“Mr Stark, please…”
I can’t...it just keeps replaying. His voice, in my head. I wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t...I couldn’t stop it. Nothing I could do.
He’s gone. He’s gone and I watched and I did nothing.
He blew away to nothing and he was only there because of me anyway but...did that even matter? Did it matter that he was there because of
me or would he have gone anyway? But he was there, and he was scared and confused and I could do nothing.
I can hear his voice, in my head. Confused. Pleading. Frightened. And all I did was watch as he turned to dust.
Dust. I can’t even scream. I touch the spot where he was, where he just was, where he stuttered out my name and then
disappeared and I can’t scream, I can’t breathe and maybe there is noise beyond the heartbeat and wind in my ears but I don’t know.
All I hear is him, my name on his lips, like I could save him. I should have saved him.
My name, repeating on a loop now, it’s all I can hear and there is probably something happening nearby but I am stuck in that
moment, replaying it, seeing it over and over and over and over and over
and over
……………..and over
…..and over……………...and over
……………………………………………..and over……………...and over
………..and over
and over………………………………………………………………………………………………..and over
his voice. The last time I will ever hear it.
My fingers curl into the ground and I want to curl into the spot that was him and scream and cry and turn to dust myself and I don’t why don’t I? Why me and not him? After everything, why not me?
It should have been me.
And I don’t disappear.
And I don’t turn to dust.
And I cannot cry. Or scream.
And I will never stop hearing his voice in my head.
“Steve?”