Part 2
Lucy lets out a loud sigh and slumps back into the bed and onto her back. She extends her arms and legs, stretching her small body, before bringing her hands up to her face and whipping the sleep from her eyes.
She’s tired from the night before. She tried not to toss and turn too much. She didn’t want to wake Kate, but her mind couldn’t stop wondering. She kissed Kate, well they did more than kiss. And now Lucy doesn’t know where they stand. All she knows is that Kate is nowhere to be found and Lucy has a full day of lying ahead of her.
Lucy looks around the room. The sun is seeping in from between the window shades, illuminating the blue room. She sees the clothes Kate was wearing in bed last night folded into a neat pile on top of her suitcase.
So Kate’s still here, just not here. Lucy thinks.
Lucy gives herself one more peaceful minute in bed before making herself get up. She slowly peels off the shirt and shorts she wore to bed and throws them onto the ground next to her suitcase. Lucy rummages around for a moment in her suitcase, trying to remember what she had packed for the weekend. Unsure of the plans for the day, she throws on her bathing suit under a simple sundress and calls it good.
After quickly brushing her teeth and applying some makeup, Lucy heads out of the oasis of the small room and prepares herself to act like the cheery Lucy she has been fronting.
Lucy wishes she didn’t have to act like she was actually happy. She’s not sure what she wants; she just knows that spending time with Kate actually does make her happy, fake dating aside. But now? Now things have definitely changed and Lucy isn’t sure how she can go back to before.
Opening the door, the aroma of bacon fills her nose. Kate walks past the living room area and doesn’t see Kate, so she heads into the kitchen.
“Oh!” Lucy utters.
Lucy is caught off guard. Instead of finding Kate in the kitchen, it’s Grace. “Good morning!”
“Good morning, Grace.” Lucy offers a not so convincing smile. She does in fact see the bacon that she smelled, along with eggs, toast, and a plentiful bowl of fruit. “Um, where are Kate and Luke?”
“Oh,” Grace says, a little surprised. “Kate didn’t tell you?” Lucy shakes her head. “They’re out catching some waves.” Grace nods her head towards the villa’s window and Lucy turns her attention towards the ocean. She can barely make out the two figures out there. “More Kate than Luke, but he’s trying.”
Lucy nods and plops a piece of pineapple into her mouth. “Not a fan of surfing?”
“No.” Grace pulls out the remainder of the bacon from the oven. “I like the ocean. Love swimming in it. But, the idea of surfing kind of scares me.” She offers a piece of bacon for Lucy to try and Lucy gratefully accepts it. “The sharks. Ya know?”
Lucy laughs. “Oh I know. I am deathly afraid of the ocean.”
Grace lifts her eyebrows at her and Lucy knows what’s coming. “But, you live on an island…”
“And work for the Navy.” Lucy finishes for her. “I know. I know.”
They both start laughing so Lucy doesn’t even hear the door of the villa open. It isn’t until Luke makes his way over to Grace and gives her a peck on the cheek, that Lucy sees Kate come in. She sucks in a breath as Kate walks into the kitchen with nothing but her bathing suit and a towel wrapped around her waist.
“How… how are-” Lucy stutters. “I mean-” she’s still panicking. “How was it out there?”
Kate looks her over and Lucy thinks she blushes for a moment before seemingly remembering where they stand. “It was good.” Is all she offers to Lucy. “I’m going to change quickly before we eat.”
Kate walks out of the kitchen without even another glance at Lucy. “Sure you don’t want to go with her?” Luke quips with a wink. Luckily only catching onto Lucy’s gay panic and not the fact that everything is just extremely awkward with Kate right now.
“Ha ha.” Lucy replies playfuly before grabbing a plate. She fills her plate with plenty of bacon, eggs, and fruit before sitting down across from Grace. As she sits there, she tries not to think about the way Kate’s lips felt against hers. And how her soft hands seemed to dance across Lucy’s body, making every thought disappear from her mind. She tries to forget the way Kate seemed too long for Lucy’s touch when it disappeared. The way she tore off Lucy’s clothes, Lucy could feel the desperation in her actions. But, then she remembers after. She remembers it was like a flip was switched. One second Kate was there and the next she was turning over in the bed, like it never happened. Without any acknowledgment. She remembers how she felt this morning. Waking up to an empty bed and filled with regret.
When Kate makes it back into the room, Lucy looks down at her plate and tries to jump into the conversation when she can. But, it is all painstakingly awkward, even if Grace and Luke aren’t catching on.
Lucy tries not to think about Kate and last night and also about how angry Lucy still is with her. And Kate acts like Lucy is invisible, unless someone else acknowledges her presence.
________
They spend the day filled with activities. Which is fine with Lucy because Kate has still barely acknowledged her presence. In fact, they haven’t even been alone for a single minute today and Lucy knows that is no accident. Kate is smart, she knows what she is doing and that pisses Lucy off even more. But, they have to pretend to be happy. Pretend to be in love.
After breakfast they went for a short walk on the beach. Kate rushed ahead and walked next to Grace, claiming they‘needed to catch up.’So Lucy followed behind and talked to Luke about football. They jokingly argued about which teams were better. The Cowboys or the Bears. Obviously the Cowboys.
Later, again, Kate avoided Lucy while they were at the pool. Maybe this was good. If Lucy was mad at Kate for ignoring her, she wasn’t distracted by how much she maybe sorta liked her. She would rather be pissed off at Kate than facing those other sorts of feelings. She knows how to be mad at Kate. She doesn’t know how to deal with the other stuff.
Grace and Luke thankfully didn’t seem to notice that anything was off. But, to Lucy it certainly felt different than the times before.
Now, they are finally alone. Kate is finishing up in the bathroom while Lucy changes into her outfit for dinner. A pair of white cropped jeans and a flowy green tank top.
Grace and Luke went to grab a table for dinner at a restaurant inside the resort. Kate and Lucy were running a little late, so Grace and Luke had offered to grab the table before Kate could argue.
If Lucy is honest, she is a little glad. She might actually have a moment to talk to Kate about what happened last night or more accurately what in general has been going on with them.
“Ready?” Kate steps out of the bathroom in a black dress that hits her in all the right places. Lucy looks away to try and keep her focus so she doesn’t chicken out on trying to talk to Kate.
But, damn she looks beautiful. Lucy thinks.
Lucy looks Kate over once more, their eyes locking for a second before Kate looks away. “Yup, let’s go.”
The resort is huge, so the restaurant that Grace and Luke chose for dinner is a little ways away from their villa that sits on the outskirts of the resort, away from the typical hotel rooms.
Kate leads the way and opts to walk on the beach rather than the paved pathways through the resort. Lucy doesn’t mind though. As much as she hates the ocean, she can appreciate how beautiful it is and how amazing it is that she gets to live on an island as beautiful as this one.
They mostly walk in silence along the beach. Lucy knows she only has a limited time to talk to Kate, so she has to psych herself up in her head.
The breeze picks up a bit and Kate shuffles herself closer to Lucy for a moment, so the tide doesn’t catch her feet.
Lucy capitalizes on the moment.
Now that they are walking side by side, Lucy swings her arm next to Kate’s and brushes her hand against Kate’s. She starts to grab Kate's hand and for a moment Kate lets Lucy take a hold of her hand. Lucy lets out a quiet sigh of relief, but just as quickly as it happened, the moment is gone as Kate is brushing her hand away.
“Luce.” Kate manages and Lucy thinks she sees a hint of sadness in Kate’s eyes. “Please.”
Before Lucy thinks the better of it, she lets her emotions get the best of her. “What is up with you?” Lucy stares straight at Kate and Kate looks as if she is taken aback a bit. “It’s like hot and cold. One minute I think I really have a chance and the next it’s like you are repulsed by me.”
Lucy continues to leave her eyes fixed on Kate’s as she tries to avoid Lucy’s eye contact. Her expression is stern. Kate finally looks up. Her eyes are glossy and Lucy isn’t positive, but she thinks she sees Kate’s lip quiver. If Lucy wasn’t so mad right now she would reach over and pull Kate into a hug. And she almost does. But she stops herself. She can’t do this anymore. All of this back and forth. “I’m sorry. I-”
Kate looks away and whips away a single tear that escaped her eyes. Lucy’s face softens, if only for a moment. “I don’t mean to. It’s just-”
“It’s just what?” No matter how Kate is feeling, Lucy’s feelings are just as valid. And she can’t not know how Kate is feeling anymore. The unknown is too confusing. It hurts too much. It hurts more than not knowing. Even if it is rejection that follows. “You deserve better.”
You deserve better. Is Lucy hearing that right? What does that even mean? She deserves better? Sure Kate has been acting like a complete lunatic, but she’s not evil. She’s caring and thoughtful and funny once Lucy has gotten to know her. And they can joke around together. What’s better than that?
No, that's not a reason. What right does Kate have to decide what Lucy deserves? “Kate, I don’t understand. I thought we had something. I thought-” Lucy stumbles over her emotion ridden words. “I thought I meant something to you.”
“You do. It’s just-”
“It’s just what?” Kate now has tears streaming down her face and Lucy is close to it. They are stopped in the middle of the beach now. Not caring who hears them as strangers walk past. “I cared about you.” Lucy says after Kate doesn’t answer. Her voice sounds strangled as the tears now fall from her face.
“Lucy.” It comes out so quietly, Lucy doesn’t know if she actually heard Kate say her name or not.
“When we started this-” Kate pauses as if considering if they are actually hashing this all out right now or not. “I didn’t think I’d care so much. And I do care. I care about you a lot.”
“Then what is this?” Lucy interrupts her. “Why all the back and forth? Why can’t you even look at me.”
Kate turns away, trying to hide her tears. Lucy reaches up and softly places her hands to Kate’s cheeks. Lucy gently uses her hands to turn Kate’s head so that she is looking down at Lucy. “Look at me.” Lucy says, the words catching in her throat so it comes out rough. “Just look at me.”
“You deserve better.” There it is again. Lucy lets her hands drop from Kate’s face. “I just… I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” Kate runs off in the direction of the restaurant and Lucy can’t do anything but stand there on the beach, watching as happy families and couples stroll past her without even so much as a glance in her direction.
_______
“Where’s Lucy?” Grace asks when Kate finally arrives at the restaurant. Grace looks her over and worry fills her face. Kate gives Grace a look and Grace nods, knowing what is needed. She takes Kate’s hand and leads her away from the bar at the restaurant. Luke seemingly understands that they will need some girl time while he holds the fort up back at the bar.
They walk for a while before Kate is ready to speak. Grace knows she needs some time so they walk in silence down the beach. They almost walk a mile before Grace opens her mouth to speak.
“Tell me about it.” Grace asks as she leads Kate towards the shore and they take steady strides in the sand. “What happened?”
Kate is a mess. She knew sooner or later what happened with Lucy was going to happen. She just didn’t want it to be like that.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wasn’t supposed to care so much. She can’t care so much. She can’t go through losing someone she cares about again. So the next best thing is to just not care. But, with Lucy it’s different. The harder she tries not to care, the more she does. And now she has just hurt the only person who she has opened up to in years. Lucy probably hates her now and Kate can’t blame her.
Kate gives Grace a weak smile. “Well for starters, Lucy and I aren’t actually dating.”
Grace lets out an audible gasp, her blue eyes widening. “Wait really?”
“Yeah.” Kate nervously twirls a finger full of blonde hair. “We aren’t really even friends exactly. Or weren’t before this. We just work together. Before this we were kind of mortal enemies, if you can believe that. Now--” Kate sucks in a breath. “Now, I’m not really sure what we are. But, I’m pretty sure she hates me now.”
“I just wanted to look like I was okay. I wanted you to think I was over everything with Noah and wasn’t living some lame life or was just sad all the time.” Kate takes a deep breath. “It’s lame I know. I should have just told you the truth, but when you surprised me by saying you and Luke were coming here, I panicked.”
“First of all. You know you don’t have to lie to me.” Grace reassures her. “And second of all. I believed it.” Grace says, looking over softly at Kate. She puts her hand on top of Kate’s to stop the fidgeting she was doing and rubs slow circles on her hand.
“Well then it worked.” Kate tried to laugh, but inside she felt anything but. “I mean maybe it didn’t hurt that I kinda sorta maybe have feelings for her. But that won’t be happening.”
Grace looks back up at her confused. “Why not?”
“I fucked it up. Bad. I don’t know how to be a caring person. Ever since Noah.” It’s been so long since she has talked about Noah. Her voice is shaking a little. “I just- it’s hard.”
“Kate.” Grace starts, pulling Kate into a quick hug before releasing her. She looks her in the eyes. “I don’t know Lucy that well, but I saw you two together these past few days and if that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”
“That’s the part I’m afraid of.” Kate looks down shyly. “You know after Noah-” She can’t quite finish the sentence. “I just found it easier not to care. But, I do care. I might even love Lucy and that’s what scares me. I can’t lose someone again, not like that.”
“Oh Kate.” Grace pulls her into a tighter hug this time. Kate doesn’t know how long they stay like this, arms wrapped around each other, but she relishes in it. She needs this.
When they finally pull away, Grace grabs Kate’s hand. “I know you’re scared. But, who isn’t scared? Life is scary and it’s mean and it’s ugly. But-” Kate gives her a look as if to say and this is helping how? and Grace just rolls her eyes. “But, it is also wonderful and beautiful and breathtaking. We wouldn’t appreciate all of the good if it wasn’t for the bad.”
Kate lets Grace’s words sink in. Yes, Noah’s death was tragic and hard and she probably won’t ever be fully over it. But there have been lots of good things and just because he isn’t here anymore doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy those things. He would want her to enjoy those things. He would want her to find love. He would want her to go after Lucy.
Lucy.
It’s like Grace can see the wheels turning in Kate’s head. “Go.” Grace says after a moment. “We’ll be fine. Go get your girl.”
Without another word, Kate is running towards the villa. Towards her car. Towards the car that will take her to Lucy. To Lucy.
Kate is sweaty and sticky and gross when she gets to her car but she doesn’t care. All that matters is that she wants, needs, to tell Lucy how she feels. How she was wrong to push her feelings away. How she was wrong to have hurt her. How she loves her.
Kate sits down in her car and blasts the air conditioner. It was a farther run than she thought. As she pulls her phone out of her purse to plug in directions, she notices she has a few missed calls and a voicemail from Tennent. The voicemail was left a half an hour or so ago. Kate double checks the time and realizes she and Grace had been walking and talking for a lot longer than she realized.
She presses play on the voicemail and puts the phone to her ear, Tennent's voice shakily coming through the speaker. “Kate.” Tennent sounds worried and out of breath. “We all got called into an emergency case.” Tennent pauses, like she doesn’t want to say this over voicemail. “It’s Lucy.” Kate’s pulse quickens, her heart beating hard in her chest. She tries to slow her breathing so she doesn’t faint. “Meet us at the hospital.”
In this moment, it’s almost as if the universe said a big fuck you to Kate.