray the whole place down with fire retardant, he began singing.
*Wow, daddy's kissing Mrs. Claus
I saw Daddy kissing Mrs. Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
Boy, isn't he a creep
Taking her downstairs to have a peep
He thought that I was tucked up
In my bedroom, fast asleep”
Pepper was rolling her eyes at him, Tony just smiled back at her. It wasn't like she could say anything, Howard was well known for being a dog.
“Then I saw daddy tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
Oh, what a disaster it would have been
If Mommy had only seen
Daddy making time for the Claus’s last night!”